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My name is Li Fang, I am 32 years old and I am a full-time housewife. I've been married for three years and have twins, and the children are now two and a half years old. My husband's name is Li Qiang, three years older than me, he works as a sales manager in a foreign company, he is very busy at work but has a good income. My mother-in-law's name is Chen Yulian, she is 60 years old and a retired worker. She has a strong personality, and her Xi is very direct and freewheeling. My mother-in-law has a strong personality, and my relationship with her has not been very good. One day, I took my children to visit my mother-in-law's house. As soon as I entered the door, my mother-in-law said with a straight face: "I came with my children again, and I didn't know that I was going to play cards, and the house was chaotic and noisy." I held back my anger and said with a smile: "Mom, you go play cards, I just look at the child, and I won't mess up the house." The mother-in-law sneered and did not speak. I let the children play in the house obediently, and then went to the kitchen to help my mother-in-law prepare dinner. In the kitchen, I tried to liven up the atmosphere and said to my mother-in-law, "Mom, are you going well at work today, what do you want to eat in the evening?" My mother-in-law gave me a blank look and said, "Is there a daughter-in-law you asked that? I don't know how to cook dinner by myself, and she still comes to ask me." My heart sank immediately, but I still beat my spirit and said, "Then I'll cook a few home-cooked dishes, and tell me what you like to eat." "Whatever, I don't have an appetite for what you cook. The mother-in-law said coldly. I felt very uncomfortable, seeing that my mother-in-law's face was getting worse and worse, and I didn't want to continue talking with her, so I simply made a few dishes and went back to the house to see the children. The children were curiously rummaging through their mother-in-law's things in the house. I hurriedly snatched it and said with a smile, "Good, don't touch my mother-in-law's things, come, let's play this." I took out some of the children's toys and grabbed their attention. At this time, my mother-in-law stood at the door and looked at her coldly and said, "It's really a toss-up, the house is messed up!" I quickly tidied it up and said, "Mother-in-law, I'm sorry, I'll clean it up." Don't be surprised that the kids are young. The mother-in-law snorted and turned away. I could only sigh and continue watching the children play. After a while, dinner was ready, and I called my mother-in-law and the children to dinner. But as soon as I sat down, my daughter Xiaofang reached out to grab the meat in her mother-in-law's bowl. "Kids, they love to grab food. I smiled and persuaded. Unexpectedly, the mother-in-law slapped Xiaofang's mouth with a heavy sound. I was dumbfounded. Xiao Fang cried aggrievedly, and my heart was about to break. When I saw my mother-in-law beating my daughter, my heart burned with rage.
"Mom!" I said angrily, "The child is so small, how can you hit her!"
The mother-in-law said confidently: "This girl is neither big nor small, she should be beaten! You were like this at the beginning, if I hadn't disciplined you every day, you wouldn't know what to do now." ”
When I heard her say this, I got angry: "What do you mean? I teach my children, it has nothing to do with you! It's you who are not big or small, beating other people's children!"
"You unfilial girl!" The mother-in-law's face turned red, "I'm for your good, you know how to bite me back!"
"Hitting a child is for her good? I think you're here on purpose!" I couldn't help it anymore, "Didn't you be dissatisfied with the fact that I asked your children not to touch your things before?"
"Okay, you don't know what to do!" My mother-in-law pointed at my nose and scolded, "I was also against you marrying me at the beginning, but I didn't expect you to be such an unsuccessful master!"
When I heard this, I couldn't help but cry: "Then why did you agree to this marriage in the first place? I have always been very good to my husband and children, why do you slander me like this?"
Just when we were arguing, my husband Li Qiang came back. As soon as he heard that we were arguing, he hurriedly said, "You two don't quarrel! Mom, let's continue to eat, and talk slowly if you have something to say." Wife, you should go and see the children first. ”
I went to comfort the child who was still crying with tears in my eyes, and my heart was very uncomfortable. Why did my husband come back and blame me even more for quarreling with my mother-in-law?
After dinner, my mother-in-law pulled her husband and talked for a long time. Then my husband came to me with a very ugly face: "Wife, my mother just told me the truth, and you are too ignorant! There are rules at home, you should educate your children first, and you can't blame your mother casually." If you do this again, Mom is very sad!"
My eyes widened and I wanted to have a seizure. But seeing my husband's serious face, I knew that it would be useless to fight at this time, so I could only hold back tears and nodded: "I know, I was wrong." You told her not to take it personally. ”
My husband then showed a relieved expression, touched my head and said, "This is like words! From now on, our family will live in harmony." ”
After this quarrel incident, I became even more disgusted and angry with my mother-in-law. Not only did she beat my daughter, but she also slandered me for being unfilial and unvirtuous, which was simply unreasonable.
