Oleman, Ph.D. in psychology at Harvard University, once said:
"Whether a person succeeds or not, IQ accounts for only 20% of it, but emotional intelligence accounts for as much as 80%."
A child with high emotional intelligence will be more likely to succeed in interpersonal communication in the future, and then step by step towards success;
Children with low emotional intelligence are likely to lose a lot of opportunities because they are not good at dealing with people;
The well-known program #Metamorphosis# has few friends for children and young people with various problems.
Every parent wants to raise a child with high emotional intelligence and popularity.
It is better to read ten thousand books than to travel thousands of miles, and it is better to walk thousands of miles than to experience it yourself
Take him around these 4 places.
In "Super Parent", there is a 4-year-old boy skewers, and there are many problems on his body.
He does not know how to be polite, always bullies other children when playing outside, never knows humility, and sometimes fights, and children do not want to play with him.
He doesn't follow the rules and spits at others in the amusement park.
He is also particularly emotional, losing his temper at home, throwing things, and even making a move on his mother...
In fact, not considering other people's feelings, not following the rules, and casually losing his temper are all typical manifestations of low emotional intelligence.
Professor Li Meijin once hit the nail on the head:
"Children's low emotional intelligence is mainly related to the way parents are educated."
Every child with high emotional intelligence, politeness and cultivation is cultivated by parents.
For example, many parents do not realize that the playground that children often go to is actually a place to exercise children's emotional intelligence.
Psychological studies have shown that children's learning before the age of six is mainly through play.
Places such as parks or community gardens and playgrounds are places where children gather.
Here they will meet a lot of strange children of the same age, and while dealing with them, they can also exercise their language expression and interpersonal skills.
Secondly, children can also enhance teamwork skills in the process of playing and playing games with their peers;
Finally, where people gather, it is like a small society, and parents must guide their children to understand and abide by social etiquette and rules.
For example: if you want to play the slide, you must queue up, if your brother is later, but you play before you, you will also be unhappy, right?
There is only one swing, you can't occupy it all the time, you have to take turns playing with others;
Manly husband, if you lose, you will lose, dare to be bold, can't play tricks...
Only by teaching a child to follow the rules from an early age, consider the feelings of others, and enter society in the future, will he be more adaptable and be a popular person.
Panoramic view of Happy Valley Nanjing, China at night
I remember once riding the bus and seeing an elderly grandmother walking up trembling with her 7- or 8-year-old granddaughter.
I stood up to give way to the old man, but as soon as I stood up, the old man's granddaughter sat down on her butt.
So, I saw the old man swaying left and right with the bumpy car, and the granddaughter sitting in the seat and playing with her mobile phone intently, ignoring the grandmother who was struggling to keep standing on the side.
If a child only considers his own feelings, is always self-centered, does not respect the vulnerable groups around him, appears cold and selfish, and is not welcome anywhere in the future.
By chance in college, I went to a suburban orphanage to volunteer and saw a little girl who came with her mother.
When she saw the abandoned angel inside, either intellectually disabled or physically handicapped, tears involuntarily flowed.
That day, my classmates and I spent an afternoon in the orphanage, chatting and playing games with the children inside, and experiencing their daily life.
But my attention was on that little girl, how did she deal with the other children? But I found that this little girl played with the kids from beginning to end, and they were all happy.
"Children are not born to discriminate against other people."
It is said that today's children are pampered and unseen, because most of them grow up in honeypots and lack the opportunity to see poverty.
We might as well create opportunities for children to experience a different world and a different life firsthand.
For example, take your child to a welfare home, a nursing home, or a backward mountainous area.
This not only fosters empathy in them, but also knows how to put themselves in the shoes of others and think about others;
It can cultivate children's gratitude and make them a kind and loving person.
rest home
I have to admit that children with high emotional intelligence can not only speak, but also treat people very comfortably.
I remember once going to a friend's house as a guest, as soon as I entered the door, the other party's 6-year-old sister took the initiative to run out to say hello, and helped me get slippers, and kept saying "welcome my brother to my house to play".
