This is the story of the 664th real person we tell
Regarding marriage, the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates once said: "A good marriage only brings you happiness, and a bad marriage can make you a philosopher." ”
I am the post-80s who experienced a bad marriage, although it is difficult for me to understand the profound and incisive insights from marriage like a philosopher, but I also summed up a truth: for an adult, the edifice of life has two "pillars", one is marriage, the other is career. The collapse of any pillar will seriously affect your character and life.
I used to be lively and cheerful, but because I married a wife with a bad temper and often angry, I was discouraged and had no self-respect all day, and my parents were also deeply hurt and heartbroken. In desperation, I had to go to Tanzania in Africa to work alone for 3 years, and finally decided to end this unhappy marriage.
Today, I am in the Dominican Republic of North America. I hope to forge the pillar of "career" in the edifice of life to be thicker and harder, and then have more strength and greater confidence to find happy love and create a happy and long-term marriage.
(Playing on Turtle Island in Zanzibar)
I am Xiao Guo @ Shandong native of Latin America, born in 1988 to a rural family in Huimin County, Binzhou City, Shandong Province. His father was a veteran, loyal and simple, hard-working. My mother was also an honest and responsible rural woman, and she never quarreled with her neighbors.
Parents are busy with farm work all day and do not regulate their children too much. I was influenced by my parents, and since I was a child, I was not afraid of hardship and was very industrious. The biggest virtue I inherit from them is that they are kind in heart and united with the people around them.
It's just that when I was young, I didn't understand the importance of learning and was more playful. Every Sunday, I always like to go down to the river with my friends to touch fish and pick fruits on the mountain, and it is difficult to calm down and study hard. In fact, my brain is quite flexible, and my memory is also very good, but due to the lack of a steady learning attitude, the grades are always a bottle of dissatisfaction, and the middle level of half a bottle is dangling.
After finishing junior high school, I was admitted to the county no. 2 high school after the middle school entrance examination. But I didn't have the confidence to go to school, I always felt that the high school in the county was full of talents, and I was only barely crossing the threshold of the second high school, worried that I would not be able to keep up with the rhythm and lose face.
Moreover, with my level of study at that time, it was simply whimsical to want to enter a regular university in the future, and my family could not afford high tuition fees when I was studying at a miscellaneous university. After comprehensive consideration, I decided to go to a technical school to learn a skill, get employed early, and help my parents reduce their burden.
(Surfing at sea with colleagues from Tanzania)
After some selection, I chose to go to a technical school in Qingdao and majored in mechatronics. After studying for three years, I mixed up with a secondary school diploma.
After graduating from technical school, I stepped into society and looked around for a job. Before and after passing through two or three enterprises, factories. Although the initial salary was not very high, I always worked diligently, and when I earned the salary, I would be careful and would not squander it.
Because I know that I have reached the age of marriage and family, I can't let my parents break their backbones to buy a car and a house for me, and I should rely on my own efforts to fight the world.
In 2011, I was 23 years old. Young men and women of this age in rural areas are mostly married. Although I was not in a hurry, my parents urged me to quickly find a partner to marry my daughter-in-law. Later, through the introduction of others in my hometown, I met my ex-wife.
Through the initial interaction, I felt that the other party was still good-looking, and I could talk to her, so I established a relationship with her.
Half a year later, just at the end of the year, I came back from work and got married. After getting married, I went to work again. At that time, I was engaged in the work of repairing in the electrolytic aluminum workshop, because I had studied mechatronics in the technical school before, and this job was more compatible with my major, so it was easy to do. And it's been done for 5 years.
(Walk by the sea near the Tanzania company)
I thought that after getting married, I would have a double harvest of career marriage. Unexpectedly, rushing to get married was my biggest mistake in this life. As the English dramatist Shakespeare said, "Sloppy marriages are less happy." ”
Due to the lack of understanding before marriage, only based on appearance, I did not find the shortcomings of the ex-wife's personality at all. Later, I learned that she was a very self-centered person, and everything had to go according to her wishes.
And she has a very bad temper, and whoever accidentally provokes her is equivalent to stabbing the honeycomb. Even an old and good person like my mother could not satisfy her.
Knowing this, I couldn't concentrate when I was working outside the home, and I was distraught all day. As the ancients said, "If you take it outside, you must first settle it inside." "A man no matter how hard you work outside and how smooth your work is, if the backyard is always on fire, your family will never be able to thrive.
Because your job and civil strife make you anxious all day long. Not only to fight in the workplace, but also to worry about the "battlefield" at home that is "full of smoke and smoke". It's a lack of skill!
How I hope that they can live in harmony at home, perform their respective duties, and work together to run this home better and better. But that's just my fantasy. Because my ex-wife was very stubborn, my patience with her on the phone was useless.
On the contrary, she complained and blamed my parents more and more, and the war of words between them intensified. Forced to resign and return to my hometown, I wanted to calm the civil unrest.
(Blue sea and blue sky in Tanzania)
When I got home and learned about the situation, I still couldn't deal with the seemingly trivial but very difficult problems. In fact, most of them are not worth mentioning, but they are all rendered as deep hatred in the ex-wife.