For the next few days, I tried to avoid meeting my mother-in-law. She also sneered at me from time to time, and I could only grit my teeth and endure it. My husband also advised me not to be like my mother-in-law, but I really couldn't hold back the resentment in my heart.
Until one day, I finally couldn't take it anymore and decided to declare my position to my mother-in-law face to face. I asked my mother-in-law to talk in the café, and although she was reluctant, she came.
I took a deep breath and said, "Mom, we need to have a good chat and avoid continuing to get entangled like this." I respect your status as an elder, but I also ask you to respect my principles of life. I will never tolerate unreasonable scolding of children. ”
The mother-in-law sneered: "Oh, now you want me to respect you? I raised you three brothers and sisters, and I have always had the final say, but now I want you to teach me a lesson?"
I tried to stay calm: "Times are different, we can no longer raise children in that totalitarian way. I hope you understand. ”
"What do you understand? You ignorant children, if you don't set strict requirements, will only raise gentlemen! This is because you have not suffered, and you don't know what to do. The mother-in-law still wouldn't budge.
I finally couldn't help but raise my voice: "Some hardships cannot be imposed on children! Beating and scolding can never educate people, but only leave a psychological shadow." As a mother, I must protect the rights and interests of my children. I will not compromise on this!"
My mother-in-law looked at me in surprise, not expecting me to lose my temper in front of her. After a while, she said, "Looks like you've made up your mind to fight me." As long as you don't agree with my approach, I won't come to your house much in the future!"
When I got home, I told my husband exactly what had happened. After listening quietly, my husband pondered for a long time and said, "Wife, I understand that you don't want your mother to beat your grandson, but you can't do it against her like this." After all, she is old, and we should tolerate her more. ”
I was anxious: "Tolerate her to hurt our children? Her idea is fundamentally wrong, how can I let it go?"
"There's nothing helpless!" I interrupted him excitedly, "I have to protect the child, it's my responsibility as a mother!"
I cried alone in my room for a long time. My husband and mother-in-law did not understand my situation at all and did not support my decision. I felt alone and helpless like never before.
However, after much thought, I knew I had to stick to the bottom line. I decided to keep my distance from my mother-in-law until she promised not to hit the children and our relationship could be rebuilt.
The process is not easy. My mother-in-law didn't come to see us for the next month, and I lived alone with my children every day. Occasionally, my husband would complain that I shouldn't cut off contact with my mother-in-law. But I firmly stated that I am not an unreasonable person, I am just a responsible mother.
Finally, one day, my mother-in-law suddenly came to my house to look for me, and her face was rarely cramped.
I warily asked her to sit down in the living room and poured her a glass of water.
You say. I replied calmly.
I waited quietly for her next step.
I saw my mother-in-law's sincerity, and my heart softened a little: "Mom, I understand your difficulties, but hurting your children will never be tolerated." If you're willing to reflect and make corrections, we can still rebuild trust. ”
"Good boy, you're right. The mother-in-law nodded, "I really realize the problem." In the future, I will never easily beat and scold children again, you can test me. As long as you give me a chance to make amends, I will slowly prove it to you. ”
Since then, my mother-in-law has gradually begun to earn my trust. She restrained her temper and got along with her children in a gentle way. I also learned to be considerate of her hardships, and we gradually found the warmth of home.
Xi may not change overnight, but with understanding and patience on both sides, a comfortable and harmonious lifestyle can be found. It also made me more determined to enforce my motherhood and distance myself from the traditional ideas of my elders.
The improvement of my relationship with my mother-in-law also made me think about my husband in a new way.
In the past, my husband always sided with my mother-in-law when we had disputes between mother and daughter, and rarely supported my feelings. I used to resent his attitude and thought he didn't understand me enough.
But now that I think about it, he is also in a dilemma. He can neither disobey his mother nor take into account his wife's feelings, so he can only find ways to stabilize the family.
I decided to talk to my husband about it honestly. One day at dinner, I said straight to the point, "Husband, the dispute between me and your mother caused you a lot of trouble, right?"
My husband was a little surprised that I would suddenly mention this, but he still nodded: "Yes, it's hard for me to do it, so I can only try to persuade you not to make such a fuss." ”
"I understand it's not easy for you, I'm sorry. I shook his hand and said, "But as a wife, I also have the responsibility to protect the children, so I have a tough attitude." This experience made me realize that there is a need for more communication and understanding between us. Can you forgive me for my struggle?"
