Hello, dear reader. Today I want to share with you a topic about family and money, that is: the wife pays 20,000 and takes 10,000 to honor her parents, and the husband is dissatisfied: You should honor my parents first. This topic may resonate with you and may also touch your sensitivities. Whether you are a husband or a wife, I hope you will read this story carefully and think about your situation and choices.
We all know that China is a traditional filial piety culture country, husband and wife should support each other, children should be filial to each other. However, in real life, we also often see some poignant and infuriating phenomena: some husbands do not respect their wives' property rights, and some wives do not balance their husbands' family obligations. These phenomena not only affect the harmony and happiness of husband and wife, but also affect the growth and education of children.
Today, I want to tell you a true story between a couple and their parents in Beijing. The couple are called Li Ming and Wang Li (pseudonyms), they are both post-80s, both graduated from college and work in a foreign company. After they got married, they had a son named Li Xiaoyu (pseudonym). Li Ming and Wang Li are busy and have no time to take care of their son, so they want the old man to help with the child.
Li Ming's parents live in a small city in Hebei Province, and they have retired and usually live a quiet and comfortable life. They are happy to come to Beijing to help bring their grandson, because they think they can spend more time with their son and daughter-in-law and see the outside world. Wang Li's parents, who live in a suburb of Beijing, have not yet retired, are busy at work and earn well. They are reluctant to help bring their grandchildren because they feel that it will affect their work and life and increase the burden on themselves.
So, Li Ming and Wang Li decided to let Li Ming's parents come to Beijing to live for a while to help bring their grandson. They rented a small apartment not far from their home for Li Ming's parents and gave them 2,000 yuan a month for living expenses. Li Ming's parents happily accepted this arrangement and began their roles of "grandma" and "grandpa".
When Li Xiaoyu was born, Li Ming's parents began to take care of him. They get up every morning to breastfeed, change diapers, bathe, and dress their grandchildren; Then push the grandson out for a stroller walk, bask in the sun, and visit the park; Come back in the afternoon to cook, feed, and put your grandson to sleep; In the evening, bathe the grandson, change clothes, and tell stories. They take great care of their grandson and treat him as their own sweetheart. Li Ming and Wang Li are also very grateful to their parents, who bring them fruits, snacks, clothes, etc. every day when they come home from work, and accompany them out to eat, go shopping, and watch movies on weekends.
In this way, Li Ming's parents took their grandson for more than three years, until his grandson went to kindergarten. At this time, Wang Li's parents made a request, they said that they also wanted to bring their grandson. It turned out that Wang Li's parents both happened to retire the year their grandson went to kindergarten. They feel like they have more time and energy and want to spend more time with their grandchildren. They said they could take their grandchildren to and from school, and they could also tutor their grandchildren with homework, educate morality, and cultivate interests. They said that they can provide their grandchildren with a better education and living environment, and they can also make their grandchildren feel more affection and warmth.
Li Ming and Wang Li listened to Wang Li's parents' request and were a little embarrassed. On the one hand, they feel that Wang Li's parents are also relatives of the child, and they also have the right and obligation to take care of the child. On the other hand, they feel that Li Ming's parents have been bringing their children for more than three years and have established deep feelings and habits with their children. If Wang Li's parents take over and take over the child, it will not only make Li Ming's parents feel lost and sad, but also make the child uncomfortable and disgusted. They don't know what to do to keep both parents happy.
Li Ming and Wang Li decided to talk to Li Ming's parents about the matter first to see what they thought. Unexpectedly, Li Ming's parents were very angry and sad after hearing this. They felt that Wang Li's parents were deliberately looking for faults and wanted to snatch their grandson. They said that Wang Li's parents were reluctant to take the child at the beginning, but now they want to take over the child, what is the reason? They said that Wang Li's parents were not qualified to take their children because they had no experience, no patience, and no sense of responsibility. They said Wang Li's parents just wanted to use their children to gain sympathy, blackmail money and show status. They said that Wang Li's parents did not love their children at all, but just wanted to control them, deprive them, and hurt them.
