Seventeen years after my death, his favorite little daughter rummaged through his desk and dropped a book.
A small portrait of a woman falls out of the book, and the younger daughter asks him who it is.
He didn't speak, just looked around for a long time, and then saw me in the night.
For the first time, the emperor burst into tears, crying and begging me to return:
"The back seat is given to you alone, I can also give it to you in this world, will you come back?"
Alas, I am already dead.
One
I died in the twelfth year after Azhi ascended the throne, in the other courtyard outside the palace, and in the snowy Chinese New Year's Eve.
No one cares whether a person dies or dies after the abolition of the year, let alone on such a day of national celebration, so the news of my death was only reported to the palace after the Lantern Festival.
At that time, I had been floating by Ah Zhi's side for fifteen days, from the beginning of wanting to strangle this thin lover to death, to now I only hope that he can but my heart wishes to help me live as soon as possible.
The resentful person does not enter the reincarnation, the black and white impermanence cannot take me away, I can only wander by his side.
I have been trapped in this deep palace compound all my life, but I don't want to be a powerful ghost here after I die.
So I began to take stock of all kinds of grievances before my death, I complained that he promised me a golden house and did not give it, I complained that he promised me wholeheartedly and was interested in other women, I complained that he deceived my people, I complained that he abandoned me like a, I complained about him too much.
I looked up to the sky and sighed, how could I live as a resentful woman, I was also one of the best noble daughters in the Li Dynasty, Wen Neng, Wu Neng, riding a horse-drawn bow, I should have lived this life arbitrarily, but I married him.
I married Ah Zhi because of my mother's obsession, my mother is a princess, a lifetime of honor, and only a daughter like me, naturally wants to give me the best in the world.
The back position is the best in her eyes.
In fact, Ah Zhi was not her first candidate, he was not favored at that time, his mother's family was not powerful, and he was an ordinary prince.
It's just that later, the crown prince's concubine offended my mother with her false words, and she chose Ah Zhi in a fit of anger. Ah Zhi had a sweet mouth at that time, and at a young age, he followed me and called me sister, and said that he wanted me to be his only wife.
My mother was even more overjoyed when she heard his words, and decided that he would be good to me, so she did everything possible to assist him in his position.
He became emperor and I became empress.
When I was newly married, he treated me very pampered, and it was this pampering that blinded me.
I believed his nonsense, that he would be the only woman. But the women of his harem came out one after another, and I was jealous at first, but then I gradually became dead as there were more and more people.
Emperors are ruthless, I should have known it a long time ago.
I shut myself in the dormitory, I did not step out, I did not look at the warblers and swallows, I did not look at him, I guarded my boxy every inch of the world.
But he was still not satisfied, and when I went out to cause trouble, he blamed me for being jealous and refused to step into my dormitory for half a step, but I locked myself up, and he came to me day by day and quarreled with me, saying that I did not have the rites of the mother of the country.
Sometimes he babbled and disliked me, and I sat on the couch and watched him sing a monologue, and at that time I wondered if he had endured nausea when he looked at me so unpleasantly, so he had followed me step by step and spent time with me.
The more I think about it, the more sad I get, and when I feel sad, I cry. Every time he saw me crying, he would stop humiliating and reach out to wipe it away for me, and I think he always felt a little guilty about me.
But I overestimated him.
One night, his favorite concubine sent people to surround my dormitory, and with great fanfare a little man full of needles, saying that I cursed the emperor and deserved death.
I was escorted to my knees in front of him, and next to me was the little Taoist priest I had found to pray for my mother.
They said that I practiced witchcraft as a scourge to the palace, and my sin deserved death.
They chattered a lot, but I only felt noisy, so I looked up and asked him, "Ah Zhi, what do you think?"
"There is human evidence and physical evidence, do you still want to deny it?" His bony hand covered his eyebrows, as if disappointed.
"That's me." I stood up, raised my hand and took off the phoenix hairpin symbolizing the queen, and threw it on the ground. "From now on, you and I will be cut off."
The phoenix hairpin landed with a crisp sound, and Ah Zhi's shoulders also trembled, probably angry by my big rebellion.
I stood up and walked outside, Xu was too determined for my appearance, and a room of palace guards did not dare to step forward, and even made a way for me.
"Where are you going?" He looked up at me, his voice cold.
"I am tired of looking at you and asked to move to Nagato Palace." I didn't look back, relying on Empress Yu Wei to take advantage of the night to leave the palace and go to the other courtyard on the outskirts of the imperial city.
Two
Changyuan Palace is a separate courtyard created by my mother for me and Ah Zhi, she originally wanted this place to become a paradise for me and Ah Zhi, but unexpectedly, this place has become my own cold palace.
The news of my deposition spread throughout the streets of the Li Dynasty the next day, and my mother entered the palace early in the morning when she heard about it.
I heard that his mother first rushed into his favorite concubine's dormitory and slapped her a few times before going to his study.
