Li Min and Faye Wong, two kinds of divas

As we all know, Li Min died of depression and suicide, and there is still a lot of speculation about why he was depressed and why he was short-sighted.

There are those who scold the white husband and the scumbag with a beast face, there are those who carefully pick up how bad Li Min's physical condition is, and there are those who accuse Lantai, who has always been inconsiderate, which directly led to the deterioration of the hind of heaven's leg disease...

I believe that the public's mood of eating melons this time is different from the past, there are curious, but also distressed and helpless, I can't wait to find a initiator immediately, scold and then quickly, so that Li Min's sudden death is no longer so heavy, by the way, dilute some regret and sadness.

But according to the available information, Li Min was not killed by a certain "absolute villain", the specific reasons behind it must be many, and this sad result did not happen suddenly.

There is a long journey between depression and depressive suicide, and the factors that lead to depression range from difficult external conditions to deep-rooted "historical legacies".

Main, secondary, old, new, external, internal, all factors trigger together, constantly push, reach a certain critical point, the female warrior's willpower is finally exhausted.

As a lover of internal exploration, today I want to start with this "historical legacy problem", which is actually the personality background imprinted by the original family, which hides in the shadows and is not easy to detect, but writes about people's encounters and destinies in the underworld.

Perfect weight

Li Min was born in a single-parent family, raised by her mother, and has two older sisters on it, she is the eldest in the family, it stands to reason that she should be extremely favored, right? The fact is that she was destined to be the most "sensible" child from birth.

When Li Min was still in her mother's belly, her father died of wind and cold, and the burden of life was all on her mother's shoulders. It is said that many people advised her not to have this child at that time, but she resolutely gave birth to three daughters.

Since then, she has never been married, and has traveled to many places to make a living, from Shenzhen to Hong Kong, and then from Hong Kong to the United States, working hard in a foreign country, and single-handedly raising her three daughters.

It sounds inspiring, but the bitterness is only known by the parties themselves.

Such a growth environment will leave a triple imprint in Li Min's heart;

First, since birth, there has been no father's protection, and life is full of turmoil and lack of security;

Second, his birth is closely related to his father's departure and his mother's hardships, which will make him feel guilty that his parents suffered misfortune;

Third, many people feel that their mother should not give birth to her, and she will faintly worry that maybe one day her mother will really abandon her.

On the whole, Li Min's subconscious does not feel that she came to this world with blessings, she may even feel that she is the unpopular one, and that she is not born may be a good thing for everyone.

But the problem is that she has already arrived, so she has to face the feeling of alienation from the world, the sense of regret for her mother, and the fear of being abandoned at any time. Therefore, in order to survive, she must work very hard to prove the value and significance of her existence in the world, and she needs to find the support of her "outsider" in the recognition and love of others.

Typical perfectionism, but here, the original intention of pursuing perfection is not to "strive for excellence", but to stay safe - the pursuit of perfection can leave danger and loneliness, in order to get rid of panic and anxiety.

Li Min himself said that even if he became famous, he didn't dare to stop for a moment, because he would feel sorry for his mother.

From the moral dimension, this is filial piety in repaying grace, but digging a step deeper, in fact, is a symbiosis, the daughter needs her mother to need herself all the time, she will be at ease because she has such a stable connection with the world, and the mother's gaze and needs are an important source of her self-worth.

This, coupled with her mother's strict discipline of the three sisters, naturally reinforces her perfectionist tendencies and treats high standards as normal and normal. Li Min once said in "Mao Xuewang" that until now she did not dare to watch her performance at the Oscars, because she knew that as long as she watched, she would find fault.

At the same time, a woman who pulls her children so hard that she can't pack up her emotions and go home happy every time.

Presumably everyone has heard of the "kicking cat effect", when a person is angry, he will unconsciously vent his resentment to individuals in positions of power, for example, the boss gives to the subordinate, the subordinate goes home to the child, and the child turns to the pet cat...

In the parent-child relationship, parents are naturally in a position of power, because they have the advantages of physical strength, social experience and the ability to make money, so they will naturally pour indigestible emotions on their children, sometimes through direct tantrums, sometimes with a natural aura, making people tremble and dare not approach.

Over time, children will naturally become the emotional container of parents, automatically assume the responsibility of making parents happy, and at the same time hide their emotions and edges tightly, because they subconsciously think so - "Mom and Dad smile, I will be safe, safety is always more important than revealing my heart." ”

Usually, the more parents have low social status and are running around the world, the easier it is to go home with grievances and anger that are difficult to digest and clean, and the easier it is for children to become sensible children in the eyes of others - they know how to be considerate and take care of others, but they never want to trouble anyone.

