01
Recently, Tony Leung attended the award ceremony in South Korea and contributed a lot of famous scenes of "social fear".
For example, walking on the red carpet, the naked eye is visibly nervous, first take a deep breath, and then force yourself to wear a smile mask;
For example, when he went on stage to receive the award, he turned into a smirking boy, and after bowing, his face was full of "I really want to go home quickly".
Someone posted the scene when he met Tony Leung in the restaurant.
Obviously, there are many locations in the store, and Tony Leung wants to choose a position in the most corner, close to the root of the wall.
It doesn't matter if there is a toilet in front, I just want to eat hard alone, and the fearful people in this society understand fiercely.
Tony Leung prefers to be alone and enjoy being alone rather than forcing himself to participate in social activities.
He likes Shen Congwen, likes Haruki Murakami, and can even recite a large part of the original text from "Norwegian Forest".
He likes surfing, skiing, going to the park alone to admire the moon, and going to the subway late at night alone.
He said that he loves nature, look at the clouds, clouds change color; Look at the sea, there are fish in the water, it is very happy, quiet and comfortable.
Even though he is 60 years old this year, he still enjoys social fear, enjoys solitude, and only focuses on his colorful spiritual world.
Also social fear, like to immerse themselves in their own world, there is also Peking University "Wei Shen".
Someone took such a photo some time ago. Wei Dongyi, dressed in a simple costume, is waiting in line to do nucleic acid.
He stared intently at his phone, and I stood still despite the disturbances around me.
Some netizens questioned: "Doesn't he use a smartphone?" Why did you start playing on mobile phones? ”
But in fact, the photographer revealed that Wei Shen at that time was actually focusing on solving mathematical problems, not caring about the eyes of others.
Hermann Hesse wrote a sentence in "Demian", which I think is the best portrayal of Tony Leung and Wei Shen:
"God makes people lonely in various ways so that we can go to ourselves."
02
But there are too many people who refuse to reconcile with their own personalities, preferring to force themselves to join the gregarious, falling into an infinite entanglement of spiritual internal attrition.
Social networking is too tiring, just like recently, there is such a word that has become a hot search: "text flattery", which comes from a sentiment of talk show actor Yang Mengen:
"Do you have any text flattery? For example, I would change 'coming' to 'coming' to give the reader the illusion that I was cheerfully and actively answering him. ”
In order to make the other person feel cordial, he will always modify his words carefully, adding some cute tone words.
For example: "good" will be said as "good shh
"Received" will be said as "received", "received ha", "received yo";
"Hmm" would be said as "uh-huh", "uh-huh", "uh-huh";
"Oh" will say "whoops", "oooh", followed by a series of memes.
It's normal here, but the recent trend of "call inflation" has evolved into an increasingly exaggerated trend.
As the author "Wang left, center and right" summarized:
You want to say that a person is very good, but if you don't say "ahhhh
If you want to say something funny, if you don't say "laugh until the end laughs and dies laughing until the neighbor calls the police", but say a word of hehe or haha, you always feel that you are cursing.
If the goblins in "Journey to the West" are to chat with people today, they must also follow this social chat etiquette:
"Let's just say that I made a big move to patrol the mountains today, and I fiercely pinched the ingredients of the Great Tang.
If you haven't heard of Tang Monk Meat, I'll be speechless. After steaming, the storm is inhaled, and it is delicious until it is stomped to jiojio.
And as long as a small bite the size of a cherry blueberry lantern fruit can hold the king of Yan fiercely, there is no such a big action as a lying board. ”
This phenomenon of "text flattery" and "call inflation" is both a kind of social involution and a kind of social internal consumption.
Without this lengthy nonsense, without memes that are enough to defuse embarrassment, we would not be able to talk well.
We waste too much time and energy in order to fit in, to cater and please others, and to fit in with the group.
03
In "The Wonderful Story of the World", there is such an episode that impressed me.
An elite man who works in a bank, Chenggong Kuangui, took a taxi home late one night and questioned the driver for overcharging him when he paid.
After getting out of the car, the male protagonist suddenly found that he was labeled with the words: "Tricky and difficult guests."
This label can't be torn off, even when taking a bath, the label will automatically transfer to his skin, only he can see it.
Since then, the male protagonist's nightmare has begun:
At a meeting of the department, he just dismissed the opinions of his subordinates, and the next second, a label with the words "cold-blooded scum" was pasted on him.
And the negative labels of other subordinates towards him also came one after another like snowflakes: "narcissistic boss", "self-righteous"...
At the after-work party, the subordinates praised him on the surface, but in fact they labeled him nasty in their hearts:
"Simple boss who will make trouble if he does not flatter", "stupid person with high self-awareness".
Only when the male protagonist announced that he had a treat for this meal, the original red label suddenly turned blue, and the subordinates' evaluations of him became positive: "generous senior."
Since then, in order to please others and make his label a positive blue, the male protagonist has made a series of efforts:
Take the initiative to help subordinates with work, ask for afternoon tea out of their own pockets, help cleaners and aunts clean toilets...
But what about the final result?
Because one of his subordinates made false accounts, the male protagonist was judged by the bank's senior management as mismanaged and fell to the fate of being fired.
And the blue label that he originally obtained through hard work suddenly turned red:
"Incompetent bosses", "deceitful fools", "people who have achieved nothing" ...
As the famous saying in "The Rabble": "As soon as people enter the group, IQ is seriously reduced, and in order to gain recognition, individuals are willing to abandon right and wrong and exchange IQ for a sense of belonging that makes people feel safe." ”
Paying too much attention to the evaluation of others, blindly flattering and pandering, in fact, can not be exchanged for the corresponding respect.
04
Social fear is still social cattle, in fact, there is no situation where either side is superior to others.
But if you obviously like to be alone, but in order to cater to and please others, force yourself to be gregarious and do things you don't like to do, this is a kind of mental internal wear.
The sociologist Paulley has proposed a "99% law": the sign of a person's maturity is to understand that 99% of what happens to him is meaningless to others.
May we all reconcile with our true selves and refuse to go with the flow.
You know, the real you, it's good.
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Author: Xiao Coconut, a writer in the field of personal growth, the article has been read by more than 100 million people on the Internet, and he will accompany you to upgrade your cognition every day.