After the super drunkard and Lan Lan divorced, although no one cared about his drinking anymore, sometimes he still felt that he was a white lady and was pressed in Leifeng Pagoda - very lonely. In addition, the drinking friends also hope that he can find another one, and hope that the person he finds again is with the super drunkard, and it is the sesame seeds that fell into the eye of the needle, which is very suitable.
The super drunkard swore to his drinking friends: the person he looks for again must be Liangshan's brother - like-minded with him. Otherwise, it is better to fight a bachelor for the rest of your life!
One night, the super drunkard was drinking at a famous old restaurant in Binjiang City. Because of his thirst, he put the order of drinking to a bat looking at the sun—reversed. After drinking a few beers, he suddenly had an urgency to urinate, and when he saw a lady drinking alone on the table next to him, he stepped forward and asked, "Hello lady, where is the toilet?"
The lady took a sip of wine, took a closer look at the super drunkard, and then asked him curiously, "Are you looking for a men's or a women's restroom?"
The super drunkard said, "I'm looking for a men's bathroom." ”
The lady took another sip of wine, thought for a moment, and said, "Men's restroom, men's restroom is next to the women's restroom." ”
The super drunkard hurriedly asked, "Where is the women's toilet?"
The lady looked at the super drunkard again, then straightened her hair, and said confusedly, "I won't tell you, you are a big man, and if you inquire about the women's bathroom, it must be a weasel who gives New Year's greetings to the chickens—not well." ”
"Oh, this lady, don't get me wrong, because you said that the men's toilet is next to the women's restroom, so I'm looking for the women's toilet. I, I, I can't find the women's toilet today, it's equivalent to not being able to find the men's toilet. ”
The lady rubbed her eyes and pulled another hair of her own, and seemed to understand, and she said with some embarrassment, "Then, then I'll take you to the toilet door." ”
After the super drunkard was convenient, in order to thank the lady who helped him find the toilet, he called her to his table and the two of them drank together.
Unexpectedly, the lady who helped the super drunkard find the toilet was also the No. 1 wine in Hunan - an alcoholic, named Lulu.
Lulu looks average, but has a good figure, and is a little super drunkard who is one year old. Her husband was a fertilizer agent in a region, and when he went to the countryside to sell fertilizer, he got together with a woman from a fertilizer distribution branch in the countryside. In order to curry favor with the woman, he was like a cargo ship unloading in a storm - abandoning Lulu and his 4-year-old daughter Yaoyao.
On the night when Lulu and her husband completed the divorce procedures, she first cooked a meal for her daughter, arranged for her daughter to finish eating, and after coaxing her daughter to sleep, she went out to drink alone.
She sat sullenly in a dumpling restaurant and drank a bottle of liquor and two bottles of beer. After checking out, I walked home in a daze.
When she entered the community, the wine came up - she couldn't find her home.
She was stunned for a while, then suddenly stood in the community and shouted at the top of her throat: "Get up for me if you fall asleep." ”
As a result, she saw that many of the residents' lights were turned on one after another.
Then she shouted, "Everyone who gets up will open the windows for me." ”
As a result, many residents opened their windows and stuck their heads out to see what was going on.
Someone saw Lulu's drunken appearance, and felt that it was a mosquito looking for a spider - inexplicable.
At this time, she continued to shout: "Everyone can see clearly whose wife I am, take me back, I am drunk high tonight, and I can't find a home." ”
The occupants closed their windows.
She cried.
After crying for a while, she continued to shout, "Whose wife am I? Why is no one coming to pick me up?"
In the end, her 4-year-old daughter Yaoyao took her back.
After that, Lulu borrowed alcohol every day to kill her sorrows, and soon cultivated herself into a female alcoholic.
Once, Lulu participated in a class reunion, and few of the female classmates could drink, and the male classmates had opinions, saying that the female classmates were Liu Bei who borrowed from Jingzhou and did not repay them-tricks, Lulu sold the child to buy a cage drawer-not steamed buns, but wanted to steam (fight) for this breath, so together with a few female classmates, a drummer hugged the rooster-muttered for a while, and then, she stood up righteously and said: "Today I represent the girls, drink with you boys, drink beer, one-on-one, whoever drinks is the foul player- Exit, substitution. ”
"Okay!" the male classmate had no opinion and started drinking.
So, there was a gong and drum in the theater - the show began.
Although beer can't get people drunk right away, if you drink too much, you will love the toilet.
After a while, Lulu lost 5 bottles of beer.
Of course, the male classmates did not admit it. The first male classmate was a chick who ran with the old hen - followed closely and drank 5 bottles in one go.
The two of them continued to drink.
