Since the broadcast of this season, the clip that her sister feels the most empathy comes from this conversation between Gong Linna and Mei Yi Liya.
Gong Linna, who seems to us to be very confident and open-minded and fearless of the eyes of others, has also been trapped by appearance anxiety.
She said that when she was a child, she never liked pink because pink is the color of beautiful girls.
"I'm not a pretty girl."
When Gong Linna learned to sing in the Children's Palace when she was a child, she found that good-looking girls would be prioritized by the teacher, but she would not.
The younger brother is good-looking, while she does not have big eyes and small silhouettes in comparison, and the family will say:
"If only you and your brother's faces could be changed."
"Not beautiful", "not likable", such inferiority has always been buried in Gong Linna's heart.
On the stage, she has tried all kinds of exaggerated shapes, and her makeup and clothing have been repeatedly discussed. Off stage, she also loves a powerful color like red.
We are also used to it, Gong Linna is such a comfortable look.
But when she said the phrase "I'm not a pink girl" with tears in her eyes, the inferiority buried in her heart finally came to light.
It turns out that like her, there will be "don't dare" in her heart - don't dare to wear pink, don't dare to be a little princess, because she is not beautiful enough.
And Mei Yi Liya listened on the sidelines, even if the language was not comprehensible, the cultural barrier, still red eyes.
This "don't dare" is like a secret pain that all women once shared.
Those outside evaluations that cannot be ignored, those pink beauty spells, those moments of self-loathing...
It's so familiar, because we've all been there before.
Gong Linna's dare not dare, the girls understand.
@爱好养小猫 said that when she was a child, she never dared to wear pink, because she was very inferior to her skin color and felt that she was the darkest little girl in the universe, so she has always had a deep obsession with white skin.
@菜籽zz said that he never dared to wear bright clothes, because when he was in junior high school, he was called "black girl", although on the surface he still giggled with the person who gave this nickname, but his heart was always shrouded in shadows, until now the color of his clothes is mainly dark, "which also leads to me not being a confident person."
Don't dare to wear pink if you're not beautiful, don't dare to wear pink and bright colors when your skin is dark... Like this "do not dare", we still have too much.
Girls with thick legs are afraid to wear shorts and short skirts, because thick legs are not good-looking.
@蕉蕉 said that his legs have grown thick from small to large, and although his upper body is not fat, he has never dared to wear shorts or skirts because he feels that his legs are thick, "I have always felt that this is one of my defects, and every time I see other girls wearing skirts, I will be particularly envious." ”
But girls with thin legs may not dare to wear shorts and skirts, because they are worried that their legs are not good-looking.
Wu Xin once said on the show that although he is very thin, he rarely wears short skirts, on the grounds that he feels that the "radish leg shape" is ugly. Although the guests present expressed surprise and told her that you don't have turnip legs, you are hallucinating, she still firmly believes that she has, and she is "born".
Another example is a short girl who dares not wear flat shoes, and a tall girl who does not dare to wear high heels.
Taiwanese female artist Lai Weiru, who is 152cm tall, must wear platform heels no matter where she travels;
The 174cm tall girl Hashi Qiao only dared to wear flat shoes, because she did not enjoy the feeling of being elevated in the crowd.
@桥桥
Even for He Sui, a supermodel who makes full use of her height, "too tall" and "too thin" are also derogatory terms in her dictionary.
Like a short girl, she grew up feeling inferior to her height, not because she wasn't tall enough, but because she was too tall.
"Send a Hundred Girls Home"
There are also those with short legs who dare not wear long skirts, those with short necks do not dare to wear high necks, those with thick arms dare not wear sleeveless, those with wide shoulders dare not wear suspenders, those with small bellies do not dare to wear short tops ...
If the above "do not dare" can be summarized as fear of exposing physical defects, then the other "do not dare" belongs to "beauty shame".
Obviously tried a lot of beautiful clothes, but in the end I still left the most ordinary one of them;
Obviously bought a lot of beautiful clothes, but did not dare to wear them out;
Obviously painted delicate makeup to go out, but did not dare to take off the mask ...
Once you dress up beautifully, you will feel very cramped and awkward.
