When I learned the happy news that Xiaoling was pregnant, I was ecstatic.
I excitedly picked up Xiaoling and spun in a circle, and we both laughed and shed tears. "We're going to be mom and dad!" I said to her excitedly.
After that, we began to happily prepare for this new life. Xiaoling turned over the old clothes and toys of the children and took them out one by one to wipe them.
I knew she couldn't wait to miss this baby.
I also began to seriously plan for the future. I drew the design of the child's room, imagining the combination of cradle, wallpaper, and carpet; I flipped through parenting books and took stock of all the supplies I needed to buy; I even started practicing how to change diapers, breastfeed, and bathe my child.
"Baby, what do you want to name your child?" One night, Xiaoling leaned into my arms and asked.
"Hmm. If it is a girl, it is called Xiaohan, which contains all our hopes; If it is a boy, it is called Zhiyang, and I wish him to aim for sunshine in the future.
"Okay, let's just decide!" Xiao Ling said happily.
We began to imagine what this child would be like in the future. Xiaoling said that she must be cheerful and lively, love to laugh and talk; I said he must be smart and studious, obedient and sensible.
In order to give my child a good life, I started working overtime to earn money, and I wanted to save up for the prenatal examination and birth as soon as possible. At first, Xiaoling also advised me not to work too hard, but seeing that I was bent on giving the best care to the baby, she was also moved to red eyes.
"Husband, we must love him well and don't repeat the mistakes of the past." Xiao Ling said to me seriously.
"I know. This time, I will be good to him with all my heart, give him all the love, and let him grow up happily and happily.
We began to prepare everything like a young couple, full of beautiful longing and anticipation.
My colleagues laughed at me for being a lad back, but I just wanted to do everything I could to protect my home.
However, the good times did not last long. Over time, Xiao Ling's body became significantly unwell.
At first, it was frequent dizziness and headaches, and Xiaoling said that it may be that the weather has recently turned cooler, which gave her a cold. But the headache continued, and her appetite became worse and worse, and she couldn't eat anything.
Later, she became more weak and needed long periods of bed rest. I advised her to pay attention to her body, but she just forced a smile and said it was a normal pregnancy reaction.
"Husband, I'm fine, maybe I'm old and my body can't bear it." Xiao Ling said weakly.
"Don't be stubborn, you need to rest well now. The child will be left to me to take care of, and you must put yourself first.
I also often chat with Xiao Ling, talking about things that are not there to make her happy. Sometimes I would sing to her and put her to sleep.
But Xiao Ling's body is still deteriorating day by day. Her face had become bloodless, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to stand and walk.
I began to ask my boss to reduce overtime and wanted to spend more time with Xiaoling. My colleagues advised me to take care of myself and not to work too hard.
No matter how difficult the road ahead, I will not hesitate to protect my love.
Since Xiaoling's physical problems, all the trivial matters at home have fallen on my shoulders alone.
I started learning how to handle the spoon and follow the recipe to make all kinds of soups. At first, I was in a hurry, often boiling the pot dry, and the dishes were burnt.
Gradually, I learned the amount of seasoning, the control of the heat, and the matching of dishes. Now I can make delicious meals.
I also began to study various household chores seriously. I learned to use the washing machine and dishwasher properly and no longer wash my clothes.
I also learned to master the quality of goods, compare prices, and save money on purchasing daily necessities.
"Husband, you must be very difficult, I can see it." Xiao Ling once said to me distressedly.
"It's okay, it's nothing for you and the baby." I smiled and stroked her hair.
I always remind myself to stay positive because Xiaoling needs my support. I knew she was also remorseing herself inwardly and felt like she had become a drag on me.
However, the pressure on work is also increasing. I took frequent leave, and my boss and colleagues looked at me badly. My work efficiency has declined, coupled with financial constraints, Xiaoling and I have become more and more strapped for money.
I started to be depressed and depressed. I didn't know how to take care of my family without delaying my work.
"Husband, you have done a good job, we will definitely be able to get through this." After Xiao Ling noticed my emotions, she took my hand and encouraged.
Yes, we must encourage each other and give each other confidence and strength. I can't give up lightly, which will make Xiaoling blame herself even more.
So I actively looked for a part-time job, hoping to increase my income. I also discussed with my boss to adjust my work and get more flexible timing.
I realized that I wasn't fighting alone, but someone was ready to help. This gave me a huge spiritual boost.
Just when I thought life was getting better, a nightmare came.
That night, I was preparing dinner in the kitchen when I suddenly heard Xiaoling's moaning from the bedroom. I ran over in a hurry, only to see her curled up on the bed with her stomach in her arms, her face pale and sweaty.
"Husband, save me... My stomach hurts... She murmured weakly.
Frightened, I scrambled to bring her water and help her up. But she was so painful that she couldn't stand upright, her teeth were clenched, and she could only moan.
"Don't be afraid, I'll call an ambulance right away!" I said and hit 120. Every second of waiting was tormenting for me, and my heart went to my throat.
The ambulance finally came, and the doctor gave Xiaoling first aid. I sat on the side and squeezed Xiaoling's hand, tears streaming out unstoppably.
After the results of the examination came out, the doctor's face was solemn: "The situation is very critical, and surgery must be performed immediately!" I was so frightened that my face turned pale, my legs were soft, and I knelt on the ground desperately begging the doctor to save Xiaoling.
