A few days ago a friend shared a small incident between her and her son:
When I was cutting vegetables, I accidentally cut my hand, and my 6-year-old son, who was watching the animation in the living room, heard my exclamation, rushed to the kitchen, looked nervous, and asked with concern: Mom, what is wrong with you?
Seeing that I was injured and bleeding, he was even more nervous, but he still comforted me and said: Mom don't be afraid, I will go to find Band-Aids immediately.
Seeing my son's galloping back, I instantly remembered a picture:
Once my son played with toys, accidentally scratched his hand, I was very distressed, but in the process of helping him deal with it, he said: Every time you talk about being careful, you don't listen, the left ear goes in and out of the right ear, you see this is good, you deserve it, and then you will not care about you in the future.
This memory made me realize that I was really wrong.
My son was hurt, and I was very sad inside, but my mouth was "reprimanding him."
But when my son saw that I was injured, he first comforted me, told me not to be afraid, then tried to help me deal with the wound, and finally comforted me: Mom don't wash the dishes and cook, protect yourself soon, don't worry about scars.
He taught me with his actions that love is gentle and can be done without "accusation."
This incident also made me feel very deeply, remembering what happened when I was a child.
Once, my cousin and I went to the field to play, walking on the edge of the watering canal, I accidentally fell into it, my arm just hit the cement edge of the canal, swollen and sore, and when I got home, my mother also shouted: I have never seen you so naughty girl, I broke my arm like this, I deserve it...
Such a thing is not once or twice, gradually, every time I am injured, I dare not let my mother know, once I accidentally broke my head when I played with my friend, and the first time I cried and looked for my mother, but my grandmother, because I was afraid that my mother would scold me again.
When I grow up, I don't report good news or worry.
In life, in fact, many parents are such a "knife mouth, tofu heart", but this kind of love, children really like?
No, it's a hurt.
How many parents have been using verbal violence against their children in the name of love for decades without knowing it.
Psychologist Lin Yizhen said that when language is armed into a bullet and shot into the heart of the family, what they feel is not your love, but your hatred.
I've seen the question: What is it like to have a knife-mouthed tofu heart mom?
One of the answers was impressive: even if there was, it was a hard frozen tofu, the kind that could smash people to death.
He used to talk to his mother about his heart, but in exchange for endless insults. Later, he hated his mother because the air was suppressed where she was.
Finally he said, "If I could, I would never see my mother again for the rest of my life."
Some mothers will say: Sometimes I really can't hold back, and I regret it when I say it.
Freezing three feet is not a cold day, a person's speech habits may not be able to change immediately, but we can agree with the child a revocation key, if subconsciously say hurt, I hope we can apologize immediately: "Baby, I was wrong, please allow me to revoke."
A good word is warm in three winters, and a bad word hurts people in June. Parents can imagine how they would feel if the sarcastic words they said to their children were said to themselves.
Arthur Choramikali wrote in The Power of Empathy: "Empathy is going into the hearts of others to feel pain or experience emotions."
In fact, children need our empathy.
In an episode of "Mom is Superman", Hmmm accidentally stepped on a nail and cried out in pain.
At this time, Huo Siyan did not preconceively accuse him of being careless, nor did he rush to comfort and encourage him, but instead took Hum in his arms and said painfully, "The nails are too sharp, and it must hurt to step on them."
In an instant, the mood of hum was greatly soothed.
This is empathy, the child's emotions are very simple and direct, the parents' empathy, will make the child feel respected, loved, so that they will be more secure.
When talking to strangers, we still speak in harmony, but to our families and children, we always speak back and forth and sarcastically, which is the greatest harm to the people closest to us.
I hope that every parent will close the "knife mouth", let go of the aggressive posture, and learn to treat their children with a gentle face.