#2023育儿季 #
Raising a boy is like planting a tree, when the environment is suitable and the nutrients are enough, he can break the ground and sprout, take root deeply, and then flourish.
Author | Maple
The book "Raising Boys" says:
"We live today, girls are more in control of themselves, they are positive and work hard.
However, boys are often unenterprising in life: poor academic performance, discordant relationships with classmates, easy irritability, and easy to fall into habits such as alcohol and drugs. ”
The upbringing of boys is undoubtedly a huge test for parents.
The boy is naturally a stubborn temper, and his parents say that he is biased to the west, and the stricter he is, the more rebellious he is;
Although the boy is careless and grinning in everything, he has a sensitive heart and is easily injured;
The boy does not open the trick, the homework is scribbled, and it is full of mistakes, and he can't teach it;
……
But if we patiently understand the physiological characteristics, growth laws and character development of boys, we will find that boys are like a tree, and raising boys is like planting trees.
As long as the boy grows up, pay attention to the following 6 details, and he can cultivate an independent and responsible man with a strong heart.
Trees need temperature
It's like boys need to be treated gently
Many parents feel that boys are just big grins and don't need to be educated with too many delicate ingredients.
When boys are frustrated, we will pass on the idea that "a man should be strong";
Even when the boy is vulnerable, the boy is not allowed to cry or hug the boy.
But in fact, boys are more vulnerable than we think, and they need to be gentle more than we think.
In a scene in "Mom is Superman", Huo Siyan is responsible for being the "one-day principal" of the children, taking care of the children for a day.
During this period, Huo Siyan couldn't help but ignore hum because she took care of many children.
Hmph felt aggrieved, and in a fit of anger, he was about to run away from home.
In the face of Hum's willfulness and temper, Huo Siyan didn't talk about any big reason, just accepted, understood, and explained, which made Hum lose his emotions.
Actually, this is the little boy.
Their prefrontal lobe develops more slowly than girls, has relatively weak self-control, and is easy to be impulsive, so they need to follow the good way;
They are not good at expression, have more "childishness", emotions, thoughts are expressed through body language and behavioral actions, so parents need more observation and patience.
Only boys who have been treated gently since childhood can know love, learn to love, and become a warm boy.
Trees need air
Like boys need respect
The book "Raising Boys" says, "If you can only give your son one thing, give him respect." ”
Educator Dr. Emerson Egredge once shared a real-life case:
A mother was outraged when she saw her son's 60-point test paper, because she knew that her son was not studying hard at all.
In the past, she would be angry and scold her son, but it never worked.
This time, following the doctor's advice, she said to her son:
"I'm very angry now, so I won't say too much first, I'm angry because I know how capable you are, but the results of this exam are really not worthy of your ability."
I have a lot of respect for you and believe you can solve this 60-point problem. ”
The son was surprised, and although he was angry to see his mother, he also heard his mother's respect and confidence in him.
So the boy promised that he would solve the problem. Sure enough, on the next exam, his score increased to more than 90 points!
The respect and trust from parents touched the boy's heart the most.
Because dignity is a need in the bones of boys.
If parents blindly use authority control to suppress and humiliate boys, they often only stimulate the boy's natural aggression.
causing them to either attack outward and confront their parents; Either attack yourself inward and become self-defeating.
On the contrary, giving respect can stimulate the energy in the boy's heart, so that he can learn to be self-responsible and self-grow.
The tree needs pruning
It's like boys need discipline
Someone on Zhihu asked: Why are bear children boys?
The truth is actually very simple, not because they are born with anti-bones. But because, under the influence of testosterone, boys are naturally fond of fighting, and it is easy to show roughness and aggressiveness.
Boys have a lot of dopamine in their blood, they can't calm down all the time, they are more impulsive and risk-taking, and they are aggressive.
Therefore, if there are boys in the family, they must not be allowed to develop. When they misbehave, they must be guided and corrected by their parents in time.
Saw a news before.
There is a 7-year-old boy who likes to throw stones at his classmates every day after school, and his parents have taught him many times, but the boy has never changed.
So the parents punished the boy for walking with a large rock for 20 minutes, and the effect was immediate.
The boy cried and promised, "I will never make such a mistake again!" ”
As the saying goes: the small tree is chopping, the child is in charge.
Naughtiness is in boys' nature, but discipline is the responsibility of parents.
Therefore, when a boy is unruly, he must be disciplined and let him know the boundaries of his behavior.
When a boy is uneducated, he must be punished to let him know the bottom line of being human.
With discipline and education, punishment and punishment, boys will be in awe, stick to the bottom line, and do something and do nothing.
Such boys, when they go into society, are more likely to be welcomed by everyone and are more likely to succeed.