I watched as Xiaoling was pushed into the operating room, and she waved weakly at me, as if saying a final goodbye.
The door to the operating room closed in front of me, and my heart seemed to be torn open.
The long wait almost broke me down. I paced back and forth in the doorway of the operating room, pounding hard against the walls to vent my anger.
We still have a child who has not been born, and God can't do this to us!.
"Cut. Removal of the uterus. "The words that suddenly came from the operating room stung my heart. I almost collapsed to the ground, unable to believe this sudden change.
I don't know how long it took, Xiaoling was finally pushed out. Her face was pale, her eyes were closed, and various instruments were linked to her.
Doctors said she was temporarily in a coma and her vital signs were extremely weak. I squeezed her hand and prayed with all my strength that she would get through and live!
After Xiaoling's passing, I fell into deep grief and self-blame.
I lay in bed all day long, not wanting to see anyone and not being able to eat anything. The bedside is full of Xiaoling's relics, her pajamas, stuffed animals, recipes.
Every time I see something, I burst into tears. It made me more aware of the fact that she had left me, and the pain was maddening me.
I felt remorse like never before. Why did you get her pregnant in the first place? I shouldn't have asked for fertility anymore.
If all this flooded my brain, I could hardly face this harsh reality.
"Husband, you can't go on like this forever." My children saw me depressed and tried to persuade me again and again. But I pushed away all the visits, I just wanted to live quietly in the memories alone.
Until one day, I looked through Xiaoling's relics and found her diary. It was full of her thoughts and reluctance for me, and she said that she believed that I would live a better life.
So I summoned all my courage to get up and wash up and open the window. The sun is shining, and on the street, the neighborhood aunts are smiling.
I called the children and took the initiative to communicate with them and get their understanding and encouragement.
I started actively looking for a job and trying to get my life back on track. My colleagues and boss were deeply sympathetic to what happened to me and tried to help me as much as they could.
I realized that I wasn't fighting alone, and I had so many people behind me.
I began to learn Xiaoling's craft of cooking and cooked all her best dishes. Tasting this familiar taste, I felt her presence again.
I also finally understood that I must face life bravely and live, which is the best memorial to Xiaoling.
After Xiaoling's passing, I spent several months of darkness alone at home. I was immersed in sadness and self-blame, thinking about past choices and how to go on the road ahead.
I began to reflect on whether it was really within one's power to take on the burden of childcare. I may be able to handle life well, but how to care and teach children requires both parties to forge together, and it is difficult for me to do it alone.
I took the initiative to meet my parents and siblings and talked to them for a long time, expressing my inner confusion and pain.
My parents offered to help me take care of the children, and my siblings visited me frequently. This gives me a lot of relief.
I also contacted Xiaoling's parents. Although the two elders were also grief-stricken, they decided to cheer up for their grandchildren.
"Don't worry, leave the child to us, and you can go to work with confidence." We'll make them happy. Xiaoling's mother said to me warmly.
I finally found my way. I decided to entrust my children to two parents first, and they would care for them with the greatest love.
I also often go home to visit people and communicate with the children.
I began to actively look for a new job and try to earn a living. I adjusted my time and learned some new amateur skills.
I realized that I had to live to the fullest so that Xiaoling could feel comforted in the Spirit of Heaven.
Although she has passed away from me, I will always miss our bits and pieces. I will keep our commitment in mind and do my best to give my children a welcoming home.
After all this, I cherish my life even more. I began to value every moment of communication with my family and friends, hoping to make up for the regrets of the past.
I often invite my children to dinner together and care about their studies and lives. We will talk about Xiaoling and recall her various good deeds during her lifetime.
I also encourage them to take care of their bodies and not repeat the mistakes of the past.
I also meet regularly with old friends to relive our shared memories. I listened to them talk about their worries when I was depressed and thanked them for their constant company.
I also began to actively plan for my future. I decided to complete a trip around the world, which was Xiaoling's wish before her death.
"Teacher, I want to learn the piano, can you teach me?" The little girl from the neighborhood came to me and asked.
"Okay, come to my house every Sunday afternoon, and I'll teach you to play the piano." I gladly agreed.
I started trying to pass on my expertise and become a helpful volunteer. I am no longer just passive in accepting help, but actively giving support to others.
I am also actively looking for a new partner in life. I long for someone who can sustain me through the years ahead.
When I meet her, I don't hesitate to hold on tight.
Although I still lament the impermanence of life and the impermanence of fate, I know that loss is to make us cherish what we have more.
I'm sure she'll look at the new me with relief, smile and nod and say, "Come on, you're doing a great job."
Okay, with the requirements understood, I continued about 300 words and summed up the ending:
I started to actively participate in community activities and join the volunteer team to help vulnerable people. I would go to the orphanage to tell stories, go to the orphanage to sing and dance, and bring them laughter.
This kind of dedication and dedication allowed me to find a new meaning in life. I began to no longer complain about Xiaoling's death, but cherished the present moment and lived in every beautiful day.
Through all this, I have grown into a more sunny, optimistic, positive person. I began to learn to appreciate the small goodies in life and stop obsessing over momentary loss.
I will always remember the inspiration Xiaoling gave me and live the wonderful life she hopes to see.