Have you ever thought that your relationship with your father will affect you for the rest of your life? Do you feel that your personality, behavior, and emotions are inextricably linked to your father? Have you ever found that your father is your most important role model and mentor?
The father plays an important role in the development of the child, he is not only the protector and provider of the child, but also the educator and enlightener of the child. The father's love, care, support, encouragement, guidance, and regulation of the child will have a profound impact on the child's psychological development.
However, not all fathers can do this. Some fathers are indifferent to their children, and even neglect, snub, scold, and abuse. Some fathers are too their children and demand perfection, otherwise they will criticize, accuse, and punish. Some fathers overindulge their children, do everything, and do not give their children autonomy and choice.
What consequences will these bad father-son relationships bring to children? Psychological experts said: Children who have a bad relationship with their fathers will have four obvious defects when they grow up.
Disadvantage 1: Unstable inner order
If the relationship between father and child is hostile, then the child is very likely to have an unstable or emotional behavior in the future. In fact, children's thinking patterns before the age of 12 are relatively single. Their hearts are not the same as in the adult world, they do not think that their father is for their good, they only feel that their father hates them.
In this case, the relationship between father and child becomes strained. The tension between father and child can have unintended consequences. For example, eating disorders.
Experts have found that girls who have a bad relationship with their fathers are more likely to have eating disorders. Experts have analyzed that the fathers of these girls with eating disorders lack love for them and their relationship with each other is very tense. Some fathers are even aggressive, as if they were enemies with their daughters.
For these girls, the hostile relationship with their father prevents them from establishing a good inner order, and the nature of eating disorders has a lot to do with emotional instability. They may relieve their psychological stress through overeating or anorexia, but doing so will only put them in deeper trouble.
Disadvantage two: low self-esteem
It has been argued that fathers have a greater influence on boys' psychology than girls. However, this thinking is completely wrong. Whether boys or girls, the role of fathers is very important in their upbringing. Therefore, fathers influence girls no less than boys.
We have already mentioned above that fathers do not like to express themselves and will always be absent in family education, which leads to the father being indifferent to himself in the eyes of many children. The attitude of fathers contrasts sharply with mothers who care about their children, and children who grow up in such families often grow up with low self-esteem.
The famous American psychologist Gerdi believes that the father plays a unique role in the growth of the child, and his presence means a special power for the child. Adler believes that fathers and children form relationships later than mothers, mainly because of the different physiology of men and women and the role of fathers and mothers in children's lives.
As the old saying goes, a father will have a son. If a boy does not feel affirmation and respect from his father from an early age, it is difficult for him to build self-confidence and self-esteem. He may be distant from his father and put pressure on himself to be approved by his father or others.
And for a girl, she has not felt her father's praise and appreciation since she was a child, and it is difficult for her to establish self-worth and self-identity.
She may be dissatisfied with her appearance and abilities, or even self-denial. She will also put herself at a disadvantage when looking for a partner, feeling that she is not worthy of the other party, even if the other party's conditions are very poor.
Disadvantage three: hesitation
In addition to being indifferent to his children or scolding at every turn, there is also a father who is very strict with his children. They are very harsh on their children and demand that their every move be under their control. This kind of father is called a "dictatorial" father in psychology.
Children who grow up under authoritarian fatherhood will develop a strong dependence on their father and will be hesitant to do anything when they grow up. He doesn't make decisions on his own, because he's used to having his father decide for him.
Wu Zhihong believes that parents have been deciding everything for their children to strangle their children's lives. This kind of father does not see the child as an independent individual, but only as his own accessory. They don't give their children enough trust and respect, nor do they give them enough space and opportunities to explore and try.
This type of education will make children lose self-awareness and creativity, and will also make children lose self-confidence and courage.
Disadvantage four: social barriers
The father is not only the child's relative, but also the child's first object of socialization. The relationship between father and child will affect the child's cognition and adaptation to society. If the relationship between father and child is not good, then the child will have a lot of difficulties in socializing.
There is a kind of father who is overprotective of his children, does not allow them to contact the outside world, does not allow them to interact with other people, does not allow them to think and act independently. This kind of father is called a "doting" father in psychology.
Children who grow up with doting fatherhood will lack trust and security in society, and they will feel incompetent and need help and support from others.
They feel nervous and uncomfortable in social situations, afraid to express their thoughts and feelings, and dare not refuse the demands of others. They may become dependent, negative, withdrawn, timid.
Another kind of father, he lacks care for his children, does not give them enough love and warmth, does not give them enough affirmation and encouragement, does not give them enough respect and understanding. This kind of father is called "cold" father in psychology.
Children who grow up with cold paternal love will be hostile and suspicious of society, they will feel abandoned and that no one cares and likes them. They feel angry and dissatisfied in social situations, are reluctant to communicate and cooperate with others, and are unwilling to accept advice and criticism from others. They may become selfish, stubborn, rebellious, violent.
How can I improve the relationship between father and son?
From the above, we can see that children who have a bad relationship with their father will encounter many psychological problems in the process of growing up. So, how can the father-son relationship be improved?
Fathers should spend more time with their children, participate in their children's life and learning, understand their children's interests and needs, and enhance mutual understanding and trust.
Fathers should express more love and concern for their children, praise and encourage their children with words and actions, and give them enough affirmation and support.
Fathers should respect their children's individuality and choices, give them appropriate freedom and space, and give them the opportunity to explore and try.
Fathers should educate their children in the right way, avoid using violence or threats, and use rational or emotional ways to communicate and guide.
Fathers should lead by example, set a good example and mentor for their children, so that children can learn the correct values and behavioral norms from their fathers.
Conclusion: The father is the most important teacher for the child
We all know that "education is a companionship". And in this process of companionship, the role of the father is irreplaceable. The father is the most important teacher of the child, he not only teaches the child knowledge and skills, but also teaches the child how to behave and live.
If you are a father, then cherish every moment with your children and nurture them with your love and wisdom to become a confident, healthy and happy person.
If you are a child, then please understand and thank your fathers, who have given a lot for you and who also have their own difficulties and shortcomings. Please respect and love your fathers, who are the people closest to you.
Finally, I would like to ask you, how is your relationship with your father? Do you have anything you want to say to him? Welcome to share your story and feelings in the comment area. Thank you for reading!