Trees need to experience wind and sun
It's like boys need to suffer
Psychologist Li Meijin said:
"The more people suffer in their early years, the better they will endure in later life.
Children in the family, especially sons, must be raised hard and never take care of them too thoughtfully. ”
In order for boys to gain a foothold in society, they need not only knowledge and skills, but also a spirit that can endure hardships.
There is a boy in my hometown who was born prematurely, so he was raised by his mother in the palm of his hand since he was a child, and he did not suffer a little and suffered a little sin.
The boy dropped out of school in his second year of junior high school, and after leaving school, his relatives introduced him to work in an electronics factory. Because of the relationship, he was arranged a relatively easy job.
But he resigned after three months because it was too bitter.
After that, I went to class for a year on and off, and because I couldn't suffer and couldn't do it, I have been eating old at home now.
Whether or not he can endure hardships largely determines the life or failure of a boy.
No matter how much parents love, don't spoil the boy, but let him:
Suffer from learning and learn self-discipline in perseverance;
Suffer from labor and learn to be independent in hands;
Suffer from setbacks and be perseverant in difficulties.
Only after experiencing hardship can we give birth to tough armor to withstand the ups and downs on the road of life.
Trees need to be raised outdoors
It's like boys need to take risks
Some people say: You can never understand what is going on in the boy's head.
Boys are lively and active by nature, adventurous, like to climb up and down, jump down from heights... It's just a thrill.
Therefore, many mothers habitually discourage boys:
In order not to get the boy injured, limit him to all the games with intense action;
In order not to let the boy get into trouble, he was forbidden to participate in all reckless, impulsive, dangerous outdoor activities.
Writer Liu Jirong once had a friend, who was such a mother.
It wasn't until her friend discovered that her son had become introverted and timid and cowered in everything she did, that she suddenly woke up: let her father take his son to release his nature, to take risks, to try all kinds of new things.
Outdoors, the boy followed his father's unbridled rain, treading water, and shouting.
At the resort, the boy followed his father into the water, caught fish, climbed trees and rolled on the grass.
After a while, although his son's arm was injured, his foot was blistered, and his whole body was still full of mosquito bites.
But the mother found that her son became brave and confident, no longer afraid of the dark, afraid of insects, and cried his nose at every turn.
The authoritative magazine "Atlantic Monthly" once revealed an amazing fact to the public:
"Overprotection in the name of safety strips independence, risk-taking and a spirit of exploration from children's childhood, yet children don't actually become safer."
So, instead of rigidly restricting boys' behavior, provide them with a broader space to release their energy and curiosity.
In the child's adventurous desire, there is the key to the sunshine of his character.
The growth of the tree requires waiting
Just like boys need patience
It is no exaggeration to say that the boy's mother has a history of blood and tears, that is, the boy's lack of learning skills.
I love to engage in small actions in class, I don't like to study or read, my homework is written in a blur, and my mind is full of play.
And this is all because the boy's brain development is relatively slow, so he performs poorly in comprehension, language ability, literacy and numeracy ability.
But these differences will slowly narrow and even catch up when boys enter middle school.
Therefore, parents can only help the boy by letting go of anxiety, following the boy's growth law, and allowing him to take his time.
In this process, parents can give the boy a little more encouragement and help him establish a good attitude:
Just like Zhong Nanshan, even if he was naughty since he was a child, often skipped school, studied poorly, and stayed in grade twice, his mother never scolded him, but always encouraged him.
Parents can also help boys learn based on their characteristics:
For example, letting boys exercise for half an hour before learning to vent the irritability caused by testosterone and excess dopamine in the blood can make boys more focused on studying.
Take advantage of boys' competitive psychology to turn learning into challenges and stimulate boys' interest in learning.
Finally, parents should unswervingly believe in the boy and turn him into confidence.
Just like the last mother who knew it, her son was a scumbag, but she never gave up.
He also told his son that he is a big pot, so the water boils slowly, and may not be as good as others now, but he will do better than others in the future.
In the end, the boy really resisted and was admitted to the NPC.
The patience of parents is the best nourishment for a boy's growth, and ultimately helps him grow into a towering tree.
The book "Raising Boys" says:
"Don't think that your little baby is still a child, just this boy, he will one day become a man with a sense of responsibility and mature charm.
This secret and dramatic change is happening in the more than ten years you have lived with. ”
The future of the boy is hidden in the parenting style of the parents.
Behind every confident, sunny and excellent boy, there must be gentle and firm, wise and patient parents.
Even if the boy's upbringing is laborious and sad, they have always cultivated with their hearts, watered carefully, warmed the boy, gave the boy strength, and gave the boy guidance.
The result is a tree that can provide shelter for the family and parents.
Give it a thumbs up, may every boy be able to grow up towards the sun, take root deep and thrive.