Original title: Cool Jokes: 55 Funny Jokes Hope You Have Fun
01。
"The first thing my wife did after getting married was to fire my secretary," the young manager said.
"Huh? How? Isn't your wife also your secretary? ”
- Yes, that's why he did it.
02.
How is your new secretary? The leaders exchanged views with each other.
"Nail filing is indeed a craft, but she doesn't seem interested in typing."
03.
I've liked a girl in my class for a long time, I've always wanted to admit it, but I can't.
Today I was walking on the playground and happened to meet him, so I wanted to take the opportunity to confess.
Seeing my hesitation, Olia smiled and said: - Say whatever you want, but confess your love to me.
She was hot and I said, "I want to kiss you." ”
For a moment, the atmosphere suddenly was a little wrong.
04.
Besides trains, what is the longest means of transport in the world?
A: "Approximately on the move. ”
05.
Do you get it?
Mom, I don't have living expenses.
I'll call you after 10,000.
Just checked, only 200 yuan.
200 yuan is too much, nine barrels!
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06.
Do you have any special hobbies?
What does that mean?
Fetish and so on.
"Like money."
07.
Do you want to have a cute and fun baby?
Not married, not pregnant.
Ask your girlfriend to give birth and give it back to her after crying.
08.
Withdraw 100 yuan every time you go to the ATM
The sound of counting money seemed to give me tens of thousands of dollars.
09.
Men "get home in five minutes" and women "go out in five minutes"
Actually, it makes sense.
10.
I heard that each person unlocks their phone more than 50 times on average
I laughed, so how?
Only once
Take when you wake up and before bedtime.
11.
Why does one sentence hurt people six times?
You work overtime every day, and the salary should be a lot
The boss is important, right?
And not married at your age
Must be rich, right?
12.
Coach: "I really can't teach you, you better change schools!" ”
Me: "I just passed another driving school. ”
13.
The scariest thing about the New Year is:
The child covers his ears and smiles at you
Still don't know where the fireplace is?
14.
Talk to unit leaders
It's like talking to a one or two year old
Not only listen, but also guess.
15.
It also makes the practice perfect because I've been an electrician for twenty years
Are there cracks in the wires?
I know when I touch it
That is, I worked as a waiter for ten years
As soon as I ask, I know what others want to eat
Yes, I'm simple
When I open my mouth, will people know what I'm trying to say?
16.
A fat man asks his friend how to lose weight
A friend persuaded him to eat corn, and the next day he called his friend and said: I bought corn, and yesterday I didn't ask whether it was eaten before or after meals.
How much should I eat at once?
17.
Usually, when people ask me if I'm busy, I always say I'm busy.
In my experience, if you say you're not busy
Nine times out of ten, the other party will keep you busy.
18.
A poor man went on a blind date and came back and said to the suitor, "This girl is good, but a little fat." ”
Khosgir said: Why are you afraid of fat, in fact, no matter how fat we are, we will still be hungry!
19.
At the beginning of the year, he brought 500 yuan to the south to work
Now bring 500 yuan home for the New Year
If you think about it, you actually ate and drank for nothing for a year
A big city is a big city
I will come back next year!
20.
A child was sitting in front of the courtyard playing and a middle-aged man asked him: Is your father at home?
The child replied: At home.
The middle-aged man went to ring the doorbell, but no one answered for a long time.
The man said angrily, "Child, what are you lying for? Say your dad is at home, why didn't he come to open the door? ”
The boy confidently replied: - I don't know, this is not my home.
21。
I'm too old to get nothing
Acquired special skills
Sleep during the day without taking sleeping pills
Excitement at night without stimulants
22。
There are a lot of people on the bus today
I managed to find my spot
Stand beside the old man
Grandpa looked at me
He said: - Young man, you should weigh 180 kg, right?
I was surprised because I wore a lot of clothes in winter
My uncle guessed my weight at a glance
I said: yes, I tested it yesterday, how do you know?
The uncle laughed hatefully: - I was because you stepped on your foot.
23。
No matter how sweet you are, don't let your children be sweet
No matter how hard it is, don't beat yourself
The mother is worried about the children who travel thousands of miles, but I don't worry about the children
Raise boys badly, raise girls badly, make yourself rich
Woe to parents in the world, and I don't feel sorry for being a parent
Twenty-four.
Hi everyone, I'm a guy. I heard you broke up with your girlfriend now. He cried a lot. When you knock on the door, you don't answer. I will leave the food for you at the door.
Left you a cigarette, you put it down, there is no grass in the world, why fall in love with a flower, happiness, come on!
Thank you, I need comfort now, I gave you a bad review, cry with me!
I'm really surprised that you're feeding a dog for the first time.
25.
Those born after 00:00 go to the disco, take off their coats and wear small suspenders.
