Listen well, "loving family" may not teach a good child

"Goodbye Lover" broadcast to the third season, the old audience really began to miss "1" in unison - three couples came with their own problems, but they also inadvertently exuded a shining personality charm, especially the existence of Guo Keyu, which injected a different kind of beauty into the emotional programs that are very likely to evolve into "Old Lady" and "Gold Mediation".

As a result, from the second season, the tone of the show is still gradually chicken flying dog jumping, last year was Zhang Wanting who could not stop a little, this year is Zhang Shuo Wang who can not quarrel for a moment to sleep, conflict and combat effectiveness to a higher level.

Even the off-site guests couldn't help but complain: You have to have good physical strength to fall in love, who can withstand this quarrel frequency of ordinary people!

Zhang Shuo Wang slept

The little couple are really sparing no effort to argue, see the stitches, and argue endlessly, and quarrels are the most accustomed way of communication.

Three years ago, the historical legacy of marriage troubles should be cut off in front of everyone, and the trivial fragments in front of me can also become new opportunities for quarrels, from why you put things in my seat, to why you don't come to accompany me when I have a fever, all of which can become the fuse for the re-outbreak of war.

The onlookers couldn't help but wonder when their heads buzzed; Since it has reached this point of incompatibility, what answer are you looking for on the show? Is it bad to leave directly? What are they chasing and what are they trying to change?

Knife mouth VS bun egg

Let's start with the division of roles in the quarreling couple group.

Wang sleeps is to provoke the person + fire to bear. Almost every contradiction begins with her complaints and dislikes, such as complaining that the man is not attentive enough to himself, disgusted with the other party's lack of bottom line and principle...

What's more, as an attacker, she is full of combat power every time, killing all sides with a knife mouth with a stable output, never disturbing the chain of logical thinking due to the ups and downs of emotions, so that my generation who forgets words when they quarrel is in awe.

Summary: At least on the surface, she is a typical "unreasonable evildoer."

Zhang Shuo's side is even more absolute.

His role is innocent + victim, every time he is "trained", he shows a "good attitude + limited understanding" look, able to slowly and methodically admit mistakes, but completely unable to understand the words and essential needs in the woman's words, the result is to make mistakes in other small details of life next time, and then be trained.

It is not unusual to know that mistakes are not corrected, absolutely in this "good attitude" when being trained, every time blinking small triangular eyes especially sincerely said "uh-huh, I know", "uh-huh, good", "sorry", "next time I will definitely change", it can be said that it is not urgent at all, there is no temper at all, let sleep and dance claws, can not shake our basic cultivation of "gentle and respectful".

"I know you're chilling"

And he is not completely inactive, he will really change, the show has only been broadcast for three episodes, and there have already been two glorious deeds of being taught by hand and then obediently done.

The first time was about the wedding trouble three years ago, the best man made trouble with the bridesmaids, the best man was a good buddy of the groom Zhang Shuo, and the bridesmaid was a good girlfriend of the bride who slept. In this regard, Zhang Shuo only said in a gentle tone that this was not good, and handed his buddy a cigarette, and then Wang Sleepy still disliked this ambiguous attitude.

After she complained in public on the show, Zhang Shuo was pressured to say that he would give a new attitude. It's not an empty promise, he really quickly edited a WeChat message and sent it to the best man back then. When Wang Sleepian lost his temper because of his new dissatisfaction, he immediately took out a WeChat screenshot and tried to make up for it to calm his wife's anger, as if it was a life-saving charm that could save himself from artillery siege.

As a result, Wang Sleepy was exacerbated by the fact that his "apology copy" was still too mild, and the double contradictions were superimposed, and Zhang Shuo could not escape the baptism of bullets after all.

The second time was Fu Seouljiao's apology, and he did it correctly, and told Wang Sleep, word by word, like a very functional repeater.

Fu Seoul was quite pleased, immediately played the round, and told Wang Shuo that Zhang Shuo was still saved, he not only did what he said, but also did a little self-play, he still wants to do a good job, or love you...

That scene is especially like a parent using a national common dialect to excuse his child: "Our child is actually not stupid, but he is not good at learning, he must be serious, and his grades will definitely go up." ”

Zhang Shuo faced Wang sleeping, in fact, it is very like a student with low talent who is always panic to deal with the problems given by the teacher, the more afraid of mistakes, the more mistakes are made, the more unable to calm down to reflect, but only want to avoid the teacher's interrogation and embarrassment through perfunctory. That is, I can't manage so much, as long as she can stop getting angry and don't continue to scold me.

