The real life of a second-child mother: what does it mean to have a baby? This is the best answer I've heard

Hi everyone, I'm My Fair Mother.

What do you think it means to you to be a mom?

Some time ago, I saw a sentence that felt particularly heart-wrenching - "It was the mother who pushed out of the delivery room, and the girl never came out again."

I used to be a mother by default, which meant giving and sacrificing, meaning having to lose part of myself.

But in the past few years, I have had completely different answers.

I watched a video in the past two days and was hit by the life status of the mother of the second child.

Source: Elizabeth Arden, "The Orange Girl"

It doesn't matter if her daughter breaks her plates, she hugs her daughter, calms her fears, and thanks her daughter for giving her the opportunity to change new utensils.

Seeing this, I sincerely admire that she can still maintain a stable mood in the face of life's chicken feathers, and at the same time sigh that because of such a mother, the child does not have to tremble even if he does something wrong, and the whole body exudes confidence and vitality.

The next two pictures made me unable to calm down for a long time.

When the night sky quiets down and the children sleep peacefully, time finally belongs to herself.

When the camera froze on the stacked books next to the desk, I realized that behind the relaxation, she faced every day in addition to the life of a second child who could not be idle for a moment, but also the problem of her daughter's language delay.

Lesson plans on desk, mother's phone, sleeping children...

In this life, she has many roles, she is a mother, a wife, a daughter, a teacher, but more importantly, she is herself.

In the dark night, the orange light hit her and her daughter, flickering on and off, like the lives of countless mothers - striving to shine their own light while trying to light the way forward for their children.

She is the epitome of countless moms in life. From her, we feel the strength of a woman's heart and passion for life.

It's just that we all know that no girl is born a mother, and not everyone is born to handle the relationship between various roles in life.

We are all stumbling and constantly becoming better versions of ourselves.

Some people say that the first year of being a mother is like running to a rain, but without an umbrella.

Knowing that becoming a mother is not easy, we bravely embarked on this path.

Physical difficulties are the easiest to perceive.

My real perception of the word "mom" started with the pain of breastfeeding.

I have forgotten many details of giving birth, but the inner struggle of breastfeeding is still vividly remembered.

Sleep cut into pieces, darkening circles, postpartum hair loss, body deformation, each of which is a mark of fertility.

The physical changes and the energy occupied are enough to make an originally delicate girl lose the motivation to dress herself. I still remember half a year after giving birth, I was accidentally scared by myself in the mirror.

It was indeed a bitter road that seemed to have no light everywhere and belonged to my mother alone, and the thorns on the road did not stop there.

The psychological changes are more pronounced.

First and foremost is parenting anxiety. Although I have never stopped learning parenting knowledge, I am still at a loss when my baby has an unexpected situation, and the self-blame and guilt that arise from not taking good care of me have been your daily life.

When my son was not yet a full moon, he cried because of colic, tried to hold the plane and did exhaust exercises to no avail, and in his non-stop crying, I could no longer stay calm and blamed myself for not being able to do anything.

In addition, there is the boredom that the circle of life can only be reduced to less than 2.5 hours because of breastfeeding, and the doubt of one's sense of value every day...

Because life has been changed in all aspects, the first year after giving birth can be called the darkest moment in every mother's life.

Until the figure slowly recovered, the hairline on the forehead was reborn like fluff, the inner order was slowly re-established, and those collapses and helplessness were gradually broken and melted by the child's cuteness. In the dark night, stars finally lit up.

I realized I needed to change, starting when my son was about 1 year old.

Coming home that day and seeing him staggering toward me with his cup, feeling his clear concern for the first time, was as gratifying as the sudden germination of a long-buried seed.

I began to watch his changes closely, and found that he already had his own ideas, so I gradually let him explore his own little world.

I began to understand that the bondage of obsessing over breastfeeding and raising my children strictly according to the methods in the book was not imposed on me by my children, but imposed on myself.

I remember a business trip where I was worried that my son would not be able to sleep at night because he couldn't see me, but it turned out that it didn't.

Since then, I have learned that many times, it is not the children who cannot do without us, but we cannot do without the children.

I no longer focus all my energy on my child, and I no longer control everything that concerns him. Let the father's return to the father, and gradually return himself to himself.

Feel free to travel, do what you want, put on makeup, dress up, love yourself, and I gradually understand that being a mother and being yourself do not have to be a choice.

There is also an escalation of mentality, which occurs after yelling at the child.

Because I have understood and practiced a lot of parenting theories, I have always considered myself a gentle and determined mother, and rarely lose my temper with my son.

Until the night when he was about 3 years old.

After failing to sleep for two hours, I couldn't resist being angry with him when I saw that the time pointed to 11:30 p.m.

I already regretted it at the moment of roaring, and when I heard him cry and say that he loved me the most, I felt even more guilty, feeling that I was not a good mother.

Fortunately, I did a post-mortem analysis in time: what made me angry was not that he didn't sleep, but my anxiety about the possible consequences of this incident.

Finding the problem, and then there were ways to improve it, and my guilt disappeared.

Later, I stopped demanding that I be emotionally stable all the time. Everyone has emotions, and the important thing is not to endure it all the time, but whether we will grow into a better version of ourselves after each vent.

I accepted my flaws and imperfections and enjoyed finding holes and patches for myself every time.

As Yang Tianzhen said, in order to grow better, accepting shortcomings is the only way. Only by accepting our own imperfections can we make up for our shortcomings, continuously improve ourselves, and become stronger.

Now, the initial panic when giving birth is long gone, and once again I think of those sleepless moments, those hurdles that felt difficult to cross, have inadvertently passed.

Looking back, we are no longer who we were.

So, what does it mean to be a mom? Everyone has a different answer.

Courage, perhaps.

It is the courage to bear the courage to know that children will bring earth-shaking changes to their lives;

Maybe it's growth.

It is to take care of yourself little by little in the relationship with children, accept your imperfections and grow into a better version of yourself;

Balance, perhaps.

It is when there is one more role in life, enjoy this challenge, and at the same time feel the happiness that each role brings to yourself;

Perhaps rebirth.

It is the thought of lighting up another life, rekindling the enthusiasm for life, and doing my best to shine my own light.

It is to know the truth of life and still love life.

And this is exactly what moved us by this video.

Produced by Elizabeth Arden, this video is based on the spirit behind Arden Orange Essence, encouraging all Orange Girls to persevere and accompany them through every dark night on the road to growth until they shine.

What is a Tangerine Girl?

is a girl who carefully celebrates her birthday even if she works overtime;

is a second-child mother who is still gentle and tough even if she lives in a place of chicken feathers;

is a grandmother who still dances with her girlfriends even with silver hair;

No matter your age, whether you are married or not, what you are doing at this moment, as long as you love yourself enough, live like a light, brilliant as the rising sun, you are an "orange girl".

I know, every mom, every you and me, is.

So, what does having a baby mean to you? I want to hear your story.

By sharing the story of "Orange Girls" in the comments section, we will select two readers to receive a heartwarming companionship pack provided by Arden Orange Essence.