Many parents find it very difficult to read their daughter's mind. In fact, girls are more emotional than boys, because they are naturally delicate, and although parents can observe something that upsets or displeases her, it is difficult to understand what is going on in her heart. At this time, parents must pay attention to some communication methods in order to enter the inner world of girls in the rebellious period.
Parents remember: Never compete with their adolescent daughters
Many parents do not know that the girl is the age of worshipping her parents before the age of 10, at this time to educate her, she will feel that her parents are "heroes", when the girl is 10 to 20 years old, to the rebellious period, they will form a psychological resistance to their parents, and even can not carve their parents, feel that they are nagging in the ear every day, very bored; 20 to 30 years old to understand their parents; 30 to 40 years old have some love for their parents: after the age of 40, they have reached the age of "often going home to see".
And now the rebellious girl is in a stage from worshipping her parents to "looking down on her parents".
In fact, parents are sometimes the makers of the generation gap, allowing the world's greatest love to be distorted in the generation gap. Zhang Ailing once said such a sentence: "Children are not as confused as we think, most parents do not understand their children, and children often see through their parents' personalities." ...... Young people are characterized by good forgetfulness, and only after childhood have they forgotten the child's psychology. Zhang Ailing's words illustrate the parents' lack of understanding of their children's psychology.
Therefore, parents should first find the reason from themselves. For example, some parents have high expectations for their daughters, and their daughters' academic performance does not meet their requirements, so they often show anxiety and dissatisfaction in front of their daughters. This is not conducive to the improvement of the daughter's academic performance, and can only have a negative impact on the daughter's mentality.
After all, it is two generations, whether it is a big difference in thinking or concepts, and they think about problems from their own standpoints, so it is difficult to achieve consistency, so the contradiction between parents and daughters will inevitably arise. Such a situation exists in many families, but the parent-child relationship has not yet developed to the point of turning against each other.
At this time, parents should learn some skills and try not to compete with girls in the rebellious period.
1) Stop your nagging.
A little girl wrote on the Internet: "When an egg is about to hatch successfully and the chick is about to break out of the shell, the chick finds that the shell has been covered with a tight cage." I felt like I was the chick, and my mom was taking pleasure in discipline and nagging me. ”
Now many parents have to interfere in every aspect of their daughters, so that their daughters feel that they have no freedom at all.
"You have to come back right after school!"
"You are not allowed to associate with Ma Xiaohu, he is not a serious boy!"
"You're not allowed to wear these torn jeans, what it looks like, it's not like that!"
"Don't be a cadre on duty, you will delay your study."
"Obedient at school!"
"Is your homework done?" Hold on tight!"
"Eat more nutritious, good for the body."
Parents can be heard talking about "no", "don't", "don't allow", "don't allow", but what follows may only be the daughter's voice complaining: "I know, it's really annoying!" "Okay, that's it!" Parents always feel that their daughters are small, and some truths must be repeatedly said, but the daughter has slowly regarded herself as an adult. Therefore, there will be many girls who feel that their parents are nagging, and there are also parents who think that their daughters do not listen to discipline. In this endless family struggle, what impact will it have on the daughter?
"I wish there was a house with a big house and a small door that I was the only one who could get in and keep Mom and Dad out so they wouldn't look at me from morning to night" "I thought of going up to heaven and never heard Mom and Dad nagging again." ”
"I think there should be a medicine in the world, and mom and dad will only say yes, not 'no.'"
As a parent, you should know that although a daughter needs the consideration and care of her parents, she does not like too much nagging and discipline from her parents. According to the survey, 98% of parents were accused by the girl of nagging. And the parents themselves admit that as long as they see the girl, they will involuntarily say more and emphasize it a few times.
Psychiatrists believe that nagging is always a standard, an emphasis, repeating those few words over and over again on a girl. I often hear girls say that their parents' words can be memorized, and their ears are about to hear the cocoon. But parents don't think they're nagging, they think they're educating and caring for their daughters. In fact, care should be to make the daughter feel warm and understanding, and have practical help for her, and big things and small things must be managed, and in the end, whether there is a nagging on the idea, can only make the daughter resentful and eager to escape, and destroy the prestige established by parents in the daughter's heart.
2, respect the daughter, do not "come to the daughter".
Girls' troubles are not just about pocket money, clothes or extracurricular books, they need the understanding and respect of their parents. When girls are truly understood and respected, all their negative and rebellious emotions will disappear.
For example, when a girl fails the test, some parents will scold the girl with a straight face: "What's going on?" How did you fail again? How did Tingting from the next door get better than you? Also said that I wanted to go to the amusement park, but I failed the exam and cancelled!"
Let's take a look at how wise parents do it:
Her daughter failed the exam, and when she got home, she went back to her room. After dinner, Mom and Dad didn't say anything. My daughter couldn't sit still, and she thought to herself, didn't Mom and Dad find my report card? So, I went to the living room and found that next to the report card on the ground, my parents had left a note for the ground. "Daughter: Mom and Dad know that they didn't do well in the exam this time, but you don't have to be sad, you don't have to be nervous, Mom and Dad won't scold you." Because Mom and Dad believe that you will definitely not give up your efforts, so in the next exam, we do not ask you to get a good score, as long as you go a little bit faster than this time, we will be very satisfied. 'Always support your mom and dad. ”
After reading her parents' note, the girl wrote in her diary: "I easily did not shed tears, but I was moved to tears by my parents' understanding and respect." The moment I entered the house with my report card, I was ready to argue with my parents. But now I know, it's not necessary, my parents are the best parents in the world!"
3. Mutual understanding and cross the generation gap.
Parents always feel that girls are disobedient and cannot understand the hardships of parenthood. In the same way, girls crave parental understanding: I've grown up and I need parental understanding and respect! So, what is understanding?
Sensible parents said: "The understanding of girls is to think in a different position, stand in the position of girls, understand their real needs, and compare hearts to hearts."
The sensible girl said, "Understanding yourself is a kind of honesty: understanding your parents is a kind of understanding."
Yes, parents, if everything will stand in the girl's position to consider the problem, will understand and respect the girl's feelings, family education will be able to achieve the effect of silent moisturizing, spring wind and rain. On the contrary, it is impossible to understand that the parents of girls cannot get rid of the troubles and pain caused by them.
Parents should learn to understand the emotional ups and downs of girls, learning situations and living conditions. Especially girls in the rebellious period, they are in the active period of thinking development, the ability to distinguish between right and wrong is not mature enough, and it is easy to have various types of problems. Therefore, only when parents fully understand girls can they respond to the problems that girls have and prescribe the right medicine.
(Written by: Pei Xin)