#家长百问百答 #
A good family atmosphere is like a piece of soil, warm and nutritious, which nourishes each family member.
Author | Potato Mom
See a true story on Zhihu:
Some family members went to climb the mountain together, but when they arrived on the mountain, they found that their youngest daughter's milk bottle had forgotten to bring.
Dad immediately began to get angry with his mother:
"Don't go out to travel, you can forget the bottle, I don't even know what your brain is for?"
The mother was stunned for a moment, and she was angry at her eldest daughter:
"Didn't you collect it for me? Where did it go? You can't do such a little thing! ”
Immediately afterwards, grandma also began to complain:
"Hmph, I see that you guys are enough, and the doll will be lost in the future!" It's been like this all my life..."
The eldest daughter, who is in her teens, suddenly became the "target of everyone" and was scolded to the point of blood. The good mood of the whole family coming out to play was also ruined.
The most terrible thing about a family is like this - constantly consuming each other in small things.
It is clearly an unintentional mistake that can be ignored, but it is always holding on, chattering, prevaricating and complaining, but trying to degrade each other, and constantly hurting each other.
As a result, the husband and wife lost harmony, the parent-child relationship was tense, the contradictions and conflicts continued, and the whole family got worse and worse.
Children who grow up in this environment are often exhausted, walking on thin ice, and living a miserable and depressing life for the rest of their lives.
So how can we eliminate internal friction, get rid of anxiety, and give children a harmonious, warm, relaxed and comfortable growth atmosphere?
These 9 family rules are worth collecting for all parents.
Before entering the house, the "dust" on the bomb body
The happiness of a family depends on the state of our state when we enter the house.
If you bring all the grievances at work and grievances in life home, it will only make every family member tremble and have no happiness at all.
The "kicking cat effect" tells us that bad emotions are contagious, which in turn leads to a vicious cycle.
Home is not an emotional dump, and children should not pay for our negative energy.
So before entering the door, remember the dust on the bullet and remind yourself to "leave the bad mood outside the door".
Because from now on, we begin to assume the roles of husband, wife, and parent.
Our face affects the mood of our partner and determines the character of the child.
Don't dump garbage emotions on the people who should be most gentle.
Speak at home, no more than 60 decibels
Stephen Covey points out in The Seven Habits of Effective Families:
"We are used to yelling at our families, accusing instead of understanding, ordering rather than communicating, but we all neglect the most important point: effective communication."
Truly effective communication never depends on who is louder.
Studies have found that talking in a low voice can achieve a more persuasive effect than talking in a high voice.
Just like Hu Shi's mother, she never scolded him in front of people and hit him, but every time Hu Shi broke into trouble, as long as he saw his mother's stern gaze, he knew that he was wrong.
In a happy family, everyone knows how to control the volume and talk well.
Because anger only obscures the problem, yelling only hurts family and children.
Don't cry over spilled milk
There is a Western proverb: "Do not cry over spilled milk." ”
The idea is that for those things that have already happened, no matter how anxious, remorseful and complaining you are, it is impossible to undo it.
Life is always full of chickens and dogs, and we all have times when we are careless and sloppy and make mistakes.
When encountering these small accidents and episodes, 10,000 sentences of "blame you" are not worth a sentence of "I accompany you".
When we break the dishes, we clean up together, and if we go the wrong way, we should see one more scenery.
Between the family, a little more tolerance and understanding, less harsh and critical, in order to be harmonious and beautiful, the better the day.
Don't put good meals in front of your child
There is such a classic scene in the TV series "Tiger Mother Cat Dad":
The mother specially prepared a pot of organic vegetables for her daughter, but the daughter did not like to eat it and vomited.
While angrily shoving the greens into her daughter's mouth, the mother roared and spat bitter water:
"Do you know how much these dishes cost a pound?
Did you know that this dish is three times more expensive than usual vegetables?
It's not easy for us to make money in normal times, and now all the good food and drink are used on you, why do you not know so much? ”
As a parent, even if you are reluctant to eat and wear, you must give the best and most expensive to your children.
But blindly demanding ourselves and treating ourselves badly will only make us more anxious, full of anger, and more dissatisfied with our families and children.
Before loving your children, don't forget to love yourself first.