Drinking and drinking, the male classmate wanted to go to the toilet, went out for a spin, didn't solve it, and came back.
It turned out that Lulu was having leftovers and having fun - it was a bad idea: she asked her female classmates to take turns to go to the toilet. Because there are only two toilets in this hotel, the male and female toilets are occupied by the female students - the female students are guarding the door of the toilet, and when they see the male students coming, they go in, and they don't come out when they go in.
The first male classmate was so choked that he was walking along a millstone - he didn't dare to drink anymore, so his eldest girl didn't know the grate - he recognized (lost).
The second male classmate lost as a turtle laughing at Wang Ba crawling - a turtle-like.
In this way, Lulu is a girl and drinks all the boys.
In the future, at class reunions, as long as Lulu is there, all the boys will iron their clothes with electric irons - obedient, and they will no longer dare to fight with girls.
Fortunately, Lulu has the title of assistant accountant and works in the second provincial construction company, otherwise, even if she doesn't drink every day, she can't support herself and her daughter.
A month ago, Lulu transferred money to a material supply unit after drinking, and mistakenly transferred 173,000 yuan of material money out of 1.703 million yuan.
When Lulu explained to the other party the problem of the wrong transfer over the phone, the other party refused to return the excess money transferred by Lulu on the grounds that the third company owed them the material money, which caused a lot of losses to the second company, which had meager profits. Lulu also cried several times for her drunken misbehavior.
After several negotiations between the No. 2 Company and the material supplier, the other party always believed that the Provincial Construction Company No. 3 and the Provincial Construction Company were originally the same company, and they had every reason to refuse to return the money transferred by the Provincial Construction No. 2 Company.
The negotiation was invalid, and the second provincial construction company sued the material supply unit in court, but the judge also thought the same as the material supply unit, thinking that the arrears of the third company should be repaid by the second company, and the younger brother had no money to give the elder brother - it was normal.
On that day, the people from the legal affairs department who appeared in court on behalf of the Provincial Construction Company did their best to speak, but no matter how they explained, the relationship between the Provincial Construction Company and the Provincial Construction Company was like a dumb man sprinkled with deaf wine—it was impossible to explain it clearly. In the end, Lulu, who appeared in court at the same time and was already drunk, made the provincial construction company win the lawsuit.
Although Lulu's speech in court was full of alcohol, it was like a slogan on the training ground - the words were sonorous and powerful:
"Guys, allow me to make an analogy: there is no doubt that your father and your mother can eat the same pot and sleep in the same bed, because they are a family. Although your father and your aunt or your aunt can also be called a family, they can only eat the same pot of food, but they cannot sleep in the same bed. ”
Everyone in the courtroom stared at each other—looking at each other like a bird on a thousand hills—and there was silence.
Lulu raised her voice: "Our Provincial Construction Company No. 3 and Provincial Construction Company No. 2 Company also have this kind of relationship, we can be called a family, but in fact we are not a family, because we are independent and independent." ”
In the end, the court ruled that the material supplier unconditionally returned all the money transferred to them by the Provincial Construction Company No. 2 and the interest incurred, and at the same time bear the prosecution costs.
The female drunk actually saved the financial loss for the company.
Last week, Lulu took the accountant title exam, and the school allowed candidates to use calculators. In the examination room, the candidates worked hard to write and use calculators to calculate various exam questions. At this time, Lulu suddenly exclaimed: "Oh my God, how did I bring the remote control at home!"
Like a super drunkard, Lulu's drunken jokes are just like the three flowers, five and eighteen sons of Songhuajiang - the list goes on.
Although it was the first time for the super drunkard and Lulu to drink together, the super drunkard found that Lulu was more bold than a man at the wine table, so he had a good impression of her.
That night, the super drunkard and Lulu persuaded me, I persuaded you, pushed the cup and changed the lamp, and drank until one o'clock in the evening, drinking a total of four bottles of liquor and a case of beer.
"You are my sun...... No, you're mine, my flashlight. The super drunkard said to Lulu.
Lulu glanced at him: "What, didn't you say that I was your too, too, the sun?"
The super drunkard said, "That's not good, too, too, the sun, that sun shines on all men, I, I only want you to shine on me alone." For me, you should be the Monkey King's golden hoop stick, the iron crutch of Li - unique. ”
"Oh, that's, that, that's what I'm willing to be your hand, the flashlight, the only one for you, like the flagpole of that City God Temple—the only one. Lulu said.
"You are wine, I am a luminous glass, you are beautiful for me, I am intoxicated for you, you are with you in this life, drunk for a lifetime, no, no regrets. The super drunkard said with his eyes closed.