I thought that my mother's nature would rebuke him for being untrustworthy, and I would rebuke all the contributions my family made to him when he took the throne, and then I took the newspaper to the news, but I didn't expect that she just sat in front of him and chatted with him about the old days when I was a child.
My mother's move to retreat made Ah Zhi unable to parry, and he sent someone to invite me back to the palace, but I refused, so he came by himself.
He was dressed in his regular clothes, and his eyes were cold and cold when he looked at me.
"Go back to the palace with me, you still live in the Jiaofang Hall, and the food and clothing are still the specifications of the queen." Seeing that I still refused to nod, he continued, "The deposition is well known, and I can no longer honor you as empress, but I will vacate the throne and give you dignity."
"Decent?" I chewed these two words and laughed out loud, "My mother is the eldest princess, my father is the Marquis of Tangyi, I grew up in the palace since I was a child, I was raised by the imperial grandmother, both literary and martial arts, even the imperial uncle praised my literary talent and martial arts for having the style of the emperor, my dignity and dignity also want you to give?"
He lowered his eyes, half of his face buried in the shadows, and his expression was dim.
"No matter who I marry, I am destined to be an empress." I glanced at him contemptuously, "When I knew you, you were just an unfavored prince, living in the cold palace and barely living, and it was I who chose you to let you sit on this supreme throne."
"You say, who gives decency to whom?"
My words were really disobedient, and every word stepped on his sore spot, only to see the blue tendons in his forehead burst out, raised his hand and slapped me.
I was beaten over my head, half of my face hurt, and there was a faint smell of blood in my mouth.
He glanced at the red marks on my face, then looked down at the hand he had hit me, his lowered eyelashes trembled, and panic and incredulity appeared on his face.
I also looked at that hand, remembering that he used this hand to stroke my sideburns, lips and neck when we were in love, his body temperature was low, his fingertips were especially cold, and the touch was always twitchy and lingering.
He also pointed at the sky with this hand and swore to me that he would promise me a lifetime and a couple.
Now love and hate are empty, and he hit me with this hand.
As soon as Ah Zhi walked on the front foot, his mother rushed over on the back foot.
She was originally an imposing door, wanting to question me why the emperor refused to return to the palace in person, and changed her attitude after seeing the slap mark on my face.
"I was born in the palace and grew up in the palace, and I have been honored and favored since I was a child, and I want the wind and rain to be rainy, thinking that it is the best place in the whole day, so I sent you in." My mother rubbed my face, with a mist in her eyes, "but I don't want you to be unhappy there."
"Mother." I hugged her, buried my head in her neck socket, couldn't suppress my emotions, and cried.
I always knew that my mother loved me, but I really wasn't close to her. Since I was born, she made up her mind to make me an empress, so when I was three years old, she sent me to the palace to be raised by my imperial grandmother, and while learning how to manage the affairs of the palace and the means of governing the country and security, I was very busy, so I rarely went home.
When my mother was closest to me, she only patted me on the shoulder and said with relief that Kyaukyao had grown up.
Now I threw myself into her arms, and she was a little at a loss, her hands held up in the air, not knowing how to comfort me.
She finally sighed and said: "Your imperial grandmother has passed away, the emperor has suppressed foreign relatives, the power behind us is not as good as before, I will one day go one step ahead of you, my Kyaukyao, this Nagato Palace is cold, you are a wasted queen and have no children under your knees, how do you live?"
I raised my head from her arms, looked into her eyes, and soothed, "Mother rest assured, I have been taught by the imperial grandmother and you, and the greatness of heaven and earth has my own way of living."
When my mother saw that I had a plan, she stopped saying anything.
But to be honest, after I am abolished, it is already a bad rule to move outside the palace, and if I dare to do anything under Ah Zhi's nose, it may implicate everyone in my mother's family.
Now all I can do is to be this waste in peace, waiting for death in this palatial prison.
Three
I lived in the second year of Nagato Palace, waiting for an old man.
Changqi is dressed in a black strong suit, carrying a long knife, and his eyebrows are cold, exactly like the teenager I remember, and the years seem to have left no traces on him.
"I can take you away." He got straight to the point.
"Why take me away?" I asked knowingly.
"Because the lady is not doing well." He took a step, and there was a rare trace of emotion in those perennially cold light eyes.
I looked at him and remembered something from the past.
He was only twelve years old when I married Ah Zhi, and I was in the most intense period of the power struggle, and I married early to plan for him.
In the process of fighting for power, bloodshed and killing are inevitable, and Ah Zhi is still young, those dirty things can only be done by me, and Changqi is my best knife.
He had seen my darkest and most unbearable side, and he had seen my vulnerability and suffering, and a twelve-year-old Ah Zhi was too young, but how old was a sixteen-year-old me.
Once it was an old minister, he was the family of the prince's mother, and he used his position to stir up people's hearts and bring a large number of capable people under the prince.
Such people are too much of a hindrance.
