She was once a popular "genius child star" in Taiwan, but she was also called "the most miserable child star".
After experiencing all kinds of unbearable and painful, she chose to reconcile with the past and reconcile with herself.
In a small clinic in Taiwan, there came an old man dressed richly and a little girl.
Instead of getting sick, they asked if there was any way to keep girls from growing taller.
The doctor said yes, but it was expensive.
The old man said: "Money is not a problem, as long as I let my granddaughter continue to be a child star, am I still afraid of running out of money?" ”
Source: TV series "Pearl Life"
Soon, the girl was pressed onto a stool and the doctor took the syringe and stuck the needle through her knee.
Screams of misery filled the room, and the girl cried, "Grandma, I don't want injections." ”
But no matter how she struggled, she only ushered in one sentence: "You be patient, for your future." ”
Source: TV series "Pearl Life"
In this way, the girl's height is always stuck at 149 cm.
This is a scene in the TV series "Pearl Life", and it is also the real experience of Ji Baoru, the actor of the old man.
She debuted at the age of 5, known as a "genius child star", and acted in movies in Southeast Asia at the age of 8.
At the age of 13, she transformed into a singer, and her grandmother continued to make money to keep her childlike face, and she did not hesitate to take her to the growth inhibition injection.
She was used as a cash cow for more than 10 years.
And when she finally had the courage to flee, it was the beginning of another nightmare.
In 1962, Ji Baoru was born in Taiwan.
The unfortunate fate began only because she was a girl in a pair of dragon and phoenix fetuses.
Unlike today's dragon and phoenix fetus, which resembles a double happiness, in Taiwan half a century ago, this was called a curse of doom, and two children could not be raised together.
Therefore, under the concept of son preference, Ji Baoru "naturally" became a victim and was sent to his grandmother's house.
The first memory of her life was that a graceful woman in a cheongsam quietly stuffed some money into her grandmother, then touched her head and hurriedly turned away.
"Who is that?" Several times she asked, but never got an answer.
Later, she learned that it was her mother, and because she was her father's third wife, she could only call "aunt".
And every time she passed by her father's house, Grandma would deliberately bow her head and pull her away quickly.
Usually, the grandparents are more fond of grandchildren, but Ji Baoru's mother was originally an adopted daughter and married at the age of 18.
Therefore, her grandmother did not love her as much as she loved her granddaughter.
When she was four or five years old, she began to cook on the fire, wearing clothes that others did not want, and running around barefoot in winter.
If grandma gambled and lost money, got drunk, she would be beaten up or scolded.
Whenever this happened, she would miss her mother very much, but she could only endure the pain and keep shouting in her heart: "Mom, where are you?" ”
The longing for affection made her almost forget that her mother had never hugged her, nor did she know how old she had first met her father.
They were like two actual strangers, but they buried the feeling of abandonment deeply in Ji Baoru's heart.
So much so that when she later interprets roles with similar experiences, she is always particularly evocative and can quickly enter the state.
Living in a moody mood, Ji Baoru learned to look at people's faces from an early age.
She was always polite in order to please others.
Once she went to ji's house to ask for living expenses, and when she saw her grandmother, she immediately bowed and said hello.
Grandma usually didn't pay much attention to her, but this time, for some reason, her eyes stayed on her for a long time, and then asked her if she would cry, and said that if she cried within 10 seconds, she would give her a dollar.
Either she was gifted, or her life was too hard, and within a few seconds she was in tears, and then she smiled sweetly at her grandmother's command.
Grandma, who had long hoped that the family would be a big star, was very satisfied, and immediately took her to see the red card producer at the time to audition.
The focus of the audition was also on crying, and the producer asked:
"If Mom doesn't have it." What will you do? ”
This sentence seemed to prick the sore spot of her real life, and the tears immediately fell like a faucet.
Then, she was asked to perform a play, did not know the words, and Grandma read it to her sentence by sentence.
Amazingly, she only needs to listen to it once to reverse the flow, and the acting is even meticulous.
She seems to be born to eat this bowl of rice, and in most of the scenes that lack family affection, she always acts very vividly.