But he is in his thirties, how can he always be a child?

Therefore, the evil man of Wang Sleep should actually be very sad and passive. "I specially put all the atomic bombs on, and instead of exploding into ruins on the spot, you didn't even cry out for pain!" Is there any basic respect for the atomic bomb?! ”

She seems to be always attacking, but every time she sends fire, she will return and bounce towards her under the repeated teachings of the other party and the light wind of the clouds.

Emotional experts say that arguing is also a way to communicate, but the quarrel between the two of them does not produce any effective information interaction, but can only repeat the problem over and over again and thicken the gap.

Wang sleeps and wants to have a strong love and want to create a more intimate and responsible partner through accusations, but Zhang Shuo only wants to be at peace, just like the way he handles marriage troubles, right and wrong are not important, the key is not to hurt the harmony.

You chase me and escape, you attack me and defend, they embarrass each other like this, and the relationship enters an unsolvable cycle.

Warm men are appearances, and perfect families belong to brain supplements

So if you say so, the initiative should be in Wang sleep, as long as she stops chasing, puts down the obsession in her heart, and turns away, won't the old pattern be broken? Isn't everyone relieved?

If you think so, you will fall into the trap of the "good old man".

Zhang Shuo seems to be able to do anything, but he is not unwilling, subconsciously speaking, he can always swallow his anger and promise, not because his temper is good enough and his mind is big enough, but because there are great benefits to take in the relationship, and the weight of the benefits is far greater than the grievance.

In the latest episode of the program's card writing session, Wang sleeps and says he wants to leave, while Zhang Shuo says he doesn't want to leave.

This shows that the mode of getting along with Wang sleeping is his comfort zone, which is similar to the mode of getting along with his parents in his original family.

Wang Sleepian has said more than once that Zhang Shuo's parents are very cute, if it weren't for his parents, I probably wouldn't have married him, I thought "his parents are so good, the child should not be worse", his parents are better to me than Zhang Shuo...

This logic is very strange, is there really such a "public and selfless" parents? Shouldn't parents be on the side of their children?

Besides, who is this marrying? Parents like the prospective daughter-in-law can promote this marriage, where is Zhang Shuo's will?

In this process, Zhang Shuo's personal will is vague, obviously a major event in life, but it seems that the groom is absent, and the parents sit there with a smile, exercising the major decisions that belong to their son.

On the other hand, Zhang Shuo's state in the show, wizened, cowardly, does not like conflict, has no edges, and does not even have a particularly clear love and hate, he will not be particularly strong to defend what and oppose anything, but is always taught by others, instilled by others, and has almost no resistance, as if it is a hollow person.

This kind of person, at first glance, has a good temper; After deep contact, you will feel very uncomfortable, you will not feel his attitude, his enthusiasm, his preference.

The collapse of Wang sleeps here, the care, love, and sense of justice he wants, in Zhang Shuo's place, all of them are non-existent things. From this man, she enjoyed the so-called tolerance, enjoyed the pleasure of ravaging it at will, but she never thought about it, and at the same time, there was Mu Ran brought about by her weak will.

Therefore, Zhang Shuo is likely to be a mom boy, and the perfect parents in Wang sleepy's eyes are probably not so perfect.

They are likely to be "gentle tyrants" who arrange everything for their son while ignoring his wishes and feelings, and depriving him of the opportunity to collide with the real world.

Therefore, until he was in his thirties, he did not have time to grow sharp teeth and an independent personality, but grew into a "good old man" without heart in the denial of self-feeling again and again.

Without a heart, of course, he will not really know love, which dooms him to self-correction after each promise to be only superficial, unable to touch the roots, and unable to give the full score of the answer expected by sleep.

And the parents tried to facilitate this marriage, perhaps not because they were cute, kind, and open-minded, but simply because they felt that the girl who slept was capable, simple, and solid-eyed, and could take care of her son like a competent mother, thus continuing her control over her son.

At the same time, the strength of sleeping can also make up for Zhang Shuo's cowardice, just as a wolf with its fangs and claws removed certainly needs to rely on a strong owner.

