In the program "Open Class for Children's Growth", Professor Li Meijin told such a story.
A police father asked her for help, saying that he was a policeman, and he was usually very busy at work, and he had almost no time to spend with his children.
When the child was 16 years old, he began to rebel, skipping school, going to an Internet café, and not returning home at night, and his mother was helpless to take him and helplessly asked the police father for help.
And the father's way of coping is also very "simple and rude" - the son does not obey the beating, scolding, although the son did not resist, but the heart "hates" the father.
Later, one day, when the policeman's father was flipping through the photo album at home, he suddenly found that in all the group photos, his face was cut by his son with a knife.
When children reach adolescence, the first feeling of many parents is "difficult to discipline" and "rebellious", and adolescent children are indeed prone to many growth problems, such as running away from home, truancy, alcoholism, etc., and may even embark on the road of breaking the law and committing crimes.
And when the child is rebellious in adolescence, many parents will try to use a tougher way to "compete" with the child in a tougher way, and divide the winners and losers.
As everyone knows, the war between parents and children has never been a "winner", and parents who have been fighting with their children will let their children go farther and farther on the road of rebellion.
Why do adolescent children rebel?
1. Special physiological structure
Puberty is a critical period for children's growth and development, hormone secretion is exuberant, and under the action of various hormones, children are prone to emotional fluctuations.
In addition, the frontal lobe is the "executive" of the human brain, responsible for cognitive decision-making, checking the impulses generated by other parts of the brain, and controlling our ability to control emotions.
The myelin sheath of the frontal lobe will not be completed until the age of 20 to 30, and the child will lack self-control during puberty because the frontal lobe is not perfect, and it is easy to produce excessive emotions because of some small things, so in the eyes of parents, the child's behavior is naturally slightly "rebellious".
2. Improper parental education
The book "Don't Compete with Adolescent Children" mentions: "Family education, family atmosphere, and parent-child relationship before puberty have all made useful preparations for children to enter puberty, or buried bad hidden dangers." ”
In other words, when a child suddenly becomes rebellious during adolescence, it is actually the parents who use improper education methods to concentrate on the outbreak of adolescence.
For example, some parents are usually accustomed to being strong and have to manage their children in everything, and as a result, children will rebel too much after they come to adolescence.
Or some parents have doted on their children from an early age and developed a pampered personality, and the children have completely "let go of themselves" after coming to adolescence, and parents have become powerless.
For parents, when children come to puberty, it seems to change their appearance overnight, and for children, it is actually the natural result of accumulation over time.
3. Self-awareness awakening
After the child reaches puberty, the self-consciousness awakens, will desire independence, and urgently complete the separation from the parents to form a true sense of self.
So in the process of their independence, they are accustomed to denying authority and denying all conventional rules, and denying parents has become the simplest way to highlight themselves.
Therefore, some parents will find that the more well-behaved children become in adolescence, the more rebellious they will become, which is actually an outward manifestation of their self-awareness awakening.
How to cope with your child's adolescence?
1. Understand and respect your child's behavior
Because of hair dyeing and ear piercings, Huang Lei's daughter "Duoduo" has caused many controversies.
But Huang Lei and Sun Li chose to firmly support their daughter, Sun Li said that "loving beauty is the nature of girls, stop it now, and the child will only be more rebellious in the future."
In fact, when children come to adolescence, they will have a stronger pursuit of beauty and personality, and catching up with the trend and dyeing hair is just a fresh attempt.
As a parent, only by understanding and respecting the child's behavior can the child feel the love from the parents, pass the puberty more smoothly, and complete self-growth.
2. Pay attention to the way you communicate with your child
Many "Chinese-style" parents are accustomed to expressing concern in a reproachful tone when communicating with their children, or simply giving orders to their children like "superiors treat subordinates".
After children reach puberty, due to self-awareness and desire for independence, they will especially want to have an "equal dialogue" with their parents, and if parents still communicate with their children as they did when they were young, children will be very difficult to accept.
In the face of adolescent children, we must pay attention to our own communication methods, sincerely express our feelings, and treat them as independent individuals.
3. Give your child independent space
When children come to adolescence, they have a deeper understanding of the world and have certain decision-making ability.
At this time, we should let go appropriately, maintain a good distance from each other, and give children more independent space, otherwise blind discipline will only push them farther and farther.
Epilogue:
Adolescence is a critical period for children to awaken their independent consciousness and completely transform into "adults".
As parents, we must not blindly "compete" with our children, and enter the hearts of children with understanding and respect, which is the correct way to cope with adolescence.
Today's topic: How do you cope with children's adolescence?