Ms. Fang has a son, healthy and lively, and loved by everyone. However, Ms. Fang always frowned unconsciously when she saw her son, because her son's academic performance was so poor.
From kindergarten, Ms. Fang found that her son was significantly behind his classmates in terms of learning. Memorizing, writing, calculating and reasoning, as long as it is related to learning, he learns slower than others. Ms. Fang initially thought that her son was young, and the boy's IQ developed later, and he was not too anxious.
But by primary school, her son's condition had not improved. Every time she listened to other parents say how many points their children had scored, Ms. Fang could only smile awkwardly. At the same time, she is also very unwilling, they are all children, the same environment, is her own child really so stupid?
The more Ms. Fang thought about it, the more she didn't feel like it, and she decided to chicken dolls. She thought that she must have paid too little attention to her children before, and she was determined to make up for this lesson. Therefore, accompanying her children to study has become the most important thing for Ms. Fang every day.
At first, Ms. Fang was very patient, and her son was very cooperative. As time passed, Ms. Fang's heart became more and more anxious. Because she found that her child really seemed a little stupid. By the third grade of primary school, he still mispronounced pinyin. He can be wrong several times for the same calculation problem. English words, he remembered the back, forgot the front.
Such problems arise every day, and Ms. Fang's patience is worn out little by little. In the past, she focused on knowledge explanation, but later Ms. Fang focused on her son, often saying "can you use dim sum", "why did you forget again", "you just don't take it seriously".
As if to confirm Ms. Fang's words, her son did show the characteristics of not being serious, careless, and having poor memory, and his attitude towards learning was getting worse and worse. As long as he is allowed to learn, he is either grinding or extremely reluctant. When Ms. Fang saw her son like this, she became even more angry, and she couldn't help but criticize him, and beat him when she was angry.
Slowly, children's learning became something that their family had to face and was very painful. Ms. Fang sighed when she saw her son, because she did not study well, and she could not see the other advantages in her son. For example, she thinks her son is stupid and can't speak when he sees his elders. When eating, I always move around, and I am not calm at all. When you encounter a little difficulty, you want to retreat, and you can't bear hardships.
Ms. Fang, who is strong by nature, really doesn't understand why she has paid so much for her child, but she has nothing to gain, could it be that her son was born to torture her?
One day, Ms. Fang had a conflict with her son over homework. She asked her son to revise it, but her son just wouldn't do it. Ms. Fang reminded her several times that her son was indifferent and still sitting on the sofa watching TV.
Ms. Fang suddenly became angry, she rudely turned off the TV, and while loudly arguing at her son, she pulled his arm to the bedroom. Her son was also not happy, struggling and shouting: "What are you doing? Let me go...... You're a bad mother..."
Ms. Fang was even more angry: "Yes, I'm a bad mother!" Whatever you say, go and correct my homework now. ”
The son cried and shouted, "I won't do it!" Bad mom, you're a bad mom! I'm going to change my mother..."
Ms. Fang was a little crying and laughing, and it was the first time she had heard her son say this. "Change mother? What kind of mother are you going to change?"
"Change to a mother who is good to me!" Her son seemed to answer seriously.
"Am I bad?"
"Not good, not good at all!"
"What's wrong?"
"You are fat, ugly and lazy, you either watch TV or play with your mobile phone all day, you have a big temper, and you know every day that you let me study and do nothing... He still scolds me all the time..."
Ms. Fang was stunned, but she didn't expect that she was this image in her son's mind. But she had to admit that although her son was angry, he was also telling the truth. In recent years, for her son's study, she has really rarely paid attention to herself.
In addition to cooking and doing housework every day, she supervises her son's studies. She can't remember the last time she applied a mask. Her mobile phone shopping cart is basically her son's study materials, and she has not bought new clothes for herself for a long time. Because of her studies, she criticized her son all day, and their family has not had a scene of "motherly filial piety" for a long time.
Ms. Fang's husband also often gently reminds her that she should not worry too much about her son's studies and should spend some time on herself. Not only did she not listen, but she also said that her husband was selfish and did not know to think about the children.
Unexpectedly, he unknowingly became a yellow-faced woman who disregarded the image, did not seek advancement, was impatient, and had a big temper. What is even more sad is that her efforts have not been exchanged for her son's progress, and she has been disliked, which seems to have no value at all.
How many parents, like Ms. Huang, have lost themselves in the process of raising their children. They focus too much time and energy on their children and neglect to manage themselves. Their sacrifices moved them, but did not bring corresponding value.
Educating their children is a parent's responsibility, but it should not be the be-all there is. Parents should first manage their own lives and set aside some time and energy for themselves. Do not tie yourself to your child, as this will not only not help the child, but also add unnecessary trouble to yourself.
To educate children, start by being yourself.
This article is original by "Guo Lifang Psychological Studio", welcome to follow, like, comment, the article is refused to be reprinted.