Humorous novel: Fart Edge

1

As the saying goes, not even a fart. In fact, people underestimate the fart.

Farts are the breath of the human body, is there any reason not to let go? Farting is a way of expression of metabolism, not farting, means that farts are concentrated in the body, which is easy to cause illness.

It is said that a fart is about composed of nitrogen, hydrogen, carbon dioxide, methane, and oxygen, all of which are odorless. But less than 1 percent of that is made up of trace amounts of other chemicals, such as ammonia and mechlorin, which emit an unbearable pungent odor that people can smell as long as one part of the gas in the air.

It is precisely because of this 1% ammonia and fecal stinkin that farts are very unpopular.

There is nothing strange in the world, and Zhang Wei got a big marriage because of a fart.

This fart is not an ordinary fart, it is a serial fart, the so-called ring fart does not stink, the stinky fart does not sound, the serial fart is smelly and loud. So God is fair, opportunities are available to everyone, sometimes in the form of a chain of farts, just to see if you have the opportunity and the ability to grasp the opportunity.

This fart came suddenly, and Zhang Wei accurately remembered that it was Monday at 1:50 p.m., which was the time period for returning to work at the end of lunch. The two elevators in the Hongyuan Building are overcrowded, scrambling one by one, and there is a danger of being late.

Zhang Wei ate only a bowl of Guilin rice noodles at noon, plus a jar of sour shoots. Guilin rice noodles fifteen yuan a piece, sour shoots do not need money, Zhang Wei ate a stomach round.

The elevator was crowded with people, men and women rubbing shoulders, and no one could care less. Zhang Wei stood in the innermost part, behind the wall of the elevator. On the left hand side is a middle-aged man, with a big belly and poop, a pile of meat pressed against Zhang Wei's body, sweaty and sticky. Zhang Wei can only lean to the right, the right is a woman, the aroma is fragrant, do not dare to squint, look at the nose and nose to see the heart, afraid that she will misunderstand.

As soon as the elevator door was closed, Zhang Wei felt that his stomach was noisy, and there was a stream of air at the end of the large intestine to spew out, knowing that the sour shoots had eaten too much and wanted to fart. How can you fart in this case? There are so many mouths gathered in the small space, one by one, like fish in the pond after the rain, and farting is equivalent to poisoning the pond.

Zhang Wei endured, clamping his ass and holding on hard. Helpless elevator each floor has people in and out, Zhang Wei's office is on the eighteenth floor, and finally on the ninth floor, can't help it, the sphincter is loose, only listen to the "poof" sound, fart ran out by itself.

For a moment, the whole elevator covered their noses and looked back with disgust on their faces. Zhang Wei's face turned red, and he whispered that he was sorry and sorry, and ate too many sour shoots at noon. The middle-aged man on the left simply did not look over, it seemed to have no effect, and finally covered his mouth with a shirt and glared at Zhang Wei fiercely. Only the woman on the right did not turn her face to Zhang Wei to give color.

When I reached the tenth floor, I only heard three consecutive "poof, poof, poof", and a more intense smell spread out.

you, Zhang Wei thought to himself, this yellow mud fell into the crotch of his pants, not is also.

Because the first fart Zhang Wei admitted itself, so this serial fart crowd naturally identified it as him, where is there room for discernment? I couldn't bear it, everyone rushed out, even the three people who were going to enter the elevator, came in and immediately turned around again. When the middle-aged man on the left hand side stepped out of the elevator, he also turned back and took a deep look at Zhang Wei and said loudly, There is really no public morality.

Zhang Wei wanted to scold the mother, but the elevator door was closed, and the elevator that was just full of people was left, and in an instant only he and the woman on the right hand side were left, and the fart smell that had not yet completely dispersed.

Zhang Wei covered his nose, just wanted to say, just now this fart does not know which dog mother raised, suddenly heard the woman hooking her head to make an extremely low sound, do not listen carefully and can not hear clearly, she said, thank you!

