How much harm does a parent "will" or "break up" do to the child? Only those who have experienced it personally understand that Wang Feng Zhang Ziyi finally "broke up" in the seven-year itch! After seven years, he gave birth to a son and a daughter, and finally went his separate ways. The relationship of adults has come to an end, and breaking up is just a piece of paper, but the most innocent thing is the "child" caught in the middle!
I have a relative who endured for five years and finally made up his mind to break up, and during these five years, every time he suffered domestic violence from his husband, he thought about breaking up countless times. But because of his lack of ability, coupled with the worry that the child is too young and lacks the company, he repeatedly tolerates it, and will be over, thinking that it will be good when the child grows up.
Who knows that their tolerance and dedication did not exchange for the transformation of their husbands and the gratitude of their children, but the children became the same as their fathers after seeing and listening more, and even began to treat their mothers violently. In the end, I really couldn't stand it, threw the child to my father and grandmother, and after applying for a breakup, I went out to make money without hesitation!
The star has money and ability, and chooses to break up decisively after emotional discord; Most ordinary people have no money, for the sake of their children will choose to live, at least have a complete home, but also more conducive to the growth of children. But is that really the case?
Emotional discord, is it better to turn a blind eye for the sake of the child or decisively choose to break up? If you break up, how can you reduce the harm to your children and break up smoothly?
How much harm does a parent "will" or "break up" do to the child? Children are an unavoidable psychological trauma when many families break up, and the breakup hurts the child first, followed by the adult. Although it is not good to break up, it does not mean that for the sake of children, do not break up anyway. Blindly forbearance will bring more harm to children.
Parents "will" do harm to their children
We may see such a joke on the Internet: the daughter finds that the father is not good for the mother, and the mother will live for the sake of the child. The daughter couldn't stand it, so she secretly wrote to her mother to "let her break up, and said that she could follow her father when she was old, and her younger brother would follow her mother when she was young, and when she grew up, she would go to her mother."
Whether it is a fight between husband and wife, or even an escalation to hands-on, it will leave a bad memory for the child. If a child grows up in a family without love for a long time, it can have 4 effects on their lives:
1. Children have strong imitation ability, and they will also become aggressive like their parents;
2. Destroy the child's sense of security and become timid and afraid
3. Misleading children's social methods, which will make children mistakenly think that quarrelling, accusation, and hands-on threats are the way to solve problems;
4. Children can also become irritable, mean, lack of self-confidence, emotional indifference, etc.
Parents "break up" to harm their children
The participation of parents is essential for the education and development of children, after the breakup, one of the parents will leave the original family, the children of the separated or single-parent family will have fewer opportunities to obtain the companionship and communication of one parent, and the parents living with the children will also find it difficult to effectively supervise and educate the children due to the lack of help and cooperation of the former spouse in family life.
It can be seen that children of single-parent families will receive less attention and interaction from their parents, which is particularly detrimental to their academic, psychological and behavioral development. If parents reorganize new families and raise half-siblings, the psychological impact on the child will be even greater.
Whether you choose to live or break up, don't do three things Whether you choose to go over or break up, in fact, it has an impact on the child, but if the parents handle it well, it may not have much impact on the child's life, but in any case, you should not do the following three things:
First: Don't always say in front of your children "If it weren't for you, I would have broken up a long time ago"
This kind of words will make the child feel that he is a burden to his parents, and the child will feel guilty because his parents say such things, and at the same time he will become inferior and timid. Some children will please their parents because they say such things, and become flattering personalities.
Second: Don't use catharsis to ruin the relationship in front of your child
Some couples have short tempers and make a fuss, accuse each other, and even fight in front of their children whenever something happens. This way of getting along with parents will bring serious psychological harm to children, and children will not identify with the family and hate their parents; Marriage and family fears may occur, and even become parents yourself.
Third: Don't deal with family disputes in a repressive way
Some couples are good at using cold violence to deal with problems, and the home is often as cold as an ice cellar. This method is actually no less than parents who often quarrel and like internal friction, and children will have serious insecurities and dare not express their emotions.
How to minimize the impact of a breakup on your children? Breaking up does have some bad effects on children, but don't let your children let yourself be a lifetime, we must be ourselves first and then parents.
There can be many ways in which parental divorce hurts children, such as emotions, behavior, learning, relationships, etc. However, this does not mean that the child will necessarily suffer irreversible trauma. In fact, some studies have shown that if parents can handle the process and manner of divorce correctly, children can learn some positive things from it, such as adapting to change, resolving conflicts, expressing feelings, etc.
The separation of parents is a very painful thing for children and a difficult thing to adapt to. Children may feel helpless, lost, angry, guilty, fearful and other complex emotions, and may also experience adverse consequences such as decreased academic performance, behavioral problems, and psychological disorders. Therefore, after parents decide to separate, they should try their best to help their children adapt to this change and reduce their psychological pressure and injury. Here are some things you can do:
Give the child a reasonable explanation. Parents should explain to their children why they are apart and let them know that it is not their fault and that they are not capable of changing. Parents should avoid arguing, accusing, and denigrating each other in front of their children, but try to remain calm, rational, and respectful. Parents should make it clear to their children that they still love them, still care about them, just can't live together anymore.
Give your child a stable environment. Parents should minimize the impact on their children's lives and keep their original school, friends, interests, etc. Parents should try to maintain contact with their children, regular visits, phone calls, videos, etc.
Parents should respect the child's wishes and not force the child to choose one side or reject the other. Parents should give their children a clear arrangement so that children know when they can see the other party and where they will live.
Give your child a network of support. Parents should encourage their children to maintain good relationships with other relatives, friends, teachers, etc., so that children feel that they are not alone and that there are other people who care about them. Parents should listen to their children's thoughts and feelings and not ignore or deny their emotions.
Parents should give their children appropriate comfort and encouragement to let them know that they are capable of overcoming difficulties. If needed, parents can also seek professional psychological counseling or therapy to help their child adjust his or her mentality and behavior.
In short, the separation of parents is a huge challenge for children, but it is also an opportunity for growth. As long as parents are cooperative, responsible and caring, they can help children adapt to this change and have a healthy and happy childhood.
So, as parents, how can we make up for the harm that divorce does to our children? Based on some information on the Internet, I have summarized the following suggestions, I hope it will be helpful to you:
Before deciding to divorce, parents should try to consider the feelings and interests of their children, whether it is necessary to end the marriage, and whether there are other better solutions. If it is true that it is impossible to continue the marriage, it is also necessary to give the children a reasonable explanation, so that the children know that the divorce is not their fault and will not affect the parents' love for them.
After a divorce, parents should try to be friendly and respectful and not argue, accuse or be violent in front of their children. These negative emotions and behaviors can cause fear, anxiety, and anger in children. Parents should cooperate in arranging their children's contact and visitation time with both parties, and give their children sufficient attention and encouragement.
After divorce, parents should try to maintain the child's original living environment and habits, such as residence, school, friends, etc. If it is necessary to change, also give the child enough time and support to adapt to the new environment . Parents should respect their children's wishes and choices and not let them make choices or pass information between both parties.
After divorce, parents should pay attention to their psychological condition and that of their children, and timely discover and solve possible problems, such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, etc. If needed, you can seek the help of a professional. Parents should also pay attention to their physical health and financial situation, and look for new life goals and sources of happiness.
After divorce, parents should encourage their children to maintain good relationships with other relatives and friends, and give them the necessary support and help. This allows children to feel more warm and safe, and expands their social circle and horizons. Parents should also support their children to participate in various beneficial activities, such as sports, music, art, etc., so that children can develop their own interests and strengths, and enhance their self-confidence and self-esteem.