"I hate small children.
But I'm about to become a dad.
Honestly, I was terrified. ”
A stroke of paper is a three-line short, powerful declaration of surrender (but seriously, you wouldn't really like to read this book.) This is probably the existence of what is called "pen power". ）
Therefore, here, it is necessary to introduce this author first.
Although he is called a screenwriter, no, slowly, it is too wrong to say that he is a "screenwriter", in fact he is also a film director, actor, band guitarist, can write lyrics, compose music, and is a composition writer who will often participate in TV shows.
Of course, he's still a dad, and because of this book, he became a best-selling author (hopefully).
It is no exaggeration to say that such an excellent person is called "ghost talent".
Speaking of "ghost talent", I think you who often watch Japanese dramas can probably guess who he is.
That's right!
He's Miyato Kankuro— the awesome guy known as Miyagi Kuro!
In the youth of every Japanese drama fan, there is the figure of Gong Jiu! (and pig logo)
You may be too young to see the "divine works" he wields, but the names of the divine works are definitely worth having (at least when the drama is deserted).
"Ikebukuro Nishiguchi Park" (2000), Best Screenplay Award at the 25th Japanese Drama Academy Awards, Douban score 8.7 (21375 ratings)
Kisarazu Cat's Eye (2002), Best Screenplay Award at the 32nd Japanese Drama Academy Awards, Minister of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology Newcomer Award, Douban Score 9.0 (7709 ratings)
Tiger and Dragon (2005), Best Screenplay Award at the 45th Japanese Drama Academy Awards, Best Work at the 43rd Galaxy Awards, Douban Score 9.3 (12997 ratings)
"Meteor Trip" (2008), 59th Japanese Drama Academy Awards Best Screenplay Award, Douban score 8.3 (46485 ratings)
Narcissistic Criminal Police (2010), Best Screenplay Award at the 66th Japanese Drama Academy Awards, 29th Kuniko Xiangtian Awards, Douban score 8.0 (23519 ratings)
Haenyeo (2013), Best Screenplay Award at the 78th Japanese Drama Academy Awards, Best Screenplay Award at the Tokyo International Theatre Festival, Douban Score 9.3 (23126 ratings)
"Sorry Youth" (2014), the 83rd Japanese Drama Academy Awards Best Screenplay Award, Douban score 9.0 (60960 ratings)
"What about the Loose Generation" (2017), Best Screenplay Award at the 89th Japanese Drama Academy Awards, Minister of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology Award at the 67th Academic Selection Awards, Douban Score 8.7 (30339 ratings)
His works are not only classics within classics, but also the mournful and warm lines and tones in the play have also influenced countless people's attitudes towards youth and life.
But this time, his work probably has nothing to do with youth, because he is (going to/has) become a father.
"I'm still a kid too!" 》
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[Sun] by Kankuro Kado
The "bitter history" of parenting written by japanese popular ghosts, see how this uncle who hates children has become a "subordinate" of his beloved daughter step by step!
On the tenth anniversary of the famous screenwriter's marriage, his wife was pregnant, and he began to panic so much that he hated children, and even "panicked to the point that he went to the weekly Wenchun to introduce himself and wanted to start writing a serial of parenting diaries", and he did not expect that the famous "Zhou (ba) Magazine (gua) Wen (za) Chun (zhi)" gladly accepted his strange proposal. Therefore, before the child was born, he began to write a serial, not only for three years, but also deeply loved by everyone.
The book, which is a compilation of serials, is divided into 4 parts: belly; 0-1 year old; 1-2 years old; 2-3 years old. From naming her unborn child, to seeing her daughter for the first time, to changing her diaper, teaching her to talk, and talking to her, this father who originally hated children has also become a "subordinate" who loves his daughter little by little. (The above is from the official content introduction)
Or how to say that Gong Jiu is worthy of Being Gong Jiu, this guy not only dares to grab the job bowl in the absolute field of mothers- "parenting", but also spits up the grooves, and has no intention of restraining to a child (and his own child).
The style of the book goes like this:
It is said that the lady sat on the delivery bed for 15 minutes and was born. It was 7:16 to be exact. That is, when I listened to the phone message in the recording studio, the child's head was about to come out. What's going on here, what am I trying so hard to dominate Daddy's classroom for!
She was busy hanging her head in despair, but the lady who had finished giving birth and gasping for breath spoke quickly. No, the emotional gap between the two of us is too big. Is she angry?
I'm going to publish the current growth data of Guanba, and if I find any problems, please notify the editorial board of the magazine.
Born 7 and a half months, weighs 8155 grams, height 69 cm, head circumference 45 cm ... Wouldn't it be a bit big? Carcass circumference 44 cm... Bigger than the head?! Feet 10 cm long, head 45 cm ... How could this possibly stand up! As for the uneven length of the hair, I think it is because the surface area is too large.
I was born in 1970 in a remote place with no computers and Seacome around me, and where I play every day is nearby rivers and fields.
I remember when I was only three or four years old, one day, I sprinkled sand on the to play, and I thought the sparkling sand was particularly beautiful. Just when I felt like that was sprinkled with sugar snacks and felt I want to eat, the kindergarten teacher slapped my hand.
Fortunately, I didn't really eat it, and at the same time, I thought, in this modern Tokyo where you can't see everywhere, how to teach Instructor Eight not to eat? Although the current Guanba can operate the mouse, he is still a child who can eat.
This child is about to turn 1 year old, and he is still an omnivore who can't control his feces and urine, which makes people feel uneasy for a moment.
In other words, this kind of article full of and, but also want to lie to me about having a baby!
It occurred to me that I hadn't kissed Guan Ba yet!