"I, I'm to you, too, and a glass of water sooner or later - I won't regret it when I'm old. Lulu said.
The next morning, the Super Drunk finds himself sleeping in the same bed as Lulu.
"Where is this?" asked the super drunkard, rubbing his newly opened eyes.
"This is my home. Lulu replied.
"How did we sleep together?" the super drunkard felt like he had seen a cat kneel down to a mouse—strange.
"I don't know. Lulu shook her head.
"So where is my car parked?"
"I don't know. ”
So, they began to reminisce about the events of last night.
In the end, they agreed that last night, first the super drunkard hugged Lulu, and then Lulu helped the super drunkard to Lulu's house on foot, and the super drunkard's car should still be parked in the tavern where they drank.
Next, Lulu cooks a bowl of somen noodles for the super drunkard and beats two poached eggs. After the super drunkard ate in a hurry, he went back to the tavern, found his taxi, and started to earn money.
After that, the super drunkard had a better impression of Lulu and had the idea of marrying her.
A week later, Lulu took a train to the south to settle the company's debts. After the train started, she suddenly received a call from a super drunkard asking her to look out the window.
Lulu opened the window and looked out, and unexpectedly saw a super drunkard taxi in the parallel of the railway and highway.
It turned out that Lulu was temporarily given the task of going to the south to pay off her debts, and when she was about to leave, she called the super drunkard and said that she was going on a business trip. The super drunkard wanted to ask her to drink for her, but time didn't allow it, so he bought a case of 24 cans of beer and hurried to the train station. However, when he arrived at the train station, the train had already started. So, he drove a taxi all the way to see her off.
The super drunk drove the car all the way to the front station, and ran to the platform to greet Lulu on the train, handing Lulu a case of beer through the window.
"Sail on your thighs – have a nice trip!"
"Sail on your thighs – have a nice trip!"
……………
The super drunkard looks at the starting train and shouts at Lulu's window until the train leaves the platform.
Seeing this scene, Lulu felt that the super drunkard's approach was like filming a Korean drama, and the romance and sincerity moved her to tears.
Along the way, Lulu drank the beer sent by the super drunkard, and kept thinking in her heart: Don't look at him as a big drunkard, if you marry him, you will definitely be very happy!
Half a month later, Lulu successfully completed the task of paying off the debt and returned to her hometown.
The super drunkard picks up Lulu and wishes her a triumphant return like Napoleon.
This time, they drank Garden Daqu and Songhuajiang beer until two o'clock in the evening, drinking a total of five bottles of liquor and two cases of beer.
"There are few cups of wine for a thousand confidants, and there is no trouble if you speculate. Lulu, today, I'm so happy, so happy!" Super drunkards always like to tamper with ancient poems at will.
"I'm happy, too, and I've never been happy. Lulu said.
Hearing Lulu say that being with herself is a joy that she has never been had, the super drunkard finally musters up her courage.
He picked up a wine bottle and knelt down in front of Lulu with a "plop".
met Lulu a few times, and they all left a good impression on him, especially Lulu's bold energy when she drank wine, which he liked from the bottom of his heart. For Lulu, he is a cat who sees a fish - he really wants to ask for meat (marriage), but he has always felt that he has no chance. Today, he thought it was the rat who fell into the rice jar - the opportunity came, and he raised his hands above his head and offered the wine bottle to Lulu: "Lulu, you, are you willing to marry me?"
Lulu drank the last drop of wine in the wine glass, not only did she not pick up the bottle, but she let out a "wow" and burst into tears.
The super drunkard was stunned, hurriedly put down the wine bottle in his hand, picked up the napkin on the table, and wiped Lulu's tears.
Lulu blocked the hand of the super drunkard and shouted hysterically at him: "Ai Jiu, Ai Jiu, fart in the belly button - where did you ring (think)? Although I am an abandoned woman, but, however, I still have dignity." If you propose to me, it doesn't matter if you don't have a gold ring or a diamond ring, at least take a bouquet of flowers, you can't get an empty wine bottle to deal with me, what do you do with me!"
Lulu said as she wiped her tears, her face full of sadness.
"Lulu, Lulu, this wine bottle you have given me is a turtle as a divine offering - I don't know the turtle (don't)! Someone else proposes to marry just a bouquet of flowers, but I want to dedicate the whole garden to you, because I love you!"
Lulu realized that the bottle of the garden song that the super drunkard gave her was originally to express that he wanted to offer him a garden full of flowers.
Lulu is like a maid marrying her master - flattered, she immediately burst into tears and smiled, her face filled with happiness that could not be concealed.
She took the bottle with both hands and stroked it gently.