Speaking of which, he is actually not a good person, and he has done a lot of pickling things, but when I was young, I often went to the former prince's side to play, and he really loved me, and I still have a pair of night pearls sent by him in my jewelry box, which will shine at night.
I had his handle in my hand and could pull his entire family off the horse, but I was not ruthless enough to leave him with some decency, so I sent Changqi to assassinate him.
As an important minister of the court, and in the vortex of seizing power, there are really many guards protecting him, and it is not easy for Changqi to kill him.
I don't know how fierce the fight was that night, only that Changqi brought the best ten dark guards over, but only he came back.
It was three full days.
Chang Qi was covered in blood and wounds, but he still held the long knife with a curly blade and half knelt in front of me to resume his life.
I was taken aback by the look he looked back from hell and took two steps back.
He looked up at me, a flash of confusion in his eyes, and then gathered around the broken fabric on his body, hurriedly covering the bloody knife wound on his chest
"It's scary to the mother, slave knows the mistake."
"Wipe the blood on your face, be careful to muddy your eyes." I remember the Imperial Grandmother's teaching, never let my henchmen chill, and force myself to step forward and hand him a handkerchief for fear of being afraid.
He took the handkerchief with great preciousness and threw it to the ground.
The doctor told me that he was too badly injured, it was not easy to live, and it was impossible to recover to his former martial arts.
Before I could speak, I heard him struggling to get up, kneel before me, and swear to me:
"I will be fine, I will still be the sharpest knife of the mother."
"I believe you." I genuinely believed him, because the affection rolling in his eyes was too strong.
I did not give him a response, let alone fuel his delusions.
But if you ask yourself, my feelings for him are indeed not innocent.
At that time, I was only sixteen years old, and although I was married, I had never experienced any male and female love
As for Ah Zhi, he was just a little boy at that time, and I only had my sister's pity for my brother, and my hope that he could ascend to the throne.
In those first two years, in the royal mansion, the only one who fought side by side with me was Changqi.
Later, Ah Zhi grew older, and on his fifteenth birthday, I gave him all my secret guards, including Changqi, as birthday gifts
And the first thing he did was to send Chang Qi alone to assassinate a military general of an enemy country.
That martial general is said to be able to take the first rank of our general among 100,000 soldiers, and he is extremely brave.
This assassination is destined to be extremely dangerous.
When I knew the news, Changqi had already left the frontier and broke into the enemy camp alone.
When Changqi came back, I was talking to Ah Zhibing by candlelight, and he was standing outside the window, silhouetted, thinking that he was so badly injured that even I could smell the smell of blood in the air.
I subconsciously wanted to walk over and open the door, but I was grabbed by the wrist by Azhi.
Ah Zhi was already a head higher than me at this time, and he was very oppressive when he looked down at me.
"When he received the order, I promised him that as long as he could complete this assassination, whether successful or not, he would be able to fly away and be unfettered again.
"If you insist on opening this door, then he will not be able to leave."
I know how hard it is to be a Dark Guard, they can't help but lick the blood from the knife edge, and their greatest wish is to have a free body.
I don't know if Changqi is willing to leave the palace, but I want him to leave.
I didn't open the door.
And the figure outside the window became more and more curved, and finally almost folded.
In the end, the four more roosters, the dawn broke, and he finally left.
Four
"Niangniang, do you want to leave?" He called to me softly, pulling back my thoughts.
"My parents are still alive, so it's hard to travel far." I was silent for a long time, returning to him.
"The princess is just your daughter, and I definitely hope that you will be safe and happy for the rest of your life." He stared at me for a while, and then said, "Is the lady reluctant to the emperor?"
"It's not." I hastened to deny it.
He lowered his head to hide the loneliness under his eyes.
"Niangniang, I will always wait for you, as long as you want to go, I will take you away at any time."
"Changqi, thank you."
Since then, Changqi has taken root in Nagato Palace, he lies on the beam when I paint and read, he hides on the rockery when I feed the fish and look at the flowers, sometimes I am too bored to look at the window in a daze, he stands on the huge acacia tree with his arms crossed, intertwined with the scorching and blooming acacia flowers.
But once again, I underestimated Ah Zhi's surveillance of me.
It was about the middle of August, the weather was hot and the birds and beasts were singing, and I received a letter.
In the letter was a blood-stained acacia flower.
I subconsciously thought of Changqi, and then pushed open the window ledge and shouted at him.
But no one answered me.
Changqi was captured.
I know it's Azhi, and I have to go see him.
Breaking into the palace at night after the abolition is disrespectful and will affect the people, I can't go over, I can only write letters over and over again and send them into the palace.
When I sent the tenth letter, he finally asked the little eunuch who delivered the letter to bring me a word.
You are dishonest.
I knew he was forcing me to bow my head. Also, how can an immortal emperor allow me to be humiliated, he will get it back from me no matter what.
So I begged for a lot of money, recounting the palace's grievances, begging him to change his mind and see me.