Zhang Shuo, who is not independent enough, needs this "mother", and Zhang Shuo's parents must not be willing to lose this carefully selected agent, so Zhang Shuo seems to be a bastard without opinion, temper, and courage, but in fact, he and his parents have long tied up their sleep, and Zhang Shuo's "seconds" and in-laws' "good" are the invisible reins.

The reason why Wang Sleepian chose this man must be that his characteristics and family atmosphere made up for the lack of her heart to some extent.

The in-laws' concern is a lot, full of overflow, she is touched by it, but does not feel that it is out of bounds, probably because she is a girl who left home very early and was forced to be strong, and those overflowing concerns just compensated for her lack of companionship; Or maybe because her parents are a strict type, the spring breeze and rain of love softens her edge and wraps her vulnerability behind her armor.

Zhang Shuo's "kneeling licking" pampering in the early stage made her very useful, either because she was accustomed to being held in the palm of her hand and regarded as the center of the world, feeling that this was the norm of being loved, or the love content she felt in childhood was not enough, hoping to fill the black hole of love in her heart through attachment to her partner...

In short, it must have been some kind of lack that made her look at this family with a filter, let her see it as some kind of ideal, and then expect the filter's aura energy to continue to shine into reality. But in the end, she was greeted by the broken filter and the reality of chicken feathers.

See, good temper does not mean a strong personality and the ability to love, spring breeze and drizzle are not the same as the essence of love, and the disappointment of expecting failure can only be chewed by oneself alone.

But she really couldn't swallow, so she tried to get some love through tantrums, make up for the gap, and wanted to change the increasingly incomplete man through quarrels, so that she felt that she didn't choose wrong.

Nostalgia for the past and unwillingness to the present have kept her trapped in the whirlpool of emotions, suffering while trying to squat a miracle.

Halo and "good for you" are farts

However, in this pair, Wang sleeps is still the more saving one, as for Zhang Shuo, his hard injuries in personality perfection are too hard, like to drink and play games, may also be his presumptuous confrontation and suppression, to stimulate hedge numbness of the small window of respite.

In short, in this case, it must be recommended that the more saved party turn around and run, because there is no such thing as "spiritual poverty alleviation", let alone the so-called "change for love", he cannot arouse the vitality that has been sleeping for a long time, he cannot grow the ability to love out of thin air, and he cannot benefit the people around him if he does not solve his problems.

I saw that some people on the Internet said that Zhang Shuo is the "cloud ex" of many people, which means that his type is quite common, and his hard injuries are hidden, wearing a warm male coat, and in the end they found that their core is only four words - "don't want to grow up".

Well, although the reputation of "Goodbye Lover 3" is not as good as before, it provides a typical negative material, which can be regarded as a merit.

It can only be said that there are still too many moms, and there are still too many parents who like to realize their own worth by depriving their children of their self-will.

What's more frightening is that many such families seem to be very happy, warm and beautiful, so this is easy to confuse many children who lack companionship and tenderness, so that they are full of longing to rush, and then return with wounds.

Therefore, when choosing a mate, remember that when you see people and things that are too idealistic, don't rush to the top, but take the initiative to pour a can of cold water on yourself: "If something goes wrong, there will be a demon, and there will be something strange in this matter." ”

What is not abnormal? Everything has cracks, everything has shadows, there is no absolute perfection, there is no lasting romance, something too colorful and eye-catching, either fleeting or pure illusion (pig-killing plates are also among them).

But if you are always busy replenishing the halo of other people's brains, then the future will greet you not only as a disappointment, but may be tearing pain, others can not empathize with you, but will only see you as an unreasonable or unclear love brain.

The habitual idealization of others stems from paying too much attention to one's own lacks, but in fact, there are nutrients in the shortcomings.

Parents are not around, children can have space to grow independently, parents are on the left, but may mean too close attention and squeeze the child's vitality. The former needs warmth, the latter needs experience, who is more perfect than whom?

So warmth is not so important, amiability is not so important, but being nice to you is not so important, everything may be disguised, everything may be a stopgap measure to sprint to the stage goal, the key is what kind of person he is, at the very least, he has to be a living person. Living people must be angular, that is, they must have temper, and this is normal.

If Wang Sleepy could pay attention to Zhang Shuo's attitude towards people and things at the beginning, rather than how good he was to himself, maybe he didn't have to wait until the sunk costs had piled up to entangle the pain~~

Of course, there is no if, then don't look back, don't look up at the fireworks, pay more attention to your feet, and then run forward.

Author: Miss Bovary

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