After eight years of falling in love, I discovered the secret of childhood plums.
She fell in love with other men.
She said we grew up together and only treated me as an older brother.
To make matters worse, I had kidney failure and my days were running out.
And when my life was dying, she was still watching the aurora with men.
1.
"Brother, brother?"
I was yelled several times by the person next to me before I came back to my senses.
"Your report fell to the floor."
The enthusiastic person next to me picked up the report and put it in my hand.
He skimmed the contents of the report with pity in his eyes.
I pinched this thin report sheet and only felt that it weighed a thousand pounds.
There are five words written on it
"Acute renal failure"
What the doctor said is still vividly remembered.
"You go to the big hospital again, if it's true, also get on the throne early and line up, this year, the kidneys are too difficult to drain, there is no kidney source, then you can only ..."
The first thing that came to my mind was Xu Yan.
If she doesn't have me, what will she do in the future alone?
I pulled out my phone and suddenly wanted to hear her voice.
When she saw the phone screensaver photo, she still counted it, so as not to worry her.
In the past, I just accidentally touched a wound, Xu Yan was nervous, even the doctor laughed, and the wound healed a little later.
She will definitely not be able to bear such a big thing.
I just got in the car in front of the door. But he saw Xu Yan a few meters away.
She looked anxious, and I was stunned, how would she know that I was in the hospital?
I was about to get out of the car when I saw her anxiously walking towards another man.
She took the medicine for him.
Blurted out words full of concern.
"Oh, you go slowly, wait for me."
"The doctor said that you have to take three pills a day for this medicine, three pills at a time, and you absolutely can't take the medicine when you take it..."
"Okay, okay, I won't say it, I just care about you, I specially took a leave of absence to accompany you for you, touched?"
"Hey, Shen Jiao, don't you just ignore me because I like you!"
I saw the man's cold face and Xu Yan's flattering smile.
I felt like someone was pinching my neck and making me gasp.
I should have thought of it a long time ago, I have heard the name Shen Ke in Xu Yan's mouth too many times.
"The new colleague in the company is called Xu Jiao, and he knows that he is really speechless."
"Today I had a big disagreement with Xu Kao, and he actually didn't let me at all."
......
Later, Xu Yan probably didn't notice that her tone of voice when she mentioned Xu Harsh changed.
"Don't say, Xu Gao really has two brushes that are quite powerful."
"You know, Xu Kao is actually the boss's son, I didn't expect that people are quite low-key, I found him quite good today."
"Xu Kao has solved a big problem, he is so powerful!"
Xu harsh, Xu harsh, Xu harsh!
At that time, I couldn't suppress the unhappiness in my heart, and I was rarely angry.
Xu Yan put his arm around my neck and coquettishly did everything he could.
"Jealous, he is a colleague I admire, the relationship between the two of us, don't you have confidence?"
I want to think about it, after all, after so many years of being in the same boat through thick and thin, it must be able to withstand scrutiny, and I should have complete trust in Xu Yan.
But Xu Yan and Shen Kuan, who were far away, seemed to slap me hard in the face.
Sitting in the living room, I remembered in a trance that today was my 27th birthday.
On this day, I received two big gifts in succession.
Xu Yan also seemed to have forgotten that she came back near 11 o'clock.
Pressing the switch, I was startled by a sculpture sitting in the living room.
"Why haven't you slept yet, I'm sorry I came back late today."
She didn't ask another question, and her hands were empty.
Liar, she seems to have forgotten, she will accompany me for my birthday every year, because of Shen harsh, forgot?
2.
Xu Yan and I are childhood sweethearts, and when I was 6 years old, I moved with my father to the small alley where Xu Yan lived.
Dad doesn't love me, he loves to drink, he loves to play cards, he loves to beat me.
Little Xu Yan was like a heroine, always pulling me from under my father's stick to his house.
I will always remember, when I was 7 years old.
Xu Yan knocked on my window with a stone in the middle of the night and told me to go out.
When I tiptoed out, I saw Xu Yan holding a small cake with a big palm.
Her smiling eyes narrowed into a slit, and her face was frozen red.
Xu Yan didn't know that her smile had been remembered in my heart for many years.
"Xu Yan, why did you come out, I saw your birthday from the teacher, it's amazing."
It was the first time in my life that I had a cake.
No one ever celebrated my birth because my birthday was my mother's day, and my dad would always beat me up harder.
Scold me for being a dead star, scold me for why I was born
I ate a bite of cake, it was so sweet that I burst into tears.
The little Xu Yan was at a loss.
"Don't cry, in the future, I will accompany you every year for your birthday and buy you a cake!"
Every year for the next 20 years.
But this time she missed the appointment.
And I, a coward, did not even have the courage to go up and question her, so I could only let the emotions welling up in my heart engulf me like a thick fog.