Host Lin Hai recalled the clip of working with Li Min back then, and there were two details that impressed me:

First, Li Min always arrives two hours ahead of all the staff, and she has high requirements for her makeup and hair, leaving enough time to take care of everything; The second is that once recorded Han Hong's temper, and Li Min, who was a few years younger, went to comfort Han Hong like a big sister.

These two details are the epitome of her two personality traits, one is the perfectionism that can't stop, and the other is the habitual role of emotionally stable, optimistic and cheerful big sister.

Based on such a character background, the audience is benefited, because you can always see the high-level performance of star CoCo; The people around me also benefit, because they can always get her care, and with Li Min there, they can take reassurance.

But long-term this has also buried two hidden dangers in her life:

First of all, the pursuit of perfection requires a lot of mental and physical strength.

Like I said last time, this is a dangerous game of "going against the current", as you get older and the epidemic changes, more and more factors will run out and drag your ankles back, then you need to put in more energy to keep yourself moving forward, and even keep overdrawing yourself when it's time to rest.

Over time, there will always be a day when it is too strong and unsustainable. In recent years, Li Min's frequent physical condition is actually a big outbreak that has accumulated to a certain extent.

On the other hand, always thinking about others can certainly gain a good popularity, and you will also be happy because of this feeling of being needed, but people's hearts are complicated, not every effort can be exchanged for cherishing and gratitude, may also encounter betrayal, may also incur inches.

The blow to the marriage problem not only made Li Min emotionally disappointed, but also pried the inherent pattern in her heart. The pain and disappointment remind her that continuing to play the role of treating others well in the relationship is not good for herself and needs to be adjusted.

Previously, her life has been smooth, unlike some people, who have experienced being split, cheated of money and hidden in the snow before the age of thirty, but at the end of their forties, life still cannot escape the lesson of "rebuilding inner order".

A few years back, with perseverance and understanding, CoCo may have passed this level, but his physical condition turned red at almost the same stage. The two "thunders" buried in life exploded together as if they were on the same ground.

Female warriors are also people, and this double overload of weight finally crushed her.

Faye Wong, Li Min's "opposite"

The day after the news of Li Min's death was sent, I thought of Faye Wong ghostly. After watching an interview with Faye Wong, I suddenly realized: there is really no idea of absolute unfounded, and there is a reason why they can "cross the stage" from Li Min to Faye Wong, because the two of them happen to be two people who are completely opposite.

Li Min is super hardworking and self-disciplined, and Faye Wong has said more than once that she is a very lazy person, even after becoming a mother, she has not been able to become the kind of superhuman mother who works wholeheartedly for her children.

In action, we have all seen that he faded out of the music scene in his thirties, and then came back to sing a mess, which shows that he is really enjoying his retirement life wholeheartedly.

Li Min always shows people with a sunny and warm posture, Faye Wong often looks cold, the photos taken by passers-by are always cool, and he is known for talking less on stage, and saying a few more "thank you" is already considered to be an extraordinary performance.

Li Min tried hard to be humble, always saying that she was not good enough, and Faye Wong "made a big statement" on the podium: I can sing, I know this, and I fully affirm the affirmation given by the judges.

Li Min is empathetic, in order to be considerate of the media, she will even take the initiative to go to the balcony to let them take photos, and Faye Wong, who is deeply impressed by the scene where she lost her temper with the media when she ended her first marriage, she angrily asked the reporter: What does my divorce have to do with you?

Li Min always calms the emotions of the people around her, and Faye Wong, although she seems to have a queenly style, often switches to the coquettish girl mode, that year, at the Spring Festival Gala, just stepped down and "asked Na Ying about the crime": You just didn't look at me!

It is also completely different in terms of word of mouth, both as divas, but Li Min has a relatively uniform praise, at most picky about her occasional singing voice and performance, and few people evaluate her character and private life.

And Faye Wong's side is lively, especially polarized:

Some people like her cold self, and some people can't get used to her dragging 25800000 eyes; Some people like her dare to love and hate, and some people think that her private life is chaotic and dishonest; Some people like her to be free, and some people hate her for knowing that she is happy and does not care about children.

In short, some people say that she is an old witch, and some people worship her as a true goddess.

I am a fan, but as I get older and worship cools into appreciation, my evaluation of her becomes more and more objective.

Of course, Faye Wong is not so bad, those hats will be buttoned, it is that many people need to have such a villain in their lives to get some balance in their hearts.

Faye Wong is not so outrageous, she is actually very ordinary, compared to Li Min, closer to the people around you and me, she will be entangled between laziness and responsibility, she will buy a full set of kitchenware after deciding to be a cook, and then can't cook a few meals...

But all this is where her greatest personality trait lies - nature. Love naturally, lie naturally, walk naturally, entertain yourself naturally.

To use a word that was popular a while ago, it is relaxation.