It's true. Although I rubbed my face and nose, I never used my lips. Why? Could it be that some corner of my mind has a heterosexual cognition of Guan Ba? Hey, she's only 1.5 years old. You have to kiss it. When she grows up, she can't kiss her! If you want to kiss, you can only take advantage of the present! At this time, I can't take care of my mother, I want to kiss the baby!
The plan never came into effect. Although the opportunities are endless, once I have that awareness, I can't put my mouth down. Even if a trace of pornography is integrated, it is not a parent-child kiss.
I pressed Guan Ba to the bed and pouted while my wife was cleaning up the kitchen. My mind is pure enough, right? Didn't become a male inside, right? By the time I asked myself, Guan Ba had already run away. Maybe it was killing me. Don't run! I pressed my hands against guan ba's head and put my face over. If the other person is replaced by an adult woman, this is a complete sexual crime. Then, I repeatedly chanted "Egg Egg Chicken" in my heart and kissed Guan Ba's face! That's great! I did it! The first parent-child kiss... It is miso soup flavored. Moreover, in return, GuanBa licked two bites on my nose.
official
As a parent, it will occasionally come out of nowhere. There happened to be 3 men who had just become dads at the banquet last year, and one of them pulled out a photo and said, "My child looks like this now." ”
So cute! Honestly, I feel like I'm losing. I had always thought that Guan Ba was the cutest person in the world, but I completely lost my mind at that time.
"Wait, wait! I have something even cuter. New Dad No. 2 also issued a declaration to join the war: "My family is a boy. ”
Lovely! Is it really a boy?! Did such a cute doll actually grow a chick?!
Things have developed to this point and it is difficult to ride the tiger. A few people started the photo war with the help of wine, and I felt that I could not win any more, so I asked my wife to send the latest photos quickly.
"This one is cute, but did she have a mole here?" I took a closer look, and sure enough, I found that there was a small black spot in the corner of Guan Ba's mouth, so I sent a letter to my wife asking: "Is this a mole?" ”
"Snot."
- Fiasco!
No wonder the novice mothers who have seen the sample in advance have said that the original man in my family with the child paper is such an aunt, hehe...
The child's face will really change, and the morning is very different from the evening. Like me in the morning, like Madame at night. But the most similar is the other person. I always felt that Guan Ba looked very similar to a person, but I couldn't think of who it was, and my heart was anxious for a long time. Some people say that she is "like Heidi in "The Girl of the Alps", but even with my eyes with my own filter, Guan Ba is not so cute. Who is that like? I tried to put her sunglasses on and let her sit in front of the toy piano, and the answer popped up.
Elton John!
Why a foreign uncle! This is probably the miracle caused by genes.
big
The costumes of the eight officials are biased towards boyish style. For example, T-shirts and flannel plaid shirts, as well as elastic fabric trousers and hats. Occasionally, she was asked to wear a skirt, but Guan Ya himself did not seem to understand that it was a costume for showing girlishness, and even if the skirt fell on the buttocks, he would still run around. I also used to wear cute dresses and small dresses sent by others with a playful mood, but guanba would have a special feeling when she put them on, which made people wonder: "Why do you dress up as a woman?" In the summer, she often wore sleeveless dresses, but although she no longer looked like a boy, she became the feeling of an old aunt.
Wait a ha, how fat four, the reflection on the screen is the legendary aunt laughing...
I just came back from a walk and wanted to stop by to buy something, but every time I passed the supermarket, Guan Ba would take my hand and say, "Bingbing!" "In the end, I even held on to people's freezers and didn't let go." There was really no way but to buy it for her, but the problem happened after that.
On the way home, Guan Ba held the ice cream for a moment and did not want to let go. I said to her, "You're going to melt it off and put it in the bag." She also stubbornly resisted: "Don't! "Then leave it alone!" I said loudly and walked forward quickly, only to see Guan Ba pouting and squatting on the ground. I went back to see what she was doing and heard her muttering.
"Cangcang hates me, Cangcang hates me, Cangcang hates me."
...... Don't do that.
emm...... This painting style... Completely raided.
The day has finally come.
On April 27, Guanba finally turned 3 years old.
Just when the movie was on holiday, our family of three & mrs. friend gave Guan Ba's birthday. My wife made loose sushi & fried chicken nuggets, and I went to the department store to get the cake that I had booked, everything was ready, and the party began! However, although the parents are very positive, the response of guanba is a bit flat. Madame gave her a birthday present (E.T. walkie-talkie), and she just coldly said "thank you" and ate the fried chicken nuggets.
Inquiring carefully, it turned out that yesterday the lady's mother's family opened an early celebration meeting for Guan Ba, and the day before yesterday the nursery opened an early celebration meeting, so today is already the third day of the party. No wonder Guan Ba was so skilled. Before I could ask "How old?" She had 3 fingers ready, but she still didn't know how to blow out the candles. The child had to blow from the top, dripping saliva on the cake every time, but it was dirty. But we ended up eating it.
Finally, I would like to say to Guan Ba:
"It's great that you were born into this world."
The famous screenwriter is really not a waste of time, obviously full of daily bittersweet and bittersweet, but in his pen, it seems that all the sorrows can be resolved, into a laugh, and sometimes into a gentle tear gas canister, this alternative parenting essay, not only will not make people a little bored, but also make people can't help but be funny, this [lovely daughter + helpless father] combination has a good feeling, and even will have an illusion - oh yo, I seem to have watched this little girl grow up!
If you also like "Gong Jiu", please don't miss this alternative showy baby book - "I am still a child!" 》
"I'm still a kid too!" "The "bitter history" of child-rearing written by the Japanese popular ghost talent, see how this uncle who hates children has become a "subordinate" of his beloved daughter step by step!