After spending three days with my seriously ill cousin, and seeing the attitude of her three children, I made three selfish decisions.
There was no one at home, and the originally quiet weekend suddenly seemed unusually deserted. In those days, things were tense at my cousin's family, and her husband was on a business trip and lived alone with three children. I was idle, so I simply went to my cousin's house to help her.
As soon as I entered my cousin's house, I was shocked by the dirty and messy environment. The pile of dirty clothes, my thin cousin, and the three noisy children made me a little overwhelmed for a while. When my cousin saw me coming, a trace of exhaustion flashed in her eyes that was difficult to hide.
"Yun'er, you're here. Sorry for bothering you. The cousin said in a weak voice.
"It's okay, I haven't had anything to do lately, so I can help you." I was a little conflicted, and although I said that I didn't care on the surface, I wasn't really reluctant to do so.
I came to the kitchen and was ready to cook a meal. The children were talking a lot, with a hint of dissatisfaction between their words.
"Isn't it just for her mother?" The eldest sister muttered quietly.
"We can take care of ourselves and we don't need her." The two sisters raised their heads.
"How can my cousin have such a child, it's all a matter of tutoring." When I heard what they said, I was a little displeased.
Although their attitude was not very friendly, I knew in my heart that they were young children and they were not sensible, and I could not blame them completely.
"Aunt Yun, can you come to see us often?" The two sisters asked shyly.
I couldn't help but be a little moved, and although I was moved by the children's request, I felt a little conflicted in my heart. After all, I have my own life and can't always be here with them.
"Little girl, I want to be with you often, but I have my own family and have a lot to do. You still have to spend more time with your mother and listen to her, you know? "I tried hard to explain it to the two sisters.
"Okay, but we miss you so much." The two sisters lowered their heads and stopped talking.
Hearing the children's words, I felt the inner conflict even stronger. I knew that I couldn't give them much hope from the beginning, that I was just a passing guest in their lives temporarily.
On the morning of the third day, I was ready to leave my cousin's house. There is a warm atmosphere in the room, which is warm and natural although it is not rich.
"Yun'er, do you really want to leave?" The cousin asked reluctantly.
"Yes, I have some things to attend to, and I can't stay with you all the time. You have to get along well and don't make it too difficult for your mother. I commanded.
When the children saw me leaving, tears could not help but fall from their eyes. Once again, I felt my own selfishness, and it was unfair to them.
"Aunt Yun, can we still see each other in the future?" The eldest sister asked.
"Of course you can, but it's not as common as these days. You have to be obedient and get along with your mother. "I encouraged.
When I left my cousin's house, I felt a little sad in my heart. I knew that these three days were only a short time together, and I couldn't be with them for a long time. But I also began to understand that there was a root cause for my selfishness, and that I was doing this to protect myself from being involved too much and to leave room for myself to escape.
In the days since I left my cousin's house, I have been nervous. Although my cousin's children developed a sense of dependence and closeness to me, there was a sense of guilt and helplessness in my heart. I understand that I can't be there for them all the time, but I can't get rid of my selfish thoughts.
A few days later, I received a call from my cousin. Her exhausted voice came from the other end of the line.
"Yun'er, can you help me? My health is getting worse and worse, and it's getting harder for the kids to get started. My cousin's words were full of urgency.
"Cousin, I'm so busy, it's hard to have time to help you right now. Besides, I'm not a professional either, so you'd better find a babysitter or relative to help. "I shirked.
"But Yun'er, you're the only person I can rely on. Moreover, children believe in you and listen to you better than others. You'll be able to spend at least a little time with them. There was grievance in my cousin's voice.
I knew my cousin was telling the truth, but I was still hesitant, afraid of being involved again. However, the power of family affection always makes people feel remorse and courage.
"Okay, I'll go take a look, but I can only help for a while. You need to get someone else to help you as soon as possible, I can't take care of the children for you for long. "I reluctantly agreed to my cousin's request.
When I stepped into my cousin's house again, the sight of the room made me feel desolate. Dirty laundry is still piling up, and housework is still a mess. Children seem to become more naughty, with no one to guide their behavior.
I started trying my best to help my cousin with some of the household chores while keeping an eye on the children's development. I communicated and guided them, hoping that they would become more sensible and understand their mother's hard work.
However, the children's attitudes began to change. They began to feel resentful and resistant to me, often challenging my patience.
"What are you, we don't need you to care." The eldest sister gave me a middle finger up.
"Our mother is a hundred times stronger than you, and you don't know how to take care of us at all." The words that came out of the two sisters' mouths made my heart ache.
"It's okay for you to say a few words, my cousin is not in good health, and we need to care more about her." I held back tears and tried to convince them.
However, my efforts seemed to be in vain. The children constantly challenged me and made me feel powerless and angry.
