"Raise children to prevent aging, and finally be prevented by children." ** This sentence broke the heart disease of many old people. As parents, they put all their heart and soul into raising their children, but they ended up alone and helpless in old age. The reason is that they neglect the most basic needs of their children as they grow up.
Coddling is not true love
Many parents believe that as long as they take good care of their children, they will be grateful to Dade. This kind of blind doting makes children have the wrong perception that "parents must unconditionally satisfy me".
Xiao Wang is an only child, and his parents are obedient to him. Whenever he asked, his parents always spared no effort to satisfy him, buying the most fashionable clothes, the latest toys, and the most top-notch electronic products. Xiao Wang was accustomed to the satisfaction of his parents and gradually developed an arrogant personality. He thinks that others should serve him, otherwise he is disrespectful. When he grew up, Xiao Wang was proud and thought he deserved the best. After his parents retired and became ill and hospitalized, he would rather pay for a nanny than spend time taking care of his parents.
"Coddling is not true love, but a lazy love." Education expert Wu Zhihong pointed out. Excessive doting will make children become selfish people, only thinking about their own needs and feelings, not thinking about others, and not knowing how to establish intimate relationships with others. This kind of child will only ask for it when he grows up, and it is difficult to know how to return to others.
Mrs. Wang is a typical example. She spent her savings to send her son to private college, only to stop contacting her after graduation. Mrs. Wang cried, "I have given so much, why is he not filial to me?" As everyone knows, her mother's love has a purpose and conditions, and her son cannot feel her selflessness, so he will not have a heart to reciprocate.
Water children's growth with love
So, how can children know how to be grateful? Educational psychology tells us that the key is to water children's growth with love.
Li Ming is a loving and wise father. He gives the child a lot of freedom to try and explore the world, and will pay attention to the child's ideas. When encountering difficulties, he will not solve them for the child, but will encourage the child to think about the solution on his own, so that the child's initiative and independence are cultivated.
Children thrive on this trust and support. Although his parents could not meet all his requirements, he understood that his parents were for his own good and that he should learn to be self-reliant. After his parents retired, he spontaneously took on the responsibility of caring for them, because this friendship had taken root in his heart.
Li Ming is like a gardener, he does not take excessive care of children, but patiently cultivates, fertilizes and wateres at the right time, and removes diseases. The child is also like a small tree that gradually grows, rising high in the sun and rain, and finally bears sweet fruit. This kind of love has finally blossomed.
Pay and reap the rewards
Parents need to understand that their efforts must be based on selflessness, not to achieve the purpose of "raising children and preventing aging". A fable about the pond inspires us:
The pond watered the plants in the garden daily, expecting the plants to provide it with cool shade on hot summer days. Unexpectedly, when summer came, the plants were busy taking care of themselves, and the pond still looked dry and messy.
"Shouldn't I be rewarded for giving you water every day?" Pond questioned. The plants replied, "We accept your water because we need it to survive, not out of gratitude." If you expect something from us in the first place, you shouldn't ask for it. ”
In the same way, the love of children is not what parents deserve in return, but needs to be exchanged for sincerity. If there is purpose and expectation from the beginning, then the love given is no longer pure. To expect a child to reciprocate, you should give selfless love and not expect anything in return.
Question reflection
Do you think children have an obligation to return the nurturing grace of their parents? Why?
How do you think a good parent should raise their children?
How do you plan to willingly take care of your children in your later years?
Welcome to leave a message to share your ideas and experience!
(The picture and data come from the Internet, please verify the theory yourself, this article does not represent the author's views, if there is infringement, please contact to delete)