Parents who constantly urge their children are often transferring their own anxieties to their children, like an incompetent cook, who can't taste the saltiness of the soup himself, but urges his children to finish it quickly. Children who grow up in an anxious atmosphere of competition are more likely to feel powerless, have low self-esteem, and are psychologically unbalanced. So, what should we do as parents to be more appropriate?
01
Don't say "hurry up" to your child
"Get up! Get up! Wash your face, brush your teeth..."
A video titled "Mom's Song" was wildly streamed on foreign websites.
The creator and singer of "Mom's Song" is American comedian Anita Lanfro.
The 48-year-old is a mother of three, and on a flash of inspiration, she wrote her urging words into songs.
The whole song can only hear the eager, unquestionable urging of a mother: "Hurry up, hurry up, or it will be too late!"
The Chinese couldn't help but listen to it - it turns out that mothers all over the world are the same.
"Mom's Song" describes an undeniable reality: children, like adults, live in the urging every day, fast, efficient, busy, and trouble-free, becoming the most basic and natural state of life.
Once, the mantra that parents told their children was "walk slowly, be careful of falling" and "eat slowly, be careful of choking",
Nowadays, children hear the most "hurry up to eat", "hurry up and do homework", "hurry up and play the piano", "hurry up and go to bed", and even "hurry up and play".
02
Whose rhythm is disrupted
Why are parents always in a hurry to push their children?
Because they think that the child is too abrasive and disrupts their pace. So, in turn, they disrupt the child's rhythm. In the Children's Science and Technology Museum, four-year-old Tian Tian kept running, turning the handle, watching the ball move forward, fall, and move forward... Her mother walked around anxiously, interrupting her exploration: "What's the point of always playing one?" If you play like this, you won't have time to play anything else! "She decisively pulled the child up and left, while the child struggled desperately to turn back...
"Every time I see my two-and-a-half-year-old daughter clumsily and slowly lifting a small spoon to eat, I can't bear it." Ms. Zhao said that although my daughter can finish her meal slowly, her slow pace is unbearable for me. Therefore, I simply picked up a spoon and stuffed rice into my daughter's mouth, which became my habit. This kind of urging and even acting for many parents is not unfamiliar, right? Adults always want their children to act according to their own ideas and pace.
However, there is a huge difference between the rhythm of life, physiological rhythm and rhythm of life of adults and that of children. Children have their own rhythms, and for them, the most comfortable, smoothest, and most beneficial thing is to follow their natural rhythm. If the pace of a child's life is too fast, it will affect the body's hormone secretion, which can cause physical and psychological damage. Children who are often disrupted often show precociousness, irritability, and poor patience; Or the complete opposite, manifested as sluggishness, self-repression, and over-dependence on certain things.
In the first case, the child learns to please others and give priority to fulfilling the wishes of others;
The second scenario is when the child loses self-confidence because he feels like a "bad child" because he cannot meet the requirements of his parents.
Both of these situations can easily make the child lose himself. Therefore, we should respect the child's rhythm and natural development process, and do not interfere excessively and substitute for it.
03
Parents who can't stop
In this competitive era, children are already under a lot of pressure at the starting line. Parents always seem to be urging them to hurry up and hurry up. Weekends and holidays are no exception, and the children are packed to the brim, as if there is not a moment to relax. Parents ignore the pace of their children and instead blindly ask them to speed up.
However, children often fail to adapt to the fast-paced life. Even when parents urge them, children can't pick up their pace. Education experts believe that parents are too eager for their children to be in sync with themselves and ignore their children's special feelings. Children who are chronic, dreaming, and procrastinating will make parents anxious and panic, and they seem to see his future in the child's reaction speed and activity.
In fact, the study of children's life rhythms has only been a matter of more than half a century. In the past, children were treated as little adults. Parents may not see this, they only see competition, and more and more competition in the future. They become nervous and sensitive, full of panic about the emptiness and emptiness of their lives, so they naturally act as a coach for their children, and even as a coach for the devil.
However, we should recognize that each child has their own rhythm and characteristics. Parents should pay more attention to their children's personality and needs, give them more support and encouragement, rather than blindly asking them to go faster and faster. Only in this way can children grow up healthy and happy in a competitive society.
