Text/Lan's mother talks about parenting
Qiao's mother, a friend who gave birth to two sons, jokingly asked me the day before yesterday "Do you want to change children with her to raise them"
She said that raising two sons is too tiring, not as obedient and gentle as the adopted girl
Raising a daughter will necessarily be easier than raising a son? I don't think so
Look at the boys
Although I am energetic every day, I am really active and mischievous
But if you pay attention, you will find that the boys' requirements are not so high, as long as they have enough energy to accompany them to play and accompany them to explore
And the girls? It's not that simple, and it's not enough to have the physical strength to play with you
You need to have enough eyesight, ear power, heart power to listen, and also have gentle mouth power, fighting power, and affinity to understand her
In addition, if you meet a girl who has been beautiful since childhood, it will require more financial resources, energy and imagination to satisfy their love for beauty
There are even many mornings, you may have a temper tantrum because of a dress, a hairstyle, a pair of shoes and socks, and the whole appearance of Her Royal Highness the Princess can simply make you angry all the time
Therefore, girls are not easy to raise, and "raising" good girls requires certain skills and methods
Next, on the past parenting experience and let's talk about those who can raise girls well:
First sentence:
The girl can't raise her too stubbornly
I have a stubborn daughter and a stubborn mother-in-law
And from the current situation of her mother-in-law's life, she also seems to slowly feel the emotional crisis of her daughter's future
It is said that the father-in-law was a son-in-law who suffered from some "daughters-in-law" when he was young
Judging from the relationship with her mother-in-law in recent years, she belongs to a typical knife-mouthed tofu heart
That kind of has no bad intentions for anyone, and does his best for anyone, but has a strong and stubborn character that is difficult to say, as if making all simple and beautiful things not simple and beautiful
Take family level relationships, for example
When you say what you hear and what you see, it's basically cutting off first, or simply ignoring your business
That year, at the beginning of the epidemic, my mother-in-law called xx at my house to learn about the recruitment
From getting to know, to packing up, to opening the door to get ready for a trial job, she never told me about it
Seeing that I was about to leave with my luggage, I stopped me and said, "You can rest at home, don't worry about those things, besides, it is not safe everywhere outside now, and it is more important that the family stays safely together than anything else."
My mother-in-law, who could not listen to the advice, said to me, "Don't worry about me now, I don't need you to care."
One sentence instantly left me speechless, and I had no choice but to send a message to her son to inform me of the situation
In the end, it was still the father-in-law who called and said, "If you are disobedient, I will buy a ticket in the afternoon and go back to watch you specifically."
In this way, the mother-in-law stayed, but her strong character still existed
It's good that the in-laws and the old man don't meet, and as soon as they meet and say less than two sentences, they will immediately become a war scene, then the scene of you arguing and I scolding is simply depressing
Although it is true feelings that husband and wife have quarrels and troubles, good feelings are never quarrelsome, and the more stubborn and strong you are, in the end, you will only slowly break the hearts of the people around you
Think about those broken or even broken families, do they have a protagonist who does not know how to be soft and only knows how to be stubborn
After all, in addition to your parents who will unconditionally tolerate everything about you and support your decisions, everyone else will argue and even abandon you because of disagreements, disagreements, and even abandon you
So, I want my daughter to have a temper, but I don't want her to be emotionally stubborn in the future
Second sentence:
It is better to enrich your daughter than to enrich yourself first
I've heard a phrase:
"Girls should be rich from an early age, when they have everything, they will not be easily tempted by others when they grow up"
If you listen carefully, such a theory is quite reasonable
But children who "have everything" are easy to stay in the giant infant stage and do not want to grow up
Cousin's daughter Shin Shin is like that
Since childhood, he has lived a well-equipped and well-fed life, attended the best kindergarten near the community, wore a thousand yuan dance clothes, and even signed up for a group to participate in a 36,000-day seven-day trip to a certain country...
Under the careful arrangement of her cousin, Shin Shin has also been living a comfortable life without worry
I thought that under such careful planning, Shin Shin could be regarded as the future
But when we had dinner together at the beginning of last year, my cousin changed her previous thinking of prosperity
She said:
"Raising a girl or not being rich"
"Why have I no money over the years, all of it has been spent on that girl, it's been seven or eight years, I've never bought a decent new dress in the closet, and I wear cheap street stalls, because I bring better things to my children"
"But her whole thing now is a big lady's temper, if you don't satisfy her once, all the good you did to her before, then you can't remember it all"
"I said she was in the blessing and did not know the blessing, what do you guess the girl said? She said who told you not to buy it yourself"
"Also, you look at the sixteen or seven-year-old girls, they are almost adults, they don't have a mature temperament at all, their socks can't be washed, they can't cook, and even the quilt and clothes can't be folded well, the whole giant baby state, how can I live in the future."