In the first play, there was a scene with a full page of lines, not only to memorize them all, but also to cry while talking.
Everyone thought that this scene was very difficult, but Ji Baoru played it effortlessly.
She also played an abused adopted daughter role, there was a scene where she was beaten, and she could find the feeling of being beaten and cry heartbroken without the opposing actor actually shooting.
Later, she understood that the reason why she could perform the play so well was because the experience of a difficult and displaced childhood had long been brewed into an inner drama.
"I thought I was playing someone else, but I was actually playing myself."
Soon, she quickly became popular through her natural and realistic acting skills and super line ability, and was also crowned by the media as a "genius child star".
Later, Grandma gave Ji Baoru a lot of scenes, and for two years, she almost made the studio her home.
When she was 7 years old, the TV station changed from live broadcast to video, and her schedule was even more abnormal, often recording until midnight, and then being called up at three or four in the morning to memorize lines.
She was tired, but she was happy.
Not because there are a bunch of fans vying to take pictures to sign autographs, but because she thinks she finally has the opportunity to rewrite her tragic life script.
At that time, she had only one belief:
As long as you work hard to act, you can move back to the Ji family, live with your parents, brothers and sisters, and get the love of your family.
Grandma did bring her back to the Ji family, but she slowly discovered that she had only migrated from one surviving prison to another.
After moving back to the Ji family, because the number of rooms was not enough, she could only live in the same room with her grandparents and sleep in the same bed.
Usually, if there is no drama, she will be locked in the second floor room, where a bucket is placed for her "convenience".
Perhaps this belated "home" was not easy to come by, and she never thought of resisting at a young age.
Later, Ji Baoru gradually grew up and could not become a child star, so her grandmother took her to transform into a singer.
At the age of 13, she sang the theme song of the cartoon "Ten Thousand Miles to Find Mother", and successively launched albums such as "White Pigeon" and "Sunset Mountain Outside the Mountain", touring in Southeast Asia and singing in various song halls in Taiwan, often singing until the voice could not make a sound.
It was in her developmental stage, but in order to make money for her to continue to be a child star, Grandma would wrap layer after layer of white cloth on her chest every day, trying to flatten her breasts, and even took her to the clinic for growth suppression injections, so that her height would stop at 149 centimeters forever.
In front of people are stars with unlimited scenery, but after people are "prisoners" under house arrest.
Fifteen or sixteen-year-old Ji Baoru finally could not suppress the grievances and exhaustion in his heart, and more and more resentment arose in his heart:
Why do you make money from a young age but don't see it?
Why can't I go to school?
Why can't I go to dinner with my classmates?
......
Because she rarely went to school since she was a child, she could not even use the most basic pinyin, and addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division would only count to hundreds of digits.
"I think everything is wrong with Grandma..."
Once she acted to get her family's attention, now she can't seem to find any reason.
She began to have the idea of quitting the show business.
But how did this get to her?
As long as there was no performance, she was locked in the house.
It wasn't until she was 18 years old that her caged bird began to try to break through the fence and fly toward the free sky.
For a while, Ji Baoru's grandmother was hospitalized because of illness, so she asked her eldest sister to accompany her.
Unlike her grandmother, who would often separate her from other people, the eldest sister would take her to chat with other entertainers.
In this way, she met Yu Long.
Yu Long is a little singer who is not very famous, 9 years older than Ji Baoru, and often greets her warmly.
When he was used to being a child star, Ji Baoru met everyone who was called uncle and aunt.
But Yu Long said to her, "Don't call me uncle, okay?" ”
Through some details, Ji Baoru, who has never been in love and has never had contact with the opposite sex, feels for the first time that someone is liking him.
After slowly getting acquainted, the two began to talk to each other, and their feelings quickly warmed up.
For this relationship, Grandma certainly did not agree after she knew it, forcing her to break off relations with Yu Long.
But the bird that flew out of the cage was willing to be locked up again.
In order not to act again, not to sing, and not to stay in the show business circle, ji Baoru once took the initiative to say to Yu Long: "I want to get pregnant!" ”
She firmly told herself that the only way to escape the control of that family was to marry Yu Long.