Zhang Weimeng, is this talking to me?

Looking back and forth, there are only four walls except for yourself. Thank you me? What does that mean?

Just thinking about it, only listening to several consecutive "poof, poof, poof", the last hundred turns of the intestine, but also turned a corner, it is a wave of uneven waves, Zhang Wei feels like he is going to suffocate. The woman could not stand it, and got off the elevator on the eleventh floor, and Zhang Wei escaped with it.

Only then did he understand that it had been this woman who was farting.

The woman said sorry to Zhang Wei again, turned her head and hurried away. Zhang Wei saw the woman's face clearly at this moment, which looked like a water spirit. The face is like Fu powder, the lips are red and the teeth are bright, especially the watery eyes, like a pool of clear autumn water, which can wash the glitz of people's hearts, the resentment in the heart disappears without a trace, and suddenly feels that there is a kind of youthful ignorance, the mood is refreshing, and I can't help but hum a little song: Miss ah, our youth, yesterday in the memory of the root of the sprout ...

2

Throughout the afternoon, Zhang Wei was immersed in the aftertaste of this fart.

He remembered that he had let go of countless farts, but none of them had anything to do with other people's farts, let alone a beautiful young woman, who saved her own ass hero and became her benefactor, not to say that he promised to be with his body, at least he had the opportunity to speak, right? He felt that the farts of the past were a waste of food and energy.

He thinks this fart will change his life.

When he left work, Zhang Wei waited for the rabbit at the door of the elevator, watching the elevator go up and down one after another, stopping every time he reached the eighteenth floor, waiting for half an hour, and there were fewer and fewer people leaving work.

When the woman saw Zhang Wei, her face turned red again, and Zhang Wei felt that this was some kind of sign, and her heart was very excited.

The woman actually deliberately left work so late, she ate sweet potatoes at noon, her stomach has been making a lot of noise, she is afraid of the embarrassing side repeating, until no one comes out, did not expect Zhang Wei to wait for her.

Hello, my name is Zhang Wei. There were only two of them in the elevator.

My name is Lori. Luo Lili whispered in response.

I didn't expect such a fate, and I met again. Zhang Wei was smiling and looked very gentlemanly.

Luo Lili's face turned even redder when she heard this. She knew that zhang Wei was talking about a fate, referring to the matter of noon, which pot did not open which pot. But after all, people have helped themselves a lot, and it is not good to make eyes at him, and they can only smile slightly.

She didn't know that Zhang Wei also let out a fart at that time, and Zhang Wei's fart coincided with her fart, only if Zhang Wei deliberately helped her cover up. She couldn't imagine that someone would actually stand up in that situation and take on the responsibility of a fart for her. This responsibility is not small, she believes that there is no second person who can do this for her except her parents, and she has twelve points of admiration and gratitude for this.

Zhang Wei said, can I invite you to dinner?

Luo Lili still whispered, or I invite you.

It doesn't matter who pleases, Zhang Wei just wants an opportunity to further understand.

Zhang Wei is from Sichuan and Luo Lili is from Jiangxi, so she went to a Hunan restaurant.

It was June, thirty-eight degrees in Guangzhou, and it was sweaty after a few steps. Although the restaurant was air-conditioned, as soon as the arsenic came up, the two of them quickly sweated and their mouths were dry.

Zhang Wei asked, do you drink alcohol, beer.

Luo Lili nodded, and Zhang Wei ordered beer and crayfish. With the beer crayfish, the atmosphere was suddenly different, and the conversation box opened.

Zhang Wei said that when he was a child, he was naughty, either picking oranges or digging up people's sweet potatoes, once stealing the soil honey raised under the eaves of the next house, only to be stung by the earth bees, accidentally falling from the firewood pile into the dung pit next to him, and got a body of. Luo Lili put the chopsticks down and rolled her eyes and laughed, and slowly began to expose her own troubles.

