Some time ago, I saw a widely sought after video.
In the video, the 2-year-old boy is about to drink medicine, probably because the medicine is bitter, the little boy is a little resistant, and the mother holds up the medicine and asks the child: "Are you a man?" ”
At this time, the little boy's desire to win or lose exploded, and he said "it's a man". Mom took the opportunity to say: "It's a man, just drink this medicine!" ”
When the boy gulped down the rest of the medicine and put down the cup, there was no smile on his face.
Many netizens praised mothers for having ways and will trick their children.
In fact, there are many videos uploaded by this mother that use this method of motivation to educate children. Moreover, even the signature is: the "hardest-mouthed" male silver Coke on the whole network.
Linking the problem of children's medicine to "whether it is a man", so that the small matter of taking medicine carries too many things such as face, dignity, and responsibility, which invisibly gives children a lot of mental pressure.
And this so-called "radical general" education has a lot more in our lives.
In one issue of "Youth Says", a sixth-grade girl once confided her sad experience:
From childhood to adulthood, what she listened to most was her mother's "demeaning incentives".
She said, I think my mother's life must be very bitter, after all, her mouth is so poisonous.
She said that once she did not perform very steadily in the math test, and only scored more than 50 points. She was scared and didn't call her mother for the next three days.
But one night, my mother called.
Mom roared on the other end of the phone: "You are really a talent, how to get this damn thing, if you get this test again, you won't use school, where to stay cool." You look at my IQ, and then you look at your IQ, it's really not genetic. ”
Another time she asked her father to buy a dress, and the moment her mother saw the skirt, her whole face changed.
And turned on the poisonous tongue attack mode: "Look at you, where do you think this dress looks good, the fabric is dirty and ugly, cheap and childish." Why did you buy it back, make decorations? ”
Although the mother stood in the audience and repeatedly explained that she just wanted to make the child better, she adopted a sharp and straightforward "radical method". But the girl was still reluctant to agree.
Because her mother's words have caused her harm and often make her doubt herself.
What's even more heart-wrenching is that this is not an isolated case.
A 15-year-old boy in Yunnan committed suicide by taking pesticides on January 27, 2017, that is, Chinese New Year's Eve, because of "his father's pressing sentences".
In the suicide note, every word, every paragraph, is filled with his hatred for his father and his disappointment in the world. "Dad, you are happy when I die, because nothing will bother you, my death is caused by you, it has nothing to do with others, you are pressing, I can't help"
At the end of his suicide note, he wrote: "Your unfilial son is, of course, a son who can't do anything." There are many more such things, in addition to bitterness, more regrets.
"Just you, you still want to take the first exam?"
"I know to play every day, and it's far worse than people's xx."
"If you become well-behaved, the pigs will go up the tree!"
Are these words familiar?
I believe that no one will like this so-called method of stimulating education.
Because the essence of the radical law is to belittle, but also humiliate.
The Chinese Academy of Social Sciences has released a "Blue Book for Teenagers", which has compiled five sentences that children most often hear but dislike the most.
Among them, two sentences are related to "deliberate disparagement":
"Look at other people's children!"
"It's really useless!"
There is a question on Zhihu: What is the impact of parents' long-term use of the radical method on their children?
The subject said that every time his parents talk to him, they are excited education, and every time they say "how do you have the ability", "how do you have the ability", "how do you have the courage".
From childhood to adulthood, I have not been praised, no matter what I do, it is wrong, as if I can't do anything, it is a waste.
In family education, the most hurtful thing is never a fist, but a tongue. In the child's world, every comment from parents plays a pivotal role.
Psychologist William James said:
"The deepest need of human nature is to be praised and appreciated by others."
The same is true for children, when parents use radical methods on their children, but they are wrapped in a large number of "insults" and "denials", it is undoubtedly a dilemma for children.
One word can kill a person; A word can also make a person born again.
"For your good" is never a shield for insults.
The real good for you is that every day can make you more confident and accept yourself.
At the same time, you have to accept the fact that not every child can be equally good, but every child who lives well needs that touch of confidence.
May every you, me, him, and children grow up happily under the sunshine of affirmation and encouragement.
Well, I'm half-eared, thanks for the attention.