On Saturday morning, I rubbed my still hazy sleepy eyes and rolled over and got out of bed. Her husband Jing Huan had already got up and had breakfast in the living room.
"Husband, today is the weekend, or let's go back to my mother's house, I haven't gone back to see my mother for a long time."
Jing Huan chewed the bun in his mouth and glanced at me gently: "It's normal for you to go back to see your mother, it's just."
Seeing this, I continued: "I know that every time you go back, you will be treated coldly by my mother, which makes the two of you very embarrassed."
Just one day, let's have a meal and chat with her, okay? ”。
"If you really want to go back to see her, I have no reason to refuse." Jing Huan put down the bun, stood up and walked to me, "It's just, don't expect too much from your mother's reaction, I don't want you to be sad anymore."
I nodded, and I was touched by Jing Huan's understanding and support. Indeed, during this time, I have been concerned about my mother living alone, hoping to get her approval and blessing.
"Thank you, husband. I would lower my expectations a bit, mainly to break the deadlock of not being in touch for so long. Even if Mom is still the same, we just go back and see her, and we don't have to look for any sense of identity in her.
"Okay, now that you've figured it out, let's go back after lunch." Don't overthink it, just go with the flow. Jing Huan patted me on the head and turned around to wash the dishes.
I looked at his back gratefully, glad I had the right place to rely on. With Jing Huan, my world is peaceful and peaceful, and I have more courage to face all kinds of vexatious troubles from my mother's family.
With him by my side, I have the strength to face everything.
After lunch at noon, Jing Huan drove, I sat in the co-pilot's seat, and we set off for my mother's house. Along the way, I looked at the familiar countryside scenery outside the window and receding, and the bits and pieces of my childhood came to mind, and my mood was a little excited and nervous.
"Don't be nervous, relax. I'll be there. Jing Huan noticed my uneasiness and patted my hand.
"Well, I'm relieved to have you." I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself.
Turning a corner, the door of her mother's courtyard appeared in front of her. Jing Huan parked the car and walked into the yard with me.
"Mom, we're back to see you." I opened the curtain and shouted, and my mother turned her back to us in the kitchen.
"Auntie, we brought fruit to see you." Jing Huan also greeted politely.
The mother did not turn her head, and her tone was cold.
Jing Huan patted me on the shoulder soothingly, signaling me not to take it to heart. I nodded, trying to squeeze a smile out of my face.
Maybe she doesn't need our company at this time, but as a daughter, I still want to come and see her. Whether she is cold or resistant, it is her choice.
Shortly after we arrived at my mother's house, my phone suddenly rang. I took it out and looked at it, and sure enough, it was my sister-in-law Minmin who called.
"Hey, sister-in-law." I try to make my tone sound calm and natural.
"Xiaoyun, your house, after consideration, rent it to us, the rent will be 2000 for you every month, so that it is good for everyone, you don't have to worry about the rent not being collected, and our son's school district problem can also be solved."
"Sister-in-law, this can't work, the house is now where my parents live, and I will leave it to them for retirement in the future." I politely refused.
"Oh, aren't your parents still very healthy, don't you just live in your current house, why do you have to keep that set, what is the use of leaving it for your son."
"I'm sorry sister-in-law, it's really inconvenient, forget it." I tried to keep my tone as firm as possible.
"You don't have to give us the house, you should borrow it from us, and in a few years when our son finishes school, we will move out."
"Nope!" This time, I couldn't bear it anymore, and directly raised my voice, "That house is Jing Huan's pre-marital property, and I have no right to lend it to others!" Please don't mention this again! ”
Minmin seemed startled by my toughness, and the other end of the phone was silent for a few seconds, then hung up in annoyance.
I let out a long breath and hung up. Jing Huan looked at me with concern, and I shook my head to indicate that it was okay.
"About the house again?" He asked softly.
I nodded and briefly told him about the conversation.
"In fact, don't blame your sister-in-law too much, after all, she is studying well for her children." Jing Huan is as reasonable as ever.
"I understand her distress, but it's a matter of principle and we must not budge." I said firmly.
"You're right, as a couple, we trust each other, that's the bottom line." Jing Huan nodded approvingly.
I know that with my sister-in-law's personality, she will never give up. When she comes back with her brother, she will definitely let her brother put pressure.
At this moment, the sound of the car stalling came from the door, and it seemed that they had returned. I took a deep breath, glanced at Jing Huan, and nodded tacitly.
I am no longer a daughter that my mother's family can support at will, but a wife that Jing Huan can rely on. This time, I will protect our home and maintain the dignity of this small family.