In 1950, the German pediatrician Theodore Heilbrugg launched the first study on children's biological rhythms, and human beings realized the particularity of children's life rhythms.
In 1970, Professor Hubert Montagne led a research team to conduct a complete study on the biological and psychological rhythms of children, according to the age, development and living environment of different children. Based on this, the developed countries in the West set the effective learning time of preschool children at three and a half hours per day. This time is extended to four and a half hours in most cases.
04
Respect your child's grind
In life, parental urging of children is a common way of education, which can help children better adapt to the outside world and develop a good sense of time and self-management skills. However, when urging is the main theme in family relationships, it often reflects the anxiety and insecurity of the parents themselves.
When parents are unable to overcome these anxieties, passing them on to their children, it can have a negative impact on their children's physical and mental health. Children who are often urged will question their own pace of life, think that they are not in control of their own lives, and even begin to doubt their own worth. They may become anxious, depressed, or procrastinating to express their resistance to their parents.
Of course, we can't just blame parents, because modern society is highly competitive and parents are under tremendous pressure. They want their children to have a better future, so they will unconsciously speed up the pace of their children. However, this fast-paced lifestyle is not conducive to a child's growth and development.
In a deeper sense, people's enthusiasm for the fast-paced, race against time is the result of the victory over a certain fear in the depths of their hearts: the fear of their elders and teachers in childhood, the fear of death, the fear of negativity, and the fear of depression, emptiness, and confusion. These fears will stimulate our sense of competition and desire to win, so that we will continue to speed up the pace of life and pursue higher goals and achievements.
However, for the sake of our children's healthy growth, we need to learn to control our anxiety and fears and give them more love and support. We should respect children's individuality and rhythm and help them build self-confidence and self-worth. Only in this way can we truly create a healthy environment for the growth and development of our children.
Education is a long journey, just like "no accumulation of steps, no thousands of miles, no accumulation of small streams, no rivers and seas", the truth of ten years of trees and a hundred years of people is reflected in it. Nowadays, however, this wonderful tradition of education is being forgotten by many.
The society is full of advertisements for crash courses such as "learning to write essays in three days" and "improving 200 points in half a month", as if the psychology of the social group has become impetuous, eager for quick success, which undoubtedly affects the consciousness of parents and makes them eager to see the results, thus exacerbating their inner anxiety.
Experts point out that from the point of view of a child's long-term development, introducing competition early into his life can only be disruptive, and constructive will have little effect. Parents and schools put pressure on their children, and this pressure rebounds to parents and teachers, forming a vicious interaction, so that both parties are under tremendous pressure. Children who grow up in an atmosphere of competitive anxiety and are forced to enter the competitive orbit are more likely to have feelings of powerlessness, low self-esteem, and psychological imbalance. In general, there are few winners in the competition from childhood.
As a parent, it is imperative to try to slow down the pace of life with your child. This not only improves the quality of life for the family, but is also crucial to the development of the child. If parents only teach their children to use their own bodies and minds independently, but do not teach them how to generate their own thoughts, to sketch and form concepts, this is undoubtedly a failure. And the skills that outline and form various concepts are often acquired by children through play.
Slowing down is not just about stopping and taking a breath, it's about feeling and feeling around, imagining, thinking. Let your child eat and dress at his own pace, so that he understands who he is and what he will do. Let him play in the way he likes, so that he can visualize and conceptualize things, so as to distinguish between imagination and reality, words and actions. All this enables him to discover himself and understand others, and ultimately to form an awareness of himself and the world. In other words, once they have the right direction, they don't need complicated guidance and guidance, and parents can easily slow down their daily lives.
Experts emphasise the importance of play in children's lives. There are no challenges and no help from parents, children simply play in the bathtub, spend time with food at the table, chat with themselves or their friends in the room, daze at the clouds in the sky, catch small insects without restraint, watch spiders build webs... Some things that may seem boring to parents are exactly where the children's own fun lies.
These games stimulate children's creativity, imagination, and critical thinking skills, helping them better understand and appreciate the world. Through play, children can learn how to cooperate, share, and resolve conflicts with others, while also improving their language and social skills. Therefore, parents should encourage their children to use their imagination and creativity in the game, rather than overemphasizing the rules and goals of the game.