Watched a video.
The 57-year-old mother originally had a dream: to be a grandmother.
But the 34-year-old doctor's daughter chose Dink.
In a fit of rage, she gave birth to another child herself—
"If you don't let me be my grandmother, I'll let you be my sister!"
In the face of her mother's sword, the daughter who was "rejected" by her sister stubbornly "refused":
"It's okay to raise you two elders, but I'm not responsible for raising your children!"
Many people say that the world is becoming more and more incomprehensible:
Why, on the one hand, more and more young people want to dink, and on the other hand, it is the old people who are vying to have a second child?
There was a female visitor named Xiaowen who didn't want to have children.
What struck me the most was her emotion: a strong fear, or rather, fear.
She saw with her own eyes how her cousin went from a charismatic independent woman to a tired, blind-eyed mother.
This intuitive feeling made her firmly believe, "If I have a child, I will become like this."
It's a woman's fear of losing herself.
In addition, some women are afraid that once they have children, they will lose their ability to play in marriage and become passive because they do not trust their marriage enough.
"If I had children, I probably wouldn't have been able to get married. ”
Behind these words is the fear of "being dissatisfied with the marriage, but having to continue to suffer because of the children".
There is a third fear, which comes from a lack of confidence in the child's upbringing.
Originally, my life was good, but I came to a rivalry, which added to the blockage for the rest of your life.
That would undoubtedly be an important footnote to a failure in life.
These fears and worries seem to have always existed and have nothing to do with the times.
So why can the old man ignore these terrible things and compete to have a second child?
That's because, in their world, the fear of not having children or having fewer children is far greater than the fear of having children.
Almost every old man has told his children such a story:
You see, the Uncle A on the street in the past was hospitalized for two months some time ago.
Thanks to the fact that the family has three children, plus an aunt and a daughter-in-law, six people take turns to serve.
Nieces and nieces are also a little older, and they can also help.
In the past two months, there has been no one in the ward.
The children's work was not too affected.
Look at Aunt B again, two people.
70-year-old man with no one around.
Just a son, who works in Guangdong, can't come back all year round.
I make a lot of money, but I can't get it back.
It's all up to the old couple to take care of each other.
Some time ago, the old lady caught a cold and went to the hospital every day to hang bottles.
The two of them could only call a taxi, running up and down upside down, and there was no one to register.
Ouch, you said this life...... What do you say if you get a little sick in the future?
It is estimated that I will soon go to a nursing home.
……
In the end, the old man will come to an indelible truth: if there are fewer children, it will not work!
In this story, we also see two fears of the elderly:
The first is the fear of having nothing to provide for in old age.
The second is the fear of the next generation taking care of the previous generation and being left alone.
If it is an only child, it will be an unbearable burden for both elderly people to be in poor health.
And having a child, although it also means giving and sacrificing, these are seen as meaningful.
Because, life can be passed on, and family affection can be continued.
From the point of view of evolutionary psychology, this emotion is an instinctive need for human reproduction.
This instinct allows us to overcome death by having children.
It also gives us two impulses:
1. One is that when you love someone, you want to have children with them (there is a sentimental saying called "the crystallization of love").
Psychologically, we can understand that we are willing to have a deeper and inseparable connection with the other person.
2. Another impulse is the natural love for children, and is willing to output for it and sacrifice oneself for it.
So, since there is a fear of aging and getting sick, and there is an instinctive effect, why do many young people still want to dink?
Probably, they are ready for aging.
There used to be a hot topic on Zhihu: "How are the post-70s and post-80s Dinks".
An anonymous netizen replied that she is 40+ years old, and she thinks it is good not to have children, she is free in time, financially, and her marriage with her husband is also stable.
In response to Dink's life, she summed up four points:
1. Have sufficient pension funds. In addition to pension insurance, there must be other income to protect old age. 2. Be sure to eat a healthy diet, have a regular schedule and exercise. 3. Be sure to have your own hobbies. 4. Be able to improve yourself while ignoring age.
It is not difficult to see that the most important point is economic security.
When the traditional idea of "raising children to prevent old age" was abandoned, "making more money to provide for the elderly" became an alternative plan.
In this way, the fear of being old and having nothing to rely on can be reduced to a certain extent.
If you have money, circles, and hobbies, you will derive a lot of new ways to provide for the elderly.
A few years ago, more than 20 representatives of old professors from Harbin Institute of Technology visited the house together.
With a professional vision, the old professors of Xuefu Wuche inspected the environment, services, hardware facilities, and medical conditions of an elderly apartment, and finally reached a "group purchase" of two floors, which can accommodate 130 old professors.
The old professors are all elderly and sickly empty nesters.
They have never left campus for most of their lives, and their lives are made up of old colleagues, professors, and students.
Now that they are older, they can live in a nursing home and continue to be with old colleagues they know well, and they are neighbors and take care of each other.
Even, some young female girlfriends in China have raised funds to build villas in the countryside, planning to live together in groups when they are old.
These people are not necessarily all Dinks, but they do not pin their pensions on the next generation, which also provides a new "pension model" for the Dinks.
The fear of old age, sickness, and death is solved, so how do these young people of Dink get rid of the influence of the reproductive instinct?
I know a friend M who decided to dink, because he didn't want to have children, he was taught by many friends like this: "Don't you have a love for a baby from the bottom of your heart when you see it?"
M said, "I really don't." ”
When I was a child, because my mother was busy, M was taken by her grandmother to grow up in the countryside.
"Although my grandmother tried to take care of me, the environment at that time brought me too many shadows.
Whenever I see a child, I can't help but wonder, will they be as helpless as I was when I was a child?
I'll also think that there was a time when I was so young, and my mom must have abandoned me because she didn't think I was cute.
I would think in my heart that such a big baby is not cute. ”
With these feelings, M did not dare to have children.
Even, someone once left a message under a post discussing the topic of having children:
"I ask you, are you happy now? If you are not happy, why should you let another life start an unhappy life? I advise you to be kind. ”
From a psychological point of view, these are typical projections – projecting one's own feelings onto the baby.
It can be seen that some painful childhood experiences will indeed inhibit people's natural love for children.
Another girl, L, was hesitant to use her children to strengthen her intimate relationship.
"Whenever I hear some fans shouting 'I'm going to give birth to a monkey for you' at their idols, I know it's an expression of love.
It is said that partners will also want to have a child with each other because they love each other.
However, I have always felt that my trust in intimacy has not reached that level. ”
Of course, there are some Dinks who don't have these problems.
They feel that the relationship between husband and wife does not need a child to consolidate, and having children is easy to increase conflicts.
All decisions are made for a reason.
Regarding children, there is a truth that there is a life, and there is a saying that there is no birth if there is no birth.
In this regard, we should all respect each other, not cross the line, and not interfere - even parents, relatives, and friends.
However, if some Dinks can't let go of it because they have knots in their hearts, then they may need to face some hidden pains in their growth.
If some elderly people insist on having a second child because they are afraid and want to build their sense of security by having a child, then it is the same, and they need to dredge their emotions.
Hopefully, we have a short life of only one and only one time to truly choose a lifestyle that we love, not compromising on fear, and at the same time suffering the consequences it may bring.