Original title: A collection of jokes, a bunch of jokes to make your girlfriend happy, funny pressure
1 Observation: Most people who like to sleep in do nothing, and those who can continue to get up early are in low spirits all day.
2 teacher: "Why is there not a word in your essay "Rescuing Loved Ones"? ”
Disciple: "How can such an urgent matter be over?" ”
3 Once I did not seriously leave class, I was severely criticized by the Chinese teacher in front of the whole class. After class, I followed the Chinese teacher to the office. After she sat down, I knocked on her desk. The teacher humiliated her with the most vicious and ugly words. She was too scared to make a sound. I finished scolding, lit a cigarette and left. Hentai...
4When I was poor, my wife often quarreled with my mother, so I worked hard to earn money. Now that he has money, the relationship between his son-in-law and his daughter is much better. The mother argued.
A girl who entered class 5 introduced herself: "I may not be the smartest, I may not be the pretty, I may not be the best, I may not be the funniest." "I praised her for being modest, and after class, I read her name and learned that her name was Wei Bihui.
At 6 a.m., my mother suddenly woke me up from my sleep: "Hurry up, the sun is shining on my ass!" "Cover the quilt, how bad a cold this season is!
7 My son's grades are very stable and he has always been the first in the class, but he took second place in the last midterm exam. I was furious: you dropped out!
The boy replied, "No!" I deliberately gave way to the original second place, and after we discussed, it was more profitable for him to take the first place! ”
I don't even understand: "What's the good deal?" ”
Son: "I took the first exam, you only rewarded me with 100 yuan, his father rewarded him with 1000 yuan, and he promised to give me half!" ”
8 Man: "Do you know the names of single men?" ”
F: "Yes, single dog. ”
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Man: "What is the name of a single woman?" ”
F: "I don't know..."
Man: "The dog ignores it." ”
A new classmate came to Class 9 named "Ma Humiliation".
There was a phone call at the beginning of school, and the teacher didn't know how to pronounce it, so he said: Is the horse fork there?
The Chinese teacher had a bit of literary literacy and asked by name: "Has the galloping horse arrived?" ”
The physical education teacher immediately shouted: Have the horses arrived?
The history teacher was not very interested in the name: are the bodies of five horses still divided?
Math teacher relaxed: Is Ma 6 still there?
The best picture of an art teacher: Is Xu Beihong there?
In the end, it was the director of the academic affairs office who unified the name: Maryansa!
Almighty circle of friends, who can tell me his name? 10 Today across the street, two women are fighting. I thought to myself, so many people in the fight served, I will not participate. As soon as he turned to leave, he heard a voice say: "Take off her clothes, take off her pants, and see how she behaves later." "Oh, let me go, who are these people? So I went back into the crowd.
11 Recently, I often work overtime, and the female boss is very worried about me and asks me if I want to have dinner in the evening? She asked me to order takeout and I was busy complaining. No more eating, let me sleep. The female boss said something disgusting and walked away with a red face. I was depressed for a long time before I suddenly realized...
12 I found a trick to finding a place in the library today: 1. Find a place with friends; 2. Hand over the prepared note and write: "Classmate, I have liked you for a long time, I hope to associate with you!" ”； 3. If the girl immediately puts away her bag and leaves, then, congratulations, there is a seat; If the girl smiles at you, then, congratulations, what is there to teach yourself; Of course, the chances of her friends taking you to hit me are slim.