A few days ago, I saw a message saying, "Because the child doesn't look like herself, I can't help but say that she is ugly, and I will joke with her that she doesn't look good like her father here, and she doesn't look good like her grandmother there... What if you know you shouldn't, but can't help it? ”
In fact, there are not a few parents who focus on losing babies in life, and often make jokes about their children's appearance. You may think that it is just a casual remark, but every sentence about the "evaluation of appearance shortcomings" is destroying the child's self-confidence, and even causing the child to grow into a person with low self-esteem in his bones.
This is not alarmism, but there is an orange me, a person with low self-esteem, as a lesson from the past.
Since I was a child, my mother said that I inherited the shortcomings of her and my father, and would keep telling me: my face is too round, my eyes are too small, my nose is collapsed, my chin is small, my teeth are not straight, my complexion is yellow and black, the back of my head is too big, and I am fat...
My appearance doesn't seem to be a merit in her eyes, and it always sends me a message: you don't look good, you don't need to dress up, even if you do, you don't look good...
As a young child, how strong is the spiritual armor to withstand this long-term "picky" critical attack?
So this cognition has led me to have a low evaluation of my appearance since I was a child, and I don't even like to look in the mirror, because I hate my appearance and figure, and I can't face such a flawed self, so that:
I don't dare to speak on stage or perform programs, I feel that I don't look good and I'm afraid of being embarrassed
I don't like to contact strangers, and I don't like it if I don't look good
I don't have much interest in dressing up, I don't think I will look good if I dress up, and I feel like I'm following in Dongshi after forcing myself to dress up and put on makeup
I even feel guilty about catharsis, feeling that I will be uglier when I cry
……
Even after adulthood, I learn to re-recognize myself, and intellectually know that my appearance is not so ugly, but for things like showing up and dealing with strangers, I still have huge psychological pressure, and although I can overcome it, I will feel uncomfortable, and I can always hide.
Because of this, I have always envied those who can always be confident, energetic and powerful, although I can make up for it in other ways, but lack of self-confidence is still a limitation for my life.
Therefore, never joke about your child's appearance and appearance, let alone use this to find fault with him and belittle him, so that the child will fall into the cage of inferiority.
Every child is narcissistic by nature, and they are born to feel that they are the best, the best, the most worthy of love, and want their closest people to agree with their feelings.
But the child came alone, everything he had was given by his parents, he did not have the knowledge, ability, personality charm and other things to prove himself, the only thing that belongs to him is this body.
Only when the child agrees that his body is beautiful and good, will he feel that others have enough reason to like him and love him.
If the child always receives some negative feedback that his body is ugly and annoying, even if his parents love him enough, he will always assume that the new environment and unfamiliar people are malicious to him, and he will always be cowering and timid.
Eventually, this initial feeling of childhood will become a deep imprint, indelible, even if there are achievements in other aspects after adulthood, there will be unwarranted self-denial, always feel that they are not worthy of being liked, if someone likes themselves, it is not worth it, and the other party will change their minds sooner or later because they are not good enough.
We always say that "each other is born from the heart", a person's mentality actually has a great impact on the appearance, confident people will have a different look, when you really believe that you are beautiful, you will really become more and more beautiful.
If you lack self-confidence, don't believe that you are beautiful, and always cry and mourn your face, you will really become less and less beautiful.
Even if you have plastic surgery, you are objectively beautiful, when you look in the mirror, you will only see those insignificant shortcomings, and you still feel ugly, which is why some people are addicted to plastic surgery, because no matter how you fix yourself, you will not be satisfied, and the root of the problem is not on the face, but in the heart.
So, no matter whether your child is ugly or handsome, as his parents, don't make any objective evaluations.
You must always be a child's brainless fan, and tell him every day in various ways that you are the best-looking and cutest child I have ever seen, and every corner of your body is perfect! Mom and Dad will always love you!
So how do you do it in life? Oranges are still very experienced in this area:
1. Kiss your child's little face at least once a day and tell him how beautiful you are, how cute you are!
2. When your child laughs, tell him that you are smiling so sweetly, and when your child is crying, don't call him ugly.
3. Take a good picture of your child, and enjoy it with your child, and say while appreciating, your action is cute, that expression is good-looking, blabla~~~
4. Dress your child appropriately, fit well, and design clothes that look good.
5. Design a hairstyle for your child that adds points to their appearance, rather than shaving their hair short.
6. When your child thinks he is beautiful and handsome, please echo and agree with his feelings.
7. When others praise your child for being good-looking, please accept it calmly and teach your child to say thank you.
8. Never mention any minor defects in your child's body or appearance, as long as you don't say it, it doesn't exist with your child.
9. Encourage your child, both boys and girls, to dress themselves up as they want and maintain their image.
So, if you want a confident child, please face up to it and acknowledge his goodness.
Telling your child that you look good is telling him that you deserve to be loved, that you deserve the best of everything.
❤
(If you already have the WeChat of the big housekeeper, you don't need to add it repeatedly)
The big housekeeper is intimate and reliable, and the sisters can find her at any time if they have any problems in articles, parenting, goods, etc., and they can convey it, solve it, and be satisfied!
The sisters who follow the orange to "raise a baby in the cloud", refer to the picture below to add a "star ★" to [talk about our baby], so that you will not miss the new article.
Hot article recommendation Click on the topic to jump
——| Education · Popular Science |——
◆ The child's handwriting is ugly and sloppy, not that he is not serious, but that he lacks these training◆ Literacy too early damages imagination? Stop being fooled by this made-up American story! ◆ There is no need to rush to play the piano, write homework, and do housework, how do children who take the initiative to do things
——| Parenting Heart Sutra |——◆ In your parenting career, the one who can help you the most is not necessarily your husband or mother, but... ◆ Don't let your casual complaining become a shackle for your child's life
◆ "You go to die" "I'm going to kill you", children learn to speak ruthlessly, your first reaction is very important!
——| Family · Life |——◆ "Why can't you even take a child?" "I don't think you even make a lot of money, do you?" ◆ Being poor at home does not hurt children, crying poor will! ◆ My mother-in-law must have magic...
It's not easy to be original, and I'm full of spirit!