@momo Wearing a sailor suit for the first time, she didn't dare to go out to meet people at all, because she was worried that her legs would be too thick and the shoes she wore were strange... Although she looks cute in the pictures.
@momo
UP owner @Yang Meiwei also shared a story: when she was shopping with her mother in middle school, she fancy a princess dress, and when she tried it on, she felt that she was very beautiful, as if she really became a princess.
But after buying it home, she never wore it again. A few times I even got dressed, but I changed it when I went out.
The reason why she did not dare to wear it was because she felt that the dress was too beautiful and grand, and she was worried that in the eyes of others, she would become "an ugly duckling trying to package".
So why on earth do girls have so many "don't dare"?
Don't dare to make yourself "not good-looking", and dare not make yourself "good-looking"?
Just as pink's gender temperament is completely constructed by society, girls' "do not dare" is also the result of social discipline.
More than a hundred years ago, pink was the color of boys. A 1918 survey article in the United States showed that the general view in society was that pink was strong and suitable for boys; Blue is calm and elegant, suitable for girls.
@三口草莓
Disney's first princess, Snow White, also wore a blue dress when she appeared.
"Snow White"
But in just a few decades, pink has become the exclusive preserve of beautiful girls, princesses, and the gender color it is contaminated with has become more complex - girly and delicate, childish, frivolous, and even stupid.
In essence, what ultimately carries all these gender stereotypes is not the color, but a female body template.
It is considered perfect because it prescribes the standard of "beauty", to be precise, the standard of "beauty" of women.
Its inspiration is everywhere, from movies and TV shows, merchandise commercials, and even the delicate Barbie doll in the hands of little girls.
From birth, everything around them repeatedly reminds girls to pay attention to their appearance, both to "look good" and not to "overdress".
So the girls compare themselves to the perfect template, constantly identifying the "defects" in their bodies, and indulging in finding ways to cover and correct the so-called "defects".
What length of skirt can make legs look longer, what color clothes are more colorful, thinner, what foundation is more concealed... In order to become that perfect version, we dare not wear everything that exposes our shortcomings, and everyone is trying to modify their bodies.
But this is a pursuit that has no end, because we are not creating a new female body image, but allowing our own body to be disciplined and tamed by that template.
Shen Yifei mentioned in the book "Looking at the World through Gender":
"Ever since Haulena Rubenstein famously said that "there have never been ugly women in the world, only lazy women", people's discipline of the body has never been practiced by suppressing ugliness, but by shaping the beauty of women and constructing the relationship between the body and other values, the power of physical discipline has been strengthened."
The perfect body template has not only become a standard of beauty, but also directly related to personal value. For example, when we say that we dislike a person "fat", in addition to dissatisfaction with weight, it implies several layers of negative personality judgment - gluttony, intemperance, lack of self-discipline, laziness...
This makes us have to focus on the grooming of the body, because that usually also means shaping the self, so we "dare not look bad".
But under long-term discipline, we have lost more and more confidence in our bodies, people do not believe that they will become that perfect template, afraid that they are like "an ugly duckling trying to be beautiful", so we are ashamed of beauty and "dare not look good".
In fact, it's really impossible for a girl to become that template, because it's not real at all.
We think Di Li Gerba is beautiful enough, but obviously only 94 pounds she still dare not shoot the hugging scene, because she thinks she is too heavy for fear that the actor will not be able to hold it.
We think Lin Qingxia is beautiful enough, but she was also very inferior for a while, because she felt too thin.
We think Liu Yan is in good shape, but she is also inferior to her good figure, because "everyone always thinks that I walk on the street in a swimsuit".
So you see, no matter what a woman's body looks like, she is subject to endless scrutiny, and no girl can escape this physical war.
However, this physical war does not simply end with the girl's "do not dare". It gives rise to more veins, woven into a closed loop of discipline in the name of beauty.
For example, we talk about that word repeatedly - pink tax.
Refers to products and services marketed specifically for women, wrapped in pink packaging and marked with the word "women-only", you can sell them at a higher price.
Pink, the gender color that consumerism gives to women, in turn becomes a blade for harvesting female consumers.
