"Extramarital affair is that two sick people think that they have encountered a good medicine, but in fact, they have encountered anesthetics, and once the effect of the medicine is more painful than before, they may also encounter the crane top red that wants your life." --BY Yang Dai
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="2">01.</h1>
Recently, a reader told me about her emotional distress.
"After breaking up with my boyfriend, I met a guy online who was 10 years older than me, mature, sedate, attentive and thoughtful, and almost fulfilled all my fantasies about men.
Soon, we showed up, and then we went on a tour, bungee jump, surf together, and in just a few months, we had a deep bond between us, like family.
However, I inadvertently learned that he was already married.
He said that he grew up in an environment where women deified men, and was taken care of too well by his mother and sister, so after meeting his wife at the age of 23, he was hastily married.
He said that his wife is smart and sensible, has no bad habits, and her biggest hobby is to visit a certain treasure. After graduating from college, he didn't let her go to work for a day, nor did he let her work hard to bring the child, the child was brought by his mother. He said that in his world, women are tool people, wives are flat and boring, mothers are reclusive, and sisters are generous. And I am different from all the women he knows, I am alive, three-dimensional, worthy of his understanding and exploration.
Such a him makes me feel sad and helpless, and I feel sad for him, and I feel sad for myself. ”
It is common for men to gain sympathy from their lovers by slandering their wives and returning to the family by slandering them.
Therefore, in an extramarital affair, whether it is a wife or a lover, it is only a man's "tool man".
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="60">02.</h1>
In the TV series "Jinghua Smoke Cloud", which is based on Mr. Lin Yutang's novel of the same name, the youngest daughter of the Yao family, Mo Shuo, and the third son of the Zeng family, Sunya, know and love each other and make a marriage contract, but on the day of the big day, Mo Shuo escapes marriage because he misunderstands that Sunya and Cao Lihua, a female college student who paints and paints, have a private affair.
For the sake of Sanxi's face, the Zeng family proposed to let Mulan, the eldest miss of the Yao family, marry her sister, so Mulan gave up her sweetheart Lifu and married Sunya.
On the night of the candle in the cave, Sunya found that she had married not Mo Shuo, whom she liked, but Mulan, whom she had always feared, and was very angry.
He wanted to divorce Mulan, but he had no right to decide, he wanted to get rid of his parents' clamps, but he couldn't support himself, so he looked for an exit and hit Cao Lihua with the idea.
Cao Lihua has self-esteem and pride, and refuses to be someone else's mistress.
Sunya first lied to her that she was not married, and then lied to her that her wife was a "sow".
Gradually, Cao Lihua really believed his lies.
Soon, Cao Lihua became pregnant, and she asked Sunya for a name, but Sunya could not do anything but get drunk.
After Cao Lihua gave birth to the child, the Zeng family heard the news and went to snatch the child, and Cao Lihua was humiliated and finally crashed into the Zeng family.
Ironically, Cao Lihua has just committed suicide, saying that sunya, who loves her, returns to the family as if nothing had happened, and suddenly has a crush on his wife.
The two fell in love with each other and had a child, and Sunya never mentioned Cao Lihua again.
In his memories, the happiest days were spent with Yao Mo, the most stable time was given to her by Yao Mulan, and Cao Lihua was nothing.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="61">03.</h1>
His girlfriend Su Su had been pursued by a married man, who told her bitterly that his marriage was like a pool of stagnant water, saying that Su Su was very much like his white moonlight first love. The first love is a high school classmate with him, and they have endless words and seamless tacit understanding. Just the sound made Su Su feel that his love for his first love was touching.
However, Susu soon learned the truth from other people: his wife was his first love, and he was actually talking about the same person.
"What about the Nine Heavenly Fairies?" She's my wife. ”
This is the psychology of many married men.
Zhang Ailing said it thoroughly in "Red Roses and White Roses" more than seventy years ago.