This revelation found that the two actually have a lot in common, when they were young, they were all scum, they were looked down upon by teachers, and they both liked to fart since they were young, and they also preferred to eat food that was easy to produce farts, and were nicknamed "spanking bugs" by their classmates.

It was already ten o'clock from the time the meal was eaten in the dark until the moon climbed onto the roof, and Zhang Wei sent Luo Lili back.

At the door of the rental house, Luo Lili was already very drunk, holding the door frame and asking if she wanted to go up for a cup of tea? Zhang Wei wanted to go, is it difficult for me to be a big man and still afraid of you a woman? As a result, Luo Lili said, forget it, it is too late, it is inconvenient, you go back. With a chuckle, he went up on his own, leaving Zhang Wei alone in the wind with ten thousand alpacas.

3

Although Luo Lili looks beautiful, but from childhood love to fart, was rejected by boys, more inferior, met Zhang Wei, who also loves to fart, even if Wang Ba is on the green bean, and is very attentive to her, the two soon fell in love.

Zhang Wei has neither talent nor wealth, and his appearance is also average, as a result, the blind cat meets the dead rat, can he let it go? It didn't take long for luo Lili to be brought to his rental house, and the two lived a life of a small couple. The small room is often filled with the scent of laughter and farts, but it is also very happy.

In the blink of an eye, two years have passed, and everything has changed to the realm of flattening after the bloom, except for the fart, but it is brewing changes in silence.

I don't know when it started, Luo Lili began to like to eat light food, a glass of milk in the morning, two breads, eat real kung fu at noon, drink the soup, and leave half of the meal. Drink only porridge at night, and don't squeeze vegetables.

Zhang Wei said, your figure is just right, you don't have to lose weight, too thin and no flesh.

Luo Lili frowned and said that her stomach had been bad lately, so eat lightly. Zhang Wei didn't care either.

Slowly, Luo Lili no longer farted, at least not in front of Zhang Wei, every time Zhang Wei sang alone in male vocals, very abrupt. After a long time, Zhang Wei became aware of it. Say, you said last time that the stomach is not good, and now even the fart is not put, do you want to check it? Being held back is not a good thing. Luo Lili gave him a blank look and did not say a word.

Later, Luo Lili also began to dislike Zhang Wei's fart, every time Zhang Wei farted, he covered his nose, opened the window, and then said that after farting to the toilet, the room is not a place for metabolism. Saying once or twice Zhang Wei still didn't think so, and he felt embarrassed when he said too much.

Originally like to fart is the commonality of two people, and it is precisely because of farting that the two people have come together, and now Luo Lili not only does not fart for a long time, but also hates farting, which makes him seem to feel betrayed. Once Zhang Wei finally couldn't help but get mad, scolding, fifty steps laughing and a hundred steps, you yourself are not the same, I just put it at home, you directly put a chain of farts in the elevator, if it were not for me, your face would be lost.

As soon as Luo Lili heard this, she was stabbing at the heart, her face was also red, she couldn't speak for half a day, and she also held out a fart, which was a landslide, as if to support Zhang Wei's words. Smelling this fart, Zhang Wei's face darkened with pride, and Luo Lili's tears were about to fall.

After half a month of cold war, Zhang Wei suddenly felt a little guilty, passing by Chow Tai Fook this day, gritting his teeth and buying a platinum ring, more than two thousand, ready to make amends to Luo Lili at night.

Sichuan men basically cook several dishes, and the use of watercress sauce is fascinating. Zhang Wei made baby ginger field chicken, sauerkraut fish, husband and wife lung slices, vinegar slip potato shreds, and also burned an egg soup, there was Budweiser beer in the refrigerator, as soon as it should be prepared, he asked Luo Lili to cook.

After shouting a few times without agreeing, Luo Lili was still playing with her mobile phone in the room. Zhang Wei cat walked over and pretended to be a tiger to scare Luo Lili, and Luo Lili panicked, and her mobile phone fell to the ground. Zhang Wei picked up the mobile phone and said, Why are you so fascinated by the game, calling you a hundred times to eat and have not heard?

