Lead
Today's young people have a fast pace of life, coupled with various car loans, housing loans, etc., they dare not stop for a moment. And in this case, the cost of raising a child will be greater.
Therefore, some parents take the initiative to help their children bring their grandchildren. After all, watching your children busy every day, while working and raising a baby is really hard, it is impossible to do it without asking.
As the saying goes, parents help their children bring their children, with love, not with duty. Children are born to children, and grandparents are not obliged to bring them children.
The reality is that after many parents go to bring their children with children, they not only do not get the gratitude of their children, but are rejected and complained about by a lot, and even say that some parents pay money to bring their children, and all the expenses of the children's family are borne by them, but in the end they still can't fall well.
58-year-old Aunt Wang, because it is not easy to feel sorry for her children, went to her daughter's house to help bring up the children after retirement, contributed money and efforts, and finally suffered a lot of grievances. Later, her son also asked her to help take the child, she put forward 5 conditions, the daughter-in-law directly turned her face, and did not see her grandson for three years.
The following is from Aunt Wang's self-statement:
I am 60 years old this year and have been retired for a full decade.
When I didn't retire, I looked forward to retirement all day, thinking that after retirement, I could live completely according to my own lifestyle, and I no longer had to have work ties.
But as soon as I retired, my daughter asked me to help them with their children, which lasted for four years. She is like a free nanny, taking care of the children and serving her daughter's son-in-law at her daughter's home.
In fact, at the beginning, I didn't want to help my daughter with the child, after all, my daughter is like splashed water, plus she has a mother-in-law, so it is not my turn to intervene to bring the child to my daughter.
The daughter is married far away, and the living habits there are still very different from ours, and the diet is also very different.
Our diet is mainly salty, stir-fry soup, etc. are generally put in salt, while the daughter's in-law's side is mainly sweet, and sugar is put in the dishes. In terms of language, too, speaking quickly makes people very uncomfortable to listen to, and even feels like a quarrel.
At first, when my daughter cried to me and asked me to take care of them, I advised my daughter to adapt, after all, she will have to live there for the rest of her life and learn to adapt to the difference in diet.
But coincidentally, the son-in-law's brother's family also gave birth, and they are twins, and her mother-in-law is too busy to come, but finally chose to go to her brother's house to take care of the twin daughters-in-law.
No way, I agreed to go to my daughter's house to take the child.
When I went, I planned to bring my daughter a year and a half, and when the children of my son-in-law's brother's family were older, I would come back, or let her mother-in-law take care of them.
Unexpectedly, my area is four years, during these four years, I have suffered a lot of grievances, every day in torment, I regret helping my daughter with children.
When I first went to my daughter's house, my daughter and son-in-law treated me very well, bought me gifts, took me out shopping, and bought clothes. It didn't take long for me to find out that it was superficial, and they coaxed me first, and then treated me like a free babysitter.
All the housework in my daughter's house is mine, cooking is mine, grocery shopping is mine, and bringing children is also mine, I feel that I am an old lady in my fifties and sixties, and it is already good to be able to take care of their family without complaint or regret.
But they always say that I didn't do this well, that I didn't do it right. Especially children, as soon as they have a little headache and brain fever, they say that it is my reason and say that it is my responsibility. But I don't understand, how can any child never get sick?
At the beginning, my daughter and son-in-law also gave some living expenses, and I used this money to buy vegetables. But then they didn't even pay for their living expenses, so I had to use my pension to subsidize the family.
In the past four years, I have tried my best to take care of my daughter and son-in-law's family, but in the end, I am exhausted. So, when my grandson went to kindergarten, I left decisively.
After leaving my daughter's house, I was relaxed, thinking that I could finally live my own retirement life with peace of mind, and I could also shop, travel, and dance like other old ladies, which was the real retirement life.
But before a year, my daughter-in-law, who had been married for 6 years without children, became pregnant and gave birth to a big fat grandson, which made me happy.
The daughter-in-law has always been on the in-laws' side during pregnancy and confinement, and the in-laws are such a daughter, and the daughter-in-law is simply the pearl in the palm of the in-laws. I thought that my daughter-in-law would always let the in-laws take care of the children, after all, the old couple has retired and has nothing to do.
Unexpectedly, after the child was out of confinement, my son and daughter-in-law returned to their home and called me and asked me to help them take the child.
Although there was some resistance to bringing children at this time, but this is my own grandson, grandchildren have brought or not, in short, some careless not to go, so I agreed very happily.
But the grievances I suffered when my daughter's family brought the child made me a little afraid, and in order to reduce some unnecessary contradictions in the future, I put forward 5 conditions with my son and daughter-in-law.
1. If my son and daughter-in-law plan to let me take the child, I can't always tell me what to do.
Although grandparents and parents have different concepts of bringing up children, the purpose is the same, they all want their children to grow up healthy and happy.
If you think I'm not doing well, you can tell me, but you can't call me like a nanny, after all, I am their elder, and I also have temper and dignity.
It's very hard to bring up a child myself, and if I am often angry because of the child's affairs, then I definitely don't want to bring it.
2. In this part of housework, I only take the children and cook, and don't let me do other housework.
If I have time, I will do more housework, but my son and daughter-in-law also have to share some, and I can't do all the housework alone. The son and daughter-in-law have to help with housework and take care of the children after work, and they can't watch TV, play with their mobile phones, and wait for the meal to come and open their mouths as soon as they get home.
3. From Monday to Friday, when my son and daughter-in-law go to work, I will take the children wholeheartedly, but I will not bring them on weekends.
I'm also older and need to rest, and if I don't want to rest all year round, then I don't want to do it. I am considerate of my son and daughter-in-law for helping with the children, and they must also be considerate of me and let me rest on weekends.
4. Don't worry about my pension money, don't expect me to post money to my son and daughter-in-law to bring up the child.
Although I have a pension, I am older and have to save some pension money. I will spend appropriately where my child needs it, but don't expect me to bear all the expenses alone.
5. I can take my child up to four years old, and I have to go back to my hometown when I go to kindergarten.
It is not my obligation to help my son and daughter-in-law with children, I also have to have my own life, I help bring children when they are young, so that they can go to work with peace of mind, but when the children go to kindergarten, I will not bring them, I will go back to my hometown to live my old life.
I think these 5 conditions are not excessive, they are all reasonable, and unnecessary contradictions can be avoided. I thought that my daughter-in-law would say yes, but I didn't expect that she would immediately get angry after hearing this.
She said with a fiery temper:
I thought my son would help me speak, but my son didn't say a word, and let my daughter-in-law complain about me there. As soon as I thought about it, this is not yet the beginning to bring, just like this, if I really bring it in the future, I may not know how many grievances I will suffer.
I was also angry, thinking to myself, anyway, it's not my child, if I don't say good, I just won't bring it. The married daughter-in-law turned around and called her in-laws.
In this way, because of these 5 conditions, I was not able to bring the child to my son and daughter-in-law, but since then, my daughter-in-law has not taken the child back to her hometown.
Sometimes I ask to see the child, and the daughter-in-law says that the child is not at home when she goes out to play, I want to see the child on video, and the daughter-in-law says that she is too busy to have time.
I haven't seen my child for almost three years now, my son only makes a phone call for the New Year, and my daughter-in-law and child have never returned.
Just because of those 5 conditions, I don't seem to be qualified to look at my grandson again, and I feel sad in my heart. I can't figure it out, my daughter-in-law treats me like this, are the 5 conditions I mentioned really excessive?