The knowledge behind Chinese dinners, gift-giving and meetings is too deep.
1、
What is a "Chinese Dinner"?
Many people simply understand: take the initiative to laugh, take the initiative to drink, and take the initiative to pay.
This is a huge misunderstanding.
These people read two thick black books, thinking that they understood the doorway, so they pulled down their faces and invited people to eat and run errands.
In the end, the money was spent, the matter was not done, and the other party was offended, and he muttered: Where did I do wrong?
Chinese meals are completely different from Western meals.
Westerners generally have a meal together after talking about business, this meal is relatively relaxed, everyone takes off their guard, talks about family and hobbies, and has fun.
Chinese generally talk about business on the dinner, and the dinner is no longer a meal, but a "second office"; Talking about business is not only talking about business, we must pay attention to the beginning and turn, there are tiger heads, leopard belly, and phoenix tails.
Ordinary people participating in a formal dinner is tantamount to participating in a big exam, and the whole process is full of pits, a slight carelessness, and a full loss.
The TV series "Celadon" vividly shows how a rookie steps on a pit in a high-end dinner.
In the play, Zhang Zhongping, played by Wang Zhiwen, is the boss of an auction company, and the contractor Gong Dapeng wants to beg him to help him get back the project debt, so he made an appointment for a dinner through the middleman jungle, and the result was full of ugliness at the dinner.
As soon as the foreman saw Zhang Zhongping, he immediately put on a fawning gesture.
But in the next second, he stepped on the first pit.
He said: "You are Mr. Zhang, who has been looking up for a long time, and today I finally saw a living person." ”
The psychological activity of the foreman is relatively obvious.
He wanted to flatter him, and the original meaning he wanted to express should be "Zhang Zhongping is famous", and after thinking for a long time, he thought about the sentence "Finally see a living person".
Perhaps he thought that saying this would show a little personal "little humor".
In fact, on this occasion, we often say "meet a real person".
Seeing a "living person" immediately brings to mind a "dead person" and always sounds uncomfortable.
So we looked at the reaction, and Zhang Zhongping's smile immediately froze, freezing for about 5 seconds.
On the contrary, the jungle next to him did not hide it, with a look of disgust: "Look at what this said." ”
Be cautious in your words and actions at dinner, and do not pretend to be humorous without sharp teeth, otherwise it will be counterproductive.
Fortunately, this joke was harmless, and the dinner officially began.
The foreman quickly stepped on a second pit.
You ask someone to do something, you can't say it right away, it's too utilitarian, and the other party is very stressed.
But before the wine passed the third round, the foreman of the contract hurriedly told Zhang Zhongping what happened, and then put on a grievance face: "President Zhang, you must help me!" ”
This directly "named", the words "must" are also a little forced, and the scene is suddenly embarrassing.
Zhang Zhongping is also a person who has seen the big scene, he was stunned for two seconds, and then took the stubble and said:
"Good to say, business is to constantly generate ideas, the jungle introduced us to know today, in the future, we will try our best to cooperate, I believe there will be good results."
Discerning people can see that this is playing a round, which not only appeases the other party, but also does not say enough words.
In fact, if you are all smart people at this time, you should have counted in each other's hearts, I will try my best to help you, but you don't keep forcing me, everything is natural.
But the foreman of the contract did not realize it, and directly stepped on the third pit.
He got up and bypassed the middleman and walked straight to Zhang Zhongping.
Then he lowered himself and said, "I have made friends like you!" ”
A big taboo in the dinner is to snub the middleman and directly set up with the big man.
What is a middleman? It's a bridge, and if you do this, it's tantamount to crossing the river and tearing down the bridge.
The middleman's face changed instantly, and he took the wine glass and drank, and Zhang Zhongping was also embarrassed to be set up there.
Don't worry, between words, the foreman immediately stepped on the fourth pit.
He beckoned his younger brother to buy the order, and his expression was pompous, as if he was afraid that others would not know that it was his guest.
Everyone recalls that when we invite people to dinner, are we all low-key to pay, secretly go out alone, but also in the name of going to the bathroom, afraid that the guests will rush to pay.
And such a high-profile shouting makes others look like they are coming to ask for food.
Of course, Zhang Zhongping didn't eat this set, he directly smiled and waved his hand: "I have already dealt with the list." ”
"I finished buying such a small thing as a list, and I finished it before I came."
The subtext behind it is, I don't want to owe you favors, and I invited this meal.
Looking at the expression of the jungle next to him, his teeth biting his lower lip, his face was full of ridicule written with "I won't invite a treat".