We lay in the same bed and really felt what it means to be in bed and dream.
In the middle of the night, Xu Yan called me softly.
"Qin Yan."
I closed my eyes and didn't respond.
After confirming that I was really asleep, she tiptoed to the balcony to make a phone call.
"Does your stomach still hurt?" Did you take your medicine as the doctor said?"
"Oh, don't hang up, I care if you understand or not."
"What else can you do, are you a fool, I like you so much, you can't see it."
"I put the minced meat porridge for you in the refrigerator, you remember to eat it hot tomorrow morning, and you must eat breakfast on time."
I covered my ears as if I couldn't hear anything.
Xu Yan can't cook, Xu's father died early due to illness, and after Xu Yan was burned while cooking, I never let her do it again.
Minced meat and smooth egg porridge, Xu Yan's favorite food, so I often make it for her.
But it turned out that she learned it and made it for other men to eat.
Covering his ears, the voice came intermittently.
"Well, I won't say it, you have to remember, like you, like you the most!"
She went back to bed, and everything fell into darkness.
I stared straight at the ceiling, and as soon as I closed my eyes, I remembered the past.
Xu Yan is good, and there is no shortage of high-quality suitors in the university.
I am confident, but I can't hide my inferiority, I have nothing, only a sincere heart.
Xu Yan stood firmly next to me.
"Everything in the world will change, but I won't change because I love Qin Yan the most."
But it turns out that I forgot that with the most, there will be more love, infinite propositions.
I don't know how I fell asleep, but when I woke up, a pain in my lower back told me that everything last night was not a dream.
Xu Yan derailed.
And I had kidney failure and I don't know how long I will live.
3.
I went to a big hospital for follow-up.
Diagnosed, indeed kidney failure.
"Young man, why did you come so late, your disease has dragged on until now."
I couldn't afford to smile bitterly.
There were probably some symptoms before, but I attributed it all to not resting well.
In order to give me and Xu Yan a better future, let Xu Yan be easier.
I chose to work in marketing and business that I couldn't compete with.
I ran with all my strength and did not dare to stop for a moment, day and night were reversed, eating irregularly, and drinking with customers unscrupulously.
I thought it was normal to have a little problem, but I didn't expect it to be a big move.
"I suggest that you better come to the hospital immediately, the kidney source may not be able to wait for a while, but you better come to the hospital for dialysis first, and you can also fight for a little more life."
I nodded mechanically, and then numbly went to the company to arrange the leave formalities.
When everything was settled, I received a call from Xu Yan.
"Qin Yan, I'm in XX Bar, I encountered something, hurry up and help me!"
Before I could say yes or bad, she hung up.
I kept answering the phone, and the sun was like blood.
She seemed sure I would go.
And that's exactly what happened, in the more than twenty years we've known each other.
Xu Yan's name seems to have some kind of superpower, so that my mission will be achieved.
When I was in college, because of a mistake in filling out volunteers, Xu Yan's city and I were separated by a thousand kilometers.
Sometimes she didn't say anything, but I could sense her unhappiness on the phone.
Without hesitation, I bought an overnight train ticket and crossed a thousand kilometers to meet her.
She hugged me tightly, crying and laughing.
"Qin Yan, are you Mr. Mission Fulfillment."
I still took a taxi to the bar that Xu Yan mentioned.
Even though I was angry and disappointed, I have to admit that I couldn't rest assured that a bar was a mixed place.
When Xu Yan saw me, his eyes lit up.
"Qin Yan, Qin Yan!"
My gaze froze when I saw my fellow table sitting Shen Jiao.
Xu Yan didn't seem to notice it.
"Qin Yan, Shen Kei's stomach is not good, after all... It's a friend, I promised to help him drink, but you know the amount of my drink, can you help him drink."
When I heard this, my heart filled with dense pain, how ridiculous and ridiculous.
"Xu Yan, do you remember that in the morning, I told you that I was going to the hospital?"
Xu Yan was stunned for a moment, and then tugged on my sleeve to coquette.
"It's just a little uncomfortable, you don't often do this, and besides, you haven't eaten cephalosporin, so drink some alcohol to get in the way?"
I looked at the dozen bottles of wine still on the table and clenched my fists.
And Shen Jiao on the table looked at me like a joke.
"Qin Yan, you can drink so much, what happened to helping your friend, his friend made him have to finish drinking, but his stomach is not good, and the doctor said it was better not to drink."
I still stand still, anger is rising, his stomach hurts and can't drink, then I can drink with kidney failure?
Xu Yan looked a little angry.
"Didn't you say that you are willing to do anything for me, what are you doing so stingy today!"
Yes, that was the day I confessed, a promise to Xu Yan.
I said to the eighteen-year-old Xu Yan.
"Xu Yan, as long as you are happy, I am willing to do anything."
