Adler psychology tells us that you don't need to meet a better you, you just need to find your true self, because you're good enough and good enough.
Adler studied under Freud, and the two parted ways because of their different ideas.
If Freud emphasized the role of the past in influencing behavior, Adler's direction was directed toward the future, emphasizing the positive aspects of human nature for good.
He said that "the world is extremely simple, and everyone can achieve happiness".
Maybe you'll say Adler is more chicken soup, but today, you can also use Adler's psychology to open up a new outlook on life! Life is not as complicated as you think, and instead of learning more, we have to simplify everything to the minimum.
A new beginning, starting from the following five exercises, brings us closer to our simple and pure selves.
01
Care about the future and don't chase the past that has faded
Generally speaking, life is meaningless, and the meaning of life depends on oneself to give.
—Adler
Adler believed in teleology, arguing that we often pursue causes more than attempts to change. Constantly searching for reasons in the past does not enable us to move towards our ideal self.
Repenting of old lovers and regretting the dreams of youth are negative, where to go is more important than where to come from, and from Adler's psychology, the idea of "cause and effect" is wrong.
We use emotions for some purpose, not by them being propelled or governed by them.
It's just that we like to throw the burden to cause and effect too much, and use our emotions to achieve a certain goal. We should practice mastering and controlling emotions to make choices, no longer arbitrarily hurting people, no longer giving up easily.
You will not be enslaved by your emotions because you are the master of your emotions.
02
You're fine now and don't need to be special
Everyone is pursuing a sense of superiority that is unique to them. It depends on the meaning people give to life.
—Adler
In Adler's theory, "superiority plot" is as pathological as "inferiority complex", and people will aspire to excellence, but many times our needs will turn to the approval of others.
We deliberately express ourselves, want to be particularly bright, and use "extraordinary" actions to please others. Relatively speaking, the happiness of life becomes dependent on others. If a person wants the affirmation of others everywhere, it is not that he thinks that he is not good, but that he does not want to be ordinary.
In fact, we never need so many moments of dominance, applause will fall, the audience who appreciates you will always go, learn to appreciate their own beauty after the curtain and under the stage, and be their first audience.
You don't need to be "special" to be different, you are unique.
03
Accepting being hated gives you more freedom to live
It doesn't matter what happens, what we think about it is what matters.
—Adler
It is dangerous to have no enemies in life, that means that you are cooperating with others all the time, you want not to be hated, liked, you may be able to get everyone's favor, but in the end you will hate yourself.
If you care too much about other people's perceptions, you will lose your "actions", and other people's thoughts and thoughts are other people's subjects and should not bother you.
There is no such thing as perfect freedom, and every freedom comes with responsibility. We are born free, but because of the constraints and rules of the day after tomorrow, we think that we are always living in norms.
Many times, when we think that we are involuntary, we just draw a line of self-limitation. Freedom is not laissez-faire, it also accompanies certain worldly trajectories.
Kishimi Ichiro in "Leave the past behind, be what you like - Adler's Psychology of Courage" for example, birds can fly because they understand the air flow in the air, the seemingly obstructed air flow, is actually the power of bird flight.
04
You don't need to be complete with someone else,
Others don't have to fulfill your expectations
My difficulties are mine.
—Adler
People are born different, just big or small. It's easy for us to get flustered by "different" and even take the initiative to intervene in differences.
Right and wrong are opposites, and it is important to sort out before solving the problem: "Whose subject does this matter belong to?" From the perspective of who must bear it in the end, the answer is obvious. Relatively speaking, when friends talk about their troubles, we have to listen more than we suggest.
This is not a strange road, in the personal life issue, the intimate relationship as a bystander, the best thing can do is quiet protection, not excessive interference.
The power of companionship is stronger than we think, otherwise, many times your intervention will destroy his previous efforts.
Let's learn to be a better listener and quietly appreciate his graceful ups and downs.
05
What you need is to move forward, not to climb up
What matters is not what you are born with, but how you use what you have.
—Adler
Adler psychology advocates that the vertical relationship between people can harm health, the so-called vertical relationship, that is, criticism, praise, upward and downward assessment, the relationship between the powerful and the incompetent.
He advocated "horizontal relations", indicating that people have no advantages or disadvantages, but only go in different directions with different starting points.
Supervisor or employee, mother or child, these are just roles, each person performs his or her own role, the purpose is to work in parallel in a good direction, to achieve a common goal, not to cut rights.
On the road of life, some people walk in front, some people are behind, some people walk fast, some people walk slowly. It does not mean that we must achieve our goals through competition, fast or slow, where to go, are personal choices, should not be won or lost to confirm their own upwards.
What we really deserve is the power to "move forward."
In a peer-to-peer relationship, you never have to show off or prove yourself, and you will respect and understand the uniqueness of each other's lives as much as you identify with yourself. Walking fast has the loneliness and clarity of walking fast, and walking slowly is crowded and comfortable.
You don't have to envy others, and no one else can have your life.
By freeing up more complete time to spend with ourselves, understanding your imperfections, and accepting the different behaviors of others, we no longer use psychology to reach a goal, but through psychology, we return to the core of the individual's heart.
Return all the issues to yourself and learn to be responsible for your own freedom.
Source: Network