Men are the creatures who are the most good at watching people get off the plate, and when they want to cheat, they will say something like this: "Marriage is over, we are talking about separation, it is very comfortable to chat with you, my wife does not understand me, you are special..."
So, here I'm going to tell a third person the fact that a man chooses you not necessarily to love you, but because you're more likely to get his hands on it than others and trust him more.
The chats, behaviors, details, demeanor that make you comfortable are just that he sees through you and knows what you need to hear.
So, women don't lose themselves in the touting of men.
Film and television dramas and novels are deceitful, wooden stakes and carrots are two species, there is no cold frost to others, considerate to you.
You can feel special, but be sure to consciously break free from the deception of such words, especially when it comes out of the mouth of a married man.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="62">04.</h1>
Men are stupid and smart.
Cleverness lies in a low level of morality, but the ability to use lies freely.
Stupidity lies in being content with only low-level emotional needs and having no interest in exploring women's inner souls.
A man can see the vividness and three-dimensionality of his lover, and he can see the vividness and three-dimensionality of his wife.
When he portrays his wife as flat, it only shows that he can't do it.
It shows that there is no real woman in his eyes, and he can only see the value of the service she provides from the woman.
In the sudden left and right "Contempt", a male guest of the podcast said: "The biggest problem for men is the lack of awareness and interest in women. He knows that you are alive, but he has no interest in living life, he has no interest in Xianshu, and women are functional, meeting psychological stimuli and physical needs. He has no interest in your soul, not even whether you have a soul or not, and he can find a hair-washer when he turns around. ”
In the movie "Air Doll", the man treats the doll as a real person, tells her about her life, says "I'm back" and "I went to work" every day, praises her, bathes her and warms her hands, takes her to the park, and makes her lean on her shoulder...
However, when the doll becomes a real person, the man says, women are very troublesome, this is why I chose you.
The doll was very angry and left the man, but still attached to the warmth he had given, but he did not know that other dolls soon appeared on the man's bed, a new doll with the same name as her, and their names were the names of his ex-girlfriend.
Professor Liang Yong'an of Fudan University said: "The general survey in psychology is that men often only stay at the level of liking women, and 65% of men can't tell that they like a woman. Many people are good looking, or have a good temperament. The limitation of men is that they cannot see the value of women, and many women have not released their own value in their lifetime, a large reason is that men cannot see these values, so they form a social atmosphere of covering. In fact, we women today have their own deep accumulation, a deep understanding of the world, and various possibilities for her potential. You really love this person, is to see the value of this person, men must have a self-transcendence, to have a particularly deep understanding and maintenance of women's value. Many boys are very willing to show a kind of morality, but they have no interest in going deep into the spiritual world of women, but the era of this external heroism has passed, and now women demand that men can respect the spiritual world of women. ”
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="64">05.</h1>
The wife takes on the motherhood, the wifehood, and even the paternal position that originally belonged to the man, so the man has time to constantly explore other women.
They themselves are flat, boring, extremely lacking in their hearts, unable to appreciate and create their own lives, and can only find new games everywhere.
Their interactions with women, their relationships, their spending money on third parties, and their divorce for third parties have essentially nothing to do with whether they really love a third person or who the third person is.
The third party is just a fresh skin care product, free, easy to use, without consequences of the tool person or channel.
Junichi Watanabe said in "The Man Thing": "In short, men and women are never the same, so when it comes to the true psychological or essential aspects of men, it is difficult for women to understand, or accept. However, even if it's hard for you to accept, as long as you're willing to know that "men are like this", then it will never be harmful to you to build a good male-female relationship. ”
Women should understand that in the relationship between men and women, the first priority is respect.
If a man doesn't respect his wife, he can't respect you either.
If a man shamelessly enjoys his wife's care and never gives back, then he cannot appreciate your independent soul.
The third party is just a substitute for desire, and you don't have to waste your youth as someone else's "tool man".