Being wise and good at praising is an ability that gives children trust in themselves and makes them believe that he has the power to make himself better!
Author | Jinshan Moon
Zhao Yuping, a lecturer in Chinese studies, once "showed off" his experience of being praised on the Internet.
To study early human behavior, he spent a year in kindergarten as a "student" with children.
During the period, a 4-year-old girl named Zhou Qining often praised him: You are so tall, so handsome, I like you so much.
This kind of "no principle, no standard, no bottom line" praise made Zhao Yuping, who was over 50 years old, furious.
Later, he went to hundreds of pulpits, and the pressure was huge, so he called the little girl, hoping that she would praise herself again.
Zhou Qining did not hesitate to praise it, which made Zhao Yuping instantly resurrected with blood and completed the program recording with high morale.
Teacher Zhao's "brainless praise" video sparked heated discussions on the Internet.
One high-praise comment said:
"Praise is so important for a 50-year-old baby, let alone a child."
American psychologist William James once said:
"The deepest human need is to be appreciated."
Especially for children who are not yet adults, they need the praise and affirmation of their parents.
Often praised
What kind of magical power does it have?
There is a little boy who loves to play golf and often goes to practice with coaches accompanied by his father.
Once, I had a dispute with the coach about which club to use.
Seeing that they were arguing more and more fiercely, Dad suddenly said to the boy gently:
"It's your game, you have the right to decide which club to use, but don't argue, I'm sure you're a good boy with a good upbringing."
When Dad said this, the boy quieted down and apologized to the coach, but he also insisted on his choice.
But after a game, the boy loses frequently, and the reason is precisely because his club is not good.
He was very annoyed, and asked his father with a red face:
"Am I humiliated?"
Dad smiled and shook his head and said:
"Of course not, it's comforting enough that you can see your own problems."
Dad's comfort made the boy sweep away the haze in his heart and continue to practice with confidence.
This boy was the famous golf star Jack Nicklaus.
I like a quote from the poet Angelo:
"Language is like a small energy bullet that shoots into the realm of life that cannot be seen with the naked eye."
For children, parental praise is a kind of life energy that will allow them to thrive in the nourishment of love.
In order to verify the power of language, scientists have done a famous "green plant experiment".
They placed two green plants in the same place, the same room temperature, the same light.
The difference is that one pot of green plants is constantly praised, while the other is insulted all day.
When the experiment was 30 days old, a magical scene happened:
The green plant that was scolded withered and died, and the one that was praised was more luxuriant.
Raising a child is like planting a tree, and the words of parents, as this experiment demonstrates, can have a huge impact.
One more compliment, the more confidence the child has; One more word of encouragement, the more courageous the child.
Professor Susan Foward once said:
"Children will always believe what their parents say about them and make it their own ideas."
Children who are often praised will unconsciously grow up for the better and eventually deserve all the praise.
The sweeter the parent's mouth, the better the child
In pedagogy, there is a concept of "upward spiral".
This means that if a child has a good "starting story", he will start a positive life cycle.
Whether the starting point story is beautiful or not depends on how parents tell it.
Lecturer Lu Wenli, there is a student named Li Ming, a blind piano boy.
Li Ming has a super high musical talent, but he is introverted and afraid to speak.
Every time she took the art exam, she was eliminated because she couldn't answer the teacher's questions.
The saddest time was when my mother said to her:
"I'm sure you will."
With his mother's encouragement, Li Ming decided to study speech to improve his communication skills.
But she never dared to step onto the stage, and at the critical moment, it was her mother who gently pushed her behind her back and said:
"Even if you fail, don't fight tightly."
Her mother's words made Li Ming take a reassuring pill, and it was also like a ray of light, illuminating the path in her heart.
A year later, under the guidance of his teacher, Li Ming finally crossed the hurdle of "not daring to speak" and was successfully admitted to the Conservatory.
There is a sentence in "Sense of Purpose": The influence of parents on children is deep, continuous, and lifelong.
Every child dances in the palm of his parents, whose words are the spotlight shining on him.
Children will feel the strength from the gentle and tough beam, and with this strength, they will walk to a bigger stage.
Unfortunately, there is never a shortage of such "bitter" parents in life.
They correct with negation, treat blows as incentives, and see criticism as spurs.
In the end, the child falls into "learned helplessness" and develops a "helpless personality".
Zou Lu, a psychological counselor, once received help from a mother.
The mother wronged her son for stealing his wallet, cursed the child and threatened to dial 110.
Her son ran away from home in anger, but she couldn't find anything until a year later, when the police station called.
He said that after the child left home, he began to mix in society and was detained for participating in group fights.
The mother asked in chagrin: How could her son be like this?