At this point, the foreman of the contract should push the boat along the water to express his gratitude, and wait for the next time, but he stepped on the fifth pit.
He complained anxiously, "President Zhang, how can you do this? You look down on my brother, don't you? ”
Zhang Zhongping saw that the other party was angry, and he had to quickly go up to comfort him.
That's when he did two things.
The first thing was to explain that he had a card in this store, and he could pay cheaper, and gave the foreman under the steps.
The second thing, when he spoke, he nodded a little jungle with a smiley face, which seemed to be a simple interaction, but in fact he wanted to ask the other party to intervene to solve the siege.
The jungle itself could not stand it, and quickly interjected:
"Since Mr. Zhang has already bought the order, you will go next time, next time we will go to Boss Gong's to eat farm dishes."
Zhang Zhongping also echoed: "There is a chance, there is a chance." ”
The foreman of the contract was willing to give up, and gave a thumbs up to Zhang Zhongping: "Even paying is so level, it is worthy of being a person who does great things." ”
At this point, things should come to an end.
But this contractor did not know each other, afraid that Zhang Zhongping would not do things for him, always thinking of making amends, and as a result, he stepped on the sixth pit.
He turned his head and invited the two to the sauna at the Grand Hotel.
You and the other party are not familiar with each other, so you propose to take a sauna, this sensitive project, obviously overstepped.
Judge Cong couldn't stand it anymore, and said directly: "Go to your own place, I never go to that kind of place." ”
The subtext is that everyone is not familiar with it, don't make such excessive demands.
As a result, the foreman of the contract did not recognize each other, and the more he spoke, the more energetic: "What's wrong with the sauna?" Everyone stripped naked, everyone was equal, and they were not afraid of bugs. ”
This is already a kick on the nose on the face.
Zhang Zhongping sneered next to him, but he knew that he needed to step forward to solve the siege this round:
"I didn't expect you to have this kind of hobby, there is nothing wrong with taking a sauna, but in our place, the sauna is easy to wash and get dirtier."
It seems to be a joke, but it hits the point.
At this time, the middleman couldn't stand it, and directly gave a face: "Don't talk so much nonsense, okay." ”
The foreman stepped on the seventh pit, and he directly asked the middleman if he was angry.
Everyone is an adult, the other party has already written displeasure on their faces, and you still ask after it, it's too childish.
The middleman hurriedly said that he was not angry, but then he excused himself that he had something to do and left early.
You took the popularity in the middle, so you should remedy it, such as making a look and letting the driver at the same table send someone away.
As a result, Boss Gong would only stretch out his hand and shout, stepping on the eighth pit, "I'll take a taxi to send you." ”
Zhang Zhongping naturally did not want to chat awkwardly with this kind of stunned man, and took this opportunity to say: "Judge Cong or I will send it." ”
Before leaving, he also said meaningfully: "Welcome to my office and sit often." ”
The subtext behind this is that in the future, we will do business and there will be no more personal friendship.
You see, a small dinner, this contractor stepped on eight pits.
In the end, I didn't buy it, offended the middleman, and didn't establish a good relationship with the big man, and touched a nose of ash.
If we ordinary people can review this "book of wrong questions" repeatedly, we will definitely be able to grasp the sense of proportion at the dinner.
2、
What is "Chinese gifting"?
Many people simply understand that many people are not strange.
They went to deliver a lot of gifts, but they knocked on the door, and before they could go in to talk, they were blasted away, and finally they broke their legs, and they couldn't give them away if they had money.
We must know that China is a country of etiquette, and it is a traditional virtue to give gifts to people during the New Year.
But corruption or the transmission of benefits is the sword of Damocles hanging over the hearts of those in power, and the more powerful the person, the more cautious he is about receiving gifts.
Therefore, gift-giving, not the more the better, not the more expensive the better, pay attention to the word "suitable".
If you give sincerely, the other party receives comfortably, which not only enhances the relationship between the two parties, but does not give people a handle, which is a good gift.
Or in the TV series "Celadon", let's see how Zhang Zhongping, played by Wang Zhiwen, cleverly gave out gifts.
In the play, Hou Changping is a just and honest judge who scoffs at the briber, and Zhang Zhongping comes to the door with a box of wine after learning that Lao Hou likes to drink.
The market price of a box of wine is only 1,800 yuan, which is completely not enough to bribe and accept bribes, and Zhang Zhongping chose a gift, and he achieved the word "suitable".
In the play, Zhang Zhongping is also a character with a head and a face, but when he gives gifts, he goes upstairs with a case of wine.
This "bitter meat plan" was performed for Lao Hou to see, showing his sincerity.