"The ancients said that different Taos are not matchmakers, and I think that we have common hobbies anyway, so we can be matchmakers for each other. "The super drunkard began to quote scriptures.
"You're not right, what the ancients said should be that the Tao is different and not conspiring with each other!" Lulu corrected him.
"I don't care if it's a matchmaker or a matchmaker, but the general idea is that people with different interests can't work together. You see, we both like to drink, so to speak, chicken with chicken, dog with dog – I think it's perfect to be a family with similar interests!" said the super drunkard.
Lulu just pursed her lips and smiled, but still didn't speak.
"Are you willing or unwilling?" the super drunkard was anxious.
After thinking for a while, Lulu said a little shyly: "I, I'm Huang Gai beaten - willing." ”
So, Lulu took the bottle with both hands.
Then, the super drunk drives Lulu home and asks for a plate of dumplings for her 4-year-old daughter.
The birds in the trees come in pairs,
Green water and green mountains with smiling faces.
From now on I will not suffer from that bondage,
Husband and wife return home ......
The two of them sang the classic lyrics in Huangmei Opera "Tianxian Pei", and soon arrived at Lulu's house.
The super drunkard watched Lulu enter his house.
When he woke up the next morning, the super drunkard recalled the happy time he had drunk with Lulu last night, and was as excited as a monk's wooden fish - he couldn't keep his mouth shut, but he really couldn't remember whether Lulu said "yes" or "unwilling", so he had to muster up the courage to call her.
"Hello Lulu, when I proposed to you last night, did you say 'yes' or 'unwilling'?"
Lulu replied, "What I said was, 'Huang Gai is beaten—willing,' and, as if I had accepted a garden you had given me." ”
The super drunkard was very happy to hear it. But Lulu continued: "I'm so glad you could call me, because I can't remember who proposed to me." ”
"It's me, it's me, it's me," the super drunkard repeatedly emphasized, "it was me who proposed to you last night, and it was me, because it was only the two of us who drank together last night." ”
"Oh, that's right!" Lulu said.
From then on, they confirmed the relationship and decided to register.
The combination of the super drunkard and Lulu can be said to be a match made in heaven, or it can be said that the nun marries the monk - the right family, and it can also be said that the wine Mengzi meets the wine leak - Jiujiu (wine and wine) is one.
After registering, they first found a tavern and had a big drink.
After they were full, they went to take wedding photos.
Entering the photo studio, the photographer enthusiastically asked, "Sir, Madam, do you want to be side-lit, back-lit, or full light?"
The super drunkard didn't know that the photographer was talking about photography professional terms, so he replied casually: "What kind of side light, backlight, full light, no matter how light, you just make me bare-hair-clean, I'm also a urine jar and drink-not in the pot (care), but you have to leave a pair of pants for this lady!"
The words of the super drunkard made the photographer laugh and made Lulu blush.
After taking wedding photos, the super drunkard went to buy a TV with Lulu again, because Lulu thought that the super drunkard turned out to be too small in size.
They chose the brand, paid the money, and the super drunkard walked out of the store happily with the newly bought TV, and was about to load it into his car, Lulu suddenly found that there was a pattern of a wine glass on the box, so she asked the super drunkard: "Why is there a pattern of a wine glass on this box?"
The super drunkard said to Lulu, "I don't understand this, it's telling us that when we watch TV, it's better for us to watch it while drinking, so that the effect is the best!"
"Yes, yes! I like to drink with you and watch TV. With that, Lulu gave the super drunkard a kiss.
Then, they prepared for the wedding.
Two days before the wedding, the super drunkard drove Lulu to the outskirts of the city to play.
At noon, they dined at a farmhouse there, and the two of them drank again.
After settling the bill, they went for a walk in the yard, and Lulu walked with three staggering steps, accidentally falling into a well.
"Ai Jiu, help, help, I fell into a large wine bottle!" Lulu felt like she had fallen into a large wine bottle when she saw that there was not only a lot of water here, but it was also cylindrical.
The super drunkard followed the shout to the well and shouted to the well, "Lulu, don't drink any more!"
Lulu struggled in the well and shouted with all her strength: "It's too late, it's too late, Ai Jiu, don't look for the big bowl, just pour me directly to the ground." ”
So, the super drunkard began to look for the bottleneck of the big wine bottle, but no matter how he looked, he couldn't find it.
"Ai Jiu, Ai Jiu, hurry up, hurry up, I'm going to be drowned!" Lulu continued to cry loudly down the well.
But the super drunkard still couldn't find the bottleneck of the big wine bottle.
At this time, the owner of the farmhouse heard Lulu's shouts and hurriedly went down to the well and rescued Lulu.
