My husband Li Lei and I have been married for 25 years. When I got married, I was young and didn't think much about it. Mother-in-law Zhang Mei said, let her husband's salary card be kept for her, and my salary card will be used for daily living expenses at home.
When I first got married, I didn't work long and my salary was only 400 yuan a month. I also felt that what my mother-in-law said made sense, so I agreed.
My salary is basically enough for our family to eat and drink, including my husband, a brother and sister. There is nothing left every month, no money saved.
At that time, I didn't have much opinion myself, and I felt that it was my husband's responsibility to earn money to support my family, and I lived like this for many years.
My sister and I got married at about the same time, and I had a niece at the end of that year. My sister and I have always had a good relationship, I want to buy a long-life lock for my niece, and I also bought some nutritional products for my sister, which added up to nearly 200 yuan.
At that time, I still had some savings on hand, so I bought it without much thought. But by the middle of the month, the family will not have enough money.
I had to go to my mother-in-law myself, saying that my family was short of living expenses. Who knew that instead of giving money, my mother-in-law scolded me for having nothing to do, saying that the daughter I married out should not always think about her mother's family, and her words were extremely ugly.
The more I think about it, the more aggrieved I am, over the years of marriage, my salary has been used to provide for the family, and the living expenses are all paid by me, I just took care of my mother's family, how did it become my fault?
And so it went. Although I didn't mention it again, I kept feeling awkward. It wasn't until years later that my turnaround came.
That year, my son was 8 years old. One day when I was at work, I suddenly received a call from my mother, saying that my father had been in a car accident and told me to go to the hospital quickly.
I immediately rushed to the hospital, and the doctor said that we needed to do surgery and that we needed to prepare 6,000 yuan first.
I have so much savings! Quickly call your husband to bring money quickly. My father has been undergoing surgery for 4 hours, but my husband just doesn't show up.
I stayed with my father in the hospital for 2 days, and my husband did not visit me once.
I was full of grievances, and when I got home, I asked my husband why he didn't come to deliver the money. We are husband and wife, I have spent my salary on the family all these years, he has saved so much, my father needs money when he is sick, how can he not lend a hand? My husband also deduced that his mother-in-law did not agree with him to come, who can blame for this? .
I was very disappointed to see my husband's reaction when my father was sick and needed money. When I got home, I told my husband that either in the future, the household expenses will be divided evenly every month, and I will no longer cover all of them; Either we will implement the AA system and spend our own flowers.
My husband disagreed, but I was very firm. Since that month, I haven't been out of the house. I started eating out and rarely at home.
When my husband saw me like this, he was also silent. He did not take the initiative to ask for an equal distribution of household shares, so he acquiesced to our implementation of the AA system.
If my husband doesn't mention anything else, I naturally won't pay a penny.
In this way, for more than ten years before our divorce, I never asked my husband's income, and he didn't know how much my salary had risen.
Until last year, my mother called me and said that my parents' health was getting worse and worse, the countryside was cold in winter, and I wanted to live in the city for a while.
My sister and I discussed buying a small apartment nearby for my parents to live in. It just so happened that the agent I was looking at was a friend of my husband.
Unexpectedly, this friend told my husband about my purchase of a house.
My husband ran back angrily and asked me why I didn't discuss buying a house with him. I told him that we have been AA for so many years, and it has nothing to do with you that I spend my money to buy a house for my parents.
My husband was very angry and stressed that although we had an AA system, we were not divorced, and my money was also common property. Since I wanted to buy a house for my parents, I had to agree to it, but he didn't agree to my buying the house.
I was angry that my husband was so stingy, but after consulting the lawyer, I learned that there was no clear AA agreement, and the common property still had to be determined on a case-by-case basis.
After listening to the lawyer's opinion, I was extremely frustrated. It turns out that the AA system in these years does not count legally, and our property is still judged according to common property.
I sat in bed and thought about it all night, and suddenly I felt that I had really lived all these years in vain. My child has graduated from college, what can I gain by continuing this strange marriage?
Early the next morning, I sat down and wrote a letter to my husband. I raised the idea of divorce, indicating that all these years of marriage had become a burden.
After reading the letter, my husband was very excited. He sat down in front of me and said over and over again that he had indeed ignored me over the years, but that I was also responsible.
I listened to my husband's promise and felt shaken. Indeed, divorce will not be an easy decision for us.
Lying in bed at night, my mind was full of our bits and pieces. My husband gave me flowers on my first date, he was considerate to me when I was newlywed, and he stayed outside the delivery room the year I gave birth.
I suddenly felt that maybe I should really give this relationship a chance to change.
The next morning, I approached my husband and said I had thought it through. Since he sincerely wants to change, I am willing to give this marriage another chance.
The old man openly hugged me and said that he would cherish me even more. I also decided to put the purchase of a house on hold for the time being, and we started with the usual small things and repaired this estranged marriage step by step.