After entering the house, Lao Hou asked in surprise: "Mr. Zhang, how did you find here?" ”
Many gift givers only learn each other's home address after inquiring from many sources, and in the face of this problem, most people are estimated to have to make up a set of nonsense.
Before Zhang Zhongping could catch his breath, he replied easily: "Chairman Mao said well, there is nothing difficult in the world, as long as you are willing to climb." ”
A set of tai chi to cover things up. Everyone is a person with a head and a face, and Judge Hou laughed it.
The so-called do not go to the Three Treasures Hall for anything, and the old marquis must have asked him when he saw you come to give gifts.
But Zhang Zhongping then said lightly: "I'll sit for a while and leave." ”
A simple sentence dispels the other party's concerns.
While Judge Hou went to make tea, Zhang Zhongping quickly looked around the room, and his eyes fell on the calligraphy posted on the wall.
When Judge Hou came over with tea, he immediately commented: "This word is well written, with Yan Zhenqing's style, dignified and beautiful, and magnificent." ”
Sheng Qua is a little hard, he also talked about Yan Zhenqing's gentleman, historical official position, and the characteristics of Yan body.
Who can refuse such a compliment as a "calligrapher"?
After the two sides sat down, Zhang Zhongping was not in a hurry to talk about business, but accompanied Lao Hou to chat about his son.
Lao Hou obviously likes to "show off" his son, and he can't hide his pride in and out of words.
Zhang Zhongping took the opportunity to say: "The child has a great future, let's find a person for the child." ”
Of course, Lao Hou was overjoyed and asked him if he knew everyone in calligraphy, which was exactly what Zhang Zhongping wanted.
He said that he has been engaged in art auctions in the past two years, and he has been friends with those famous teachers, and the matter of finding a teacher for his child is wrapped up in him.
A few words moved Lao Hou.
It stands to reason that Zhang Zhongping must have asked for Lao Hou, and after a long day of idleness, he should have entered the real question.
But he didn't, his butt was not hot, and he was about to leave and leave.
Lao Hou now has something to ask others to help, so he quickly retained it and asked Zhang Zhongping to taste tea.
Zhang Zhongping replied, "Okay." ”
Originally, when he entered the house, he was completely passive, but now Zhang Zhongping has mastered the initiative.
After chatting almost over, Zhang Zhongping got up and prepared to leave.
Originally, the chat was so speculative, and the wine I brought when I entered the house was accepted very tacitly.
But Judge Hou was still unwilling to "pretend to be confused" and asked what was going on with the wine.
Most people were immediately confused when asked this.
But Zhang Zhongping was already prepared, he smiled and said, this wine was given to me by an agent friend, but I don't drip the wine, so I will give it to someone who understands wine.
Lao Hou wanted to give money, Zhang Zhongping said, people send me wine, I take your money, I can't become an agent? This wine is an in-house special offering issued by the winery, and there is no price.
Lao Hou sighed, you kid can really talk.
This sentence is both positive and disparaging.
Pay attention to Zhang Zhongping, he is smiling and making a gesture of spreading his hands, which is a manifestation of weakness.
Then he comforted Lao Hou not to complicate things.
Lao Hou is not a vegetarian, he replied: "It's complicated or not, it depends on how things develop, are you okay begging me?" ”
This is a direct general of Zhang Zhongping's army, and the subtext is don't ask me for help with things.
Ordinary people are entangled here, and going to the door to give gifts must be something to ask for in the future, but the other party asks, he says yes, he exposes the true purpose, says no, isn't that a fool.
Let's see how Zhang Zhongping dialed the jack four or two.
He quickly denied it: "No, no, no, really no." ”
Note that he then added: "Even if there is in the future, whether you agree or not depends on your brother Hou himself." ”
This sentence is his truth.
Lao Hou was shaken for a moment, and Zhang Zhongping immediately added:
"You haven't been with me for a long time, and after getting along for a long time, you know me, I don't like to embarrass friends, and I never force others to be difficult."
After a set of combination punches, Lao Hou should be soft.
But it's not over yet.
Lao Hou said: "I have heard about your person, you are easy not to open your mouth, and it is difficult to refuse as soon as you open your mouth." ”
Zhang Zhongping did not explain more, but chose to shake the wit, he said with a smile:
"Who said this, the rivers and lakes are sinister, you can't have a bad impression of me because of this box of wine."
Then directly say hello while turning and going downstairs.
At this point, this gift-giving drama has come to an end.
We see that Zhang Zhongping did his homework in advance.
There are choosing the right gift (wine of about 1,000 yuan), there is the "bitter meat plan" (holding the wine upstairs), there is praising the other party's child (not a generalization, but something to say), and there is a help for the other party (introducing the child to a famous teacher).