I tried to use consolation to resolve the conflict between her and my parents, but she thought that I was partial to my parents, did not fight with her, and then argued with me with a blushing neck.
She is not only a solipsistic frame in the in-laws' house, but also in the mother's house. Even if her mother's family offends her, she will-for-tat and never give up until she wins or loses. I remember once I went back to my mother's house with her, and she actually quarreled with her brother because of the verbal disagreement.
She was already irritable and irritable, and her brother was also young and vigorous, and the two quarreled. At that time, it made me very embarrassed, and as a brother-in-law, I could only make amends on her behalf and persuade her, but no one listened.
I had to pull her into the car, trying to get her to avoid the front and calm down. On the way, I said a few words to her lightly: "You are a sister, how can you argue like that with your brother?" If you do this, you will make your parents angry, and outsiders will gossip about you when they know..."
Who knew that my words did not play a role in persuasion, and for her it was equivalent to adding fuel to the fire. Annoyed and angry, she went to pull the car door to jump out of the car. At that time, I was so frightened that cold sweat flowed out, and I braked hard. Then he coaxed her again, so that she didn't make any more moths.
(Take the elevator in the Tanzanian community and shoot it casually)
From this incident, I can see through it thoroughly, she is not an ordinary difficult person to get along with, and her temper is almost more grumpy than Zhang Fei. At the same time, I was also very distressed: there was no way to change her personality, and it seemed that I could only grievance my parents and myself. For the sake of the child, for the sake of the integrity of the family, I can be more tolerant and tolerant of her.
But let my parents also be ruled by her cries, how can I bear to be a son? Especially later, she did something extremely excessive, touched my bottom line, and made me intolerable.
On that day, my aunt was still visiting relatives at my house. The ex-wife disregarded face and quarreled with my mother over a small matter. My mother was concerned about the presence of relatives and avoided her. Unexpectedly, she took advantage of the "victory" to chase, beat my mother, and even "exported dirty".
This incident not only made me lose face in front of my relatives and neighbors, but also made me completely chill her. I could live without male dignity in front of her, but I couldn't tolerate her bullying my parents again and again, so I scolded her a few times.
She yelled hysterically about divorce, and I sneered and said, "Whatever." "I know very well that her purpose is to shock our whole family with this killer skill, and then completely dress our whole family."
For the sake of my children, I don't really want to go to the step of divorce, but I also don't want to admit defeat to her.
(My black friend in Tanzania: Dofa)
When she had no choice, she took the child back to her mother's house, and refused to come back when she was persuaded by her relatives and friends. After spending a long time at her mother's house, one day she sneaked back to take away all her belongings when our family was not ready. The attitude is obvious: I'm not going to go over with me!
At that time, my parents also advised me to bow my head and ask her to come back, after all, it is not easy for rural people to marry a daughter-in-law. But I think that being overly tolerant of her is an indulgence of her excesses. I know very well that she is by no means the kind of person who knows how to stop at the right time.
If I ask her for peace against my will, she will definitely become more intense when she returns. I myself am angry, but how can I bear to let my parents swallow their anger in this life?
My plan was to throw this precarious marriage out there and close the money. When I make a lot of money and improve the family's financial situation, she may be satisfied!
I still naively thought that maybe after a year or two of separation, she could change her bad temper through calm reflection and the persuasion of relatives and friends! It's not often said that time often changes a person.
With that in mind, I began to look for a high-paying job. In fact, I have self-knowledge, knowing that I do not have a high degree and unique skills, and it is not so easy to find a high-paying job. But I have the spirit of not being afraid of hardship, and I have the courage to dare to do it.
Just as the so-called newborn calves are not afraid of tigers, they did not expect that later "dizzy and blind" really found a very good foreign job.
(Visiting Zanzibar during annual holidays in Tanzania)
It is also a coincidence. At that time, I heard others say that it was easy to earn money to work abroad, but considering the intermediary fee of 10,000-20,000. Reluctant to pay this money, he racked his brains to find a way.
Later, I searched on the Internet at random, and I didn't expect to find a Group of Chinese in Africa. Then I sent a job search message to the effect that which boss needed a worker to contact me. If you don't need it, you can introduce it for me. If you can successfully introduce your job, I can give you an appropriate referral fee.
I also added this sentence at the end of the job search information to show my sincerity: once I step into the workplace, I will not be afraid of hardships and go all out to do a good job. If I don't do a good job, I'll get out on my own without waiting for you to fire.
(Delivery to the company while working in Tanzania)
Probably because my job search information was full of sincerity, a Chinese boss who started a business in Tanzania added contact information. After some communication, I learned that he had a sales job over there, and he asked me to try it.
At that time, I felt that I was not competent in the work of sales, after all, in foreign countries to do sales to communicate with customers, it must be in English. And I don't have a high education, so I'm afraid to sell ducks on the shelves. But the boss said it didn't matter, because their sales targets were basically local Chinese.