After the dispute with my sister-in-law, I calmed down a little and said to Jing Huan: "Let's go, let's go to the supermarket to buy some things, and prepare to go back to my mother's house."
Jing Huan nodded and came with me to the supermarket at the entrance of the community.
We went to the fresh area first, and I picked out some fruits from the season, thinking my mother would be happy. Apples, pears, grapes, grapefruit, and brightly colored fruits are my mother's favorite food.
Then we went to the grocery area, and I chose some toiletries for my brother's family, snacks for the children, and a simple set of home clothes for my sister-in-law.
"Let's buy your mother a few clothes too, the color is lighter, I see that she wears this kind of more." Jing Huan proposed by the side.
Finally, we went to the dining area and bought some snacks and dried fish according to my mother's taste, and also prepared dishes such as washed vegetable frozen tofu.
I wanted to pay by myself at checkout, but Jing Huan insisted that he pay for it. "It should be a little bit of my heart for my parents.
I nodded emotionfully and gave way.
After shopping and getting in the car, I looked forward to the receding view from the window. These small details hope to make my mother feel the intentions of me and Jing Huan.
"Don't think too much, you'll be nervous." Jing Huan held my hand.
"Well, I know." I took a deep breath, "Even if Mom is still the same, we have done our best." Let's take it one step at a time.
Jing Huan nodded approvingly and increased the speed of the car. I quietly looked out the window, the sunlight shining through the shadows of the trees on the car window.
Come on, I'm ready, whatever results await us. We come with love and blessing, and I believe that this heart will touch you.
Turning a corner, the car drove into a familiar country road, and memories of my childhood began to wake up in my mind. Here are my original dreams, but also loaded with bits and pieces of my growth.
However, this castle in my memory is still my forever home.
The car finally stopped in front of her mother's house. I took a deep breath, glanced at Jing Huan, and walked out of the car.
"Mom, we're coming back to see you!" I opened the courtyard door and shouted.
The room was silent, silent. Jing Huan and I walked into the house and found my mother busy in the kitchen alone, with her back to us.
"Mom, we're coming." I shouted again, and my mother didn't even turn her head.
"Auntie, we brought fruits to visit you." Jing Huan also greeted politely.
"Busy, you guys sit down first." The mother did not turn her head, and her tone was cold and stiff.
My heart sank. Obviously, we came to see her with a cart of hearts, but my mother didn't welcome her at all, and she wouldn't even look at us squarely.
Jing Huan patted me on the shoulder soothingly, and such a reaction from the morale environment was already expected. I nodded, trying to squeeze out a smile.
But an hour passed, and my mother still went her own way, not paying any attention to us. I could barely keep smiling at first, but gradually consumed by her indifference.
"I'll come by myself, you guys sit." Mom still doesn't look back.
"Then I'll go around the yard and you guys talk slowly." Jing Huan realized that her mother didn't want to ignore us now, and got up and went to the yard.
I sat alone in the house, looking at my mother's back, and my heart was mixed. I thought she would be pleasantly surprised by our arrival, even if it was a little relieved.
Perhaps, she doesn't need our care and care now. Then, I just sat here silently, guarding her back.
Because she is my mother, this level of relationship will never change.
While I was sitting alone in a trance, my brother and sister-in-law returned.
"Hey, you're coming?" The brother walked in the door with a grin, "How, how is the matter of the house considered?" ”
Before I could answer, my sister-in-law followed suit: "Yes, Xiaoyun, don't embarrass us, just do your brother a favor, anyway, you won't need that suite if you have children in the future."
"Let's leave the house to my parents, I've already told you." I repeated the position once as gently as possible.
"That's it, you see that your parents are in such good health, don't you just live in your set, what to do with the vacant room, it's better to give it to those who need it."
"That house is Jing Huan's private property, and I have no right to give it to others." I said firmly.
"What's there, do the things that husband and wife have in common still divide you and me, you will open the golden mouth, Jing Huan can not agree."
"No, no, don't mention it!" I'm a little angry.
"Something that doesn't work, I only know how to help outsiders!" My brother was also angry.
"I'm not taking sides with anyone, just sticking to one principle. This is Jing Huan's property, and I don't have the right to give it away or sell it to you cheaply.
"I try to be as rational as possible in stating my position.
"Good you ungrateful thing, don't look for us when you are in trouble!" The brother roared angrily and pulled his sister-in-law away.
I sighed helplessly, and Jing Huan came over and hugged me into his arms. "You've done a great job of standing up for your bottom line and I'm proud of you.
"I just stick to our agreement, which is not only about you and me, but also about the trust between each other." I leaned against Jing Huan's warm chest.
"Yes, you protected the most precious thing between us." Jing Huan kissed me lightly on the top of the head.