Luo Lili snatched back the phone and hurriedly said, nothing, play the game.

It's the glory of the king again, let me see what position you have?

No, eat and eat, don't make a fuss. Luo Lili put the phone in her pants pocket, stood up and walked out of the room first.

Zhang Wei also did not care, still talking and laughing at the table, telling some jokes in the company, talking about the climax, and from time to time he also broke out a fart. Lori didn't smile, just covered her nose.

Sorry, can't help it! Zhang Wei suddenly thought that Luo Lili couldn't adapt to his fart anymore, and laughed sarcastically.

What about eating, don't say these disgusting words, okay?

Zhang Wei thought about it, are you really in trouble with your body, I think or go to see a doctor, right?

Lo Lily is angry, you fart all day is the problem, to see the doctor is you, neuropathy. So I got up and went back to my room. Zhang Wei quickly stood up and grabbed her hand with his left hand, and with his right hand, he took out the ring from his trouser pocket and handed it to Luo Lili's eyes, saying, Li Li, I am not good for me, I am going to make amends with you today.

Luo Lili looked at the ring for a long time, and finally gently broke away from Zhang Wei's hand, saying, Zhang Wei, maybe we all have to think about it. After saying that, he went back to the room, packed up his clothes, and walked out with the tow box. Things happened without warning, Zhang Wei seemed to have lost his soul, and he couldn't get back for half a day.

In the next few days, Zhang Wei was always waiting for Luo Lili at the elevator entrance of the Hongyuan Building, but when he saw Luo Lili's expression on his face like a stranger, he couldn't say anything. After another half a month, I couldn't see Luo Lili, Zhang Wei ran to Luo Lili's original company and asked, only to learn that she had jumped to work in another company.

It seems that farts are still insignificant things, not enough to maintain the feelings of two people. Zhang Wei was depressed all day, and people also lost a lot of weight.

Half a year later, Zhang Wei had not yet come out of the sadness of lost love, and suddenly met Luo Lili in the lobby of the Hongyuan Building, she sat on the sofa in the lobby, and there was a middle-aged man in his forties sitting next to him.

Luo Lili also saw Zhang Wei, but she didn't even glance at him, and walked from the old colleague who had just got off the elevator, and distributed the invitations one by one, it seemed that she was going to get married.

Zhang Wei originally wanted to act as if he hadn't seen a walk away, Luo Lili's attitude angered him, and he felt awkward in his heart, and suddenly walked over to the man and said provocatively, You are Luo Lili's new boyfriend? I am his ex, my name is Zhang Wei.

The man very politely stood up and said, Hello, my name is Xie Ping, I know you, thank you for taking care of Li Li for so long, we are getting married, have time to come over and drink happy wine.

Oh, you know me, have you known each other for a long time?

Not short, one year.

A year? Fucking bring a green hat to Lao Tzu, Zhang Wei is even more angry, but he has a slight smile on his face, bless you, Luo Lili is a good girl, you have to take good care of her. She likes to kick the quilt when she sleeps, and in the winter you have to wake up three times a night to cover her with a quilt; she drinks milk every morning, remember to keep it at home, she only drinks pure milk; and she likes to eat sour and spicy, digestion is not good, so she likes to fart, you have to bear more with her...

Xie Ping smiled and said, Rest assured, I already know this, and it is all in the past. I installed air conditioning and cold in the room, no matter winter or summer, I don't have to cover the quilt; I ordered fresh pure milk for her, and every morning a special person sent it, there will be no mistakes; and, about her poor digestion, I spent 100,000 yuan to condition her, I heard that you have the same problem, do you want me to recommend you? That doctor was a friend of my father's and it worked.

Zhang Wei understood that Luo Lili's previous changes were all because of this man, and his heart could no longer hold on, like a dog that had lost his family, and fled in fear.