Two or three months later, she became pregnant before marriage.
Hearing this news, Grandpa and Grandma were so angry that they exploded, and her father slapped her hard and asked her to take the child away.
Her father's desperation was like the last straw that crushed the camel, and she resolutely decided to go away with Yu Long and left the house with 200 yuan.
This was the first time since she had grown up that she had stopped listening to people.
After turning 18 years old, Ji Baoru and Yu Long registered for marriage, and Yu Long also transformed into an agent, and the two were inseparable and spent a sweet and beautiful life.
But willfulness sometimes comes at a cost.
After 8 months of pregnancy, Ji Baoru was born prematurely.
She lay nervously on the operating table, and the cry of the child was heard, but she heard the doctor shouting: "Why is the child like this?" ”
Before she could ask how the child was, she passed out from the anesthetic.
Until she was discharged from the hospital, she never saw the child, and Yu Long lied to him that the child had jaundice.
A few days later, she finally saw the child in the incubator, but was so frightened that she almost fainted.
"Oh my God! What freak did I give birth to? ”
I saw a child like a dissected frog, with limbs tied and syringes inserted, a big hole in its stomach, and a fully exposed intestine.
The doctor told her the child had a rare condition called "congenital gastroschiasis."
Although the incidence is only 1 in 10,000, if the mother is less than 20 years old, the incidence increases by more than 10 times.
Ji Baoru could have avoided it, but because she had the experience of being abandoned when she was a child, she wanted a boy wholeheartedly, and did not do an ultrasound during the obstetric examination, so she did not find that the fetus had this disease.
However, despite the medical explanation, there are still whispers around.
Some people say that this is an unblessed child, born like this; Others say it was her fate to elope.
Every word and every sentence was like a sharp knife, fiercely inserted into Ji Baoru's heart, and the blood flowed non-stop.
In the next 4 years, she did not dare to have children again, and put all her thoughts on Yu Long.
They opened a restaurant show together, and it didn't take long to buy a house and a piece of land to build a 5-story house.
It's just that the castle of dreams has not yet been built, and everything in reality has quietly changed its tone.
After Ji Baoru carefully gave birth to her third child, one night in the middle of the night, she found Yu Long talking to a girl on the phone in the study.
She heard the girl crying through the extension and said some threatening words such as "You must give me an explanation today, or I will die to show you".
Ji Baoru knew this girl, and Yu Long claimed to be the daughter of The Confessed Gan, who was only fifteen or sixteen years old.
After the matter was exposed, Yu Long's explanation to Ji Baoru was very different from what she had heard.
She was angry, so she hit the foot of the table with her head and hit a big wound.
But compared to the inner wound, this point on her head was nothing.
Before that, in 1990, Taiwan suffered a stock market bubble, and their nearly 100 million assets were also affected by the stock market crash.
When the mother-in-law learned that Yu Long was having an affair, she not only advised her to open a point, but also blamed her for the misfortune of losing money in stocks.
After three days of quarrels at both ends, Ji Baoru could no longer find the meaning of this home, and after a fierce conflict, she left as she had eloped with Yu Long.
The Yu family could not return, and the Ji family could not stay long, so she used her past connections to open a KTV and earn some income.
Soon after, he and Yu Long went through a divorce.
But she didn't expect that a few months later, a fire took Yu Long's life, and the two were separated forever.
"You killed my son..."
The mother-in-law blamed Yu Long's death on Ji Baoru without embellishment.
Because in her logic, if Ji Bao does not leave, Yu Long will not go to drink alcohol, nor will he appear in KTV, unfortunately dying in that fire.
Listening to her mother-in-law's accusations over and over again, Ji Baoru herself felt that she had killed Yu Long.
"If you had chosen to forgive, perhaps the result would have been completely different."
For a long time afterwards, she lived in such self-blame, and did not hesitate to anesthetize herself with alcohol.
In order to support her 3 sons, she began to work in the hotel, and whether there were guests or not, she drank cup after cup.