After much deliberation, I decided to put the idea of divorce on hold for now to give our marriage a chance to redeem it.
My plans to buy a house were also put on hold. After all, what we need most now is to re-establish mutual trust and repair the feelings that have been estranged over the years.
My husband seemed happy with my decision. He solemnly promised me that he would change his authoritarian practices in the past and consult me more about family affairs.
I nodded and decided to trust my husband's sincerity for the time being. Of course, just a few words will not make me immediately obey him.
We had a calmer week. My husband would drive me home from work and talk to me about his job search.
On the weekend, my husband proposed to spend a weekend in a homestay in the suburbs. This time I did not refuse, but promised to spend the world of two with him.
The B&B is beautiful in a town frequented by couples. We dangled on the swing in the yard and walked along the village paths, chatting around the warm fireplace over hot tea.
I haven't been so quiet together in years.
This excursion allowed me to see the gentle side of my husband. He would take care of my feelings and show humor when making small talk.
When we got home, my husband and I were a little reluctant. These days together have rekindled our hope in marriage.
But that's just the beginning. Next, we need to know how to compromise and learn to understand each other. I will still stick to some of my principles, such as financial independence.
This is a consensual process. Although there is still a long way to go, I believe that as long as we continue to be gentle, we can slowly heal the rift and rediscover the feeling of love.
Maybe one day, that sweetness will come back to our lives. We would sit side by side on park benches and watch the sunset with ice cream; will you nong me non when washing dishes together in the kitchen; Will lean on the couch to watch old movies, occasionally bumping a shoulder.
Marriage is like a practice that takes time and effort. It is worth caring for and nurturing. I believe that with gratitude and tolerance, we will eventually get out of this trough and regain happiness.
As time passed, my husband and I were trying to adjust ourselves and get this marriage on track.
For example, my husband now regularly reports to me on his savings. He showed me the bank passbook, which showed a lot of money.
He also began to care about important matters at home and often took the initiative to discuss with me. For example, last weekend we bought a new sofa together, this time my husband asked for my opinion at the beginning, and finally chose the style I preferred.
On the other hand, I am also adjusting myself and learning to be more considerate of my husband. For example, if he encounters setbacks when looking for a job, I will listen patiently, give him encouragement, and stop complaining.
We've also regained some sweet moments from our little lives. Recently, my husband has learned to cook and will cook me a hearty lunch on weekends.
Sometimes we go out for walks together in our spare time. Passing by a playground, I saw an old couple dancing there.
Although we danced very badly, we were happy like two children.
In this way, day after day, we strive to nurture this still delicate little tree of love. I found myself looking forward to coming home from work because I could see my husband; Start sending him a message asking if he is doing his day.
Of course, there will always be something that doesn't go your way. Just like the other day, a friend of my husband came to the house as a guest, drank too much and said some jokes that made me uncomfortable.
However, my husband reacted very well this time, and took the initiative to apologize to me the next day, saying that he would not let such a thing happen in the future.
After these months of getting along, I feel from the bottom of my heart that we are really re-establishing the connection of love step by step.
Marriage is like the process of growing into a tree, and it takes storms and thunder to become strong under the influence of time.
I believe that one day, we will have a sweet and warm home again.
Time flies, and in the blink of an eye we have repaired our marriage and lived together again for a year. In the past year, I have seen my husband's sincere changes and felt his genuine love for me.
Financially, my husband gave me a joint credit card and regularly told me the amount of his savings. He encouraged me to spend my money independently and not to ask him for everything.
On the other hand, my husband became more and more considerate of my mood. He would pay attention to whether I was too busy with work and would call me from time to time to ask if I was doing my day.
We also travel a lot now. Last month we went to the island, walking on the beach and blowing the sea breeze, with only awe of nature and gratitude for each other.
Of course, there are still some small frictions in life. For example, last week I was very busy with work and added several days of work. My husband was at home alone waiting for me to come back, and I still had some complaints in my heart.
Now I will cherish the change of my husband even more. He was able to change some of his habits and ideas for me, which required a lot of courage and perseverance.
I'm also trying to return my husband's love. I learned to cook what he liked to eat and would massage him to relax. We spent more time chatting together, the topic extended from each other's work and life to life ideals, and our feelings became deeper and deeper.
In this way, day after day, we take good care of this re-established marriage. It is like a seedling, thriving with continuous watering and care.
There will inevitably be ups and downs on the road of life, but sharing a tested love, like gold, will become more precious and strong.
Now I have completely let go of the mustard of the past, and I just want Yingying and her husband to go through this life hand in hand.
Perhaps one day, when we are gray-haired and sitting in wheelchairs watching the sunset, we can't help but feel that we bravely chose to forgive and continue our lives.
Love is like a symphony, which needs to go through various movements and turns to play a moving movement.
I sincerely hope that we will play together until the finale, and never stop.