You put on your shirt and you have to take off your sweater
They wear sweaters, autumn clothes and warm clothes
I'm done jumping, and you're still getting dressed
26.
Hello, head teacher.
Your daughter's grades dropped a bit last semester. As a parent, you should show care and cooperation to improve further. Otherwise, our teachers will be more concerned about your child's future.
Teacher, what is your monthly salary?
5000 yuan, how is it?
I have two jewelry stores, a processing plant and six suites, as well as some savings. What are you worried about her?
27.
He came home last night and startled me
The uncle had a gun in his hand and followed me into the elevator
I was scared and looked at the chain
My uncle saw me staring stupidly at the chain
He smiled and said: - Little girl, don't be afraid.
And when it comes to chains, it's about the word
Suddenly he turned around and shouted, "Oh my God, where's my dog?"
28.
Today I am very unhappy, let me tell you how unhappy I am
At noon, I arranged for a courier to pick up the parcel. In the late afternoon, I ordered takeout and went to bed. I didn't hear the delivery call and the delivery man left the delivery directly at my door.
After that, the courier came to pick up the package and sent me away
29.
I remember when I was in my third year of high school, I was nervous about reading.
My parents took good care of me too
Once when I washed my hair in the afternoon, my father heard the sound of water and asked me what I was washing.
I said: wash your hair.
He said: - Sleep, head down, and I'll wash you.
30.
One day, my girlfriend and I went out to dinner, and when I checked out, I wanted to joke with the waiter.
Oh, I didn't take the money with me today
You can swipe
However, I didn't bring a card either.
"Then you go wash the dishes"
31.
I went to eat beef noodles last night, 18 yuan a bowl
I gritted my teeth and stomped my foot and ordered a bowl
The generous chief clipped me two small pieces of beef
I said sadly: - The next time the boss cuts the beef, I can't finish it.
I saw the eyes of the customers around me, and killed the boss together.
32.
No need to get up early every day
I woke up early
33.
Opening hours: I'd love to talk to anyone who sends a message
Breaks: I don't want to reply to anyone who messages me
34.
Two men chatting in a restaurant.
Answer: Why are you gloomy and sad?
B: Well, my wife had an opinion about me, and she vowed not to talk to me for a week.
A: So you should be happy that at least your ears are clean.
B: Don't you know, today is the last day of the week, and tomorrow is clean again!
35.
A six-year-old boy sleeps on a couch
The boy suddenly turned around and fell off the sofa
But the guy was strong and didn't cry
Instead, he walked up to me and slapped me
The boy said: How do you take care of the child?
36.
My dog and I got sick at the same time
My mother told me: drink more water, don't go out, just cover your sweat
- I would take it to the animal hospital.
37.
When I was in high school, I didn't know what to do with a lot of exams. The teacher scolded me and asked my parents.
I anxiously went home and told my father: There are some questions I can't do, and the teacher tells you to go.
Father said in amazement: - What do you want me to do, I don't know!
38.
Answer: Brother, put me in your place, buy it in the most expensive place, we don't have enough money.
B: Good!
A: No, brother, what are you bringing me to the hospital for?
39.
Don't look at the fact that young people are poor today
They have a hundred reasons to reward themselves
40.
He lived for so many years
The only thing is self-regulation
Just to charge the phone
41.
Drink and forget your problem
Then I found my problem
They just drank too much
Stop fiddling with your phone with your fingers and think...
42.
As long as you have a good attitude, the school is Bali!
43.
I remember the first time I learned to shop online
To save money
44.
Son: Father.
Father: Yes.
Boy: I realized I was capable.
Father: Can you ask me for money?
45.
What is the reason
I went crazy for three days and treated my internal injuries!
46.
Today I went to a restaurant and saw a man feeding a woman.
I thought my husband would be that kind of person.
As I approached, I realized it was my husband.
47.
It turns out that life costs money to buy happiness
The owner gave me money
Then he bought my happiness
48.
My wealth is free
It won't even last long in my account
49.
Others rely on heating for the winter
I live the winter by justice
50。
It's cold, please hug me
If you can't give me a hug, give me a shirt
If you can't give a shirt, give money
"I have a card number."
51.
I ask you a question, why did you suddenly look at me when you passed by me that day?
When?
Last week!
- Oh, it smells a little bad!
52.
Merchant's message: Come back after eating delicious!
Tea Fire Review: Very delicious, has been recommended to friends.
The Truth About Friends: A recommendation from a friend who has a bad relationship, very tasteful!
53.
Today was fantastic
At a café, I was queuing for something good and was overwhelmed by people who stopped me.
Gasser: Do you know who my father is?
Me: Didn't your mother tell you?
54.
I pretend I don't care about anything
Until someone caught my attention
He joked
I was very angry
55.
An important self-management that adults should master:
Stop yourself and correct the ego of others!
#funny jokes#
#冷笑话 #