When he came home drunk, he counted all the family members down and sometimes beat the children out of anger.
She hated everyone, but what she hated most was herself.
To alleviate this pain, she began to self-harm.
Several times, she woke up to find herself lying in a pool of blood as she had tried to kill herself the night before with a knife.
Another time, she gassed herself to commit suicide, accidentally causing a fire, alarming a fire truck to put out the fire.
Although he was rescued by several suicides, Ji Baoru had already sentenced himself to death.
At this time, she couldn't even save herself, let alone take care of the children.
The eldest son once went to see her for a week in a row, and went to see her on the 8th day, intending to stay for a few days.
She came home drunk, saw that her son was not sleeping, hit and scolded angrily, and did not find that his son's condition was abnormal.
It wasn't until his son could no longer suppress it, and after shouting, that he began to hit his head against the wall, Ji Baoru was shocked by the seriousness of the matter, and quickly sent his son to the hospital and took a tranquilizer.
When the son woke up again, he became like an idiot, unable to take care of himself, and still drooling and recognizing people.
The doctor told Ji Baoru that her son had bipolar disorder.
Compared with the physical illness of the eldest son, what makes her more distressed is that the second son uses drugs, sells drugs, and repeatedly teaches.
In desperation, she had to personally call the police and send her second son to prison.
This fragmented life lasted for 12 years, and it was not until 2004 that Ji Baoru's broken life took a turn for the better.
She lost a lot of money in the SPA she opened this year, and to make up for the deficit, she and her friends met a person who did a great job in this regard.
As soon as they met, the man said:
"I think you guys are very unhappy. Come! I'll start by praying for the blessings of both of you. ”
Ji Baoru and his friends repeatedly refused, but in the end the three of them held hands and closed their eyes.
Perhaps it was the first time that someone had blessed himself so sincerely, and although he did not know the content of the prayer, Ji Baoru began to shed tears uncontrollably, "as if there was a fire burning."
She felt as if a pair of hands were embracing her, incomparably warm and serene.
The fatherly love that has been lacking since childhood was also fully satisfied at that moment.
She suddenly realized that she was loved.
Once she lived in resentment, bitterness, despair and fear, she only wanted to get love from others, but never took the initiative to give her own love.
She seems to have been given a new life, trying to mend the cracks in her past life.
One day, she plucked up the courage to ask her father, "Why didn't you love me before?" ”
Father said to her, "Your eyes were always full of resentment, and your eyes have pushed me far away." ”
After saying that, her father took the initiative to hug her for the first time. The warmth was as hot as the first time someone had prayed for her.
She also forgave her grandmother and asked for peace with the Yu family's family, doubling down on the love and care she had given to her children.
All the family affection that had frozen in the past seemed to be gradually heating up.
But the pain and misfortune of the past are thus forgotten? Of course not.
Choosing to let go and reconcile with the past is like picking up a broken life piece by piece. Although there are cracks, they are at least complete and will not hurt anymore.
After repairing his mutilated past, Ji Baoru founded the Taiwan Quality Life Association, which is dedicated to public welfare undertakings to help the elderly living alone and suffering from physical and mental disabilities, as well as children with physical and mental disabilities.
Not only that, she also returned to the entertainment industry, unabashedly sharing her pain and hardship when she was on the show.
In the TV series "Pearl Life", which is based on her, she plays the grandmother she once hated the most.
In her autobiography Love, Reverse Victory, she tells in detail about her tortuous life experience.
Why would you like to share this? She answers in the book:
"No matter how unbearable a person is, as long as he has a willing heart, he still has the opportunity to be born again and live out the true mission and value of life."
Resources:
[1] Ji Baoru's autobiography "Love, Reverse Victory"
Author: Lin Ya. This article is reprinted from the WeChat public account with permission: One person, one city, take you to explore a beautiful space, and meet more interesting people, things and things. Please contact the author for authorization for reproduction. The picture of this article comes from: Ji Baoru's autobiography "Love, Reverse Victory", TV series "Pearl Life", the Network, the copyright belongs to the original author, if there is infringement, please contact to delete.