I was born into a patriarchal family and was the eldest daughter in the family. Dad Chen Haiming and mom Li Fengzhi already had two sons before giving birth to me, so when they learned that the third child was still a daughter, their disappointment was overflowing.
Dad shook his head while saying, "It's a daughter, it's really infuriating." If only it were a son, and he could pass on the lineage.
Although my mother was also disappointed, she still picked me up to check my body, and her face showed a little love: "My daughter is good, at least healthy and safe."
Since I was a child, I have deeply felt the prejudice of my parents against my daughter. Dad always stubbornly thought that his son was better, and I was less expensive to eat and drink than my brothers.
"Dad has the final say, don't complain." My mother used to say this to me.
My two older brothers, Zhang Dapeng and Zhang Eryan, are also very obedient to my father's arrangement and enjoy preferential treatment at home.
Occasionally, I would whisper to my mother: "Why is it okay for my brothers to break things, and I accidentally touch a teacup and be scolded by my father?" “
My mother took my hand and whispered: "Dad is for your good, and when you marry in the future, you must learn to take care of your husband and family."
I listened to my mother's words, and although my heart was still a little unbalanced, I also understood that my daughter's life path was destined to be different from that of my brothers.
However, good luck doesn't go with you forever, and neither does bad luck always haunt you. When I was 18 years old, God finally favored my eldest daughter, let me marry into a wealthy family with a prominent position and wealth, became the bride of the only child, and changed my life in one fell swoop.
On the wedding day, I put on a red wedding dress embroidered with jade rabbit flowers and looked at the handsome and tall groom in front of me, and my heart was excited.
At this moment, my parents' eyes are complicated, and they seem to be both proud of my high and powerful people, and sad that I am about to marry away from another country.
Soon after marriage, I understood the complex meaning of my parents' eyes that day.
At first, they were quite pleased with my marriage. Especially after knowing the family I married into, I was even more happy, and frequently mentioned this matter in front of relatives and friends, thinking that I had finally married the right place.
However, the joy was fleeting. It didn't take long for my father to be the first to ask me for money.
One day, he called me, and the smile in his tone could be felt through the earpiece: "Daughter, you married so well, you should return to your mother's family."
Although I was a little embarrassed, I thought of my brothers' studies and future, and still agreed: "Dad, I don't have any savings here, when I work for a while and save some money, I will try my best to help."
"That's enough to have you!" My father seemed satisfied with my answer and hung up the phone.
I hung up the phone and sighed silently in my heart. With his father's personality, this is probably just the beginning, and he will definitely ask me for money more often in the future.
Sure enough, within a few months, my father was calling me for help in various names – buying a computer for my brother, decorating my new house, preparing for my brother's wedding.
Requests are made one after another, and the amount is getting bigger and bigger.
I began to feel a lot of pressure, although my husband came from a wealthy background, after all, he had just married and had not accumulated much family wealth.
That night, I confided in my husband with red eyes, and it was difficult to hide the grievances in my heart: "They know to ask and never consider my feelings."
The husband listened quietly, and after a moment of silence, he slowly spoke: "Help between relatives should be done, but unreasonable requests cannot be tolerated."
After I listened, my heart froze, and what my husband said made sense. I can't let my parents' endless demands ruin my marriage.
After much deliberation, I decided to keep my distance from my parents and stop sponsoring the family unconditionally.
Instead of telling my parents directly, I slowly reduced the number of times I went home and rarely contacted them.
As the days passed, I put all my energy into work and life, and rarely thought about things at home.
In this way, time passed quietly in my work and the company of my husband. The joy of returning home, the pride of success, there are no relatives to share, and I faintly feel a little lonely and regretful.
After the disconnection, my parents and I were like two separate parallel lines, each with its own life.
After a few years of such coldness, my husband and I gradually had our own small home, and two lovely children were born one after another, and our lives felt warm.
"Mom, where are my grandparents? Why never see them come to see us? "My son once asked me innocently.
My heart suddenly felt like I was being tugged, and I didn't know how to answer. After a long time, I said, "They live far away and can't come."
"Then let's go see them!" The daughter happily proposed.
"Okay, we'll go see them when we have time." I smiled reluctantly and accepted.
The innocent appearance of the children evoked my long-lost homesickness. It's time to meet my parents, I thought to myself.
I decided that when the children were on holiday on the weekend, the family would go back to their hometown to visit their parents, and I would do my filial piety for all these years of estrangement, and I would never regret it.
However, I was not able to reunite with my parents as I had hoped.
Just a week before I was scheduled to go home, my hometown suddenly called, saying that both parents had Alzheimer's disease and had been sent to a nursing home.
My parents, who had not been in contact for many years, suddenly fell ill and caught me off guard. My stomach full of apologies and shame rushed to my mind for a while, and countless "ifs" lingered in my mind.
My husband saw that I was depressed and carefully asked why. I cried silently and explained the story, tears could not stop falling, and my heart was like a knife.
"Don't blame yourself first, the most important thing at the moment is to find a way to take care of your parents." My husband patted me on the shoulder, his eyes showing understanding and encouragement, "Let's go meet them in your hometown, and then we will discuss countermeasures."
My husband's words calmed me a little, and I wiped away my tears and began to arrange my trip to my hometown.
The moment I met my parents, I really understood what it means to be dead in the heart. They were silver-haired, looked sluggish, and sat in wheelchairs, as if they had forgotten how to speak.
"Dad, mom, it's me, your daughter Li Lu." I choked and shouted, but they didn't react and just whispered to themselves.
I crouched down and took my parents' rough, cold hands, tears no longer controllable, and they fell. I knew they didn't recognize me anymore.
"The doctor said he could take them home to take care of them, but the conditions here are so bad." The nursing home caregiver told me. I nodded and decided to take my parents home and take care of them myself.
