Parents are always looking for ways to create a healthy and happy growth environment for their children, which is conducive to their better growth.
What points do we need to pay attention to as children grow? Today I share with you 12 rules for educating children, I hope you will be inspired.
PART.1
The Law of Belonging: Ensuring that children grow up in a healthy family environment
This seems to be self-evident, what parent does not want to create a healthy environment for their children? But in fact, this is not the case, some parents have this intention but do not know how to do it.
For example, overly spoiling and pampering and obedient children, eating and playing blindly by children, not exercising and not working, and developing unhealthy living habits.
There are conflicts between parents and frequent quarrels, which is also a very abnormal and unhealthy environment. Broken families and long-term separation make children lack a sense of belonging.
If family changes are inevitable, parents should comfort and channel their children in a positive and healthy way, and should not take extreme measures such as neglect of discipline or doting or excessive harshness, let alone anger their children due to family breakdown.
PART.2
The Law of Hope: Always let children see hope
Parents have hope for their children, but do they always use positive words of encouragement to let their children see hope and think that they really have hope?
For children, we should often praise words such as "well done", "great", "you are really a genius", which is to use the law of hope to motivate children positively.
We have high expectations for our children, but we are not good at using the law of hope, and we love to find gaps and find faults, and our children score 95 points, only struggling with why they lost 5 points. High standards and strict requirements are true, but this can also invisibly kill many hopes for children and make them discouraged.
PART.3
Law of Strength: Never fight your child
Adults always have more strength than children, whether it is physical strength or fighting intelligence and experience. Therefore, adults and children are inherently unequal in competition, and it is not honorable to win.
Of course, adults can compete with children in specific sports that they are good at, such as playing chess, but not solely for the purpose of winning or losing. Parents, teachers, and adults who are close to their children should not use gambling with their children and hard comparisons to stimulate their children. For children whose psychological feelings are in an immature stage, the "radical method" is inappropriate.
If the child quarreled with an adult and gambled, no matter who is reasonable, the adult should take the initiative to reconcile with them. Adults should also have the courage to admit their mistakes, especially for children, and apologies should be made in time. If parents do not correct or do not admit their mistakes, they feel that it is a shame to admit their mistakes in front of their children, and it will also make children learn to be stubborn.
PART.4
Management rules: Before the child is a minor, parents should give the child the freedom to have a sense of boundaries
Minor children are not yet mature in their ability to exercise self-restraint, so parents cannot let their children act arbitrarily. However, when disciplining children, we should also pay attention to the method, neither should the child be used as private property to repair and manipulate arbitrarily, nor should it adopt a simple and crude command style, without regard to and respect the child's ideas and personality, but should adopt a family-loving, humane, scientific and rational way to educate the child.
On the other hand, minor children regard their parents as backers, and reasonable management and care will make children feel safe and supported, and they will turn to their parents when they encounter problems and dangers.
If parents are too resigned to everything about their children (academics, performance, hobbies, etc.), it seems to give children more freedom, but children will feel that parents "don't care" about themselves and become alienated.
PART.5
The Law of Sound: Listen to them
Treat children equally, give them a voice, and listen to their voices, and they will speak their true thoughts. If adults do not respect children's ideas and ignore their voices, over time, they will not dare to tell the truth to their parents and do not like to communicate with them.
Moreover, parents are children's teachers and role models, and if parents do not listen patiently to their children, children will also learn from others, refusing to listen to adults, and even do not know how to respect others.
For young children, even if they don't speak to their senses, adults should be patient with them. Any behavior that rudely interrupts or ridicules their speech will cause harm to the child, may affect their ability to express themselves and be ashamed to speak in front of others, or conversely, make the child have to interrupt at an inappropriate time to attract the attention of adults.
PART.6
The rule of example: The role of words and examples on children's role models is huge
"Lead by example, teach by example" is universal. Children's upbringing, interests, hobbies, etc., mostly come from the ears and eyes of the environment in which they grow up.
Parents, siblings, relatives and friends, teachers, social relationships, etc. all have an impact on children. The influence of mothers on girls and fathers on boys is important.
In addition to role models within the family, pay attention to the impact of social relationships and frequent occasions on children. For teenagers, parents should also pay attention to the media movies and television films that their children like to watch to understand what their idols are like.
If you find that your child has made a friend by mistake, don't arbitrarily stop them from interacting, but understand the situation. Children need friendships, fear loneliness, and some children are associated with "marginal children" because they move to a new environment and have no friends.
Also, find and expand new healthy friendship circles for your child.
PART.7
The rule of seeking common ground while reserving differences: Respect your child's view of the world and try to understand them
Children and adults tend to see things differently, and they will have a lot of unconventional fantasies. In fact, these are the cuteness of childlike hearts, if adults think that children's ideas are strange and pour cold water, it will stifle their imagination and curiosity, and will also disappoint them because they are not understood.
On the other hand, many times, innocent children have an objective opinion and dare to speak the truth. Fairy tales. Incorporate the "law of sound" to encourage children to dare to express themselves and affirm their ideas positively. Of course, if some opinions and statements are out of touch with reality or cause trouble, they should also be patiently explained.
