That summer, Zhang Zijing returned to the city from the countryside, rode an old-fashioned bicycle to find her sister Zhang Ailing, knocked on the door and did not wait to enter the house, her aunt poked her head out and said: Your sister is gone. Then he closed the door again, leaving him with no meal to eat.
Zhang Zijing was stunned in his heart, crying while going downstairs, his mother was gone, and his sister also quietly crossed the ocean, and even left without saying hello...
Zhang Zijing and Zhang Ailing
In 1921, Zhang Zijing was born, and her sister Zhang Ailing was one year younger.
From those blurry old photos, it is not difficult to see that the little Zhang Zijing has a delicate face, brass bell-like eyes with long eyelashes, plus a small mouth that is very pleasing.
Zhang Ailing also felt that her brother was cute, and the little one looked very clumsy, like a funny gadget.
But when they were a few years older and their parents divorced, this short happy time that belonged to the brother and sister suddenly stopped, and quietly began the disintegration of a family.
When she was four years old, her birth mother, Huang Suqiong, went abroad to study and left her children behind.
His father, Zhang Zhiyi, was addicted to opium and took the outer room home to live with him.
Four years later, the parents formally divorced.
After another six years, Zhang Zhiyi continued the string.
Huang Suqiong
In these more than ten years, Huang Suqiong specially returned to China for zhang Ailing's education, and even ignored Zhang Zhiyi's opposition and forcibly sent Zhang Ailing to school.
As for Zhang Zijing, Huang Suqiong did not pay attention.
It may be because Huang Suqiong was born of a concubine and was bullied by her mother-in-law from an early age, or she thought that Zhang Zhiyi would not let the only male in the family go unchecked.
Who thought, Zhang Zhiyi really felt that school was troublesome, reluctant to pay those money, he has been asking the teacher to teach Zhang Zijing at home.
Since then, Zhang Ailing, who has the love of her mother, and Zhang Zijing, who has no one to hurt, have a world of difference in education.
When Zhang Ailing was in her first year of high school, Zhang Zijing, who had entered a new-style school, was still in the fifth grade of primary school.
In the social atmosphere that always favored sons over daughters at that time, Zhang Zijing became a special case of father not hurting his mother and not loving him.
Stepmother Sun Yongfan can also see that Zhang Ailing in this family is a bad person, talented and favored by her father, and Zhang Zijing, as the only son, has no one to take care of and no one to take care of.
Later, Zhang Ailing, who was a teenager, quarreled with her family and went down to Huang Suqiong in one breath.
Zhang Zijing saw that her mother accepted her sister, and she also began to think about it, after all, no one could compare to her mother, and her father was a stupid boy who only knew how to smoke opium, and did not care about his children at all.
So he knocked on his mother's door with great joy.
As a result, Zhang Zijing, who was holding a pair of sneakers and her eyes were moist, was turned away by her mother.
Huang Suqiong said she did not have the money to pay for the tuition of her two children.
Zhang Zijing cried.
Zhang Ailing also cried.
Huang Suqiong taught Zhang Ailing and Zhang Zijing a lesson, a rational and not emotional woman, how cruel and realistic.
Zhang Zijing
Zhang Zi quietly returned to his father's house and never mentioned the matter again.
No one knows how he really feels inside. It's loneliness, it's gloomy, it's apathy, it's all accustomed to it.
Later, he often went to play with his sister and listened to her talk.
Zhang Ailing, who was not famous before, zhang Zijing was her only audience, because among the people close to her, only Zhang Zijing could understand and was willing to listen to her pursuit of literature.
But gradually, Zhang Ailing also changed her mind about Zhang Zijing.
That cute clumsy child turned into a rebellious teenager who did not want to make progress and had no ambition.
In Zhang Ailing's eyes, she only saw Zhang Zijing's incompetence and ignored the worldly difference between him and herself at home.
In the eyes of the older sister, the younger brother became a "bad boy".
Compared with Zhang Ailing, who became famous early, Zhang Zijing is indeed low to the dust.
Zhang Zijing's parents
He always likes to go to Zhang Ailing, but after becoming famous, Zhang Ailing is very busy, eight times out of ten times she can't see anyone, and later she met Hu Lancheng, who made her obsessed, and Zhang Zijing, the audience, can end gloriously.
In fact, Zhang Zijing did not want to do nothing, and also wanted to show his grand plans.
In 1943, Zhang Zijing and his classmates founded a magazine together, full of enthusiasm and ready to do a big job.
In order to make the reputation of the magazine, the partners hoped that he would go to his sister Zhang Ailing to write the first manuscript.
