"Don't mention it, it's not that my mother started turning over old accounts at home again, saying it so many times, I'm bored."
This is the answer I gave when she asked her friends who were out playing together but were sullen.
Many times, parents can't help but educate their children with fried cold rice when facing their children's problems.
They believe that constantly turning through old accounts will strengthen their memories, allow them to learn lessons, and avoid falling in the same place next time.
But does constantly emphasizing the child's mistakes really make the child learn a lesson and not repeat it?
No.
Psychological research shows:
The child's brain responds little to repeated negative feedback and does nothing other than make the child more frustrated and broken.
To put it simply, when educating children, every time parents turn over old accounts for their children, they are revealing their children's scars.
It does not have any educational significance, it will only allow children to accumulate more negative emotions.
There is such a topic that has attracted much attention in Zhihu: #妈妈喜欢翻旧账, she turned over old accounts and I was very annoying#, which triggered many people to leave messages and discuss.
It is not difficult to find that children are resistant and bored with their parents' behavior of turning over old accounts.
In fact, blaming children who make mistakes by turning over old accounts will only make children think "I'm really bad" or "I'm annoying again."
Either way, it is not beneficial to the child's development.
And in the eyes of children, turning over old accounts is a kind of nagging in disguise, an accusation from the commanding heights.
No one can accept being blamed all the time.
When there are more and more negative emotions such as inner chagrin, irritability, depression, and anxiety, children's emotions will definitely explode.
After that, the child will automatically block all the words spoken by the parents, the sense of trust and dependence on the parents will gradually decrease, and the heart will gradually distance itself from the parents.
Everyone makes mistakes, so there's an eraser on the other end of the pencil.
No one's life will be smooth sailing, children are also constantly growing, when children have problems, parents should treat them in the right way and educate their children correctly.
Liu Zhenyun once said:
"Repeated preaching is not promoting children's progress and independence, but draining their vitality."
Mr. Yang Di also said:
"The best appearance of a family, respect for big things, forgiveness for small things, do not dispute right and wrong, do not turn over old accounts, will raise happy children."
Compared to turning over old accounts again and again, the relief of love can be remembered by children.
Listening, understanding and advising are the attitudes you should have when dealing with your child's problems.
Respect, empathy and communication are the best medicines to solve problems and resolve conflicts!