Think of Sun Li, the wife of Huang Lei, who dances and dances into a dancing god, and then think of Xie Na, who is always ridiculed for being too strong, Faye Wong's nature and relaxation are lined up more and more obviously, she likes to walk along the stage to the melody, likes to jump randomly in the MV, her limbs always sag naturally, and never force a look, and she is full of strength to approach a potentially popular model.

Nature, that is, to conform to its original form, this "it" refers to all kinds of people and things that already exist.

Including herself first.

Speaking of "saving words and a sister", she said that everything she wanted to express was in the music, and at that time, she just wanted to say thank you, and if she didn't want to say anything else, she didn't have words.

When it comes to the idea and implementation of the Yanran Foundation, she said that she really didn't do anything, so she just stood on the stage a few times.

She will not only follow the feeling, but also look at herself objectively: I sing and win the award, it must be because I can sing, the old lady is not good, but there are some things I have not done much, and I will not blindly admit to putting money on myself. So she is screaming, or self-deprecating, they are all very calm, there is nothing embarrassing, people are like this, what is embarrassing to say?

This is called kernel stabilization. For so many years, the public's gossip and the media's long gun sprint could not hit her, and it made sense that various awards and accolades had failed to kill her, she knew who she was and would not be easily swayed by outside comments.

At the same time, for things other than "me", she can actually be very objective when she seems self-righteous.

After the first divorce, a program host asked tactfully: Do you want to find a father for Tong Tong. Faye Wong replied: She has a father, no need to look for it, I want to find my own partner.

Just, you are you, I am me, he is him, she sees the boundaries between people very clearly.

Therefore, she must also respect the other party's wishes on the issue of her children's education, otherwise Dou Jingtong would not say that she did not have a rebellious period, and her mother must have not given her any oppression and imprisonment at all.

After a few years of Enron's family life, when asked if she was worried about her obsolescence, she answered directly: Yes, that's for sure, pop music, it's okay, not worried at all.

When I first get along with someone like Faye Wong, compared with Li Min, I will lack some pleasantness - I am not enthusiastic, I am not so smiling, and sometimes I talk quite chokingly.

But in fact, it also comes with its own benefits:

First, she is objective, likes or hates you as you are, and will not give you those roles that you are difficult to do and she wants you to play, such as not seeing the other half as a father or mother, and will not require children to become considerate adults at a young age. In this way, she herself is not easy to disappoint, and others will not be stressed.

So Faye Wong, who seems to be out of the world, has a good relationship, the first marriage is over, but she can still get along with her ex-mother-in-law's family, and the child can also walk naturally with her father to maintain the intimacy between father and daughter. She did not completely deny this person because of the breakdown of her relationship, nor did she involve others in the grudge between the two of them.

Dou Jingtong and grandma

Second, she is free, she knows deeply that I am the first responsible person for herself, and no one knows herself better than me. So to the left or right, she will fully listen to her inner voice to choose, right or wrong, she will not be unable to hold the responsibility on others.

Because the moment she walks with her heart and lives according to her own heart is already cool, she no longer needs to use the fulfillment of others to maintain her inner balance.

So for so many years, Faye Wong has almost never exuded that auspicious sister-in-law's bitter feelings, and after all the vicissitudes, she can still bounce like a high school girl at the music festival. Let me ask, if she has a lot of hatred, resentment, and regret in her heart, and carries many other people's likes and dislikes, can she still jump up? Can she still live such a light gesture?

In contrast, those who always like to suppress themselves to meet others or a certain standard have resentment in their hearts from the moment they give up the whole, so they will subconsciously ask for compensation from others by complaining and accusing. Staying with such a person may reap the benefits he gives through self-sacrifice, but you must also be ready to resist the infiltration and invasion of negative energy.

So, going with the flow is good for everyone and for themselves.

For people, it is not refreshing, but it will not exploit any emotional value; For oneself, a solid core and a posture of conformity help to move smoothly through various situations without the collapse of the state of mind and the need not to overdraw too much energy from resisting desires or certain general trends.

So when it comes to depression, I never think of Faye Wong, she doesn't seem to have a deep obsession with anything (including singing), and she always looks like she hasn't had enough fun in the world for more than half a century, and she is the kind of person who can always find new games in life and invest in it, whether she is busy resting, singing or lying down.

I still remember the years when I was a full-time housewife, playing Weibo and watching "Country Love", as if I didn't nostalgic for the past, and I just wanted to concentrate on living my retirement life with relish.

A similar "wayward" big girl also has Qu Ying.

The nineties was her highlight moment, a model and a host and shine in Zhang Yimou's films, a multi-habitat star, and a fashion pioneer, which can be called the top female at that time.

After the millennium, she smoothly transferred to the field of TV dramas and became the face of urban idol dramas, but after a few years of filming, her sister was tired, she didn't like the rhythm of filming, she couldn't enjoy the filming process, and every time she was ready to go to the crew, she dragged her feet, because she felt that it would be a sad journey.