Zhang Zijing was embarrassed, but she still went hard.
At that time, Zhang Ailing had just become famous, and in the face of her brother's request, Zhang Ailing, like Huang Suqiong at the beginning, rationally rejected Zhang Zijing.
She said she could not write for such an obscure publication and ruin her reputation.
Zhang Zijing and Zhang Ailing
Then he took out a sketch of his own and gave Zhang Zijing an illustration.
After the failure of the manuscript, the magazine also failed after being founded for a period of time.
Zhang Zijing returned to the life she once had with the flow, going to work in the bank and taking a salary.
Zhang Zhiyi has always been stingy with Zhang Zijing, and has never mentioned marrying a wife, because the family property is used by him to buy opium.
Speaking of this family, the stepmother of the continuous string is much more enjoyable than Zhang Zijing, the prosperity of the Zhang family before the loneliness, the stepmother caught up, but Zhang Zijing was removed.
It's not that I don't have his share, but I don't want to give it to him.
Later, Zhang Zijing came to the countryside to teach, earning a meager salary, and returned to the city during the holidays to see her sister and parents.
At that time, the family property had been almost defeated by Zhang Zhiyi, and the family was crammed into a small house of 40 square meters to live, and every time Zhang Zijing came back to visit, he also had to live in a hotel.
As for his mother, Huang Suqiong, he had asked her to stay in China, hoping to live with his sister and mother.
But as a result, it was still rejected.
Zhang Ailing took a picture for the last time
In 1948, Huang Suqiong left Shanghai until her death in 1957.
And the few boxes of antique heritage she once distributed at her mother's house were all left to Zhang Ailing after the sale.
Zhang Ailing, on the other hand, also left Shanghai in 1952.
Just like the opening paragraph, Zhang Zijing rode an old-fashioned bicycle to her aunt's house to find her sister, but was told that her sister had quietly left Shanghai.
A 30-year-old man, crying as he walks, he has no wife and no children, and only wants to have a relative.
That's what he's sad about, Shanghai is big, but there's no place for him, his mother is always thinking of his sister, he longs to live with them, but he keeps being rejected.
Now they have left Shanghai one after another, going to a place where Zhang Zijing may not be able to go for the rest of her life and will not see them.
He could only turn his head and go to his father and stepmother living in the opium world, trying to find a trace of family affection in it.
In 1953, Zhang Zhiyi died, the family only relied on the rent in Qingdao to survive, and the stepmother gave Zhang Zijing three-tenths of the rent and asked for his opinion.
Zhang Zijing had no objections, and even blamed herself for her poor salary, unable to adopt her stepmother, and also had to share the pension money left by her father to her stepmother.
It is not difficult to see from here that Zhang Zijing's desire for family affection.
As for Zhang Ailing, who went to the United States, Zhang Zijing has not been able to contact, and then there was news that Zhang Ailing died, Zhang Zijing was anxious to inquire about the news, which found a little sister's news and wrote a letter to her.
We don't know the content of the letter, but from Zhang Ailing's reply, we can see that Zhang Zijing borrowed money from her.
Legend has it that I became rich, and another said that I was extremely poor. In fact, I barely enough, and later you will know that this is all the truth. I'm ashamed not being able to help you.
——Zhang Ailing replied
It is said that zhang zijing had a marriage partner at that time and wanted to buy a house, although the woman did not care whether he had a house, but Zhang Zijing was too unwilling to go, so she asked for help from her sister.
Zhang Zijing thought that Zhang Ailing had got all of her mother's property, as well as the writing fee, and her life would be richer, and she wanted her to help herself. Zhang Ailing is also not good, when she first entered the United States as a refugee, the sales of articles were not good, and she has been in a state of eating old money.
Zhang Zijing's life is always being rejected, so this time in the face of her sister's determination, Zhang Zijing still did not complain, and he himself understood how much money was heavy.
At the same time, he slowly got used to the journey of being alone.
Hu Lancheng and Zhang Ailing
Although her sister once gave Hu Lancheng 300,000 yuan in breakup fees, although she gave all her inheritance to Song Qi and his wife.
But he doesn't complain, because that's what he craves affection for, even if you never mention me in front of people.
In the end, Zhang Zijing, like her sister, lived alone until she was old.
His life of longing for affection did not escape the curse of "orphans" until his death. Maybe give him a good learning opportunity, he will also have great achievements, maybe the family affection he has always valued can share a little of him, he will also feel his importance, no longer think that his decadent life is going with the flow.
But these may only be reverie in the dead of night.