And the reason why the child "became bad" was all because of this mother's "knife mouth".
From childhood to adulthood, whenever the child made a mistake, the mother either severely reprimanded or threatened and intimidated.
As a result, the harder she scolded, the more rebellious the child became, which ultimately led to a heart-wrenching end.
Writer Farissa Sabari proposed the idea of a "pattern chip".
Every child, she said, has a built-in "chip" that is implanted by their parents.
The parents spoke viciously, and this chip was full of anger.
Parents will praise sweetly, and the chip is filled with confidence, optimism and creativity.
The chip determines the computing power of the computer, and the child's inner chip determines his ability to survive.
The words of parents pave the way for the future of their children.
The sweeter the parent's mouth, the better the child.
Sweet-mouthed parents
Use these 5 sentences to boast about your child's future
Child scientist Adele Farber said: "Never underestimate the impact your words have on a child's life. ”
Criticism and punishment are often "thankless".
A little sweeter mouth can produce magical powers.
Sweet-mouthed parents, use these 5 sentences to boast about their children's future.
(1) Cultivate independence: "You are really a good helper for your mother"
Some people on Zhihu asked: What should I do if my child's self-care ability is poor?
One parenting teacher replied: Just one word - you are really a good helper for your mother.
This is not blind boasting, but with this sentence, it becomes a button to trigger the child's independence.
Children know themselves through their parents, and when they are positively defined by their parents, they will also act actively.
Don't be afraid that the child will mess up, don't criticize the child for being too stupid, boldly let him do it.
You will find that the survival of children is far better than we think.
And under the effect of "self-fulfilling prophecy", he will surely become our good helper.
(2) Build self-confidence: "I find that you are particularly good at observation"
The girl Niya had low self-esteem due to poor grades and cried and said to her mother: I want to go out and relax.
After hearing this, her mother took Niya a week off and took her on an outdoor adventure.
Once in nature, Niya gushes about various insects and plants like a different person.
She then realized that her daughter had a strong desire to explore, and said to the child: I find that you are particularly good at observation.
Niya was overjoyed and said, "Although I don't like to learn, I'm not useless."
Because of her mother's words, Niya regained her self-confidence, and at her mother's suggestion, she regarded learning as an adventure and found the joy of reading.
Every child with a sunny heart is inseparable from the support of parental love.
And this love can only flow in observation, understanding and affirmation.
Be a mirror for a child and reflect his brilliance, so that we can cultivate confident and optimistic children.
(3) Encourage courage: "I believe you will do well"
A father was called to school and learned that his child had missed class three times this semester.
When he returned home, he first asked the child:
"Are you a little scared when the teacher invites the parents?"
When the child heard this, he immediately choked up in grievance:
"I couldn't keep up with the classes, my classmates always laughed at me, and I didn't want to go to school for a day."
Seeing his son open his heart, the father said:
"It's okay, I'm sure you'll do a good job."
As soon as the child listened, he was no longer so frustrated, he slowly regained his confidence and kept up with the progress of learning step by step.
No one is born brave, every child makes mistakes, and what we have to do is encourage children to face them.
Support your child and let him understand that as long as he is there, he can bravely try and make mistakes and fly boldly.
(4) Express approval: "You really did this"
I once asked my daughter, do you remember what the thing that made my mother angry the most when I was a child taught you?
The daughter replied, I don't remember, I just remember that you are so fierce, which scares me.
"So what do you remember?"
"Whenever you say, 'You really did this,' I want to do better."
There is a saying in "Positive Discipline": A child can only do better when he feels better.
Denial makes people withdraw, and affirmation urges people to forge ahead.
Your recognition is a leaping flame that will ignite children's passion and make them live more brightly.
(5) Leverage strength: "The teacher said that you performed well in class"
When it comes to praising children, many parents are distressed: I really don't know how to praise him.
There is a method recommended to everyone, called "borrowing power to fight".
The teacher said, you did well in class; The neighbor uncle said, you are very polite; Aunt Liu said you are smart...
Sometimes, we have to use a little trick to pass on encouragement to our children through the mouths of others.
When the child feels appreciated from the outside world, he will grow up with more kindness, full of energy and happiness.
"The Awakening of the Family" points out that the three most important things in a child's life are: "I am seen, I am valuable, I am important." ”
Observe the child patiently and say a few more words "I understand you";
Acknowledge the value of the child and praise him with a "you are great";
Affirm your child's abilities and say to him, "You can do it."
Every child carries a piggy bank with them.
It is the parents who use a kind word to help their children collect gold coins.
These gold coins, which symbolize confidence, optimism and bravery, will become his life's treasure in the future.
Raising a child is not only to keep him fed, clothed and warm, but also to be slowly nourished with love.
Encourage parents and friends.