Recently, I have lost sleep.
I didn't quarrel with my husband, I didn't work overtime at the company, but I was worried about my son, who had just started kindergarten.
Because the in-laws love the child, the son is a little "arrogant" at home, and he rolls around if his needs are not satisfied.
But the other day, the teacher reported to me that my son was too "cowardly" at school, and I realized that there was something wrong with this kind of tutoring.
The teacher said that every time the little red flowers and toys that his son was given were robbed, he did not say anything, and even was willing to be the "little tail" of other students.
A friend who works in psychological counseling told me: "The social gap between home and school will make children 'timid'. Learning not to get along with their peers makes them withdrawn when socializing. ”
Isn't this "nest in the nest, go out"?
As a parent, after learning that there was a deviation in the child's personality, I woke up: it turned out that the child has two faces, not a personality problem, but a "loophole" in family education.
Children "go out and worry" their parents
In many one-child families, this situation often occurs:
The child has no one to "compete for favors", throws toys on the ground at home, and uses the sofa as a trampoline;
Plunged into the crowd outside, found that the friends were stronger than themselves, and immediately aggrieved.
A few days ago, I also saw a mother on the Internet sharing the story of her child's "two-facedness", which resonates even more now.
She said that last week, the child saw a limited edition toy in the mall, crying and splashing in place, and the mother's face could not hang on, so she had to compromise and buy it.
But what made Bao's mother angry was that the child brought the toy to school the next day and "fell apart" when he went home.
After careful questioning, I learned that it was a classmate who snatched his toys, and in order to test his "performance", he fell directly to the ground and scrapped it like this.
She asked her son why she didn't tell the teacher, and the child said, "He is tall and strong, and he is still very fierce, and I am afraid that he will let other students not play with me." ”
After reading it, many parents said that their children are also so "bullying the soft and afraid of the hard", they are "little bullies" at home, and they become "little sheep" when they go out.
Is this a "character flaw"? The troubled parents sent out such soul torture.
One educator explained, saying, "Obedience to children makes them unhappy." ”
It can be seen that the more pampered children are, the more unscrupulous they are. To help children grow up better, solving the "problem" of family education is the key.
Having two faces is the "sequelae" caused by the original family
Children's words and deeds are mostly the projection of parents.
Their problems are actually the "sequelae" caused by the original family.
In many families, we have seen such scenes:
The child was addicted to the TV, and his parents forced it to turn it off, and he immediately began to make noise:
As soon as you pick up a feather duster and prepare to "educate", grandparents rush to "save the scene".
For this phenomenon of "you can't beat and scold", some people have come to this conclusion: if the child loses his temper and can exchange for the compromise of the family, then this trick is not easy to make in front of outsiders, which will make them lose their sense of security.
And this is also the root cause of the child's two faces: the family can give the child an inclusive environment, he will have no fear; If arrogance outside the country has to pay a price, he will choose to escape.
Children do not have mature values, but they have their own judgments about the world.
Learning to say "no" to children's unreasonable demands is the best education for them.
It is enough to cure the "two sides" of the child, and it is enough to use these three tricks well
When an individual shows "internal toughness and external weakness", it is essentially a spiritual "pursuit of benefits and avoidance of harm".
It can be seen that children's "nesting and going out" is instinctive, but also the fear of the unknown world.
When the child's spiritual personality is not mature enough, the correct guidance of parents is especially important.
So, how to cure the "two sides" of children? It is enough to use these three tricks well.
1. Read your child's emotions
At home, what do you do if the child loses his temper inexplicably?
Some parents will choose to ignore it or teach it a lesson.
In fact, this will not solve anything, it will make them worse.
Children are arrogant at home, which is an emotional expression, but their cognition is limited, and it is difficult to accurately communicate their needs.
When they lose their temper, parents can be more patient and ask the reason for the anger before reacting.
Only by reading children's emotions first can they express them confidently.
2. Abide by the bottom line and needs of education
It is often seen that parents complain about their children's bad habits:
Only love TV, not books; Swear words come casually, and homework is silent at the mention of homework; Usually the alarm clock for school can't wake up, and when it comes to the weekend, it's like playing chicken blood, and it starts tossing before dawn...
The same scene is always played out in different families. At this time, parents must gently and firmly tell their children what is right and what is wrong, and do not compromise on things that touch the bottom line. More importantly, the adults' statements should be consistent, not to give the child a plausible feeling, let alone appear parents to discipline the child, the elders immediately stand up to protect, this will only make the child worse.
The best education is never responsive, so that children understand that there are rules in everything, which is the right solution.
3. Develop children's social skills
Children's growth is inseparable from socialization, so that they have a "small circle" and are also the key to getting rid of "duplicity".
It is worth mentioning that the right way to socialize is to encourage them to cooperate, not compete.
Parents often say, "Look at whose child you are, and get the first place", will not only make children less confident, but also make them refuse to meet new friends.
In another way, we can do this.
Invite other children to the home and prepare cooperative toys, such as building blocks, anime cards, etc.;
Usually take children to participate in group activities, such as ball games.
All these can free children who are "afraid of life" from social fear. What parents need to do is create social conditions for them.
In this way, children will have fun in peer interaction.