During the meal, he kept persuading me to eat the dishes, saying, "Brother, eat more, this chicken wing is specially prepared by my mother for you." ”
After a while, he said: "Brother, are you thirsty, my family has apple-flavored juice, but it is delicious!" ”
After a meal, my friend's sister's mouth is like honey, and she is very popular.
Later, I chatted with my friend and sincerely praised his sister for being likable and emotionally intelligent;
My friend laughed and told me that in fact, his sister used to be a little "social terrorist".
Once, he brought friends to his house as a guest, and his sister hid directly in the house and was too shy to come out.
Since then, the friend has consciously taken his sister to his friend's house to see how others treat him.
Slowly, she also learned some skills to get along with people under the influence of her ears.
On weekdays, friends will also invite my sister's classmates to play at home, and take the initiative to let my sister entertain them.
Under the leadership of his "ulterior motives", his sister really became more and more generous, became more and more skilled in dealing with people, and became a proper little sugar heart.
Nowadays, many children around will have the following situations:
Glass heart, crying nose at every turn;
Once things don't go well, throw tantrums;
When you encounter difficulties, you retreat and want to give up...
Psychologists have pointed out:
"In addition to managing one's own emotions, understanding the emotions of others, and interpersonal relationship management, emotional intelligence also has an important ability - resilience."
A child with poor resistance to frustration is sensitive and fragile in his heart, easily eroded by negative energy, and is prone to repeated setbacks and discouragement in the future.
Wang Enge, former president of Peking University, once said:
People should make "two friends" in their lives, one of which is the library and the other is the sports field. ”
Because sports can not only exercise physical fitness, but also improve personality, temper will, and make people tenacious.
I saw a blogger share his personal experience:
When she was just in the first year of junior high school, her whole person was inferior and sensitive, and she had almost no friends.
In addition, it is difficult to adapt to entering a new environment, and the pressure of studying is great, and the whole person is in a very bad state, and often loses sleep at night.
In the first midterm test, she failed even the most skilled Chinese test, and she was so sad that she couldn't eat all day.
His father noticed her abnormality and took the initiative to talk to her, knowing that she was too stressed, so he offered to accompany her to run for half an hour in a nearby park every night.
She was surprised to find that every time she finished running, her mood was always particularly comfortable, as if the exhaustion of her body and the bad emotions accumulated were flowing out with sweat, and her heart was full of energy.
After persevering for a while, her face became energetic, her whole person became cheerful and confident, and she gradually mingled with her classmates.
Later, sports helped her survive every trough and setback, and also accompanied her throughout her youth.
In life, it is not difficult for us to find that those children who do not love sports are often dull, introverted, and do not like to deal with people; Children who love sports are mostly cheerful, lively, optimistic and positive, and have a particularly good relationship.
Take your children to the sports field more often, let them release themselves in the warm sweat, temper themselves, and forge a strong heart.
Only by maintaining a good attitude and emotions, and always full of strength in the heart, can the child be more courageous and ride the wind and waves along the way.
Writer Liu Jirong told about a little girl in "The Man Who Sits on the Side of the Road Applauding":
"A group of people took their children on an outing, this child sang, that child performed skits, but the daughter had no talent, just kept clapping and carefully watching the food."
During this period, two little boys, one is an Olympian and the other is an English master, at the same time clamped a piece of sticky rice cake on the plate, and neither of the two children let go, let alone divide it equally.
In the end, it was the daughter who proposed to use a coin toss, which easily resolved the impasse.
Later, there was a traffic jam on the way back, some children began to get restless, the daughter's jokes were one after another, and the atmosphere in the car became relaxed and harmonious.
She also took out a colorful cardboard box and cut a lot of cute zodiac animals to give to the children, drawing a perfect end to everyone's journey.
I have to say that a child with high emotional intelligence, even if his grades are not so good, can still become the brightest star in the crowd.
Taking children to these 4 places from a young age is also an opportunity for children to show and clear the beautiful characteristics of those children's hearts, and become the spark that illuminates his life.