Li Ming and Wang Li listened to Li Ming's parents, very embarrassed and helpless. They felt that Li Ming's parents had said too much and disrespected Wang Li's parents. They felt that although Wang Li's parents had not helped bring their children before, they did not deliberately do not bring them or did not want to bring them. They felt that although Wang Li's parents now proposed to take the child, they were not for ulterior motives or other purposes. They feel that Wang Li's parents are also kind and enthusiastic people, and they are also people who care about and love their children. They feel that Wang Li's parents also have the right and obligation to take their children, and they should also have the understanding and support of Li Ming's parents.
Li Ming and Wang Li tried to communicate and negotiate with Li Ming's parents, hoping that they would accept Wang Li's parents' demands, or at least compromise and concessions. They said that they were very grateful to Li Ming's parents for their hard work and dedication over the years, and also respected the feelings and habits between Li Ming's parents and their children. They said that they did not want to take the child away from Li Ming's parents, nor did they want Li Ming's parents to lose the contact and relationship of their children. They said that they just wanted Wang Li's parents to have the opportunity to get along with their children, and to bring some different education and lifestyle to their children. They said they hoped that Li Ming's parents could understand Wang Li's parents' feelings and wishes, and could also understand their difficulties and pressures.
However, Li Ming's parents were unwilling to listen to Li Ming and Wang Li's explanations and suggestions, and they firmly opposed Wang Li's parents' request to bring their children, and they even threatened that if Li Ming and Wang Li agreed to Wang Li's parents' request, they would leave Beijing and return to Hebei and never see their grandson again. They say they already treat their grandson as their own and they won't let anyone take their son. They say that they have already given so much for their grandchildren that they will not let anyone take their fruits for nothing. They say they have raised so much for their grandchildren that they will not let anyone ruin their plans.
In this way, Li Ming and Wang Li were caught in a dilemma. If they agree to Wang Li's parents' request, they will offend Li Ming's parents and may even lose Li Ming's parents; If they refuse Wang Li's parents' request, they will hurt Wang Li's parents and may even alienate Wang Li's parents. No matter how you choose, you will make yourself and the old man unhappy.
Personal opinion: Husband and wife should respect and support each other
My take and perspective on this story is that couples should respect and support each other, not blame and blame each other. The so-called husband and wife refer to the men and women who live together after marriage. The relationship between husband and wife is often more intimate and close, because there are many factors involved, such as feelings, money, family, etc. If the husband and wife can get along well and happily, then it is a good thing for both yourself and your children; If the couple does not get along well and happily, it is a bad thing for both yourself and your children.
In my opinion, when facing problems between couples, we should follow the following principles:
The first principle is respect. Respect is a basic interpersonal etiquette and quality, as well as an effective way to communicate and collaborate. We should respect the property rights of our spouses and not use or appropriate their money at will. We should respect our spouses' affectionate obligations and not interfere with or hinder their filial piety to their parents. We should respect the feelings and needs of our spouses and not hurt or ignore them.
The second principle is support. Support is a necessary interpersonal skill and competency and an effective way to solve and prevent problems. We should support our spouse's work and career without jealousy or complaining about their income and achievements. We should support our spouse's education and lifestyle and not criticize or change their habits and choices. We should support the care and affection of our spouses and not deny or rob them of their responsibilities and rights to their children.
The third principle is communication. Communication is an important interpersonal tool and means, and it is also an effective way to enhance and maintain relationships. We should communicate with our spouses often and not alienate or indifferent to them. We should communicate with our spouses honestly and honestly, without being hypocritical or deceiving them. We should communicate actively and proactively with our spouses and not be passive or passive to them.
In short, after we have given so much for our children, before we have thought so much about the elderly, when we leave some retreats for ourselves, when we reserve some bottom lines for ourselves, when we fight for some happiness and dignity for ourselves, when we make some choices and decisions for ourselves, please remember: husband and wife should respect and support each other, not blame and complain about each other.
That's what I'm going to share with you today, what do you think? Do you agree with my views and suggestions? Do you have your own experiences and feelings? You are welcome to leave a message in the comment area to communicate and discuss with me. You are also welcome to like, retweet, and follow, so that more people can see this report and participate in this topic. Thank you for watching and supporting!