Then I booked a flight in Guangzhou and went to Tanzania in Africa. The unit I work in Tanzania is a Chinese-owned supermarket, which is quite large, and trucks are moving in and out of containers almost every day. The supermarket basically serves some local Chinese, but the biggest customers are other Chinese companies.
My job is to connect with the clients of those businesses. Which products they need, I go to source locally. In addition to that, I do some work managing local staff.
The monthly salary of working in Tanzania is equivalent to more than 10,000 yuan. Because of the package of food and housing, I myself am more frugal, so I have earned almost 300,000 yuan in three years of work. Not too much, but with my academic qualifications, working in China may not earn so much.
(Street food stalls in Tanzania)
In fact, my biggest gain is not money, but the great improvement of english level. Tanzanians speak two mainly languages: Swahili and English. Locals who are somewhat literate use English for both work and life. So, that creates an atmosphere for me to "learn" English.
When I was in middle school, the English teacher spoke dryly, but I didn't understand the gist, and I learned nothing. Unexpectedly, I came to Africa to work, and after arriving in this particular environment, I heard about it every day and learned quickly.
With this kind of atmosphere, even people who do not know anything about English can learn some of the spoken language of daily life. Besides, I am also a secondary school student, and English is a bit basic, so it is not difficult to communicate with colleagues and customers in English within a year.
Although I was a little difficult at work due to the language barrier at the beginning, after a year of work, I was able to stand alone in many things in the unit and made some friends at work. Although they were black, they were still quite friendly to me, a yellow person.
They used to take me outside on annual leave, and I swam all over the local island of Zanzibar. Friends sailed to take me on a boat to travel on the blue sea, and also went to some islands to explore and watch local music festivals.
Busy work and colorful holiday life occupied my brain, and the bad things in china were gradually diluted a lot. But this "thorn" exists after all, and sooner or later I have to "soften" it or "pull" it off.
(Music Festival in Zanzibar)
In March 2021, my contract in Tanzania also expired, so I returned to China to deal with my terrible marriage. My wife's attitude was still very tough, and I felt that this real husband and wife relationship did not need to be delayed any longer, so I divorced her.
The court considered that I often worked abroad and was not suitable for carrying children, so it awarded the children to my ex-wife, and I paid maintenance regularly.
After getting divorced, after spending some time at home, I felt bored and bored, and I planned to find another job. It was also a coincidence that I soon found a way to work in the Dominican Republic.
A good friend in Tanzania sent someone a job posting, so I asked him. He said if I wanted to do it, he would introduce me.
After the friend introduced me, I quickly added the contact information of the boss. We got to know and interview through video, and the boss was very satisfied with me. Then I prepare the visa procedures and book the ticket. After doing this, at the end of November, I came to a city in the Dominican Republic called Santo Domingo.
(In a shop in Cairo, Egypt)
After coming here, I feel that I am still quite adaptable, after all, I have had the experience of working abroad before, and my own adaptability is also relatively strong.
However, there is also a difficult thing about working here: it is the language side. The English that I learned in Tanzania can't be used here because the people here speak Spanish. I had to show patience and perseverance to learn this language that I had never understood before.
Due to the factors of work environment and language environment, I was "smoked" very quickly, and now I can basically communicate with the locals on some daily small things.
My job in the Dominican Republic is similar to that in Tanzania. The boss is a trader, and wholesales some goods to some Chinese who open shops in the surrounding area. So I'm more comfortable contacting customers. The daily work is intense and busy, and often overtime is worked.
Although I sometimes feel sore and weak, I have never had a feeling of remorse or complaining. Because I know very well: there is no easy word in the adult world. Instead of complaining, work hard. If you are afraid of suffering, you can only get out.
(In 2020, waiting to do nucleic acids in Tanzania)
Feng Lun said: "Greatness, all boiled out." Those who go far in life are people with strong self-healing ability. "Although I am a mortal, it is difficult to achieve great things, but I have a super ability to adapt to society, but also a super self-healing ability."
The reason why I am strong is because I know that the pain and pain of everyone in the world cannot be resolved by relying on others, and only I can redeem myself.
I plan to go to Africa after a three-year contract in the Dominican Republic. After all, I had been there for three years, and I was familiar with the road. After I have accumulated some capital, I plan to do business there.
Because I have observed that the Business of the Chinese in Africa is still relatively easy to do. I think: Once a man has enough financial strength, the whole world will make way for you. Whether in social life or marriage, everyone will be happy with you.
Today, I am career-oriented and do not deliberately pursue love and marriage. When the time comes, fate will naturally arrive. For the misfortune that has been on the road to marriage, although I cannot "root" up, I will not indulge in the pain of the old days and consume my spirit and affect my life now and in the future.
I believe that fate will not fail anyone who lives seriously, and Eros will not forget anyone with a good heart.
Thousands of sails passed on the side of the sinking boat, and the sick tree was in front of wanmu spring. People who have experienced setbacks, as long as you are not depressed and not desperate, as long as you are tough enough to work hard, your steps can be measured into the field of happiness and beauty. You will also meet someone who is really suitable for you at the moment of fate, and create the ideal happy marriage!
【Dictation: Xiao Guo】
【Editor: Chen Ping】
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