A parent's belief that "I can't stand when my child has a tantrum reflects their inability to be the external emotional support their child needs." As parents, we need to understand the key to facing a terrible tantrum of life.
"I can't stand my child's tantrums" is a phrase parents often say in counseling. However, it is crucial for their children to be external regulators of emotions and to remain calm until they are able to reach this autonomous milestone.
This article will show you some ways to help you learn to control your anger. In addition, it can help you understand how your child's brain works in these early stages and your role as a parent during their emotional maturation phases.
"It's not what happens to us, it's our reaction to what happens to us that hurts us."
Children and tantrums
One of the situations that parents fear the most is losing their temper in public. In other words, a child kicks and barks in the middle of the grocery store or the middle of the street. These situations tend to awaken feelings of guilt, shame, anger, and especially helplessness in parents. This is because they often wonder if they have done something wrong.
Why do tantrums occur? Well, tantrums are a manifestation of frustration and discomfort, for those children who are still in the pre-language development stage. Their mature emotions do not allow them to communicate in any other way. The good news is that the situation will generally improve in four years. In other words, this is a normal stage of the child's development and there is nothing embarrassing.
In fact, it's a starting point for starting to control anger autonomously. Therefore, how parents cope, how they deal with their own anger or frustration is key to guiding their children's learning. Therefore, you must analyze what you should do when your child is angry.
Why some parents can't tolerate their children's tantrums
Tantrums are very unpleasant, since they are very intense and often occur in very inappropriate places. During this time, parents may feel helpless and overwhelmed. This is partly due to the influence of mirror neurons on human emotions.
In addition, children live in their own little universe and have their own worries and fantasies. As a result, it is often difficult for the adult mind to understand why a child becomes so intense when he cannot immediately satisfy his desires. Logically, if you compare their problems to those of your adults, their problems will look ridiculous.
Also, you must be wondering why you really hate your child's tantrums. What does you yourself have to do with anger? That is, how you manage that emotion and the intensity with which you feel it. In fact, even your own parents' reaction when you lose your temper.
What to do when your child has a tantrum?
You will primarily learn how to regulate your emotions during childhood and adolescence. The prefrontal region of the brain is one of the main interventionists of this mood regulation, but it is not yet fully developed.
Therefore, parents play the role of external support for these emotions until the child's brain is fully developed and he learns to control his anger. In other words, children's primary role models are indicators of anger control that they cannot currently maintain. Therefore, as you can imagine, this external control point must reflect enough regulation for the child to be able to successfully complete it on his own.
Dealing with tantrums
1. Be their mirror. This is undoubtedly the most important and effective way to teach. Each person is a reflection of their main attachment character. Therefore, the way you deal with frustration or anger will directly affect how your child behaves. When you raise your voice when your child is angry, they will imitate their behavior in a similar way. So use this principle to serve your interests, right in front of these emotions, and put into words how you manage them.
2. Their reasons matter. Usually, parents get angry when children lose their temper because the toy is broken or they cannot continue watching their favorite TV shows. Many adults just don't understand why a child's world would collapse because of such a small thing. In this regard, they must connect with their inner child. Of course, similar situations can happen when you are four or five years old. So try to think like you did as a child.
3. Let children know which expressions of anger are appropriate and which are inappropriate. Some parents do not allow their children to show any angry expressions. They will even reprimand the child for pouting or leaving the room. Neither yelling nor hitting is the proper way to express anger because they hurt others. However, pouting, crying, or not wanting to talk are all appropriate. In fact, don't you do the same when you're angry? As you can see, this point is to let them know what is appropriate to express anger and give them space. Remember that there is room for all emotions, and it's mostly about limiting some of their expressions.
The child holds him when he is angry
Childhood is a time when people learn to control emotions, such as anger. During certain critical periods, children are more likely to be impatient. This is partly due to the immaturity of their brains. Parents must remain calm as external regulators, as young children are not yet able to manage their emotions effectively.
Therefore, "I can't stand it when my child has tantrums" is a phrase that parents often say when facing these stressful events. In addition, the fact that parents have a hard time understanding that their children can get angry about "childish things" especially makes them feel sad in this situation.
Parents must use these moments as an opportunity to educate their children. They must be role models for anger or impotence management by confirming the child's emotions. At the same time, it is important to allow children to express anger. Remember that it is important for them to control the way they express their anger, and they should not suppress their anger.