I struggled to control my emotions and understood that the children's resistance was because I didn't treat them wholeheartedly from the beginning.
"Aunt Yun, we don't like you. Let's go! We just need our mother to accompany us. The eldest sister said coldly.
I was stunned and didn't say a word for a long time. My heart was pierced by them, and I felt that my presence was superfluous to them.
I left my cousin's house weakly, filled with guilt for myself and helplessness for my children. I understand that I am no longer qualified to stay with them, my selfishness has hurt them, and all they need is their mother's company and care.
This experience made me reflect on my own behavior, and I realized that I could no longer run away and shirk, and I needed to be brave enough to face the family disputes and conflicts.
When I got home, I was haunted by my cousin and her children. Despite my reluctance, I also knew that I couldn't be there for them all the time. However, fate seems to have thrown another embarrassing stumbling block.
One night, I received a call from my cousin, and her voice was full of anxiety and helplessness:
"Yun'er, I'm sick again, this time it's more serious, and the doctor said I need to be hospitalized. However, I asked the children, and they were reluctant to go to foster care or have someone else take care of them. ”
When I heard my cousin's words, I felt distressed and helpless. It's a tangled situation, I can't take care of them all the time, but they don't have anyone else to rely on.
"Cousin, don't worry, I'll go over right away and see what happens." I called my husband and told him I was going to my cousin's house.
When I arrived at my cousin's house, I saw her emaciated figure lying on the bed, and the children gathered around her bed, their eyes revealing worry and helplessness.
"Aunt Yun, mom is sick, we don't know what to do." The eldest sister wept loudly.
I had mixed feelings, and while I comforted the children, I called the hospital to ask about foster care and childcare. But for a variety of reasons, the answer I got was no.
Back at my cousin's bedside, I told her about her current predicament, and her eyes were full of disappointment and helplessness.
"Yun'er, I know this is too much to ask, but I really have no other way. Can you help me take care of the kids for a few days? My cousin looked at me apologetically.
I froze there, lost in thought. I understood that if I agreed to my cousin's request, I would have to give up my life and work in order to take care of the children. But on the other hand, it's a family entanglement that I can't bear to refuse.
"Cousin, I... I'll do my best. However, please understand that I also have my own business to deal with. I vaguely agreed.
For the next few days, I took care of my cousin's children wholeheartedly. I was busy cooking and doing laundry during the day, and at night I accompanied them to do homework and chatted to relieve boredom. Despite my efforts to give them love and companionship, there was a hint of boredom and ambivalence in my heart.
I see that the children look forward to their cousin's recovery every day, but at the same time they also express some dissatisfaction. The eldest sister began to complain that I did not accompany her to do her homework personally, the second sister became more and more demanding of me, and the younger son kept making trouble. I felt more and more stressed, and my heart was getting heavier and heavier.
Eventually, I put down my work and sat down with the children for a good talk.
"Kids, I know it's not going to be easy for you." I said gently, "But you also have to understand that I can't be there for you all the time. I'm your cousin, not my own mother, and I have my life and work to deal with. I hope you will understand me. ”
After listening to my explanation, some of the children's dissatisfaction dissipated, but they were still unwilling.
"Aunt Yun, it seems that we have never had a complete home." The second sister couldn't help but complain.
I was stunned and emotional. They get to the heart of the matter succinctly. This family has always been crippled, lacking a complete mother's love and companionship. I wanted to give them more, but I couldn't.
Now, I'm faced with a more difficult choice. Do I stay and take care of them as if they were my own children, or do I stick to my life and continue to respect the boundaries between them and me? I was lost in thought and couldn't find the answer for a while.
When I got home, I was immersed in the longing for my cousin's house. The appearance of the children and the hard work of my cousin made me feel guilty. I began to reflect on my decision and felt that I had been a little too selfish. I decided to visit them again and do what I could to help them get through it.
The next day, I went to my cousin's house again, only to find that things were a little different. My cousin looked at me suspiciously, looking a little dissatisfied.
"Yun'er, why are you here again? Didn't you just say you had something to deal with? There was a hint of dissatisfaction in my cousin's voice.
I explained a little embarrassed, "I thought about it later and thought I was worried that your mood was more important, so I came here again." I want to spend more time with you. ”
There was an elusive expression on her cousin's face, and she said in silence, "Don't meddle in your business, we can handle it ourselves." ”
I listened to my cousin's words and was a little lost. I didn't expect her to have that attitude, I just wanted to help her and the kids through this. Seeing my cousin's resolute attitude, my heart fell suddenly.
I decided to leave first and give my cousin and the kids some space to figure things out on their own. Perhaps, I really shouldn't be nosy, it will only cause more conflicts. I turned away with some disappointment, perhaps, there are some things that I really can't force.