Although my husband was a little worried, he still supported my idea. I started tidying up my room and getting everything ready for my parents.
Soon, my parents who pushed wheelchairs came to my home. I took them by the hand and took them through every room and corner, hoping that this familiar environment would awaken the memories of me in the depths of my parents' minds.
"Mom, this is your favorite orchid before, remember?" I placed the vase in front of my mother's eyes, expecting a response.
But I waited for a long time, and my mother just looked at the flower blankly, with no feeling in her expression.
I knew that this desperate wait would not bear fruit, but I couldn't resist trying again and again. I had to take care of them to make up for the filial piety I had lacked for years, and that was the only thing I could do.
I started living with my parents, but it wasn't as easy as I thought.
Parental dementia has made the road to care bumpy. They often wake up in the middle of the night, wandering around, and need me to keep an eye on them all the time; I often knocked over the food, and the whole room was a mess.
At first I could carry it, but over time, I was exhausted by long periods of sleep deprivation and high mental stress.
"You can't eat your body like this, so hire a nurse." My husband persuaded me.
I shook my head and insisted on taking care of my parents: "This is what I owe them, and I will pay them back."
When my husband saw my firm attitude, he stopped persuading me. I know he wants to lighten my load, but it's my choice and it's my responsibility.
Financially, I was also under a lot of pressure. My parents' medical bills and nursing expenses are expensive, and they have no savings, so I need to pay for all the expenses.
I don't care about the money, I just want my parents to spend the rest of my life. But this is a big expense for me and my husband.
"Mom, you've already given too much for them, it's time to take care of yourself and your family." My daughter persuaded me.
"Yes, you are still young, don't wear yourself out." The son echoed the following.
I know the children's worries are well-intentioned, but that's the way I have to go. I can only ask for their understanding and support.
Fortunately, my husband and children, despite their words, never really opposed my decision. I understand that they are on my side because of the affection that blood is thicker than water.
However, voices from the outside are not as reasonable as those of the family.
"I heard that she took her old and confused parents home, watched it every day, couldn't sleep at night, and spent all her savings, she was really filial enough."
"I guess she wants to please her in-laws and spend her husband's money on outsiders, I really don't understand."
"This kind of parent, I don't bother to serve." Is she so teachable? ”
The neighborhood received mixed reviews, and the gossip reached my ears. I feel that this world has no room for a child's heart, is it wrong for me to try my best to repay my parents' kindness?
In the face of all kinds of criticism, my heart was shaken for a while. I couldn't help but ask myself, was my choice really too ignorant and extreme? Shouldn't you take care of your own family, not your old parents? Should I think carefully and not just rely on filial piety?
However, every time I looked at my parents' lifeless eyes, I dismissed such thoughts. Blood is thicker than water, they are my parents, and I have to do my part.
In this long process of care, I also have a deeper thinking about "family" and "family affection".
I began to ask myself, when parents are old and infirm, do children have to do their best to take care of them in order to be qualified?
Who is best if, during the care process, the child's energy is exhausted and the family life is greatly affected?
I see that many people in the society also choose to let their parents live in nursing homes. That way, they say, parents can receive professional care and their children can live happier lives.
I can't say who is right and who is wrong, because every family is different. But blood affection is nature, there is no doubt about that.
Some people may ask, if parents did not love their children in the past, then as children, do they still need to take care of them?
I believe that family affection should not be based on interests or conditions. Just like I don't choose to abandon my parents because of their mistakes.
Karma, the afterlife may have a just arrangement. In this life, I only know that I will do my best to repay the kindness of my parents with filial piety.
Of course, this does not mean sacrificing oneself. It is also necessary to weigh the pros and cons.
A family needs balance. Children should take care of their parents and their own lives.
If the burden is too heavy and consumed for a long time, it may harm everyone. This is not a good deed.
Therefore, the arrangement of later life requires parents and children to think together and find a way that is acceptable to both.
It also reminded me that the final stages of life require more careful planning.
I began to develop a plan for myself to retire in old age. Do you live in a nursing home? Are you looking for someone to take care of? How are the conditions and fees resolved? It's all worth my careful consideration right now.
In my relationship with my parents, I also found that only physically and mentally healthy elderly people can bring happiness and peace.
If I grow old and suffer from a similar disease, it will undoubtedly cause great pain to my family.
Therefore, I cherish every day in front of me more, maintain a positive attitude, and strive to become a blessing to others after aging, rather than a burden.
Life is short, and I still have a lot to say to my parents. Maybe they can't hear anymore, but I'll go on, believing that the communication of hearts is unbounded.
All these experiences have made me feel more about life.
I learned that in the face of family, tolerance and tolerance are required.
My parents have preferences and mistakes for me, but the reason is also out of expectation for my son and love for my daughter.
I understand the nature of people. Tolerance leads to peace, which is my life theme.
I also learned that I have to cherish it every hour of every day.
Due to the distance, I lost a lot of time with my parents. Now I cherish every moment with them.
The company of others is very little, and it is always not enough. I want to grasp the present moment and live in the moment.
I also learned that love can melt resentment.
I no longer care about what my parents did in the past, but do my best to reciprocate with love.
Love can repair all rifts and resolve all resentments. This is also my biggest experience.
When I was trying to take care of my parents, I was asked if I regretted or got tired of it.
I told them I never had a moment of regret.
Because I feel not a burden, but a mission; Not pressure, but strength.
This power comes from love, and only love can make me not feel troubled, only moved.
Life is short, and I don't have time to return my parents' kindness.
Although they can't remember who I am, I remember that they are my parents.
I will remember this and this righteousness until the end of my life.
May everyone in the world cherish the people around them, be more tolerant and more loving.
In this way, there will be no regrets in life.