……
Yes, true love is to let children grow up better and have stronger life abilities
If the child does not even have basic self-care ability when he grows up, and does not know how to love his child, he naturally does not know to be grateful and considerate of the people around him
Therefore, it is better to enrich your children than to enrich yourself first
For example, the material needs of rich children are not as good as regularly stipulating the amount of pocket money, and allowing children to be free and independent, which can exercise the child's financial ability, and secondly, it is not easy to raise giant babies
It is said that parents are children's growth examples, and the essence of wealth is also temperament, spirit and mentality, and a well-cultivated child will reveal extraordinary words and deeds
Third sentence:
Raising a daughter well is not as good as "raising" the family first
Someone said
Raising a girl is like buying a piece of chocolate, and although it tastes a little bitter, it still has a sweet aftertaste
In fact, we want our daughters to be approachable, or we want to enrich them
There is only one ultimate goal: love
But any love needs enough atmosphere to transmit and feel
Yes, a love requires enough heart and action, and a child's love requires a whole family to instill a steady stream of strength
Children cannot be educated by either mom or dad alone
Let children be in an environment full of love and common love, so that they can better experience love and have a sense of security
If you look at children who grow up in single-parent families or left-behind families, you will find that they all share a common characteristic
That is: a serious lack of love
I know a friend who grew up as a single parent + stay-at-home
Because her classmates have never met her friend's parents, everyone laughs at her for "being a child without a father and a mother."
Therefore, my friend's childhood was particularly lonely and inferior
There are few friends around, and they don't like to stick in the pile of people, except for a few friends who usually get along, they can also chat a few words, then the whole thing is a social fear performance, as soon as they talk to people, they blush and dare not look others in the eye
Later, I heard that this friend had just been out of society for a few months and got married in confusion, because the boy was self-touched by picking her up from work for several days
But this emotion is only temporary, but also a sensory illusion, one foot just stepped into marriage, the other foot to live a neglected life
Friends said that she was too stupid at that time, because she was touched by a little thing, and she had no heart at all
In fact, in my opinion, this is a typical lack of love
Because of the serious lack of love in your heart, it is easy for others to fall into self-touching if they are a little good to you
This incident also made me understand one thing thoroughly
That is, a child's love is from the power of family transmission, and whether the family environment you bring to your child is full of love or full of loneliness will eventually turn into an obsession in the child's heart, and will also affect their future cognitive judgment
Therefore, raising a daughter well is not as good as "raising" a good family first
Parents do not quarrel or quarrel, dad loves mom, mom and dad go together to hobby the child
The family is harmonious and respectful, and when there are problems, we discuss and make decisions together, so that every member of the family can participate
Fourth sentence:
Don't think about "going head-to-head" with your daughter
It is said that the girl is made of water, breaks when touched, and cries when she says it
In the past time, I have found that girls are indeed more likely to cry and get emotional than boys
However, if you master the methods of raising babies and communication skills, girls are not so weak, and they may not even be worse than men
Tell me about my crying daughter
How much can you cry? You just ask, "Did you finish your homework?" and she looked at you with a grievanced expression, and then tears fell drop after drop
I often say, "Your tears are like you don't want money, just say it, you don't know how to be strong."
In order to change this glass heart that cries when I say it, I have tried many methods
Including face-to-face communication calmly, I found that you patiently told her so much reason, the result was self-touching, the child did not listen to a word, but still felt like playing with her
After this communication, next time I will be aggrieved when I remind me and cry when I say it
So how do you finally get out of this circle? I found that behind every glass-hearted child is actually a lack of self-identity
When they think "I can't do it" in their bones, they are naturally afraid of doing anything, and even feel "I will definitely not be able to do it"
Therefore, raise girls don't think about "hard fighting" with them, the more weak the appearance, the more stubborn stubbornness in the bones
They may resist because of a lack of self-identity, or they may want to get more identification
After grasping this key piece of information, the first thing I need to do is to change the way I communicate with my crying daughter
Especially when I changed "did you finish your homework" to "I heard that you still want to do xxx later, so how long do you think you have to do this"
After this sentence, my daughter happily introduced her thoughts, and if I missed the homework, I would not have the previous love and crying heart
It can be seen that crying children let them make their own decisions for their own lives, and when the children's experience is enough, their ability and self-confidence will also increase
Fifth sentence:
Teaching daughters from elementary school will be financially independent
If you ask mothers who raise girls, what are they most afraid of?
In my opinion, adopted daughters have three fears:
I am afraid that my daughter will be unscrupulous and deceived
The second is afraid that her daughter will be bullied and become a sheep that can be slaughtered
Three afraid that after her daughter experienced the pain of giving birth to a child, she would also encounter unhappiness in marriage
Whenever I think of these worries, I always feel that raising my daughter is a worry of "losing hair", worrying about this and that
Later, when I slowly understood the true meaning of raising a girl, I found that true love is not to protect it in my hands, but to make the child strong on its own
In the past, my daughter was a timid master who dared not say hello when she met, and in order to exercise her courage, I began to focus on the ability to be financially independent
Many friends may feel a little off topic, what does raising a good girl have to do with economic independence, but it is of great significance from the perspective of long-term growth
First of all, economically independent girls are more confident, and in economic domination, and trading exercises, they can enhance their courage and improve their language development
Secondly, girls who can be financially independent since childhood have good financial skills, especially when their "small treasury" slowly decreases, they will find ways to fill their pocket money, such as shopping around to be thrifty, or selling old things to save money, etc., behind each brain is a harvest of financial ability
Finally, economic independence is the umbrella in women's marriage, with this umbrella can fight for a lot of power, including family status, weight of speech, and marriage security, etc., with their own money to live the life they want, which is a real sense of security
In this way, is it not so redundant to raise girls to cultivate economic independence from an early age?
Of course, in order for her daughter to get a better growth education, no matter what kind of advice, we must do enough respect and trust
You respect the child, the child respects you, you trust the child, the child will trust you, this is the influence of family education, and it is also the growth nutrient needed to raise girls
So, what are the different suggestions and opinions on how to "raise" a good daughter? Welcome to leave a message in the comment area to share!