After doing these preparatory work, he said "I won't embarrass my friends" before leaving.
If you are a marquis, even if you know that the other party is prepared, you will still be impressed.
This is the art of speaking, enough for us to learn for a lifetime.
3、
What is a "Chinese Meeting"?
Many people sarcastically said: "People who hold meetings basically do not have officials, and people who are officials basically do not hold meetings." ”
Someone made up a slippery phrase: "Meeting and meeting, not how to meet, originally a little meeting, will not change." ”
It can be seen from this that most people abhor endless meetings.
In fact, this is a prejudice and misunderstanding, and "Chinese-style meetings" have rich connotations and extensions.
When we were young, our job was more about being pragmatic, that is, rolling up our sleeves and working hard.
But after entering middle age, we can't work as well as young people, how can we survive in the workplace?
The answer is retreat.
It is said well in the commentary, there are hundreds of people, all kinds of things.
A company has dozens of people, hundreds of people, everyone has their own demands.
Many times these demands are contradictory.
At this time, the complex side of human nature is highlighted, and the importance of retreat comes out.
From the perspective of retreat, it is "mastery" and "speculation", and the best way to complete the retreat is to have a meeting.
There is a meeting scene in the TV series "Ideal City", which shows the importance of this "retreat" very well.
The plot of the story is that the heroine Su Xiao, played by Sun Li, made a small mistake, and the company decided to punish her, but the heavy punishment or light punishment, everyone was divided into two factions, and Zhao Xiankun, played by Yu Hewei, decided to hold a meeting to decide.
In this meeting, Zhao Xiankun, played by Yu Hewei, only said one sentence the whole time, but he brilliantly completed the invisible task of "retreat".
After the meeting began, the personnel supervisor first provoked the topic: "How to deal with Su Xiao?" Although she is at fault, it is not the main reason, if it is demoted, will it be too serious? ”
Here Zhao Xiankun showed his leadership style, and he did not immediately express his position, but turned his attention to Vice President Wang.
In fact, his meaning is already very clear, Vice President Wang is always his messenger, and Vice President Wang means what he means.
This tactical pause is a classic.
Vice President Wang immediately answered: "It seems that it is indeed too serious." ”
This sentence seems to be weak, but in fact, it has released a signal to everyone, that is, the boss has characterized the incident, and the discussion behind is to go through a process.
But there are always people at the meeting who can't see the situation clearly, such as Lin Xiaomin, who is in charge of the group's real estate business, and he is a thorn.
He said indignantly: "Su Xiao is immature, the deputy chief economist in charge of the main business, such an important position handed over to an immature person, it is like a time bomb." ”
This paragraph seems to protect the interests of the company, but in fact, it has gone against the meaning of the CEO and the vice president, after all, you are dealing with people, not the concept of the company.
At this time, the chief economist of the company spoke, he is particularly good at observing words, if the old always use his eyes to instruct, the deputy always uses interrogative sentences to throw out opinions, he is to elaborate in depth.
He said: "We can't fix a person to death because of one thing, Su Xiao is a very talented young man, we should give her time and let her grow slowly, but considering the importance of her position, I suggest transferring her to work." ”
You see, a speech said both positive and negative sides, not only interceded for the heroine, but also gave her a certain punishment, which is simply dripping.
Lin Xiaomin, who was picky, immediately realized that he had committed a taboo in the workplace, and immediately said: "Agree!" ”
At this time, Zhao Xiankun said leisurely: "Okay, then do it." ”
In this meeting, Zhao Xiankun almost did not say a word, how to choose, seems to be the result of everyone's discussion, in fact, from the beginning he has controlled all the situation.
His mastery lies in holding authority while giving his subordinates room for discussion;
The intention of the employees is that although they have different views on each other, some people are confused, and some people see it thoroughly, after a short discussion, the consensus of opinions is quickly completed, and a fruitful meeting is over.
This is "Chinese-style meetings", and when you feel that these meetings are meaningless, it just proves that you are still on the road of pragmatism.
And one day when you reach a certain age and have a certain social experience, you will suddenly find that these boring meetings contain swords and shadows and human feelings.
All things are learned, and the cultivation of human feelings is the article.
In school, teachers teach us scientific and cultural knowledge, and when we go to society, we realize that life is full of learning, whether it is eating, giving gifts or holding meetings, there is a truth behind the world.
It is a thick "thick black study", and it is also the "lubricant" that Chinese culture can continue for thousands of years, and it is worth studying.
Text/Pippi Film Editorial Office: A Chicken
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