"That's right, thank you for enlightening me. I nodded, "I'll reflect on how to better handle these kinds of issues, not just personal feelings." You also have to learn Xi support me from my wife's point of view. When we understand each other, we can strengthen our relationships. ”
"Okay, I'll improve. My husband said with a smile.
I couldn't be more gratified by this conversation. I found that as long as husband and wife communicate sincerely, they can resolve misunderstandings and find the right direction.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be rebuilt, thanks to the husband who played a mediating role in the middle. I shouldn't blame him for protecting his mother, because in his heart, we are all equally important.
Human relationships are complex and delicate, and it takes wisdom and love to maintain them. In the past, I always insisted on going my own way, but now I have finally opened my heart and learned to think from the perspective of others.
I am grateful for the reflection that this conflict has brought me and made me mature a lot. It won't erase all the differences between our three generations, but it will teach us how to better understand each other and cherish this home.
I believe that as long as there is love and trust in my family, the difficulties will eventually pass and the good will come. It was also a valuable lesson for me.
The improvement in my relationship with my mother-in-law has also had a positive impact on the children.
My mother-in-law now often comes to visit us at home. She brought lots of snacks and toys to the children and was gentle with them. I also no longer forbid my children to touch my mother-in-law's things and let them play with her freely.
Xiaofang was a little afraid of her mother-in-law at first, so she didn't dare to approach. But the mother-in-law patiently coaxed her, gave her candy to eat, and made her happy. Gradually, Xiaofang's sense of distance from her mother-in-law was eliminated, and she would take the initiative to play games with her mother-in-law.
Mother-in-law also often holds her grandchildren in her arms and speaks to them softly. I watched the children listen with fascination, and I was moved and relieved.
One day, our family went out on an outing. There were many colorful wildflowers on the grass, and when two-year-old Xiaofang had to catch them, I was worried that she would fall, so I sternly said, "Don't touch them!
Xiao Fang pursed her lips and looked very pitiful. At this time, the mother-in-law came over and said softly: "Fangfang, grandma knows that Huahua is beautiful, but my mother is right, let's not pick wild flowers, so as not to get our hands dirty." Let's go play ball on the grass. ”
I looked at my mother-in-law in amazement, and she unexpectedly helped me to persuade the child. Although Xiaofang was a little unhappy, she obediently went to play with her mother-in-law.
This little thing is very comforting to me. The mother-in-law finally understood the modern method of educating children and no longer insisted on her own opinions. I also learned to communicate with her and not simply limit my child. It's great that we can form a tacit understanding of parenting.
The harmonious and friendly family environment of the children is what I want the most. Now that my children can enjoy the love of two generations without any worries, I feel extremely happy and satisfied.
My mother-in-law's transformation also made me deeply understand that Xi is not static. Through communication, understanding, and time, we all have the ability to change ourselves and adapt to a new life.
This is not something that every family can do. I am very grateful to my husband for his mediating role in getting us through the difficult period and bringing us to the harmony we have today.
There will inevitably be setbacks on the road of life, but as long as the family supports each other, they will definitely be able to get through the difficulties. This experience gave me hope, and I firmly believe that with love, the family can turn danger into a happy ending.
After this incident, my concept of family and education has changed a lot.
In the past, I always wishfully thought that what I was doing was right and that no one could question it. Now I understand that the family is not a one-person decision, but needs every strength to integrate and contribute.
As a mother, I only focused on protecting my children, but I ignored that children also need love and guidance. Although my mother-in-law is extreme, she has the wisdom and experience of being an elder, which I need to learn Xi.
I began to value understanding my mother-in-law's intentions and learning from each other's strengths. She teaches children the quality of hard work, and I teach children the ability to think independently; She represents traditional values, and I represent modern ideas; She provides warmth, and I provide life guidance.
Through mutual understanding, we build a more harmonious educational consensus, so that children can grow up in a rich and well-rounded environment.
I also got to know my husband in a new way. He was torn between two sides of the conflict. Now he has learned to think from his wife's point of view, not just his parents'.
He became the regulator and stabilizer of the family, bringing the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law back into harmony. He gave me the confidence that with understanding and communication, the difficulties would eventually pass.
This experience taught me that a family needs to be built by all members, not by the will of each individual. I was no longer so attached to my own ideas, and I learned to listen to others and find a place to fit in.
This will make our educational approach comprehensive and forward-looking, and children will grow up in a warm and open atmosphere.
Thanks to the reflection that this conflict has brought me, I have matured a lot. There will always be differences in life, but as long as the family has love and trust, they can resolve misunderstandings and work together towards a better future.
After all this, we are now a more united and harmonious family. I know that the meaning of home is not only about being connected by blood, but also about mutual understanding, support and fulfillment. This is also my ultimate life insight.