Lulu and the super drunkard together kowtow to the owner of the farmhouse three times in a row.
Two days later, on the occasion of the Mid-Autumn Festival on August 15, the super drunkard and Lulu held a wedding.
Their wedding was simple, with only immediate family members and a few drinking buddies in attendance.
On that day, the wind and the sun were beautiful, and the white clouds posed many poses in the blue sky to bless their wedding.
On the day of the wedding, the husband and wife were very drunk, one became Lu Zhishen who was drunk and hit the mountain gate, and the other became Yang Guifei in front of the Baihua Pavilion.
They helped each other into the cave room, but neither of them slept.
"Tonight, my dear, the flowers are good, the moon, the moon is full, and the stars are bright and brilliant, then let's go outside, look at the moon, the moon, count, count the stars!" suggested the super drunkard.
"Dear, dear, look at your drink, black blind man with a flowery face—that bear-like, let's still look, look at the stars, count, count, count the moon!" said Lulu.
"Okay, listen, listen to you, let's look, look at the stars, count, count the moon!"
The super drunkard and Lulu supported each other, and as soon as they walked to the door, the super drunkard suddenly said to Lulu: "Honey, don't forget to bring money, bring 16 yuan." ”
"Bring money, what are you doing with money? Could it be that you still want to see the moon, you want money, you want money, you still want to buy, buy tickets?" Lulu looked at the super drunkard, and her eyes were like seeing a toad with long hair—so strange!
"Of course, of course, for money, of course, for bought, for tickets. Didn't you listen to the song that sang, 'Fifteen Moon Sixteen Rounds'? If you want to see the fifteenth moon, you have to pay 16 yuan first. ”
As he spoke, the super drunkard sang the song "Fifteen Moons and Sixteen Rounds" originally sung by Dong Wenhua:
Fifteen months and sixteen rounds
To see the moon pay first
…………
The super drunkard changed the lyrics to a snake drill bamboo tube - quite smooth.
After Lulu went back to the house to withdraw the money, the two of them supported each other again, staggered to the street, and began to look for the ticket office.
They searched for a long time, but they couldn't find it.
The super drunkard slapped his thigh: "My dear, today is the Mid-Autumn Festival, free, free, free, free! No wonder we can't find a ticket office!"
Lulu touched her head: "Yes, dear, the highway is free today, look at the moon, then it must be, also, no money!"
So, they counted the moons as they went.
After counting for a long time, the super drunkard said, "There is only one moon in the sky." ”
Lulu finished counting and said, "You're not right, there are two moons in the sky." ”
The super drunkard counted the days again, and then said, "Why didn't I see two, two moons?
Lulu said: "I didn't hide at all, I hid, the moon, it was, just, it was in the sky, it was in the sky." ”
"No, no, no. ”
"In, in, in, in heaven. ”
…………
They counted and counted, and before they knew it, they had come to a train track.
After walking for a while, the super drunkard said, "I've never walked such a long building, staircase, one by one, endlessly, endlessly." ”
Lulu held the super drunkard's hand tightly and said, "Yes, this, this staircase is not only long, but also, and this handrail is special, very short, enough, enough, enough can not reach." Honey, is this our building, our house, the stairs?"
"Why isn't it our building, the stairs? I haven't drunk much, I don't even know my own building, the stairs!" said the super drunkard.
So, they held each other and continued to walk.
As I walked, it suddenly rained in the sky.
When they returned to the unit building of the community and went up to the second floor, there was a lot of water in the hallway due to the poor closure of the windows.
Lulu saw the stagnant water in the corridor and suddenly remembered that she had learned to swim when she was a child, so she suddenly broke free of the super drunkard's arm and said: "Husband, don't, don't hold me, I want to swim, swim home!"
After saying that, she threw herself forward and fell into the corridor to do the breaststroke.........
"I'll swim with you. The super drunkard said, and fell into the hallway.
In this way, they spent a beautiful, romantic, warm, peculiar, and fun wedding night together.
This wedding night was like Feng Suzhen entering the cave room - unforgettable.
——This is the thirtieth chapter of Mei Yuan's novel "Super Drunkard": Super Drunkard Remarries.
The novel "Super Drunkard", with very distinctive language and extremely exaggerated techniques, tells the legendary drinking life of a super drunkard who was born for wine and died because of alcohol. Those drunken stories are indispensable spiritual medicine for your pursuit of longevity.
"Super Drunkard" is a pure entertainment and pure comedy work, without any bad direction.
"Super Drunkard" is based on relevant articles, reports, jokes, and even his own experiences that he has seen, heard, and searched on the Internet.
(The picture is selected from the Internet)