Children with immature thinking and thinking styles are often unable to think in multiple directions, but only continue their own ideas, so they do not think things thoroughly. Parents should understand the characteristics of children's thinking as much as possible, and can use the method of breaking down and simplifying complex things, and explain to them in stages or ask for their opinions.
Everything related to the child himself, such as moving to another school, choosing extracurricular activities, participating in exam competitions, etc., must first discuss and explain with the child, even if it is not possible to fully follow the child's opinion, let them feel that the parents have asked for their opinion. Otherwise, the kindness of parents is likely not to be rewarded.
PART.8
Use the law of punishment with caution
Simple punishment, especially corporal punishment, is a very negative and poor way of education, but also uncivilized, and many children who are violently punished from childhood will also have violent tendencies when they grow up. The use of punitive law is therefore not advocated. But not to criticize the child, but to punish in an appropriate way.
The premise is that the child must be made to realize that he has done something wrong and be willing to accept punishment so that he does not give an example. The punishment method should also be reasonable, you can take the form of not letting them do what they like, such as punishing them for a few days not to watch TV and play games online.
Also, because even children know that punishment is negative, don't take something positive that should be done as punishment. For example, punishing children for labor will make them think that labor is a bad thing and cause disgust. One parent blamed her young daughter for refusing to sleep, so he punished her for writing 50 words or doing 10 arithmetic problems, and of course the child was forced to do homework, of course, he dozed off, and then punished her for going to sleep.
This seems to temporarily achieve the purpose of letting her sleep, but it will make the child take doing homework and sleeping as a punishment method, and when you do these things, you will have a feeling of being punished, causing psychological shadows, so can you still like to write and do arithmetic in the future?
PART.9
Law of Consequences: Let your child understand the possible consequences of their actions
Sometimes, children cause trouble or want to do something unusual, and even adults do not understand the consequences and harms, and then blame or stop the child, which is of course unconvincing.
In order to educate children to be convinced, parents, teachers and other adults must first think carefully about the causes and consequences of everything, and then talk to the child well, starting from the good or bad consequences, and in turn explaining whether it should be done or not.
In fact, the consequences are not all negative. Adults have more experience than children and should be more predictable. For example, when guiding children to choose interests or apply for schools, parents can do some research on the prospects and encourage their development according to their children's characteristics. However, if you do not analyze and think through your own mind, just following the trend of fashionable people is not an effective consequence analysis method, and it will often delay the child.
PART.10
Rules of Discipline: Teach children to understand the boundaries of morality and law from an early age
It is not too difficult to educate children to do this, the law is integrated in social life and school education, children are fully educated from an early age, they have moral bottom lines and legal bottom lines in their hearts, and often affect parents in turn.
If you can't set an example for your child to follow the law, then the child will also be authoritative and act lawless.
When I heard a parent complain that her high school daughter had become a "problem girl" who skipped school, I heard the parent flaunt her "glorious achievements" in violation of the rules and regulations in front of her child, and I wondered why her child flouted school rules.
PART.11
The twenty-yard rule
This "twenty yards" is a symbol, which means to pay attention to cultivating children's independence from an early age and leaving psychological space for children. Parents don't have to revolve around their children everywhere, you think it's caring for them, but children feel that parents are too tightly controlled.
Children should be allowed to maintain their own privacy, initiative and decision-making. Of course, parents still have to watch from twenty yards away and be ready to cut in, rather than running two hundred yards or two hundred miles away.
Parents should focus on the big aspects of their children's management and discipline, especially according to the age of the child. Young children may need more specific and detailed guidance in their lives and studies, but they should also be given appropriate opportunities to exercise their independence.
Children who enter adolescence are the most annoying parents to ask and nag in detail, children at this age do not like to deal with people, but it does not mean that they do not hear their parents. Therefore, parents should not repeat something endlessly until they react, which can cause disgust in the child. You can tell your child in advance that no matter what is good or bad, just say it once, and if you don't listen and delay, it is your own responsibility. Instead of being an annoyed nagging parent, it's better to go out and let them delay once or twice in exchange for a lesson.
PART.12
The Four W's Rule
Rule of Four: Know who your child is with, where, what, and when he or she is home.
Some parents seem to worry a lot about their children, but they don't know these W's of their children at that time, which is not a good parent. Only when all the above rules are done almost the same, the child is willing to tell the truth to the parents, and the parents can understand these Ws.
Some parents are willing to pay to send their children to expensive private boarding schools, and in addition to academic considerations, they also feel that strictly managed private schools can provide a better environment for their children to grow up. With a reliable school to discipline their children, do parents not have to worry about these W's? In fact, the process of education and cultivation of children is also the process of parents' learning and growth, and if children leave home too early, parents will lose such a hard but very interesting life opportunity.
Children who grow up in the Internet era are inseparable from online communication, and parents should also pay attention to these W's in the online world. Children are not allowed to make netizens, but they must not hide from their parents, especially not to meet netizens behind their backs.
Instead of arbitrarily forbidding their children to make friends in different ways, parents should try to get to know those friends. Moreover, parents themselves should also set an example, and when they go out for business reasons, they must inform their families of these Ws in time, which will also make children feel that it is incumbent upon them to tell their families about these Ws.