What is the greatest sorrow of being a parent?
Giving everything for the child, exhausted;
I want money to give money, I want to be satisfied with the material as much as possible, I am not willing to eat and drink, and I want to give the best to my children.
In the end, he raised children who "disrespect and do not feel sorry for their parents".
Seeing the relationship with the child gradually drifting apart, the sense of distance and estrangement became more and more obvious;
Parents are panicked, children are rebellious, but there is nothing to stop it.
What happened to make the child so rebellious and not know how to respect his parents?
-01
3 reasons why children don't respect their parents
First: the breakdown of family relationships, the words and deeds of parents
A consulting case comes to mind.
A girl who had just entered college left a message in the background, confiding in me about her terrible family of origin.
She said:
When she filled in the application, her first choice was asked by her parents to choose a local university, and then she secretly changed her choice and went to a city hundreds of kilometers away from home, and finally got rid of her parents' control. ”
Then she said:
After college, she barely took the initiative to call her parents;
But every time she is in the family group, she will be "educated in turn" by the elders.
"The wings are stiff, and when I go to college outside, I don't have parents and family in my heart."
It's not that she's ruthless, it's that she grew up with an oppressive education from her parents and is on the verge of collapse.
The relationship between parents broke down many years ago.
At home, they quarrel almost every day, and they will do their hands;
Tables were smashed, bowls were smashed, and there were marks of smashing everywhere in the house.
In this living environment, she really "can't love" her parents.
But parents are good at moral kidnapping:
"We have paid so much for you, are you a white-eyed wolf?"
"If you don't go home in the future, what if your brother gets married and buys a house?"
"We have invested so much in you, how are you going to repay us in the future?"
Every sentence is heart-wrenching.
Escaping from her original family is an ideal she has hidden in her heart for many years, and now it has finally been achieved.
Swiped a video on the Internet.
The boy "PUA" his mother with his father.
The father said, "Look at you, you're too stupid to do a little thing."
Then the father asked the son, "Is mom stupid?"
The son replied, "Yes, it's stupid, it's the dumbest girl I've ever seen." ”
It's scary to think about.
The most essential reason why children do not respect their parents is caused by the environment of the family of origin.
In other words:
How parents get along, how they run a family, and how they treat their parents directly determine their children's attitudes.
Parents are kind, emotionally stable, and filial piety has a pattern;
Their children, too, will not be bad.
As the saying goes: "Dragons give birth to dragons and phoenixes give birth to wind, and the children of mice will make holes".
Parents' words and deeds influence children at all times.
If you want your children to respect you, you must first set a good example for your children.
Parents are not good role models, how can children respect you?
There are data studies that show that:
Parents who do not respect the elderly in the family, children will also imitate their parents' behavior and get along with their parents in a violent and rebellious way.
Second: Parents "can't talk well"
There are quite a few parents like this:
Obviously, they can speak well, but they prefer to say it in a prickly way.
For example, the child says:
"Mom, when is dinner, I'm hungry."
Mom said:
"What time are you hungry? If you are asked to eat more at noon, you don't eat, you deserve to be hungry." ”
How does the child feel after hearing this?
All knives are sharp swords that hurt people without seeing blood.
Even if that's not what you're thinking;
But in the child's ears, he will think, "Mom and Dad don't love me anymore".
Accusation, suppression, ridicule, contrast, these behaviors that can't speak well will make children get farther and farther away from you.
Third: If you are too good to your child, your child will not feel sorry for your parents
Doesn't that sound heart-wrenching?
But that's just the way it is.
For example:
Any request made by your child, you will meet it unconditionally.
He wants new clothes, you buy them;
If you want new shoes, you buy them;
I saw a classmate with a mobile phone, so the child asked for a mobile phone, and you bought it too.
But if you reject your child once, then your image in his heart will collapse in an instant.
The child will be hysterical, will be angry:
"Why didn't you buy it for me?"
Excessive giving, satisfaction without a sense of boundary, will support a "white-eyed wolf" child.
He wants you to spend 100 yuan now, and then 1000, and when he grows up, he may not be satisfied if you spend 10,000 yuan on him.
"A habitual son is like a murderer", always remember this truth.
Another situation:
Parents take care of everything for their children.
The child's own room, desk, he can completely clean up by himself;
You can try to wash your child's small clothes and socks by yourself.
But all of this was arranged by the parents.
The child only needs to learn and Xi, and the rest is not taken care of by the child.
That's not a good thing.
You have done what the child should do, and you have taken the path of life that he should take, what should the child do?
Remember:
Never raise your child to be a "giant baby".
A boy must have the appearance of a big husband who stands up to the sky;
Parents should let boys develop a sense of responsibility, courage and strength when their children are young.
Girls must have the intrinsic value of girls and be guarded.
Tell your daughter: rely on yourself, be kind, be confident, and have the courage to refuse.
Unconditional giving, connivance and interference are spoiling children;
The more you spoil your child, the less they respect you.
-02
How to establish a good relationship model with children, so that children know how to respect their parents?
First: Teach by example
Parents should be good role models for their families.
Always remember:
Your attitude towards your child's grandparents is the child's attitude towards you in the future;
You have to lead by example for what you want your child to become.
My child is more than 1 year old, and every day when I clean up at home, my child will follow me;
When I read a book, my child will come over to flip through the book;
Although he did not understand it, the way he explored the world and his behavior was imitated according to the behavior of his parents.
Psychological Research Statement:
Whether it's personality, behavior, or relationship patterns, children basically copy their parents.
Second: Teach children to be grateful
Like what:
When others help you outside, tell your child to say thank you.
Tell stories to children often and instill the concept of "filial piety" in them.
In the process of getting along, praise the child more.
"You're awesome"
"You're a sensible big kid"
"You're a man"
"You are very kind, many people will like you"
From the time the child is young, the child is educated in this way;
Even in adolescence, the child's rebellious heart will not be so heavy.
Third: Express your needs or expectations directly
Children don't know how to guess their parents' minds, especially boys.
The minds of boys are already later maturing than girls.
Parents are very tired and work hard, and the child understands you, which shows that the child is delicate;
It is normal for children not to see that their parents are tired.
Parents can directly express their needs:
"I'm tired, pluck me a glass of water"
"I don't want to do housework today, can you do housework?"
Playing straight cards to get along mode, children are not tired, parents are not tired.
If you are unhappy, just say it, and point out which behavior you are dissatisfied with your child;
Don't hide it in your heart, and guide your children to get along like this.
Fourth: Guide children to be independent
The family went to the supermarket, and the child bought something, so he took it home by himself;
Clean up the house, and let him do his own work in the child's room.
Teach your child to do what he or she does, and then praise him and affirm his or her worth.
The changes in children's personality and behavior are subtle;
It may be a long process, but with perseverance, you can see the changes in your child.