Although we have all been taught since childhood that we must do what we say we do to do things, but later after being beaten by society, we found that society not only "does what we say", but also "does not believe in words".
In order for children to understand this truth, many parents have always been controversial about who should take the lesson of "words without faith".
Recently, there is such a question that has attracted the attention of many netizens on the Internet: "Promise the child to take the first place in the grade three times in a row, and reward him with 5,000 yuan, but now he has done it, but the parents can't do it, does this have an impact on the child's growth?" ”
The answer is almost yes. If parents do not fulfill their promises, it will inevitably lead to children not trusting their parents in the future, and it will be a little difficult to educate their children in the future.
No one will question the importance of "walking the talk", and the story of "Zeng Zi killing pigs" in primary school textbooks still rings in ears.
Zeng Zi's wife was going to the market, and in order to coax the crying child, she promised to come back and kill pigs for him to eat. Unexpectedly, when she came back, she found that her husband was sharpening his knife and preparing to kill pigs, and quickly stopped him and said, "Joke with children, don't take it seriously."
But Zeng Zi said, "Children can't joke with him, they don't understand things when they are young, they have to rely on their parents to learn and follow their parents' teachings." Now by deceiving him, you are teaching him to deceive. If a mother deceives her son, the son will not trust his mother, and this is not the way to educate a child." Turn around and kill the pig and cook the meat to eat.
The truth that words must be done, in ancient times, Zeng Zi personally practiced it for children at the cost of a pig, and the importance is naturally self-evident.
But today, compared with the social environment of the villages in ancient times, the situation we face is more complicated, people's range of activities is wider, and there are not a few things that have been deceived.
Although many parents feel that it is important to do what they say, they feel that the social principle of "words without faith" is equally important, and they are afraid that their children will suffer losses in the future.
For this reason, everyone is caught in a dilemma: who should take the lesson of "words without faith", parents or society?
In the case of the small cost of not believing in words, many parents generally choose to unnaturally choose to believe in words for on-site education. As in the above example, the child is promised to be rewarded with 5,000 for the first place in three consecutive grades, and finally the child is finished, but the parents are unwilling.
Perhaps this is just a kind of malicious "words and no faith", feeling that the child does not have the ability to keep 5,000 yuan, or is afraid that the child will spend money indiscriminately.
But this practice deeply hurts the hearts of children, they may hate their parents, no longer trust their parents, and may learn to believe in their words.
I heard the story of a valuable businessman who used to play games with him in order to raise his child. The merchant put the little child high in a high place, his eyes firm, and he said to the child in a sonorous and powerful tone, "Come on, jump into Daddy's arms, I promise to catch you!" "
The child looked at his father innocently, and then at the ground, and although he was afraid, he jumped down as soon as he gritted his teeth, and as a result, he fell heavily on the ground and cried.
It turned out that the merchant stepped back when the child jumped down, and when the child was tired of crying, he picked up the child and educated, "Dad is teaching you an important lesson in life, that is, don't trust others easily, even your own father!" You see, the reason why I'm so rich is because I don't trust others."
I don't know what happened to this kid, but I think the story is weird.
There is also a story about a mother who is busy with business at home during the Spring Festival and wants her 10-year-old son to help take care of the billiard hall, and promises his son that the money he receives will belong to him.
So, the son sacrificed the holiday and worked hard for two or three days, but in the end, the parents came back and asked for the money back, so angry that the son wanted to jump off the building, or the grandfather coaxed it.
Every time this incident was mentioned in the future, the mother blamed the child for not understanding things and threatened her with jumping off the building. And the child, too, was angry and blamed the mother for not counting when she spoke.
Even if the child became a father himself, when his mother mentioned it, he could put down the dishes and chopsticks on the dinner table and walk out.
It can be seen that every word and failure of parents is the greatest harm to children.
Returning to the article itself, although there will always be someone to teach him the lesson of "words without faith" when the child grows up, in any case, the child hopes that this lesson is not taken by the parents!
After all, we can all have a lot of room for grievances and grievances with a stranger, friend, colleague, or relative who hurt us.
For example, hatred can be conveyed through communication, and venting through quarrels, blackouts, severance, and mutual discontact.
Just because they are not irreplaceable, the damage is limited.
However, for parents, it is not.
No one can face the hurt of their parents well because they don't know how to release grievances and hatred.
Reason tells children that they should love their parents; And emotions tell children that they should hate those who deceive him.
In the entanglement of love and hate, many children can only choose to no longer trust their parents and dare not trust others in order to avoid being hurt and fooled again.
This will lead to the child's inner insecurity, emotional alienation and indifference from the parents, and even immersed in emotional internal friction.
As the saying goes, home is always the warmest harbor in your heart, and you can come back at any time to shelter from the wind and waves and heal your wounds. But if parents deceive their children, the harbor may not exist.
Because they are stormy at home and outside, and have nothing to rely on.
It is good to choose to let children be independent and recognize the truth of society. But we must pay attention to the methods and methods, and do not choose to teach them in a "word without faith" way.
It's cruelty.
It is not only cruelty to children, but also cruelty to the future to eat itself.
Therefore, if you were to ask me to choose who would teach my children the lesson of "not believing in words", I would resolutely choose society, never parents.
If we look forward to our children being independent and understanding the truth of society as soon as possible, it is necessary to give him more opportunities to contact society and deal with problems alone, step by step.
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