Then for her own fun, she really stopped shooting. After two years of stopping, sure enough, no one asked her to shoot.

Later, Qu Ying appeared in the public eye, that is, as a comedian in "The Variety Big Coffee Show", playing ugly without worries, and the idol baggage of supermodels and beautiful women was thrown by her to cloud nine.

Let's just say that Ren is not capricious, right? The glory and aura of the past will never become a stumbling block for her to sneak down from the peak and go to other places to see the scenery, and the brilliance of her resume and the expectations of others are not as good as a "sister happy".

If you don't go down the steps, lie in place for two years and start another stove, this should also be considered a squander, right? Squander opportunity, squander time?

But whether it is Faye Wong or Qu Ying, they never seem to worry about the future. Qu Ying was extremely surprised when she heard the girl in her early thirties say that she was afraid that she would not have such an opportunity in the future, and she said that she felt that there were many opportunities in the future in her fifties, not that she was worried about whether there was a problem, but how to choose.

And Li Min is obviously not like this, she has to be in a state of readiness almost every minute, and if she slackens a little, she will feel uneasy, and she will feel sorry for her mother.

What is the essential difference between the two?

Dare to splurge, in the final analysis, because I feel that I am rich, safe enough, full enough, no problem how to build. Do not dare to relax or because of scarcity, because they feel that the environment is very bad, if they do not work hard, they will not be needed, and if they are not needed, they will completely become "outsiders" who should not be born.

Even if they are rich, famous, beautiful, and completely have willful and profligate capital, their early experiences have determined whether their imagination of the picture of life is broad or rugged; Their degree of certainty about their sense of self-existence and value determines whether they can go before without any hindrance, or they always have to do their best to grasp something.

Then there is what everyone sees now, the latter looks sunny and indestructible, but in fact silently swallows too much bitterness; The former is cold, self-ego, sometimes quite temperamental, but it is easier to have a really good mood.

True "happy personalities" are mixed with bad and cheesy

Someone is going to raise his hand and ask: Many things are decided by the original family, such as Faye Wong, Qu Ying, etc., the original family has not left any big problems, they have talent, luck, ordinary people can not learn it.

It is true that fate is difficult to fight and rewrite, but it is still possible that everyone's "factory settings" can be debugged.

Here I will take the example of Ms. Yi Nengjing, she does not have a proud start, but she is a typical example of breaking and growing all the way. The original family lacked love, was disliked, and insecure, but after many twists and turns, she finally found a "perfect family" for herself and ushered in the real spring of life.

What did she do right for this? I privately think that the two traits in her are quite worth learning.

The first is to like to write.

Writing is a relatively private and sincere self-talk, can be dark, can be pretentious, does not need to be pandered, does not need to pretend, the words flowing at the fingertips are evidence of the existence of spiritual life, that is to say, a person can still express, can also try to explain life, she is not hit by life.

Moreover, regular writing is conducive to capturing small thoughts, better self-awareness, and self-awareness in order to "go with the heart", and it is possible to detect the path of the subconscious and debug it.

The second is to be particularly embarrassed to trouble others.

Yi Nengjing likes to write, but does not like to swallow pain alone, she will speak out.

We can often see her telling her experiences, grievances and various mental journeys in various variety shows, sometimes very calm, sometimes sobbing while talking, sometimes facing the host, sometimes to family members. Qin Hao often complains about his wife, but most of the time he will listen patiently and comfort his heart.

It is necessary to confide, and if you can say a little more, the weight will be less in the bottom of your heart. Although people don't like negative energy, people also have the need to connect with others, revealing their hearts can force some people away, and can also leave some people who want to have stories with you.

And people-to-people communication may produce chemical reactions, perhaps in the process of communicating with each other, some inherent ideas will change, and the old patterns stuck to the heart will be loosened.

Of course, Yi Nengjing's reputation is far less than Li Min, and Faye Wong is too, who is open for business without a ride, without caring about the thoughts of old fans, but is often photographed shopping happily. But this is the truth, vigorous vitality is not always pleasant, and easily happy personalities are mixed with "bad" and tacky. If the water is clear, there are no fish, and to live in harmony with this turbid world, you really can't be too attached to perfection and purity.

We miss Li Min, but for those who are still alive, who want to live and live well, those who are old and live a good life are more referenceal.

But then again, Faye Wong can be held so high over the years, which shows that she is also scarce, and like super self-discipline, it is not so easy to achieve a state that is casual and natural.

It can only be said that if you want more and more people to have a real sense of relaxation and good mood, the road is long and long~~

Author: Miss Bovary

Follow me, read people's hearts and understand the customs in the entertainment world.