Source: Four Elephants Studio
Just check the product categories purchased after the summer, from hair removal and sun protection to whitening and slimming. And men, just to bathe every day without foot odor, can be regarded as human high-quality men.
Our cosmetics are infinitely subdivided from water milk essence to cream, while men are in pursuit of one stronger than three.
Our bodies can be labeled as apple-shaped and pear-shaped, women are never thin enough to lose weight forever, and pot-bellied men who look like they are pregnant in September can pick up their clothes and walk the streets without burden.
Our clothing pockets are designed to be useless, and we have to carry an extra bag for this, while men's pockets can hold the entire universe.
The standards of beauty learned from movies, advertising campaigns and social media continue to prompt women to pay more for beauty.
This price is not only financial, but also energetic and spiritual.
In order to be decent women within social norms, we always have to examine ourselves cautiously and push ourselves into harsh rules.
The time that could have been self-improvement and spent a lot of time in meaningless internal friction and inferiority, just standing in the patriarchal world as a qualified female image consumes too much of our strength.
It seems that the evaluation standards of girls' appearance have never been in their own hands.
But the world shouldn't have just one or a few imaginaries about women.
We are real people of flesh and blood, how can we cut ourselves and embed ourselves in the template of an ideal woman?
But the good news is that the world is changing. That trite narrative of women is losing its effectiveness.
Even toys such as Barbie, which have borne female stereotypes for decades, have undergone several design changes.
The Barbie we know is only blonde, but in fact, Barbie has launched styles of various skin tones and figures, tall, short, fat and thin.
In order to hope that all children can see their own possibilities in Barbie, do not have to live as a blonde Barbie template, girls can become any look.
Barbie's remake of the live-action movie even wrote such values on the poster - "She's everything, he's just Ken." ”
"Barbie is everything."
"This Barbie is a lawyer."
"This Barbie has a Nobel Prize in Physics."
"This Barbie is a mermaid."
"This Barbie is a Supreme Court judge."
"This Barbie is a doctor."
"This Barbie is a well-known author."
"This Barbie won a Pulitzer Prize."
......
Barbie's boyfriend Ken is directly reduced to a background board:
"He's just Ken."
"Another Ken."
"He's Ken too."
"You guessed it, he's Ken."
New value trends shape new cultural products, and even Disney's princesses have broken the shackles.
In the past, the princess who ended up marrying the prince and lived happily ever after, now no longer needs to be saved by the prince. The princess's main quest is no longer to harvest love, but to be herself.
"Frozen" even briefly brings love over, sisterhood becomes the focus of the narrative, and it has become the highest-grossing animated film.
Times have changed, and fairy tales can also have new interpretations.
We are going through this kind of change, whether Barbie, princess, pink, are being redefined.
When we cross the "do not dare", the past set of standards that only pointed to beauty will collapse little by little.
There are already people walking ahead of us, such as the "little princess of Anfu Road".
No matter how maliciously the outside world evaluates, she still carefully chooses her outfits every day, puts on a small crown, wears a Lolita dress of different styles, and then calmly walks through the streets to be baptized by all eyes.
Compared with being a middle-aged person expected by society, she is more willing to follow her heart and be the little princess at the center of the storm, how cool it is.
There is also the "dopamine outfit" that has been very popular on the Internet recently, focusing on a colorful concept that people around cannot ignore.
Outside the eyes of the outside world, we can be any color we want.
via.@ Daytime Bear
This series of outfits even "spilled" to some elderly bloggers, and grandparents also participated.
Yes, who said that when you are old, you can't live brightly.
via.@ Kang Kang and Grandpa
When we cross the "don't dare", what else is "pink delicate, how old are you now?" "Pink is nothing, I wear it when I want to.
Gong Linna and Mei Yiliya stood on the stage together after that long conversation in tears.
The two wore pink skirts, and the piano and song were flying in the sky, and the strong expression wrapped in the color of the screen was about to overflow.
But we know that the real power is never the color itself, but them.
Crossing the hurdle called "don't dare" is not an easy task.
I hope that all of you who read this article, no matter what age you are, still have the courage to step over.
Colors, styles, styles, these are inanimate things, we are the value itself.
If you want to wear it, it's our color.
Let's define them.