From 18 to 27 years old, I kept my vow.
But now, for the sake of other men, the reality is too painful, and I closed my eyes.
"If you don't drink it, you don't even want to do this thing, I'll drink it myself."
Xu Yan picked up a bottle of wine, and I stretched out my hand to break the bottle and break it apart.
Sadly, even now, I still clearly remember that Xu Yan can't drink alcohol, and if I drink alcohol, I will be allergic.
Are you actually willing to do that for this and that man?
I couldn't suppress my anger anymore and overturned the wine table.
It's all men, and the atmosphere suddenly becomes tense.
I raised my fist at Shen Gao, but Xu Yan blocked Shen Gao without hesitation.
"Qin Yan, I don't allow you to hit him, what are you crazy!"
I retracted my fist abruptly, and was stabbed by Xu Yan.
Stunned, Shen Jiao's fist hit me in the face, and the ring on his hand cut my brow bone.
The blood flowed like a pour.
A farce ended only after being stopped by the security guards at the bar.
In the car, Xu Yan had a cold face.
"Qin Yan, when did you become so vexatious, other people's scenes, what are you making trouble, is it worth your madness to help your friends drink!"
I leaned back in my seat, the blood on my brow bone had coagulated, but my heart was sad.
I tried to open my mouth several times before I did.
"Xu Yan, you and Shen Jiao... What a relationship."
Xu Yan's face changed.
"What are you thinking about, he is my recognized friend, don't look for trouble!"
I couldn't help but be furious and punched the backrest in front, and the driver was also startled by me.
"Xu Yan, TMD if you like someone else, you can tell me!"
Xu Yan did not change his face.
"If you think so, I can't help it, calm down yourself!"
3.
Xu Yan slammed the car door and left, and she didn't go home for several days, and she didn't even want to say more.
I locked myself in my room, didn't follow my doctor's instructions, and there were bottles of alcohol all over the room.
When people don't know how to vent, they want to vent through alcohol.
I can't figure it out, how did it come to be like this?
Our fathers died relatively early.
Xu Yan and I have become the closest and most important people to each other.
She would also come to me in college and see me discussing problems with a female classmate.
Suddenly displeased, he grabbed my hand like a demonstrator.
The female classmate was probably a little embarrassed and asked us what was the relationship.
Xu Yan squeezed my hand tighter.
"We are destined to know each other, know each other, love each other, and keep each other."
She raised my hand high to show off, and my heart was filled with secret joy.
But how did it become like this?
I picked up the bottle and took a sip of wine.
Then I thought, well, I am also a dying person, so this is not a drag on her.
If only she could have her own happiness.
After days of heavy drinking, my body was overwhelmed, and a sharp pain came from my lower back, eroding my limbs.
The severe pain also blurred my consciousness.
I pulled out my phone with strong spirits.
The first call was Xu Yan's.
I subconsciously dialed Xu Yan's phone number.
Waves of pain came and I couldn't hold on.
The ringing on the other end of the phone is my hope.
The phone is connected.
"I'll talk about something when I get back, I'm going to get on the plane."
The words for help were drowned out in busy tones.
I finally couldn't hold on, and everything returned to darkness.
When I woke up again, I was already in the hospital.
I looked around, there was no shadow of Xu Yan, and I didn't know what I was expecting.
The doctor said that my neighbor downstairs found that I had not turned off the faucet, and the water was almost flooding their house, so he came upstairs to find you fainted.
"Tell me about you, your physical condition is so bad, you are still drinking, your little life is about to make you drink out, and ah, your relatives, there is no one!"
O O drunkard, my loved ones, died a long time ago.
Xu Yan, he will not be my relatives soon.
The phone lights up and shows the prompt message on Weibo, which is my special concern.
I picked up my phone and clicked it.
It turned out that Xu Yan followed Shen Yao to Iceland to see the aurora.
"Quietly followed someone to see the aurora, it is particularly gorgeous, I heard that if you make a wish under the aurora, you can get what you want, then I want to win the heart of a person."
The heart seemed to be pulled by a big hand fiercely, and the pain was indescribable.
It turns out that when my life and death were uncertain, you followed others to see the aurora.
The doctor next to him is still giving ultimatums.
"You have to come right away and be hospitalized, or you won't last long!"
I dragged the sick body and hospitalized myself to prepare for my first dialysis.
When I was lying on the hospital bed, I received a call from Xu Yan.
The opposite tone is a little impatient.
"Qin Yan, today is the weekend, why aren't you at home."
"Such a little thing, you won't still be angry, as for it, you come back, let's make it clear!"
I closed my eyes.
Some things really need to be made clear.
I asked the doctor for leave, and some things were not handled well, and I could not be hospitalized with peace of mind.
I changed into my usual clothes, but I couldn't hide the paleness on my face.
