I have a strong personality and like to meddle in my son's family, which has become a habit of mine. I feel that as my son's mother, it is my responsibility to discipline my son, so after getting married, I still can't help but ask my son Li Jian's family life often.
For example, I will go to my son's house from time to time to see if the house is cleaned and stored in the refrigerator, and if I find anything dissatisfied, I will ask my daughter-in-law Wang Li what should be done. My original intention was just to help my daughter-in-law take care of the family, but this often caused my daughter-in-law's dissatisfaction.
Once, when I went to my son's house, I saw water stains on the bathroom floor and tiles, so I nagged my daughter-in-law that she should wipe it clean with a mop, otherwise it would be easy to collect dust. My daughter-in-law listened to my "reminder" and looked pale, and I could feel the resistance in her heart.
I have a strong personality, and I don't think much about my daughter-in-law Wang Li's feelings when I talk and do things. I always felt that my daughter-in-law was not thoughtful enough, and I would often criticize my daughter-in-law in front of my son for not doing her housework well, so that she should pay more attention.
Once, when I went to my son's house, I saw my daughter-in-law's freshly washed clothes hanging on the balcony, and I checked it carefully and found that one or two clothes still had some stains on them. I immediately said: "Wang Li, your washing technique still needs to be improved, how can there be dirt on the clothes, this will make Jianjian uncomfortable to wear." When the daughter-in-law heard this, her face immediately changed.
After I moved in with my son's family, I never participated in any housework, on the grounds that I was old and should focus on my old age. I gave up the choice between the north and south rooms to my son and daughter-in-law, but I actually wanted to live in the south room. Later, I proposed to change rooms with them, and I emphasized that the south room was sunny for the elderly, and the north room was more gloomy and cold. My daughter-in-law did not agree to change rooms, but after my repeated requests, she still compromised.
When I usually eat, I often pick and choose the dishes made by my daughter-in-law Wang Li and ask her to make them according to my taste. This makes the already busy daughter-in-law even more stressed.
Daughter-in-law Wang Li has a strong personality, and she feels that it is too unacceptable for me to ask her about housework often. She couldn't quite understand that I was a mother-in-law out of concern. Several times when I went to give her advice, she would directly reject my opinion, and then pull her son away, completely ignoring my mother-in-law.
Once, I secretly sent away my daughter-in-law Wang Li's cat for 5 years. When my daughter-in-law came back and couldn't find the cat, her emotions were completely out of control, and she cried and questioned me, claiming that if she couldn't find it, she would kill the child in her womb and divorce. I was taken aback by her violent reaction, which made me very sad. My daughter-in-law didn't think about my feelings at all, only immersed in her own emotions, and her reaction was too much.
After that, my son bought a new cat for my daughter-in-law, and my daughter-in-law also sent many photos in the circle of friends, deliberately writing a description such as "the new cat arrives home, our family is reunited again", which means deliberately declaring sovereignty in front of me, which makes me very uncomfortable to see. She shouldn't have vented her dissatisfaction with me in this way, I think she was too naïve.
My son Li Jian was overly indulgent and doting on me, and from childhood to adulthood, he listened to me more, and even if I managed more sometimes, he never really argued with me. I think he is too weak and not assertive enough. For example, in my conflict with my daughter-in-law, he often only played the role of a mediator, and it was difficult to decisively stop my behavior, resulting in problems always recurring.
My son always tries to reconcile when my daughter-in-law and I have an argument. For example, on the issue of the taste of meals, he took the initiative to take the task of buying vegetables and cooking, but this was only a stopgap measure and did not fundamentally solve the problem. For example, in the cat incident, he first calmed his daughter-in-law's emotions, and then coaxed me, so tug-of-war could not really resolve the conflict. As a son, he should try to reconcile the relationship between the two sides and allow us to truly reconcile, but he has never been able to effectively play this role.
After the cat incident, my son sent me directly back to his home and did not contact me for a month. It made me feel that they had alienated me and I was very sad and guilty. My son should not abandon me like this, he should try to repair the relationship between our mother and son and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. But now that our relationship has broken down, I am very worried that our relationship will end, and it will become a permanent pain between us.
After I moved in with my son and daughter-in-law, the conflicts between us gradually accumulated. At first, it was just a small friction, such as my criticism of my daughter-in-law's cooking or criticism of her lack of cleanliness. My daughter-in-law was tolerant at first, but over time, she became more and more disgusted with my behavior. The lack of sincere communication between us only allowed the conflict to widen in secret.
During this time, my son tried to mediate between us, but to no avail. Because he deals only with superficial issues, and does not touch on the core of the contradiction. I still repeat the same regulatory behavior, and my daughter-in-law is also holding grudges. The cognitive gap between us is getting deeper and deeper, as if we are on opposite sides, which makes the contradiction more and more difficult to mediate.
In this accumulated contradiction, the cat incident became the fuse. I handled my daughter-in-law's cat without permission, and the major emotional damage to her became the last straw that broke the camel's back. The daughter-in-law's emotions were out of control, and all kinds of dissatisfaction suddenly erupted. Her overreaction hurt me again, and our relationship collapsed. The incident reflects our complete lack of understanding and consideration for each other.
In this way, the accumulation of various contradictions and the fuse of the cat incident finally led to the complete rupture of our mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship.
After the relationship broke down, I moved back to my hometown to live alone. Living alone is very lonely and boring, without my son's family, I feel that the world is suddenly empty, and my heart is full of emptiness.
I kept reminding myself that my son's family had cut ties with me. I was very sad that they were so unfilial that they abandoned me like this. Sometimes I also reflect on whether I really went too far to lead to this result. I felt regret, grievance, and resentment in my heart. Complex emotions intertwined and left me breathless.
And my son's family is now living a new life without me. They looked fine, but I knew that beneath their glamorous exteriors there might be sadness hidden in me. Their lives now are a mystery to me.
My son hasn't contacted me for a month since I was driven back home. He never came to see me again, so he broke off contact and left me to be forgotten alive by him in my hometown. I was very sad and angry, but unable to do anything.
We were once so close, but now we are the most distant strangers. It's hard for me to accept this fact.
As a mother-in-law, I need to change my psychology of being too controlling, learn to respect my daughter-in-law, give her enough personal space, and not interfere too much in her family life. Also be careful not to hurt her verbally and give her warmth rather than criticism. I need to reflect on my mistakes and approach the relationship with a more positive mindset.
And my daughter-in-law also has to put herself in my shoes and understand my intentions, I don't mean to make things difficult for her. She shouldn't always be emotional and needs to learn to communicate rationally. She also has to reflect on her own problems in the relationship.
As the link between us, my son needs to play a major mediating role. He wants to try to improve our understanding and communication, to resolve misunderstandings, rather than simply accommodate our disputes.
We need to be open and honest with each other, speak our minds, and listen to each other's feelings. There is also a need for mutual understanding and efforts to adjust unreasonable expectations. Family concepts also need to be reconciled.
In dealing with family relationships, we need to start with understanding, respect and tolerance in order to achieve true harmony.