This time, I don't have to compromise and I'm no longer a daughter at the mercy of others. I found my ground and guarded the most precious trust and support between us as a couple.
My brother's family had just left, and my mother brought out all the food.
"Here, it's time to eat." For the first time, she was looking at us squarely.
I rushed over to help set the dishes and chopsticks, for fear of annoying my mother.
"I'll scoop a bowl of soup for Lele first, he's still young and needs to replenish his body." Jing Huan picked up the soup spoon and scooped half a bowl of mutton soup into Lele's bowl.
"Don't touch that soup!" Mom suddenly shouted, and an arrow rushed over to grab the bowl in Jing Huan's hand, and the soup spilled on the ground.
"Mom!" I was stunned.
"This soup is for Lele, he still needs to replenish his body when he is young, you don't deserve to drink!" Mom roared as she swept all the dishes on the table to the floor.
"You!" I finally couldn't bear it anymore, "We came to see you kindly, if you don't appreciate it, forget it, why bother so vexatious!" ”
"Vexatious? I tell you, from today onwards, you are an ungrateful stinky bitch, get out of here for me! Mom yelled hysterically.
I was stunned by her seemingly mad look, and tears welled up in my eyes. Jing Huan didn't say a word, pulled me up and walked out.
"Don't go! Must give me an explanation today! "Mom stopped at the door and wouldn't let us leave.
"Mom, what do you want me to do so that you will be happy?" I burst into tears and questioned.
"What's the matter with you? me! "My mother's face was distorted and she couldn't communicate at all.
Seeing her like this, we also know that today is fruitless. Jing Huan protected me behind her, silent, just gently hugged me and passed by her.
Mom was still yelling and cursing behind our backs, but we couldn't hear a word. I got into the car with teary eyes, and Jing Huan started the car and left the place that suffocated me.
I was really sad and disappointed. I thought I would have the courage to go home, and maybe we would have a chance to reconcile.
However, she is no longer the mother I know. The chasm between us never seems to be bridged.
When I got home, I lay in bed, tears streaming out. Jing Huan sat on the side, silently stroking my hair for comfort.
"Maybe we won't go back in the future." He said suddenly.
I was stunned for a moment and looked up at him: "Why?" ”
"Every time you go back, you get hurt, I can't see it." Jing Huan sighed, "Your mother's current appearance is not suitable for meeting for the time being, otherwise it will only hurt feelings even more."
I was silent. Indeed, going home always ended in pain, and every reproach and rant from my mother consumed my will.
"I know this advice is hard for you to accept, but looking at your current state, it won't do you any good.
"But she's my mother after all, I can't leave her alone..." I snorted.
"I understand, but the current state may require a cooling-off period. When the time comes, you may be able to restart your relationship, but for now you both need time to cool down and reflect.
I understand that Jing Huan's advice comes from protecting me. But the thought of cutting off contact with my mother filled me with painful contradictions.
If it is really a knife cut, how should I choose, how can I let go of this emotion?
"You don't have to make decisions now, take a break and figure it out. Whatever your choice, I'll have your back.
I nodded lightly and leaned into Jing Huan's arms. Maybe I really need time to think about it all. Regarding my family, about emotions, I must find my own answers in reason and emotion, not sudden decisions.
No matter what the road ahead, with my husband by my side, I will eventually find the strength to move forward again.
That night, I tossed and turned, unable to sleep for a long time. The clock on the wall was ticking, and in the dead of night, my heart could not be calmed.
The choice of forgiveness or renunciation pains me.
My mother's indifference to me and sometimes chasing me away broke my heart. I also want to cut it off, stop being angry with her, and live my life.
But after all, she gave birth to me and raised me, how can I give up. I still remember the hard work she brought up and worked for me.
I am not a saint and cannot turn a blind eye to her meanness. But I am not hard-hearted and abandon my mother's love.
Obviously I have a family, and I am still the child who has illusions about mother's love. Even though I am scarred, I still look forward to her recognition and blessing.
I want to go back in time and regain that simple mother-daughter relationship. Even if it's just in a dream, I want to hug each other again.
However, reality does not allow for fantasy. The gap between us cannot be bridged.
Perhaps, this is the pain of maturity. I have to accept that our relationship has changed, no longer the attachment and attachment we once had.
Letting go does not mean abandoning, and leaving does not mean betrayal. I will eventually find a balance between family and self.
It takes time, it takes courage and it takes wisdom. And my husband will continue to support me and accompany me through this difficult journey.
Maybe tomorrow, I'll find my own answer. And tonight, let me bear this pain quietly and turn it into the strength to move forward.