I didn't expect that I would also run into acquaintances in the corridors of the hospital.
It was Shen Jiao, he didn't see me.
A girl, probably had a tantrum, Shen Gao kept coaxing her, and finally there was really no way, Shen Gao pressed her under her and kissed her hard.
But that woman was not Xu Yan.
Mentally click, what the hell is going on?
I took out my phone and quickly took two photos.
4.
When he returned home, Xu Yan sat on the sofa.
When I saw me, I was also silent, and I was obviously dissatisfied and angry.
"Xu Yan, let's have a good chat."
"What is there to talk about, I told you everything, I am an ordinary friend to Shen Yao, it is you who don't believe it!"
I suddenly felt very tired, exhausted from the heart.
"The afternoon you accompanied Shen Gao to the hospital, I was also there, I heard it."
"You called him that night, and I also heard, Xu Yan, you said that you really liked him."
I watched the blood on Xu Yan's face fade.
Xu Yan wanted to explain, but couldn't say anything.
"I..."
In the end, she seemed to have lost all her strength.
"Qin Yan, I just suddenly feel that we have been getting along for too long, growing up together since childhood, getting along more like brothers and sisters, not like lovers, understanding Shen harsh, is a completely different feeling, I am attracted to him from the bottom of my heart..."
The pain in the temple jumping and jumping.
Huh, brother and sister?
We kissed, hugged, held hands, and now you tell me, more like brothers and sisters.
What brother and sister can be so close.
We knew each other too well, and she knew too well how to stab me in the heart even more.
"Xu Yan, why do you have to find these high-sounding reasons for your cheating!"
There is an irrepressible anger in my heart.
"But can't you wipe your eyes when TM cheats, there is no scumbag left for you to find this kind of person who was deceived!"
I pulled out my phone and flipped through the pictures I had taken to show her.
Xu Yan took the mobile phone, as if it was fixed, and did not speak for a long time.
She handed me the phone back.
"But so what, I already knew?"
She had known for a long time, but she still walked in front of Shen Jiao.
"Xu Yan, do you know what you are doing!"
She nodded and pulled out a smile.
"I know, but so what, they are not married, I still have a chance, and I am morally blameless."
At this moment, I almost suspected that I had misheard.
Xu Yan's father also died early, and when he came to university, I was afraid that Xu Yan would not be able to accept the impact of the outside world, and his mentality would be easily unbalanced and crooked.
In addition to class, she worked part-time and gave her a lot of love.
Just to make her feel that she has never gained less than others.
Be able to be peaceful and happy.
But when did Xu Yan become like this, willingly inserting other people's feelings as a junior, and feeling that he was right.
I was furious, and at this moment, I finally had some hatred, yes, hate.
The hands were raised in front of her, and they were forced to retract, and then smashed against the wall in a circle.
Under Xu Yan's gaze, I silently entered the room to pack up all my things.
Dragging your suitcase out.
"This house is left to you, and I will take the deposit."
At this moment, I was a little glad that the two of us were not married, and there was no division of property.
Xu Yan's voice trembled a little.
"Qin Yan... Don't you love me?"
I thought about it seriously, then shook my head.
"Xu Yan, loving you has become a habit, but I don't have the strength to love you anymore."
My time is running out and I don't want to love people so hard anymore.
I pulled my suitcase and walked outside.
I heard Xu Yan's cry of collapse.
"Qin Yan, if you dare to go out of this door again, I will never forgive you again!"
I stopped.
"Xu Yan, I wish you what you want."
5.
Stripping someone from your life is not an easy task.
It's not impossible.
Everything related to Xu Yan was put in the trash.
I made a full determination that I would forget my promise.
But in the dead of night, that person, that long face, always disturbed me night and night.
After more than half a month, I went back to the community to pick up things, and I saw Xu Yan again.
She left me, but it seems that she has not been better, just half a month, thin and not adultlike.
I secretly cursed myself in my heart for being a, it's all like this, do you still feel sorry for her.
I want to pretend to be blind.
Xu Yan grabbed me, and her eyes were red.
"Qin Yan."
I was suddenly upset and ridiculous, what would she say to me, what would I do if she came to me to get back together?
"Qin Yan, can you hug me again?"
I was slightly stunned, I didn't expect her to make this request.
"Xu Yan, we are not children anymore, the past is the past."
I thought with the greatest malice, she probably regretted it, lost me as a licking dog, not very used to it.
I withdrew my hand and wanted to leave, but Xu Yan held it tighter, her face was very white and shaky in the wind.
I resisted the urge to put my arm around him.
"Just one, just a second, can you."
"Don't be cheap"
I ignored it, turned around and left, and Xu Yan behind me shouted my name.
A sound of Qin Yan dissipated in the wind.
At that time, I never thought that this was the last time I saw Xu Yan.