preface
Have you ever been in a situation where when you hear someone talk about something and you feel that they are pitiful and need your comfort, so you can't help but open your mouth and want to give them some encouragement, only to cause them to be disgusted, make them feel that you are laughing at them, or even cause your relationship to break down?
If you've ever had this experience, then you should be aware that some topics are very sensitive and can't be interjected, even if you have good intentions, it can have undesirable consequences. So, what are some of the topics you can't just talk about? Next, I will reveal these four things for you, so that you can avoid touching their bottom line when communicating with others, and maintain good interpersonal relationships.
When others say that his partner is not good
When you hear someone say that his partner is not good, you may feel that he is very aggrieved and needs your support, so you want to give him some comfort or advice, such as: "Don't pay too much attention to his words, he is just impulsive, he actually loves you", "You have to be strong, don't let him affect your mood, you have to live for yourself", etc.
You may think that you are showing concern and concern for him by saying this, but many times saying this is actually interfering with their relationship in the eyes of him. Why? Because by saying this, you are actually denying his choice, belittling his partner, and depriving him of his autonomy.
You have to know that everyone has their own view of feelings and their own way of life, and you can't measure them by your standards, you can't use your ideas to guide them in trying to change them. You have to respect their choices, their lives.
When you hear someone say that their partner is bad, what you should do is to remain silent, listen to him, understand his feelings and support his decision, whether he chooses to stay or leave. In this way, you are the real friend, the real help, the care for him.
When others say that his child is not good
When you hear someone say that his child is not good, you may feel that he is helpless, so you want to give him some praise or comfort: "Your child is actually very smart and has great potential, but he has not yet found his own interest and direction", "Your child is actually very filial and responsible, but he is not mature and stable".
Because when you say this, sometimes it feels like you're implying that his child isn't good enough, that it's his educational failures that cause the child's problems.
Everyone's view of education is not the same, they have their own expectations, they have their own standards of happiness, you can't measure them by your own standards, you can't use your ideas to guide them. Respect them for their children's education and let them have expectations.
When you hear someone say that his child is bad, what you should do is to listen, understand his feelings, give him a smile, tell him that you will always support him, believe that his child will have his own development and growth, and no matter what his child is like is their pride.
When others say that his parents are bad
When you hear someone say that their parents are bad, you want to give them some comfort or advice: "Your parents actually love you and care about you very much, but they don't know how to express it and have their own shortcomings" and so on.
When you say this, you may be denying his feelings, his experiences. The difference in family values makes us unable to understand their relationship more deeply, while other people's families have their own memories and choices.
You can't change them your way. Respect their affection, listen to someone who says their parents are bad, understand their feelings, and love them no matter what their parents do.
When others say he is not doing a good job
When you hear someone mention that their work is not good, they will feel that they will be very hard and lack encouragement, and we will comfort them with "your work is actually very meaningful and valuable, but you haven't found it fun yet", "your work is actually very promising and has a lot of room for development, but you haven't met the right opportunity yet".
In his heart, he may feel that he is actually implying that his work is not good enough, his ability is not strong enough, and it is implying that his life is not exciting enough. Everyone has their own goals and their own satisfactions, and you can't change them in your own way. Be respectful of their work.
When you hear someone say that his work is not good, you should understand his feelings, give him a thumbs up, tell him that you will always support him, believe that his work will have its own gains and achievements, no matter what his work is like, you will not look down on him and will not be jealous of him. In this way, you really care about your friends.
epilogue
Through the above analysis, we can see that when others say these four things, you must not talk too much, no matter how kind you are, you must remember! Because if you do this, not only will you not help them, but it will make them think too much and destroy the friendship between you.
It is necessary to respect other people's choices, understand other people's feelings, and support other people's decisions, so that we can maintain harmonious interpersonal relationships, become real friends, and get real care.
Of course, this is not to say that you can't give any advice to others, but it depends on the situation and timing, whether others need your help, whether they are willing to listen to you and accept your point of view.
If you feel that others really need your help, and you have the ability to help them, then you can give them some reasonable, practical advice in a tactful way after obtaining their consent, so that they can feel your sincerity rather than your bias.
In short, when others say these four things, you should be cautious in your words and deeds, don't interject casually, don't judge easily, don't blindly interfere, and understand others, so that you can really help and build friendship.