Get your phone out of the table
It has been said that love is a family sitting together and eating many, many meals.
Hot meals, laughter, relaxed and pleasant chatter, this is the happiest look of a home.
But nowadays, many families have even become a luxury to have a peaceful meal together.
Everyone is holding their own mobile phones, either busy with work or watching videos, but leaving family and children aside, the distance between each other is getting farther and farther, the gap is getting deeper and deeper, and the family affection is becoming more and more indifferent.
Eating coldly and without fireworks at the table is the beginning of a family's misfortune.
Because the temperature on the dining table is the temperature of home.
Remember to turn off your mobile phone when eating, chat with your family about today's interesting things, care about your children's lives, and enjoy this simplest and most down-to-earth happiness.
After the alarm goes off, parents should get up at the same time
The People's Daily has pointed out that it is not the responsibility of one person to send their children to school, so parents should get up at the same time.
In fact, whether it is housework or education, parents need to share it.
Mom cooks, dad washes dishes, mom picks up the child, dad tutors homework, the two people divide labor, the efficiency is higher, and the relationship will be better.
When the child sees it, he will naturally join in and want to contribute to the family.
Dad is not absent, mother is not anxious, is the best nourishment for children's childhood.
Sit more at your desk than on the couch
Many parents treat themselves and their children very "double-standard":
I never read, but I ask my child to insist on reading, and I am lazy and foolish, but I ask my child to work hard.
Wu Yishu's parents, when they get home, they will turn off their mobile phones and TVs, push off socializing, pick up books, and accompany her to read and study together.
Teaching children is like this, instead of reasoning and losing your temper, it is better to set an example and make an example.
Children grow up watching their parents' backs.
Whether you lie on the couch or sit at the desk first thing you do when you get home affects who your child becomes.
A family that loves reading and is full of books, the overall atmosphere is upward, and the negative energy will naturally be much less.
Closing your mouth, raising your legs, opening the book, and demonstrating it to your child is the best support for your child.
Be a crouched parent
Many families are constantly at loggerheads with their children, and the root cause is that parents do not understand respect.
If parents always suppress their children with a high posture and control their children with the power and authority of adults, it will only push the child farther and farther and raise more and more rebellious and rebellious.
Don't forget that children, like us, are independent individuals and need to be treated equally.
In front of children, no matter how powerful the big people are, they are only dads and moms.
"Child, you take your time" once said:
"It is not difficult to see the child's world from the perspective of the parents; It is rare that parents will crouch down and keep the same height as their children to see the world.
We are the same life, we respect each other, we grow together. ”
Respect is the foundation of loving children and the background of family education.
Put down the high shelf, squat down, and listen to the child's voice; When making family decisions, ask your child's opinion.
Let the child know that "my thoughts and feelings are important", and the parent-child relationship will be better and better.
Give mom a fixed "free time"
Mother is the anchor of a family.
If the mother is restless and emotionally unstable all day, the family will be full of conflicts, resentments, and quarrels.
Psychologist Chen Mo once said that the more stable the mother's emotions, the more harmonious the family, and the more peaceful the child's heart.
Don't let mom take on everything alone, dad should try to give mom some "free time" so that mom can rest and catch her breath.
For example, give mom half an hour every night and two hours every weekend.
Even if it's a hot shower, go for a walk downstairs in the community, blow the breeze, or sit down with a cup of coffee and go shopping to buy your favorite items.
Give mom the opportunity to develop a life outside the family, so that mom can release herself, adjust herself, and become an emotionally peaceful and relaxed mom.
The most terrible thing about a family is not poverty, but internal friction.
Because everyone is spending their energy on accusing each other, hurting each other, and blaming each other.
As host Tsai Kangyong said:
"There is an emotional account between people, every time you make each other happy, you have a little more deposit, and every time you make each other sad, you have less deposits."
The same is true between family members.
The more quarrels, complaints, and accusations we store in this account, the greater and faster the emotional drain becomes, and sooner or later the account will be overdrawn and the home will be dispersed.
The more love, respect, consideration, and tolerance we store in this account, the more happiness and joy we will gain, and the better our home will be.
A harmonious and happy family needs to be run by everyone.
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